What drives spouses who have recentlygave the impression of a harmonious family couple, and then suddenly decided to get divorced? Neither young marriages, nor unions with a decent length of service, nor even those partners who are raising grandchildren are immune from such a fate. What are the reasons for such sad consequences? Why is the institution of marriage losing its former value these days? Let's try to figure out and understand what, from the point of view of family psychology, convinces spouses of the need to dissolve their legal unions and what are the main reasons for divorce. It is worth noting that some of them are common to many married couples, and some occur most often only at a certain period of life. According to experts, the most unstable in this regard are the so-called "young marriages", when the marriage lasts no more than five to nine years. During this period, children are usually born, the partners' attention switches to new aspects of life, financial problems and the lack of their own housing become acute. The reasons for divorce are based on the fact that spouses lose their former ability to devote all their time to each other, they rest less, but are more nervous and work, and often cannot properly divide family responsibilities. Almost 65% of divorces occur during the above-mentioned period of marriage. As for families with ten to nineteen years of experience, strangely enough, their own, different from other reasons for divorce also arise. If in previous years, conflict situations have seriously destroyed the relationship, then hatred, enmity and intolerance between spouses, despite a certain level of income, may well arise. This period accounts for up to 24% of all broken marriages. Marriages in which partners have lived for more than twenty years are also not insured against a sad ending. At this time, psychologists call the loss of previous relationships and the violation of developed life attitudes the main reasons for divorce, for example, growing children require less and less joint custody, which entails the emergence of some freedom. But what to do with it, people who are used to devoting a lot of time to education and solving related issues, simply do not know. Often there is a feeling of fatigue and satiety with each other, often mature spouses spend their leisure time separately, alienation grows. It is after twenty years that partners name alcoholism, infidelity or suspicion of it among the main reasons for divorce. As statistics show, the initiative to separate during this period belongs to women, and the share of broken marriages is about 11% of the total. It becomes clear that neither the age of the spouses, nor the number of years they have lived in a legal union, nor the presence of children and other relationships can become a certain safety factor that can prevent the dissolution of even the longest and, oddly enough, quite successful marriage. That is why it is so important to determine what is most often hidden behind the hackneyed formulation "they did not get along" and serves as the cause of divorce.

Jealousy and betrayal

Unfortunately, in recent years, all over the world,Including Russia, the divorce rate continues to grow steadily, undermining the centuries-old moral foundations of society. Researchers have been struggling with this problem for decades, trying to understand the main cause of divorces, interviewing thousands of couples who have broken family ties. In the course of research conducted among several thousand former spouses, scientists tried to find out the main causes of conflicts leading to the breakdown of marital unions. As a result of the work done, they managed to identify the main "enemies" of family life, among which jealousy and betrayal are in first place. According to researchers, the number of divorces for these reasons is simply stunning: every third of divorced couples breaks up precisely because of them. By the way, this data concerns only those who are married, while people who have not officially registered their relationship have much fewer problems arising from jealousy. Thus, doubts about fidelity destroy not only the emotional harmony between partners, but also negatively affect their intimate life. As is known, men and women have different perceptions of infidelity: if the representatives of the stronger sex suffer more from physical infidelity, then women, on the contrary, from its emotional side. Cheating is a kind of antithesis to the feeling of love, which is one of the most important motives that motivate people to get married. It is impossible to imagine a happy married couple without it. Cheating also becomes a reflection of contradictions and conflicts that disrupt any harmonious union. This reason for divorce is most often encountered in problem families, but it is not so rare among quite successful marriages. Cheating has no stable age restrictions, so marital experience is not an obstacle for it. Young husband and wife who allow this in their relationship most often simply do not think about family values ​​- they are immature and frivolous, so they are not stopped by possible consequences. More mature spouses violate fidelity in an attempt to find an outlet in a series of everyday problems. This does not mean that they do not value their marriage - often this is a manifestation of banal internal emptiness and fatigue. A certain number of men in their early fifties cheat on their wives, trying to cope with the midlife crisis. And these are far from all the reasons that push partners to cheat. Each specific fact of infidelity has certain motives at its core. For some, these are shortcomings of upbringing, rooted in childhood (promiscuity and a shift in moral values), some people assert themselves in this way, others are pushed to cheat by social immaturity or an unstable life position. No matter how things are in each specific case, it is jealousy and marital infidelity as reasons for divorce that occupy first place among the majority of couples surveyed.

Lack of attention and interest in the partner

Often many young families break up, no matter whatIt sounds strange, with the appearance of their children. Of course, such a reason for divorce can be associated with unpreparedness to become parents or the lack of true affection in the couple. But it happens that young spouses, who initially with joy and a great deal of responsibility perceived the news of the upcoming appearance of offspring, subsequently still dissolve the marriage. Why does this happen? Precisely because of the decrease in attention to the husband. After all, the young mother concentrates all her efforts on caring for the baby. Sleepless nights, days filled with worries and worries - all this does not contribute to the previous harmonious relationship. And although such a situation is temporary, because the children are growing up, but it is sometimes very difficult for a man to come to terms with the fact that he is no longer the center of the small world of the family. In order to somehow resolve the dissonance that has arisen, you should persistently involve your spouse in the process of caring for your son or daughter. It is these actions that can strengthen the marriage, and not become the cause of divorce. As for mature families, not everything is smooth here either. The foundations of mutual interest are often lost in everyday worries, and attention is dispersed on a host of other issues. It is possible that initially the spouses were not united by common interests - they were used to relaxing separately, and only problems related to raising children served as a unifying factor. It is difficult to say when exactly the process of cooling and loss of mutual interest occurred. However, not all families come out of such a crisis with honor: many spouses name the lack of attention to themselves as a frequent reason for divorce, and they experience the consequences of divorce alone throughout their lives.

Lack of romance

As mentioned above, true loveis the basis of a happy family life. But over time, the main source of its existence - romance - leaves the established relationship. If, behind everyday problems, spouses forget about wonderful moments, about the importance of personal intimate holidays, about dates and joint walks, then they lose the basis of what once made them live together. Of course, if a man stops giving a woman flowers at some stage of a family relationship, this is not yet a reason for divorce. But often he even forgets to congratulate his wife on another wedding anniversary. In this case, the woman begins to doubt that her husband's feelings are still alive and that she is still interesting to him. Therefore, you should not neglect the opportunity from time to time to admire the beauty of nature alone, read poetry to each other and show small but very pleasant signs of attention with a romantic subtext. This is how, with desire and some effort on the part of both partners, you can strengthen the marriage, so that later you do not regret its dissolution, experiencing the sad consequences of such a rash step.

Loss of trust

It is difficult to argue with the statement that liescan destroy any, even the strongest relationship. Frankness is the basis of a successful marriage. Any doubts, eventually developing into total mistrust, arising at any stage of married life, lead to divorce. Even if they are related to ordinary everyday moments: for example, a husband hides the true size of his income from his wife, a wife, in turn, keeps silent about going with friends to a cafe or a nightclub. In any case, over time, all these insignificant facts of concealing the truth turn into a habit of lying, and the lie grows like a snowball. When one of the spouses finally has an epiphany, showing how things really are, serious problems in the marriage begin, the consequences of which lead the family to collapse. This is why many divorced people call mistrust a common cause of divorce.

Sexual difficulties

This problem should not be viewed as somethingfrivolous and easily fixable. Especially when it comes to long-term family relationships, where passion has gradually faded into the background, or even into the third plan. Rare and irregular lovemaking and the difficulties associated with it are often mentioned as a very common cause of divorce. In the intimate sphere of spouses, in some cases, there are moments when certain circumstances, associated, for example, with the birth of a child, lead to changes in sexual needs. For example, a husband is ready to make love every day, and his wife is satisfied with just a couple of times a week. It is not so difficult to guess what the further development of events may be: cheating, mutual irritation associated with dissatisfaction, suspicions of infidelity of the spouse are quite likely, especially if it was she who previously initiated sex. It also happens that the notorious habit and lack of variety muffles the libido of one of the partners, and the other begins to suspect him of going "to the left". The consequences of sexual problems in the relationship between spouses are quite capable of leading to divorce.

Misunderstanding

The gap of lack of understandingbetween husband and wife, is often so deep that it becomes impossible to overcome it. Especially if you do it without the help of a family psychologist. Therefore, the reason for divorce associated with misunderstanding in the family cannot be taken lightly. Why does such a feeling arise between partners at all? The reasons for misunderstanding should first of all be sought in the very origins of the relationship. After all, people who are going to get married are often very different from each other in upbringing, level of culture, intelligence. In this regard, they develop different views on life, they strive for different goals and pursue their own, separate interests. Such marriages are doomed to failure if neither of the spouses tries to understand the other and agree with him or her, to give in to something, refuses to seek compromises. The consequences of such stubbornness are often expressed in the desire to find a like-minded person in the other partner.

Loss of mutual respect

A similar problem that arises in familiesrelationships, also deserves to be called an important reason for divorce. In the first years of marriage, the young husband and wife do not think about it much. And in vain, because people have different temperaments. And not everyone is able to keep themselves within limits when there is a stormy showdown, which is sometimes simply impossible to avoid. In such cases, a stream of insults, often even obscene language, is directed at one or both spouses. Such behavior, despite attempts at reconciliation, mutual forgiveness and sworn assurances not to repeat such mistakes in the future, leads to a crack in the relationship. Over time, it becomes larger and larger, and eventually the partners simply lose respect for each other. It is sad that children become witnesses of such conflicts, who, following the example of their parents, will later build their own families. Respect disappears between those partners who allow their moral degradation as individuals, for some reason neglect basic care of their own appearance, sink and lose their normal human appearance. What exactly becomes the impetus for such behavior? It is possible to tell only by considering a single married couple. However, loss of respect between people is often a significant reason for divorce.

Life

Everyday problems are an eternal and ingrained problema boring topic. Both spouses are usually to blame for this. The husband is unhappy with his wife's laziness in cooking, cleaning, washing, and so on. The wife's accusations are often related to the fact that her betrothed spends all his free time on the couch, staring at the TV, and does not do basic things around the house: the faucet is leaking, the trash is falling out of the bucket, and a pile of junk has formed on the balcony. What happens as a result? The family lives in constant dissatisfaction with each other, scandals and conflicts become an integral part of everyday life, chaos reigns in the apartment. And the consequences of such an attitude to the simplest duties become a serious reason for divorce. That is why ordinary carelessness in everyday life needs to be nipped in the bud. And this concerns both spouses.

Different views on the upbringing of children

Yes, this happens, and quite often.For example, a mother who is constantly with the children, feeds them, takes them for walks, puts them to bed, that is, performs all the actions related to care and upbringing, sets her own rules. They can be more or less strict, they include measures of punishment for certain offenses, and so on. A father who sees the children only a few hours after work and on weekends is often inclined to be soft and somewhat permissive. As a result, the mother acquires the traits of a "bad cop" in the children's minds, and the father is somewhat idealized. But in doing so, he undermines the authority of his wife, and the children are very sensitive to such fluctuations. As a result, they become difficult to control, the mother increasingly has to resort to punishment, and the father is surprised by the nervousness of both his wife and heirs. Tension builds in the family, the parents begin to quarrel, the children experience subconscious guilt for what is happening, but behave worse and worse. The consequences are easy to predict - divorce, alimony and mutual accusations. So it is better to agree in advance on what methods you will use in raising your heirs, so as not to end up with the reason for divorce described above.

Problems of Finance

The concept of paradise in a hut is familiar to many of those whois just starting an independent family life. The financial factor does not play a decisive role during this period. It seems to the young spouses that everything is still ahead, they make bright plans and believe in the prospects. It is very good if life is going well, if soon there is a separate home, a car and a bank account. However, today's realities are such that achieving a certain financial independence is becoming very difficult. If the problem of lack of money accompanies the marriage constantly, then sooner or later the wife makes claims to her husband that he is not able to adequately support his family. The man begins to feel guilty, his self-esteem suffers. Nothing good can be expected in this case. What to do? It is difficult to answer this question, since there is no universal recipe for increasing income. One thing is clear - financial instability is a serious reason for divorce. Not all wives know how to wait patiently, and most men are put by the state in a situation where legal ways to meet the needs of the family are not enough. There is only one piece of advice that can be given. Women should not fall in love with the potential of men, and the latter should realistically assess their prospects as a "mammoth breadwinner".

Physical form and appearance

How often do we marry handsome men?muscular shoulders, and then suddenly realize that we live with flabby guys who shave every three days, throw dirty socks around the apartment and can’t imagine a vacation without a bottle of their favorite beer? A familiar situation. But the same can be said by men who marry beautiful women of model appearance, and after some ten years find a fat person with an absurd hairstyle next to them. And some ex-spouses often share this reason for divorce with psychologists. But no matter how funny it may seem to those who are just starting their family life, you should not neglect knowledge about it. Just take it on board and try to avoid sloppiness in home clothes, do not be lazy to wash your hair once again and get a decent haircut, manicure and pedicure, even when you are on maternity leave. Maintaining your previous physical shape is also not superfluous. After all, the sexual image that excites your husband is unlikely to become more attractive if you gain a lot of weight.

Eternal problem of mother-in-law and mother-in-law

Parents of both spouses often, without even realizing it,wishing, become a stumbling block in their family troubles. But it also happens that the mother-in-law deliberately provokes the daughter-in-law to scandals in the desire to rid her son of an unworthy, in her own opinion, wife. The same applies to mothers-in-law. True, such situations, fortunately, are rare. In most cases, there is hidden hostility. But the interference of parents in the lives of young people, even if it is done with a good purpose, has a negative effect on the relationship. Quarrels occur in the family, conflict situations arise out of nowhere, and simply because one of the spouses is not ready to follow the instructions of the mother-in-law or mother-in-law. The situation becomes uncontrollable if offensive claims are made against the parents. Even if the mother-in-law or mother-in-law are not witnesses or participants in family quarrels and proceedings, then in any case this imposes its negativity on the spouses. The wife often cannot forgive her husband for swearing at her mother. The same applies to the spouse, because filial love is no weaker than filial love. To prevent it from becoming a reason for divorce, and to avoid experiencing the consequences, you should not lose your composure and avoid mentioning your parents during any quarrels. The problems described above are far from a complete list of what exactly is to blame for the collapse of marital unions. It is often impossible to single out one thing, because many points are closely interconnected. And under the wording of "irreconcilable contradictions" there is a whole galaxy of problems, from which it is impossible to single out what exactly served as the main reason for the divorce. According to regularly conducted surveys, the so-called "critical five" also occupy an important place among the factors that provoke the dissolution of marriages. These are the points that cause the most intense conflicts:

• eating habits;
• candid erotic films;
• criteria of order and purity;
• tastes in music, cinema, literature, and the like;
• attitude to pets.

Such reasons for divorce force people whohave not encountered similar problems, to experience cheerful bewilderment; however, according to psychologists, if spouses have opposing views on at least two of the five positions listed above, then most likely their marriage is doomed. Such a couple has practically no chance of maintaining a good family for a long time. We recommend reading:

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