Can money ruin a relationship?Of course they can. Moreover, many families have broken up only because the spouses had different views on the financial side of life. Someone's wife turned out to be a spendthrift. Someone got a lazy husband. Some spouses insist on a separate budget, and their other half feels insulted. This attitude to money seems unacceptable to her. How is it possible - two wallets in the house? Does that mean he doesn't trust me? Then what kind of love can we talk about? Then there is a scandal, a loud slamming of the door and another stamp in the passport. This time indicating that they are no longer husband and wife. Sad? But the conflict began with money. Although the roots of the problem go not to the beginning of married life, when a joint budget is planned, but to distant childhood. It is there that the attitude to money is formed in a still small person. For example, the boy's father gave his wife his salary to the last penny all his life. This means that the future young man is almost guaranteed to copy his behavior model. Why? Because he grew up with it. This distribution of roles seems the most natural to him. So he transfers parental relationships to his family. Now imagine that the boy's father always hid money from his relatives? Will the man want to give all the money to his wife when he grows up? Good, if so. But more often than not, such children become copies of their fathers and torment the next generation with their greed and selfishness. And their children - the next. However, let's not slander strangers in vain. Let's better understand what models of financial relationships exist in different families and what their advantages and disadvantages are.

Separate budget

Here everyone spends money on themselves.And if both spouses support such an attitude towards money and the budget in particular, then there is nothing terrible about it. Quite the opposite. A woman does not need to ask for extra money for cosmetics and report on where she spent the extra hundred. And a man will be able to calmly lend money to a friend without long preliminary stories about “what happened to him and why the person needed such an amount”. But what if a separate budget is the idea of ​​one of the spouses (usually the one who earns more)? The second person in this relationship will feel uncomfortable. What to do? Many women, in response to a request to split wallets, begin to do stupid things. Namely, they start yelling and swearing. Or impose their opinion on their partner: “My father always gave his entire salary to my mother, so you should too! Do you feel it? The key word in this phrase is “should”. This is where the most serious conflicts begin. Because the man, who has so far only feebly brushed off his wife, begins to desperately prove that he, in fact, does not owe anything. And the man is right. The decision on a joint or separate budget is entirely voluntary. There is no article in the Constitution that would dictate what attitude people should have towards money in marriage. The only thing the wife can ask for in this situation is to reach a compromise. You cannot force a person to live by your own rules. You can come up with new ones that would suit both parties. For example, the wife would receive a certain amount for expenses, and the remaining amount would remain with the husband. And everyone is happy.

Mixed Budget

Here each partner contributes to the general budgeta certain amount, and spends the rest at their own discretion. This attitude to money is very convenient for those spouses who earn approximately the same. But if someone earns less, then a mixed budget will seem unfair to them. After all, a partner can spend much more on themselves. And this is good if a spouse gives gifts to the other half. But what if not? If all the money goes only to pay for personal needs? Then scandals begin and attempts to increase the amount that the partner puts into the common budget. Similar problems can arise if one of the spouses is fired. We are not talking about families in which two people support each other in joy and sorrow. We want to talk about marriages in which there is no emotional closeness between partners. In which the family, albeit unconsciously, is based on calculation. Here, any change in the situation can lead to divorce. For example, a woman married a man for money, and he unexpectedly went broke. Will she live with him? Unlikely. Has the budget decreased? Affection has also disappeared.

Joint budget

The most popular model of monetary relations ina family where each spouse puts all the money they earn into a common fund. It seems fair and there shouldn't be any difficulties. But there are pitfalls here too. The biggest of the pitfalls is called a stash. It is believed that the habit of hiding money exists mainly in men. Although it seems to us that women simply hide money better, that's why they don't get caught. In any case, the partner who finds the stash of a loved one feels at least deceived. He puts every penny into the cash register. Then the thoughts develop at the speed of a hurricane. Why does he need extra money? What was he going to buy without my knowledge? And if he bought it, where did he put it? If he doesn't tell me, then the purchase is clearly not for the family. Everything is clear. He has a mistress. Here it is - the notorious female logic. By the way, men also have unpredictable thoughts, only they often hide their feelings and suspicions. And time shows that the wife's stash was for buying a new spinning rod for him. The second pitfall in a joint budget is a lack of money. Almost everyone has encountered this phenomenon. But not everyone experiences a lack of money in the same way. Some wives start nagging their other half for not being able to provide for her. The favorite trump card of such women is the comparison: "But Kolya gave Lyusya a jeep, and you can't buy me boots!" And how will the husband feel after this? At the very least, he will dislike Kolya (why is he buying expensive cars during a crisis). And he will not treat his wife any better either. Therefore, dear women, if you envy Lyusya, do it silently. Otherwise, you will not have a jeep or even boots.

If the player in the house

But why are we attacking women?Men also bring a lot of problems and financial losses. For example, what to do if your husband plays slot machines? Grandma told us about alcoholics, we heard about revelers, but gamblers have always existed as a separate group, which few people knew about. And even fewer people could fight them. At first glance, it seems that gamblers do not value money at all, they spend large bills so easily and carefree. However, this is not true at all. Such people, on the contrary, are in love with banknotes, as if they were a lovely girl. They are so eager to get rich that they spend their last pennies. And the family suffers. After dad's night out, the children have nothing to buy milk for, and the wife walks to work, since the tram does not take her for free. Nothing good, right? There is nothing to advise here, since gamblers are officially classified as dependent people. Now they are on the same level as alcoholics and drug addicts. But this does not make it any easier for the wife! In the 21st century, it has become somewhat easier to fight gamblers. To prevent your husband from spending his entire salary on slot machines, you just need to take away his salary card. Then you will control all income and expenses yourself. Just try not to keep a lot of cash in the house. Your husband may well lose his temper at the sight of colored papers and go gambling again.

The husband does not want to work

Things are no better for women whose husbandscategorically do not want to work. At the same time, everyone has different excuses. The result is the same. The wife pulls the whole family on herself, and the husband makes himself even more comfortable on the couch. However, now the slackers have moved to the computer, but this does not change the essence of the matter. It is good if the husband is unpretentious and does not demand good clothes and high-calorie dishes (yes, this happens!). But it happens that the husband begins to demand absolute equality with other family members. Did they give the child an orange? That means he is entitled to vitamins too. And why is there one more piece of meat on the son's plate? He is still small, he will not eat that much. And the slacker does not think about what money these products were bought with. In any case, the financial situation of this family is always somewhat worse than in a house where both partners work. How to overcome such a situation and send the husband out to work? One of the options for solving the problem is to create an artificial money crisis in the house. Tell him that your salary has been cut, stop buying groceries in the same quantities and cry about the lack of money. If your husband has a conscience, he will soon have a job. Doesn't help? Put the question bluntly: "either the sofa or me."

Shopaholicism

We haven't forgotten about the favorite disease of modern peoplewomen and men - shopaholism. Let's figure out what the attitude of frantic spenders to money says. Such people, unlike gamblers, are very easy-going about banknotes. For them, it is a means to achieve a desired goal. And everything would be fine, but the goals are new every day, and there is only one wallet. What to do if you feel an insatiable thirst for shopping? Leave money at home. If you start taking with you exactly as much money as is needed to buy groceries, you are guaranteed to spend less. In addition, try to make a list of necessary purchases in advance. Doesn't help? Send your husband to the store, so you will definitely be able to resist the temptation to buy something extra. But before treating shopaholism, find out the nature of its appearance. It happens that an insatiable thirst for new things appears at a time when a woman is in love. Or vice versa. A girl tries to cheer up a spoiled mood with a beautiful dress. Such shopaholism is short-term and not at all dangerous. Finally, I would like to note: no matter what problems happen to you, the most important thing is not money, but normal human relationships. If your husband lost his job, support him instead of reproaching him. Did your friend borrow money and not pay it back? What is more important to you? A hundred rubles or friendship? Learn to distinguish real problems from those that we create for ourselves. Do not measure life by money, but by your heart! We recommend reading:

Comments

comments