How often can women complain about the fact thatthe husband is a weak man, incapable of independent decisions and actions. It is impossible to hope for it at all, - the spouse is infantile, helpless and completely incapable of caring about herself or anyone else. In addition, he completely submits to his mother and tries to indulge even the most ridiculous of her whims. In a word, not a husband, but one misunderstanding, life with which is a continuous series of troubles and difficulties. Generally speaking, such spineless men are usually called mama's sons. There is an opinion that they grow up without a father, so they can not be real men. Mom, they say, spoils the "poor child" and takes care of him almost to the very pension. This is not quite true. An extremely dependent mother can also grow in a full family if the mother is despotic and subordinates all her loved ones. However, what's the difference, why did the man become infantile and dependent? The question is what to do and how to behave, if we have managed to contact "mother's son".
What is he, mama's son?
It should be said that "mama's sons" are far from beingthe worst types of men. They are often charming, gallant, romantic, which simply captivates the fair sex. Yes, it is difficult to build strong relationships with such a young man. After all, weak men do not know how to act without instructions. But only with them can be strong, prone to despotism women. Such ladies pay little attention to the interference in the family relations of the mother's mommy and to the fact that he can not step on his own. But he does not contradict anything and always tries to please. A strong, self-sufficient man will not go for such a thing, start a row, and then collect a suitcase altogether. Well, not all women are among the strong. And spineless husbands often get to those who seek a reliable shoulder. It is interesting that the "mother's sons" in courtship almost always appear to be this shoulder. Naive girls are fascinated by the external nobleness and courtesy of the gentleman and believe that this is exactly what a knight should be. Out of themselves with happiness, they skip with him in the registrar. And then the pink veil from the eye drops. Because the armor of the "knight" turns out to be sham, and the nobility is a bluff. And behind the back of this failed hidalgo, all the time, Mom looms, the presence of which is felt even in bed. And how to be a poor wife? She was looking for a stone wall in her husband! And ran into the old fence. A weak man is a bad defense against the storms of life. He will hide from problems, complain about them to his mother and wait for someone to put everything in order. And it's good even if it does not happen to be capricious and demands something. And if it does? So Mansya is with him now, with this big child. Eh, if you could know in advance that he is absolutely unsuitable for the role of head of the family ... And really, can you define "mama's son" even at the stage of meetings with him? In principle, you can.
How to determine that a man is a mama's son?
Of course, for most women, life withmamenkinym son is unlikely to have to the liking. Take it upon yourself, tolerate the nagging of your mother-in-law, knowing that he will never intercede, answer for both children and your husband - it's very hard to endure. It would seem that it is much easier to take and divorce. But even a weak man can be loved ... It does not matter whether he knows how to solve problems or not. It has already managed to become attached to this spineless type. Yes, it is better to avoid falling in love with us. To do this, it is enough to look at the young man before marriage and reveal signs of lack of character and dependence on the mother. I must say that outside of his house to notice such signs is not so easy. In society, "mama's son" seems an ordinary company guy. At first glance, it is difficult to understand whether his irreproachable appearance is due to his love for accuracy or the result of his mother's care. And success in the professional sphere or study - the desire to develop or the fulfillment of her desire. It is necessary to take care if he behaves in the following way at meetings:
- In conversation, he often mentions his mother and utters at the same time phrases like "my mother said", "my mother is waiting", "my mother does so", "we must ask my mother";
- Always obediently listens to the end what his mother says on the phone, even if she calls without any substantial reason;
- Can hastily finish the meeting if the mother has expressed a desire to see her son urgently;
- Weekends or evenings often spends with mom, referring to the fact that she is sad or sad alone;
- Before making any decision, says: "We need to consult with my mother."
If the existence of the above-mentioned actions is obvious,then the young man is very much attached to his mother. It is likely that she completely manages his actions and keeps under control every step of his son. To make sure of this finally, you need to get to his house and find out what kind of atmosphere there is. The mother always indicates to the young man what to do, but he obeys and is silent? This is bad. Surely the son in his personal life also tries to follow her advice. The woman behaves in such a way that next to her, everyone becomes lower and speak half a whisper? And this is even worse. Because in this case the son will no longer listen to the advice of his mother, but obey her order. However, the fact that my mother fusses around his son or all the time he advises something, does not speak about the excessive infantilism of the guy. In the end, independent people can become completely uncomplaining when they are parents. What to do, education! Therefore, the humble silence of a young man in the presence of the mother can not be proof that he is a weak man. Do not immediately make categorical conclusions. But to prepare for the fact that my mother will take an active part in the fate of her son, still need. It is possible that a woman will not accept his choice. And this means that the mother uses all the levers of her influence on the guy, up to manipulation by him with the help of his supposedly bad health. And still surely will achieve its goal. To be afraid of such a turn of events is necessary when the potential mother-in-law begins to assert, even half-well, that her son is worthy of a better party. And he has excellent candidates for the wife's place. And in general, "it's too early to get married, because he is quite a child and is not ready for family relations." If, after such a conversation, the young man takes himself a little detached, it means that he is hardly capable of taking a decisive step without his mother's permission. To meet with him further or not, choose a girl. Well, if she still decided to do this, in order to avoid pain and frustration, we will have to take into account the costs of such relations in advance.
Peculiarities of relations with mama's son
Let's start with the fact that accusing a young person ofexcessive dependence on the mother and lack of independence. Why do men grow weak? Yes, because that from an early age they were not accustomed to solve even the most minor problems. Mother, who decided that her son - her whole life, looked after him, cared for and did everything in her and not in her power, for the comfortable existence of her child. Usually, this behavior is not very happy in the personal life of a woman. They fully devote themselves to arranging the fate of children and consider their right to choose where to study and whom to marry. In fact, it's hard for a mother like her to imagine that her son will belong to someone else. However, she is capable of accepting the inevitable and accepting a daughter-in-law if she realizes that a son without this woman will suffer long and hard. But at the same time he will constantly interfere in the affairs of his family, constantly monitor the actions of the spouses, take an interest in spending and shopping, try to regulate the plans of the husband and wife and pick on the little things. I must say that such behavior of the mother-in-law is capable of quickly destroying even the most successful marriage from the very beginning. Especially if the husband will always compare his wife and mother, and the comparison will not be in favor of the wife. He can show displeasure to his half that she is not attentive enough, caring, patient, not very well cooks, removes, erases. Yes, and loads it home affairs! Of course, all this is quite unpleasant. Especially if a woman really tries her best. In short, before you marry a weak man, you need to think carefully. Because it can not be completely changed. Well, if a woman likes the role of her husband's second mother, then there is no reason to doubt. "Mama's son" will be for her an excellent party. And what should one do that differently looks at the relationship in marriage? To part with a young man? That would be best. But, as we have already said, it happens that the soul has already become attached to it and does not wish to untie it in any way. In this case, you have to accept the situation and try to fit into it with the least losses for yourself. What is required for this? First, once and for all to remember - the beloved will never change completely. And his mother will not be an outside observer either. Hence, the faithful will exist in the family in two persons - his own and his mother's. Strangely enough, but this can be greatly benefited. To begin with, you should try to at least partially find a common language with your mother-in-law. The main thing is that it does not stand on its hind legs and does not turn into a fire-breathing dragon, only seeing the daughter-in-law. If the mommy's husband, though through his teeth, but says "hello", this is already good. Hence, some of what the daughter - in - law said hears. And once he hears, then it is necessary to talk with her as often as possible about the issues that are most concerned at the moment. The most important thing is not to wake up the beast's mother-in-law, not to insist on one's own and not to reproach the faithful in weakness and laziness. On the contrary, one should emphasize that he does a lot for the good of the family. Therefore, it is not possible to solve a problem without his participation. After all, only such an intelligent man can find the best way out of the situation ... And if your mother also advises or advises something, it's generally wonderful. The best way to eliminate all the problems and can not imagine! Well, what kind of mother will remain indifferent to the fact that her son was elevated to the podium? And what kind of mother will allow him to fall from this pedestal, being unable to stand on it on his own? No, let the son calmly on it, and she can solve the problems herself. And decide. Maybe not quite as we would like. But to the detriment of the family, and, consequently, to the son, it will hardly come. In general, in order not to dance all the time to the tune of mother-in-law and at least to weaken her influence on her husband, you need to take into consideration some tips. They consist in:
All this will allow at least a little release of consciousnessfaithful of maternal influence. But we must remember - her place in the soul of her husband can not fully occupy until the end of the years. With this fact, you have to accept and not install an impenetrable wall between yourself and your mother-in-law. It is better to preserve the appearance of the world than to live in an eternal atmosphere of tension. Therefore, it will be better from time to time to taunt my mother - in - law, being interested in her health, giving some presents and not giving up joint walks or meetings. Difficult, of course. But what can not you do to save the family! We advise you to read: