How often can you hear women complaining thatThe husband is a weak man, incapable of independent decisions and actions. It is impossible to rely on him at all - the spouse is infantile, helpless and completely incapable of taking care of himself or anyone else. In addition, he completely obeys his mother and tries to indulge even her most ridiculous whims. In a word, not a husband, but one misunderstanding, life with whom is a continuous series of troubles and difficulties. In fact, such spineless men are usually called mama's boys. There is an opinion that they grow up without a father, and therefore cannot be real men. Mothers, they say, spoil the "poor child" and take care of him almost until retirement. This is not entirely true. An extremely dependent son can grow up in a complete family if the mother is despotic and subordinates all her loved ones to herself. However, what difference does it make why the man became infantile and dependent? The question is what to do and how to behave if we are unlucky enough to get involved with a “mama’s boy”.

What is he, mama's son?

It must be said that "mama's boys" -are far from the worst types of men. They are often charming, gallant, romantic, which simply captivates the fair sex. Yes, it is difficult to build a strong relationship with such a young man. After all, weak men do not know how to act without instructions. But only with them can strong women prone to despotism get along. Such ladies pay little attention to the interference of the husband's mother in the family relationship and the fact that he cannot take a step on his own. But he does not contradict in anything and always tries to please. A strong, self-sufficient man will not go for this, he will start a scandal, and then completely pack his suitcase. Well, not all women are considered strong. And spineless husbands often go to those who are looking for a reliable shoulder. It is interesting that "mama's boys" almost always seem to be this shoulder during the courtship period. Naive girls are charmed by the external nobility and courtesy of their gentleman and believe that this is exactly what a knight should be like. Beside themselves with happiness, they skip with him to the registry office. And then the rose-colored veil falls from their eyes. Because the "knight's" armor turns out to be fake, the nobility is feigned. And behind this failed hidalgo, his mother looms all the time, whose presence is felt even in bed. And what should the poor wife do? She was looking for a stone wall in her husband! But she ran into a dilapidated fence. A weak man is a poor defense against life's storms. He will hide from problems, complain about them to his mother and wait for someone to put everything in order. And it's good if he doesn't act up and demand anything. But what if he does? Now you have to suffer with him, with this big child. Ah, if only it were possible to know in advance that he is absolutely unsuitable for the role of head of the family... But really, is it possible to identify a "mama's boy" even at the dating stage? In principle, it is possible.

How to determine that a man is a mama's son?

Of course, most women have a life withA mama's boy is unlikely to be to your liking. Taking on everything, enduring the nagging of your mother-in-law, knowing that he will never stand up for you, being responsible for both your children and your husband - this is very hard to bear. It would seem that nothing could be easier - to just get a divorce. But even a weak man can be loved... The heart doesn't care whether he can solve problems or not. It has already become attached to this spineless type. Yes, in our case it would be better to avoid falling in love. To do this, it is enough to take a closer look at the young man before marriage and identify signs of spinelessness and dependence on his mother. It must be said that outside his home it is not so easy to notice such signs. In society, a "mama's boy" seems like an ordinary sociable guy. At first glance, it is difficult to understand whether his impeccable appearance is explained by a love of neatness or the result of his mother's care. And success in the professional sphere or studies - by the desire to develop or the fulfillment of her desire. You should be wary if he behaves in the following manner during meetings:

• In conversation, he often mentions his mother and utters at the same time phrases like "my mother said", "my mother is waiting", "my mother does so", "we must ask my mother";
• Always obediently listens to the end what his mother says on the phone, even if she calls without any substantial reason;
• Can hastily finish the meeting if the mother has expressed a desire to see her son urgently;
• Weekends or evenings often spends with mom, referring to the fact that she is sad or sad alone;
• Before making any decision, says: "We need to consult with my mother."

If the above mentioned actions are present,This means that the young man is very attached to his mother. It is quite possible that she completely controls his actions and keeps every step of her son under control. To make sure of this once and for all, you need to go to his home and find out what the atmosphere is like there. Does the mother constantly tell the young man what to do, and he listens and remains silent? This is bad. Surely, the son also tries to follow her advice in his personal life. Does the woman behave in such a way that everyone becomes shorter and speaks in a half-whisper next to her? And this is even worse. Because in this case, the son will no longer listen to his mother's advice, but obey her orders. However, the fact that the mother fusses around her son or advises him something all the time does not mean that the guy is excessively infantile. After all, even quite independent people can become submissive in front of their parents. What can you do, upbringing! Therefore, the submissive silence of a young man in the presence of his mother cannot be proof that he is a weak man. You should not immediately make categorical conclusions. But you still need to be prepared for the fact that the mother will take an active part in the fate of her son. It is quite possible that the woman will not be satisfied with his choice. And this means that the mother will use all the levers of her influence on the guy, including manipulating him with her supposedly poor health. And she will probably achieve her goal. You need to be wary of such a turn of events when the potential mother-in-law begins to assert, albeit in half-hints, that her son deserves a better match. And he has excellent candidates for the place of his wife. And in general, “it is too early to get married, because he is just a child and is not ready for a family relationship.” If after such a conversation the young man behaves somewhat detachedly, it means that he is unlikely to be capable of taking a decisive step without his mother’s permission. Whether to continue dating him or not is up to the girl to decide. But if she does decide to do so, in order to avoid pain and disappointment, she will have to take into account the costs of such a relationship in advance.

Peculiarities of relations with mama's son

Let's start with the fact that blaming the young manчрезмерной зависимости от матери и несамостоятельности нельзя. Почему мужчины слабые вырастают? Да оттого, что с раннего детства они не были приучены сами решать даже самые незначительные проблемы. Мать, решившая, что сын – вся её жизнь, опекала его, заботилась и делала всё, что в её и не в её силах, для комфортного существования своего ребёнка. Обычно так ведут себя не очень счастливые в личной жизни женщины. Они полностью посвящают себя обустройству судьбы детей и считают своим правом выбирать, где им учиться и с кем заключать брак. В сущности, подобной матери трудно представить, что её сын будет принадлежать ещё кому-то другому. Однако она способна смириться с неизбежным и принять невестку, если поймёт, что сын без этой женщины будет долго и сильно страдать. Но при этом станет постоянно вмешиваться в дела его семьи, всё время контролировать действия супругов, интересоваться тратами и покупками, пытаться регулировать планы мужа и жены и придираться по мелочам. Надо сказать, что такое поведение свекрови способно быстро разрушить даже самый благополучный изначально брак. Особенно если муж станет всё время сравнивать жену и мать, и сравнение будет не в пользу супруги. Он может выказывать своей половинке недовольство тем, что она недостаточно внимательна, заботлива, терпелива, не очень хорошо готовит, убирает, стирает. Да ещё и загружает его домашними делами! Безусловно, всё это довольно неприятно. Тем более, если женщина действительно старается изо всех сил. Одним словом, прежде, чем выходить замуж за слабого мужчину, нужно хорошо подумать. Потому что кардинально изменить его не удастся. Ну, если женщине нравится роль второй матери своего мужа, тогда и сомневаться не стоит. «Маменькин сынок» будет для неё отличной партией. А что делать той, которая иначе смотрит на отношения в браке? Расставаться с молодым человеком? Это было бы лучше всего. Но, как мы уже говорили, бывает, что душа к нему уже привязалась и отвязываться ни в какую не желает. В этом случае придётся принять ситуацию и постараться вписаться в неё с наименьшими потерями для себя. Что для этого требуется? Во-первых, раз и навсегда запомнить – любимый полностью не изменится никогда. И его мама сторонним наблюдателем не станет тоже никогда. Значит, благоверный будет существовать в семье в двух лицах – своём и мамином. Как ни странно, но из этого можно извлечь немалую пользу. Для начала надо постараться хоть отчасти найти общий язык со свекровью. Главное, чтобы она не вставала на дыбы и не превращалась в огнедышащего дракона, лишь завидев невестку. Если мамочка мужа, пусть сквозь зубы, но произносит «здрасьте», это уже неплохо. Значит, кое — что из сказанного невесткой слышит. А раз слышит, тогда при ней нужно как можно чаще говорить с супругом о тех вопросах, которые больше всего беспокоят в данный момент. Самое важное – не будить при этом в свекрови зверя, не настаивать на своём и не упрекать благоверного в слабохарактерности и лени. Наоборот, следует делать упор на то, что он много делает для блага семьи. Поэтому решить какую-то проблему без его участия не представляется возможным. Ведь только такой умный мужчина может найти наилучший выход из создавшегося положения… А если ещё и мама что-то посоветует или окажет помощь, так и вообще замечательно. Лучшего способа ликвидировать все проблемы и не придумаешь! Ну, какая же мать останется равнодушной к тому, что её сына возвели на пьедестал почёта? И какая же мать позволит, чтобы он рухнул с этого пьедестала, будучи не в состоянии самостоятельно на нём удержаться? Нет уж, пусть сынок спокойно на нём стоит, а проблемы она и сама решить может. И решит. Может быть, не совсем так, как хотелось бы. Но во вред семье, и, следовательно, сыну, поступать будет едва ли. А вообще, чтобы всё время не плясать под дудку свекрови и хоть немного ослабить её влияние на мужа, нужно принять к сведению некоторые советы. Они заключаются в том, чтобы:

Regularly send a spouse for shopping. Let him learn to acquire something independently. Will he buy something wrong? Nothing wrong. Do not criticize your husband for the wrong choice and snort. After all, the main task is to show the man that he is able to manage and cope with responsible tasks without a mother. And bought them "not that" then somewhere, so be useful;

Try to plan the weekend so that you can stay together as much as possible and not allow the spouse to escape to the mother's wing;

Continually take care of the wife and emphasize at the same time that from now on in my mother's care he does not need much;

In conversations, often use the expression "we and my mother." This is a good psychological method, allowing to destroy in the minds of men the idea that he and his family and his mother are indivisible;

Post on the house as much as possible jointphotos that do not have a mom. They will serve as a visual indication that now a man is more than a mother, belongs to another woman.

All this will allow you to free up at least a littlethe consciousness of the faithful from the mother's influence. But we must remember - it will not be possible to completely occupy her place in the soul of the spouse until the end of years. You will have to come to terms with this fact and not erect an impenetrable wall between yourself and your mother-in-law. It is better to maintain the appearance of peace than to live in an eternal atmosphere of tension. Therefore, it would be better to call your mother-in-law from time to time, inquiring about her health, give her some gifts and not refuse joint walks or meetings. It is difficult, of course. But what won't you do for the sake of preserving the family! We recommend reading:

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