In the 21st century, this kind of thing is becoming more and more common.the problem of love and marriage, like an infantile husband. And if an unadapted woman does not cause any particular irritation (she finds herself perfectly in the role of a housewife), then a dependent man usually deserves public censure. Moreover, husbands go much further in their infantilism than women. An unadapted wife does run the household, cooks dinners. You can’t expect such help from a man-child. They motivate their refusal to help with the housework by the fact that it is “not a man’s job.” Their duty is to hammer a nail into the wall once a year and nothing else. So the woman pulls the whole family on herself. By the way, nails also become her duty, since the infantile man is so unaccustomed to doing anything that the shelf he hangs threatens to fall in a couple of days. Where do such modern marriage problems as infantile husbands come from? How to recognize them? And how to deal with male dependence? Psychologists believe that the emergence of infantile men is directly related to feminism and women trying to grab the blanket of primacy for themselves. However, this is debatable. Perhaps feminism is not the cause, but the effect? ​​Modern problems of family and marriage began when men stopped earning, being leaders, the support of the family. But someone has to do it, right? So 50% of women roll up their sleeves to take on the burden of family life. Do you think she wants it so much? To toil at work for 10 hours instead of going to the gym, to the beauty salon? Apparently, she likes to run headlong from work to cook dinner, do the laundry, clean up and dust off her husband, who is always lying on the couch (sitting at the computer)? What keeps a woman close to such a man? There may be several reasons:

• Children (By the way, babies love children, and in such families, replenishment appears quickly enough);
• Nowhere to go (a fairly common problem);
• Pity (Unadapted men emotionally attach themselves to their victims, making them co-addicted., Simply put, "I would leave a man, sorry, will be lost without me").
• Who needs a divorced woman with a child (infantile enough often "fuels" this version, developing a woman's self-doubt)
• Love. (This is the strongest binding.) Unadapted husbands are usually tender and romantic).

Portrait of a hero

So who is an infantile man?This is a boy who never grew up. Such people are usually not suited to earning money, it is difficult for them to hammer a nail, heat up a pot of soup. Infantile husbands can afford to forget about an assignment. And if you approach them with a complaint, they just make puzzled round eyes. Like children. In fact, they do not forget anything. They are just lazy. Why do something if you can calmly play computer games. And the problem will resolve itself. It has been proven. No money to pay for water or electricity? Well, "nothing matters." He will not really go and earn it! The infantile calmly waits for the problem to grow to global proportions, and outsiders will join in its solution. Mom, dad, wife, friends, relatives - everyone runs around the authorities asking not to sue the unreasonable tenant, while he calmly plays computer games. But why rush about? He said that everything will be resolved. And they gave him money, and put the receipts in order. Beautiful! The infantile man stretches contentedly in his chair and starts another round of a computer game. The word "depression" is first on the list of words used. Did his wife call him a slacker? The infantile husband fell into universal sadness. Was he offended? Got his feet wet? He is preparing in advance for a major cold, while cursing his wife for sending him out in the rain to get bread. The problem of love and marriage is compounded by the constant depression of the gentle husband. And eventually the wife stops picking on him, believing that "it is more expensive for herself." She will not do anything anyway, but she will pout for a whole week. And this is exactly what our sly man was trying to achieve. If your husband is infantile, do not expect confessions and strong feelings. Such a person loves only himself. No, he will say how wonderful you are, but all his words can be translated as follows: "You are so wonderful that you take care of me." Cheating is also a part of the infantile lifestyle. He has no remorse. It's so nice. Why not do it.

Childhood infantile

Such a man is usually born to a strong anda strong-willed mother. As a rule, there is either no father (they divorced when the child was very small), or he is completely dependent on the opinion of his wife. The child was completely looked after from childhood (it is not uncommon for infantile children to be the only children in the family). Any wish was fulfilled even before it was voiced. As a result, the person got used to the fact that everything was for him. That everything was there. And there was no need to strain himself. When the infantile child grew up, he continued to be wrapped in children's pants, buying an apartment, getting him a job, helping with money. Parents prudently solve family and marriage problems by buying everything necessary, introducing their son to the right people, finding him a submissive bride. And if real life began to show its true face, the immature boy simply got scared. Did the boss yell at him? Did he write a resignation letter. Misunderstandings with a friend? I cut him out of my life so as not to bother with analyzing the situation and apologizing. An infantile person always takes the path of least resistance. Or rather, just sits in one place, and life rushes past.

Marriage

Guess who the infantile man takes as his wife?That's right, a woman who will be like his mother. After all, the main task of such a man (even if unconsciously) is to replace the wet-nurse-mother with a wet-nurse-wife. That is, it is necessary to find a woman who will meekly take on all the responsibilities of the house and him, the incomparable one. To do this, the infantile chooses the one who:

• is able to provide for the family (it is the woman who is to work);
• will be dependent on him for some reason (age, past, lack of an apartment, the availability of children),
• will be lower in social status (infantile is very important to feel superiority),
• will love him.

The wives of infantile men are always unsure of themselves.They think that they are incredibly lucky to have such a husband. And the fact that he is lazy and dependent is just a character trait. The philosophy of such a woman: “Look, Zinka’s husband drinks and raises his hand against her. And mine is quiet, calm, doesn’t drink, doesn’t cheat. What else do you need? Money? That’s not the main thing. Especially since I earn quite well. And my husband doesn’t need much. Cigarettes, cookies (he has a sweet tooth) and tea. But he loves me and the children.” It doesn’t occur to the woman that a healthy man is simply using her. Until a certain time.

How to recognize an infantile man

It is difficult to do this without special skills.Such people initially disguise themselves very well. At first, it will seem to the woman that this man gives her a lot. So a divorced woman with a child can "bite" on the fact that the infantile gets along well with her child (since he himself is a child at heart), does not mind a stamp in the passport and is ready to give her everything that he currently owns. While other men looked at the child with apprehension and offered a civil marriage (what if we don’t get along). Plus, his relatives will treat both the woman and the child very well. This is a kind of "honey trap". They have already recognized the character of their infantile and will only be happy to push him onto other people's shoulders. By the way, if an infantile man starts offering his beloved mountains of gold and giving his last shirt, do not believe him. This is a deception. Such men very carefully guard everything they own, because they understand that they themselves may not earn money for this thing. Therefore, the original promises will remain words.

Types of infantiles

There are two types of such men:

The first one is perfectly aware of the fact that heis not yet mature and will build relationships of the "adult-child" type. That is, he will demand that his wife be not a woman, but a mother. Protect, feed, provide. In everyday life, he is very similar to a child. Cheerful and affectionate when his mother smiles. And capricious when responsibility is expected of him. This type expects constant control from his wife and silently hates her for constantly telling him what to do.

The second type is never recognized in the world forthat he is infantile. He will scream that this world is imperfect. And here it is - exactly what you need. The best. In order to emphasize their superiority, such a man marries a plain-looking, near-by girl, compared to which the man himself will look like a real hero.

At the hour when the rose-colored glasses fall off the young wife(and they will certainly fall off, the infantile is too dependent, it is hard not to notice). And the young look will no longer shine with adoration, the husband will find a temporary replacement for her in the form of a mistress. The one who will tell him that he is a real man. And those who do not think so, are simply jealous of him. They will live like this until someone gets tired of this farce.

What if the husband is infantile?

Many women, having fallen for the bait of an immature personality, begin to suffer from the question: what to do? Psychologists have outlined several options for solving this problem:

Forcibly shift the burden of responsibility ontomale shoulders. To do this, you need to get sick, lose your job, get into trouble. However, we have to disappoint you. If this method works, it will not last long. Of course, an infantile person is capable of temporary manifestations of masculinity. But in order for him to constantly earn money and take care of the family at the level of other men, you need to be sick all the time, sit without work or live with troubles. But this will not help either. An infantile person will take care of it for a month, two, three, until he understands that it is more profitable for him to change his wife than to put in so much effort.

Put the question bluntly.Like, honey, if you don't find a job in a month (set the time frame yourself), you'll be forced to look for a new wife. This method only works if all you need to be completely happy is for your husband to start bringing home at least some money. That is, he'll remain unadapted, but he'll stop asking you for money for cigarettes.

Continue to work, but create such a familya situation that you cannot cope with on your own. For example, a large debt for rent has grown. In this case, you need to make a confused face and constantly turn to your husband for support: "Darling, what should we do?" This method works in cases where the husband's infantilism is not very developed, and he is still capable of actions. If you live with a dyed-in-the-wool egoist, in response to the problem he will make the same confused and wide-eyed expression: "I have no idea, dear."

Get a divorce.If a man truly loves you, then in a relatively short period of time he will fulfill all the long-term instructions that you have given him. Get a job, do some repairs in the kitchen, fix the roof at the dacha. After that, he will solemnly demonstrate all the changes to you and ask you to come back. But don’t flatter yourself. He accomplished all these feats in a state of shock. As soon as the waves subside and the man sees that you are near again and everything is as before, he will turn into the same lazy man who hammers a nail after the fiftieth reminder and, instead of throwing out the trash, tamps the bucket more carefully. Of course, there is another scenario: the hubby will safely move under another warm wing (new wife, mother). But in any case, why do you need such an unadapted capricious boy instead of a husband?

Continue to be patient.The most common way out of the situation. The woman begins to lie to herself and others. Get rid of friends who are trying to open her eyes to the fact that she is simply being used for their own purposes. Endow the infantile husband with non-existent abilities. Buy gifts in his name. Simply put, the wife adapts to such a life. However, nothing good comes of it in the end. (Only if the woman does not have good health). From moral and physical overload, the wife sooner or later gets sick. And the husband, not accustomed to worrying about someone, is either unable to help her and lets the illness take its course, or simply runs away from problems. It often happens that husbands suffering from infantilism abandon their feeble wives in old age. They lived in hothouse conditions and survived decently. While the wife, due to the harsh life, aged early and no longer attracts him as a woman.

Positive aspects of life with infantile

Let's end the article on a positive note.moments? After all, life with an infantile man is not only a double burden and, in fact, the adoption of an unadapted husband. There are also positive aspects to such a marriage. What are they? Let's look. The woman becomes more independent. She learns to rely only on herself. Such wives always find a way out of a situation, they do not lose heart. By the way, they are also more responsible in financial terms. Having an unemployed husband, you always need to have a stash in case you yourself cannot work for some reason. The wives of infantile men experience active personal growth. They begin to develop faster, master new professions. All because they now have to work for two, so the woman looks for a more prestigious, higher-paying job. Such a husband will never tell a woman what to do. He simply does not have his own opinion, which is very convenient for authoritarian wives. Friends spend months trying to convince their other half of the need to buy a new TV, while their husbands stubbornly object that this TV will be enough for their grandchildren. And the infantile man will only nod obediently in response: “As you say, dear.” In any case, no matter what stage of the relationship you are at with the infantile man, let me give you some advice: Love yourself. Don’t sacrifice your life on the altar of someone else’s inability to adapt, laziness, and unwillingness to do anything. You deserve better, believe me! We recommend reading:

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