To many of us since early youth of mother and grandmotherinspired the idea that you should not drive away from yourself "unsightly" guys: they say, there will be terrible around you, then they will notice cute ones. Since then, we have often given green light to a relationship with a person who has not seen the "prince on a white horse": someone did it to attract the attention of other men, and someone - just to not be lonely . And it is not necessary that this guy is ugly and icky, sometimes our temporary elected and smart, and beautiful. And they give flowers, and they invite people to visit, and they love, they spoil. Just does not click the cog in the brain, responsible for the romantic feelings, and that's it. And in the soul - emptiness, heaviness, guilt. I want to break this vicious circle and part with a man you do not love. Or maybe there were some feelings at the very beginning, but they just melted like snow. Too much went wrong, as you planned and your relationship turned into a routine on duty. Over time, it was realized that it was not love, but only a dream about her. How to part with a guy who looks at you with adoration, but whom you do not want to see as a constant companion of life?
Understand why you're leaving
Before you put the final point on yourrelations, try to determine for yourself the reason why you no longer want to be with this person. What has changed in your attitude towards him, why is he no longer interested? After all, however that may be, once you agreed to meet with him, which means that he seemed worthy of your society. And if not love was in your heart, then deep sympathy - that's for sure. It is much easier to understand how to part with a guy, if you know exactly what you do not like in his relationship to you. Sometimes men make mistakes, completely invisible to themselves, but very important and significant for us. So, what went wrong? Lack of attention No, it will not be about flowers and gifts. Sometimes the attention of a man is not only a romantic offering, but also the usual ability to listen and understand a beloved woman. If he does not notice changes in you - both external and internal, if he dismisses your thoughts and reasonings and does not take your remarks seriously - then he concentrates only on himself and does not accept you as you really are. At the same time, he can be really in love and gladly fulfill all his "duties" - to invite you to a romantic date, to arrange surprises and give gifts. It is very pleasant, but, unfortunately, not enough to be happy. Very often we lose interest in those men who do not know how, or do not want to listen to us, even if everything else is fine. After all, what kind of relationship of souls can we talk about, if he does not take your thoughts and feelings seriously? Lack of emotional support We women are very unique creatures, and not all men can understand this. We, as the air need emotional support partner in all our affairs and endeavors. Otherwise, relations lose their meaning. He can tirelessly repeat about his insane love, but skip past the ears of your problems and troubles. He does not want to plunge into the maelstrom of your difficulties, because he is in such a pleasant state of being in love, when life is seen only in white tones and you do not want to be overshadowed by solving vital problems. And then the woman begins to feel herself in a double position: on the one hand, she sees that a man loves her, on the other - does not feel his emotional support at all. Although, it would seem, these two things can not exist without each other. Either this man, though he is in love, is too self-centered, or he has not yet emerged from childhood, when all problems were solved by themselves and did not require his direct participation. In both cases, over time, the desire to part with him grows stronger. Lack of ambition Nowadays such a notion as "ambition" has long lost its negative meaning. Now, ambitiousness is, first of all, the desire to go forward, not stopping at the results already achieved. And, of course, what are we waiting for from our men? Constant achievements - whether in the promotion of the career ladder, or in the spiritual, creative development. An ambitious woman will never tolerate a man next to himself, who is satisfied with the small. She just does not understand the guy who, having graduated from the institute, will happily spend his life in the office with a very modest salary and not strive for improvement (why is he so calmer?). And let the men complain that modern women are much more important than the purse size, rather than their rich inner world, we dare not agree with this. It's not about money, or, more precisely, not only about them. A woman wants to see next to him a strong and purposeful man, otherwise most of the cares and burdens of family life will fall on her shoulders. "With a nice paradise and in a hut, if the dear - attache" - a worthy continuation of the old proverb. You can continue to listen to accusations of your mercantile spirit, but you can also set your priorities. Yes, we agree, we agree to marry a lieutenant: if only he tried to become a general at least a little. Well, or at least the captain. If a man is completely devoid of ambition, many of us think this is either infantilism or laziness. And in the head begins to turn the thought: how to part with a guy who does not want to go forward? Manners of the dictator All of us, women, want to be loved, feel next to ourselves a strong man's shoulder, reliability and protection. Sometimes you want to feel like a weak woman and shift some of your worries to someone you love and support. Sometimes for a brief moment you can and must give yourself into the power of a loving man, if this power is just a desire to help and protect. But sometimes the desire to direct and indicate in a man passes all the boundaries: from a good adviser and reliable assistant, he suddenly turns into a real dictator. His instructions should not be contested, he always knows better what you need: whether it's a choice of clothes, or a choice of specialty. He has all the answers and you must obey him without question (of course, he loves you and wants only good). Listening to his morals day and night, afraid to stumble at least a step - this is the typical fate of a girl whose partner behaves like a dictator. You can live with this, shaking with fear, making your own decisions, and you can fight the manifestation of tyranny on the part of a man. Lovely girls, if even before the ringing of the wedding bells you recognized in the man dictatorial habits, then run away from him without looking back. Parting is the best way to avoid problems in the future, otherwise you will spend many days and nights in tears and self-flagellation. Unless you are in the category of women who adore obeying and completely dissolve in another person, then you will be oh, how hard it is! If he managed to show you in the candy-bouquet period, "who's the boss", then what will happen after you start living under the same roof?
How to part with a guy
When the relationship is at an impasse, I want to quicklyput a point on them and start a new life, without that person. Despite all his love, you do not feel happy next to him, and therefore you want to break the relations that bind you. Every day to see his loving eyes and not feel reciprocity - the test is not easy. How painless to part with a guy who loves you? First of all, you need to stop feeling sorry for him. Pity is not love, right? In addition, this feeling will be insulting to your young man: pity is the last thing men count on when building relationships with women. Since you realized that this person is not for you, you need to get out as soon as possible, or else you risk missing your real happiness! So, it is necessary to collect the will in a fist and begin to act. Choose a place to talk Do not tell your guy about parting on the phone or through a computer. Be brave enough to tell him about your decision eye to eye. Of course, this is much harder, but a person who loves you deserves to be told everything straight to him. After all, if you do not have the courage to speak frankly, then your sms message or email will not be taken seriously: the young man will still seek to meet with you in order to find out everything. Let not today, but after a few days, he will still insist on his own and you'll have to talk to him personally. So why delay the inevitable? It is better to talk once and place all the dots over i at once, than to suffer painfully through regular meetings with the requirements to explain everything. How many painful days, how many new meetings will it take to understand that you will not back down? Therefore, discard even the idea of explaining to him in absentia. Pay attention to choosing a place where an explanation will happen to your boyfriend. Do not do this where you were once happy together: it would look like a mockery. How to part with a guy, if you are talking in the same apartment where you have been passionate for many days and nights? So it's possible to go crazy - all around the same things, the same furniture, only you do not belong to each other anymore. But he still loves you, and talking about a break in a place that is significant for both of you will be much more painful for him. And your sober head will have a hard time, because we girls are pretty romantic, and even when we part, we are ready to shed tears of melancholy and remorse. But this should be done, just not worth it. If he sees your tear-filled eyes, how he immediately decides that you are still dear to you and your conversation about the break is nothing more than a way to teach him a lesson for some sins. Do you pursue this goal, talking about parting? How to Conduct a Conversation So, the decisive moment has come: you have met and it is time to utter heavy words. How to behave? Softly and affectionately inform him that you do not fit together, or can you be tough and uncompromising throughout the conversation? First, you will need all the firmness and confidence that you are capable of. You can prepare a couple of phrases such as "I've been thinking and decided for a long time," but most likely during a real conversation all the blanks will go out of my head. It's one thing to rehearse while sitting in the bathroom, the other is to tell him about it, looking straight in the eyes. Report this shocking news to a person who loves you, is far from easy. Surely your boyfriend will demand an explanation, and, in fact, will be right. But do not tell him that he constantly looks at Lyuska from a nearby entrance, or that he does not appreciate your rich inner world. Such details will drive you into a corner, because the guy will surely swear that he will improve, that he loves, that he will change his behavior and deserve forgiveness. What's good, you'll go with him on the subject - give a slack and agree to "try again." But do not forget that such a step will only prolong your and his agony, the relationship will end anyway, but you will have time to exhaust one another nerves. If you initially count on his entreaties and repentance, then it's better to forget about your intention to part. Think about how to solve your problems in a different, more humane way. It is best to stand on your own and repeat the same thing: they say, you break up only because you do not love him anymore. Chilled feelings, do not want to deceive him - and that's it. If you say it firmly, then he will understand that your decision is irrevocable. And no matter how difficult it is for both of you, but he will accept your decision to part. And if at the end of the conversation you suddenly complain pitifully that you want to remain friends - this will be another mistake. It is impossible to remain friends with a guy and a girl who decided to break off the relationship - at least until his feelings cool down. This then, when you both calm down and cease to perceive each other "with your heart and flesh," you can already become friends. Until this happens, it will be a real torture for your boyfriend to maintain relationships with you, based not on love, but on ordinary friendship. He will not stop his attempts to regain your favor again, and you will again move away from him. If during a conversation he suddenly starts screaming, swearing and blaming you for all mortal sins - do not answer him with mutual insults, be higher than that. Perhaps he craves for your negative reaction, wanting to drive you crazy and start a conversation according to his rules. Just be quiet and listen, give the opportunity to his anger and bewilderment to splash out. And after that turn away and leave. All. The point is set. You are no longer together. What can not be done after the separation It would seem that everything is behind - but after the parting, you can make a lot of mistakes. First of all, do not answer his calls and messages on the social network - by this you will give him the opportunity to hope for the continuation of the relationship. How many days, weeks, or he sent you tremulous messages - just ignore them, that's all. "I'm dead, I'm so dead" .... No, not you, but love and hope for the resumption of relations. No matter how much your heart aches, no matter how scary the thought of his suicide (yes, many guys, without hesitation, blackmail those who left them girlfriends), do not go on his way. You made an uneasy decision for yourself, so be consistent and do not betray him. Another serious mistake of the girls who parted with the guy is a petty love to talk nasty things about him behind his back. Only a few days have passed since your parting, and are you ready to notify the world about what was said and done only for you alone? How sweet it is sometimes to chat with friends and tell them about their former young man all the background - all his secrets and impartial facts of behavior. You first threw it, and he is still depressed - so is it worth it to go so far as to blacken him in the eyes of others? Believe me, you will not earn money for yourself in his eyes or in the eyes of friends of pluses. You will be listened to attentively, sympathized, perhaps, retell gossip to someone else. But here's an opinion about you that will be quite unpleasant, like a man who can not be trusted. As much as he did not piss on you, be careful not to talk nasty things behind him - it might end badly. Well, and the last: leaving, go. Having unfolded such a complex campaign of parting with a young man, causing so much pain to himself and him, do not try to return the guy back. Has left - be good to close this page of the life. Broken happiness does not stick, and you beat it thoroughly only because I was sure that happiness is not yours. People do not just leave without a good reason. And whatever the "root of evil" in your situation is, it's far from a fact that everything will not happen again. Do not enter the same river twice - our ancestors who came up with this saying were not stupid. Better spread your wings, feel freedom and ease and go in search of a new happiness - this time the present. We advise you to read: