If you have an adult son, then one daysuch a moment - or maybe you have already come! - when he leads a completely different girl for you and says: "Mom, I love her, love her and you!" Whether you like it or not, but when your son marries, his new family will become part of your own family, and your sister-in-law - if you're lucky! - will become a close person. However, do not rely on luck - you are much wiser than this girl, you and the cards in hand! A good mother-in-law is the vocation of any mother who loves her son. Your son loves his wife, which means that you must try to love her.
What you need to remember when acquiring a new status
Mother-in-law has always been a source of jokes andanecdotes. But, of course, not all mother-in-law are such monsters, and you, too, certainly do not want to become like a heroine of some anecdote. And how to become a good mother-in-law? Before we begin to set out any recommendations, we would like to encourage you to remember your own mother-in-law. Were your relations with your mother-in-law good from the very beginning, or did something initially not quite smooth? Analyzing this now, you can learn from your relationship some lessons for yourself. Was everything the way you wanted? Try to put yourself in your daughter-in-law's place - what's she like with you now? Do you think that you are not repeating any mistakes of your mother-in-law? Building your relationship with a new member of the family, you must remember the "Golden Rule of Morality", which reads: "Do unto others as you would like others to do toward you." Remembering the Golden Rule, you will never go wrong. Just admit to yourself that your daughter-in-law is a person with her own interests, inner world, habits and culture. She had her own life experience, which you will never have (and it does not matter at all that her life experience is too small!), And she certainly knows some things that you will never know. She, like you, has her own point of view on many things, and do not doubt - if you want to insist on your point of view, in nine cases out of ten, the daughter-in-law will also stand up for her position. You must understand that you are not the parent of this girl, and she is not your child; you must resist the temptation to act like a mother. Your daughter-in-law has a native mother, closer and dearer to whom there is no one. But if you behave wisely, over time, you will have almost the same warm and close relationship, and your sister-in-law will treat you like her second mother. And you, besides your son, will also have a truly beloved daughter!
Control your attitude to the young
Try to build a relationship withdaughter-in-law on mutual respect, treat her with love and care. Forget about any criticism and condemnation. Some mother-in-law have a bad habit of thinking of their sons as eternal children. Do not be like them; your son has already matured, and he should live his mind. Remember that your son chose his wife just as your husband used to choose you. As a mother, you must do everything possible to ensure that your son and his wife have lived a long and happy life in marriage. And the first thing you need to do for this is step to the side, allowing them to live their lives. For them, this is a happy, but at the same time a difficult time, because they need to adapt to each other and acquire the experience of living together. Maybe, something they will not immediately develop and get, in some ways, and the daughter-in-law may be mistaken. And if you ever feel tempted to criticize or wash the bones of your daughter-in-law, try to imagine that this is not a stranger while you are a girl, but a close friend. After all, she will be like that, let's hope! And true friends treat each other with kindness and respect, despite the differences. And support each other if necessary.
The main signs of the "right" mother-in-law
Being a good mother-in-law is easy and difficult. We want to give the basic guidelines that will help you not get off on the path of building a good relationship with a young daughter-in-law. What should you do to have a warm relationship with her? How to become the best mother-in-law, so that the daughter-in-law sincerely considers you her second mother? Treat your daughter-in-law as if she were your own daughter. Most importantly, from the very beginning, treat the daughter-in-law as a member of the family. This will help you both to establish a connection between them, to give your daughter-in-law a sense of confidence and security. When the son and his wife come to you, talk to her as they would talk to their own daughter, who recently married. Become a support for her, help her in case of need by word or deed. Show warmth: hug her, set her in a better place; Show that you are happy to see her. Remember - she is now your daughter, and do everything possible to treat her as such. Ask her opinion: we are never too old to learn something new. She will appreciate that you apply to her for advice, and will rejoice when she can teach you something. More often ask her opinion on different issues and stress that you appreciate her advice. Turning to her with questions, you will not only show your confidence, but also be able to quickly and better know your daughter-in-law. Talk to her: try to talk to her face to face more often, when appropriate. Come, to "whisper" about his, about the female. Talk about the difficulties that she may experience, try to give her some good advice. If there is a conflict between the young, show your daughter-in-law that you are taking her side. Do not try to justify your son in every way, especially if he really is to blame. Do not be afraid to be too kind and gentle - do not you think that you can respect a person only because he is too strict and demanding? An understanding, kind person will be loved and respected; and those whom they fear will not be respected. Mutual respect, kindness, love and compassion will help you build a harmonious relationship with your daughter-in-law. Do not rush with the advice: remember that uninvited advice will never be useful and can even be considered as criticism. Therefore do not rush to advice, even if young people are clearly doing something wrong. It can be difficult, but it will be correct. Help them if they can not do something on their own, and try to be benevolent if they do something in their own way. Be useful to them, but do not press or demand that everything be the way it seems to be right for you. Do not deprive your children of the opportunity to make their own experience. Advise only when you are asked about it. And even if they ask your opinion, be sensitive - do not preach and do not read lectures. Instead, simply offer a solution, giving young people the freedom to accept or reject it. Do not mock the daughter-in-law and do not criticize her: do not try to compete with your daughter-in-law for the love and attention of your son. Never criticize your daughter-in-law in front of your son. It certainly will not please him, and you will not only be unable to establish relations with your daughter-in-law, but you will also spoil relations with your son. Avoid slander; do not forget that with the advent of your daughter-in-law, you have a chance to acquire a close friend. Do not look for faults: it is better to look for dignity in a daughter-in-law. Nobody is perfect, and it was impossible for your son to marry an impeccable woman. Angels do not walk on the ground! Shade her feelings: try not to afflict the daughter-in-law, showing her interest only in the well-being of her son or grandchildren. Try to show interest in her feelings, worry about her well-being just as you worry about your son and grandchildren. Try to give her the same attention and make her feel loved and desired in your home. You should consider it as a person, with your character, your feelings. The ability to emphasize her role as a wife and mother in the well-being of the family will make you like her mother in law honor. Be a good listener: sometimes the ability to listen is the main factor in establishing a warm relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law. It may be that your daughter-in-law has no one to talk about some problems. She does not tell her mother about some family troubles, because she does not want her to blame her son-in-law for everything, discussion of problems with her husband leads to quarrel; with whom should she talk? Believe me, she will be infinitely grateful to you if you listen to her and tell you an acceptable way out, without giving your assessments and taking someone's side. You have to understand that many things seem to your children too complex and insoluble by their youth, and often their emotions prevail over logic. And when emotions overwhelm, it is very important that someone carefully listens to you. Remind your son of responsibility: he should not forget about helping his wife with household chores. Explain to him why the wife is tired when she "sits" at home with young children. Often a man does not understand how much work a wife can do during his absence, because homework is not visible. Especially when the house is in order. Do not control: often problems between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law begin precisely because of excessive control of the mother, whether everything possible is done for the well-being of her son. In this situation, a young wife sees in the mother-in-law a threat or a possible enemy. Any mother-in-law who controls the life of her child (who has already grown up and even got married) deceives herself, trying to remain the most important person in the life of her son. In addition, she deprives herself of the opportunity to maintain good relations with her daughter-in-law. Recognize her right to be different from you: your daughter-in-law most likely thinks and acts differently, not like you. If this bothers you ... just smile and forget about it! Do not try to dictate how things should be done. In the end, small details are not important. Do not let them cause tension between you. Show compassion and love: show your love openly to evoke reciprocal love. Tolerance and mutual respect always become the basis of stable and viable relations in which understanding and true love reign. Constantly support the daughter-in-law, remembering how you yourself once needed such support from your mother-in-law. Justify trust: never tell anyone that you were trusted by a son and sister-in-law. Even your friends or other relatives. You can lose confidence, and it will be fair. Summarizing all that has been said, we formulate rules for the mother-in-law. Strictly fulfilling these basic rules, a good mother-in-law will easily find a common language with the daughter-in-law, and with her son will keep a warm relationship.
11 commandments of this mother-in-law
And, to complete the list of commandments formother-in-law, it remains for us to say: even when you become a happy grandmother, remember - this title does not give you a license to violate any of the eleven points! The wisdom, tolerance and benevolence shown by the mother-in-law will help the daughter-in-law to establish good relations with the mother-in-law, which she sincerely will consider as her second mother. Well, if this person does not meet your standards in any way and you are simply not able to apply everything that we offered you above your son's wife, then we have one piece of advice. Remember that this is not your life, but your child's life. Respect his personal life and do not prevent him from being happy! We advise you to read: