In the 21st century, more and morethe problem of love and marriage, as an infantile husband. And if the unadapted woman does not cause a special irritation (she perfectly finds herself in the role of a housewife), a dependent man usually deserves public reprimand. Moreover, husbands go much further than women in their infantilism. Unadapted wife still leads the household, prepares dinner. From a male child, such help does not have to wait. They motivate their refusal to help the household by saying that it is "not a man's business". Their duty is to hammer a nail into the wall once a year and nothing else. So the woman pulls the whole family on herself. By the way, nails also become her responsibility, because the infantile is so not used to doing something, that the shelf suspended by it threatens to fall down in a couple of days. Where do modern problems of marriage, such as infantile husbands, come from? How to recognize them? And how to deal with male self-dependence? Psychologists believe that the emergence of infantilists is directly related to feminism and the women's pulling the blanket of primacy over themselves. However, you can argue here. Perhaps feminism is not the cause, but the consequence? Modern problems of family and marriage began when men stopped earning, being leaders, supporting the family. But someone should do this? That's tucking 50% of women's sleeves to take on the burden of family life. Do you think she wants that much? Work hard at work for 10 hours instead of going to fitness, in the Beauty Salon? Apparently, she likes to run riotously from work to cook dinner, wash, clean and dust off the eternally lying on the couch (sitting at the computer) her husband? What keeps a woman next to such a man? The reasons can be several:
- Children (By the way, babies love children, and in such families, replenishment appears quickly enough);
- Nowhere to go (a fairly common problem);
- Pity (Unadapted men emotionally attach themselves to their victims, making them co-addicted., Simply put, "I would leave a man, sorry, will be lost without me").
- Who needs a divorced woman with a child (infantile enough often "fuels" this version, developing a woman's self-doubt)
- Love. (This is the strongest binding.) Unadapted husbands are usually tender and romantic).
Portrait of a hero
So who is such an infantile man? This is not a matured boy. Such people are usually not adapted to make money, it is difficult for them to hammer a nail, to warm up the soup pot. Infantile husbands can afford to forget about the assignment. And if you approach them with a complaint, just make puzzled round eyes. Like children. In fact, they do not forget anything. It's just that they are lazy. Why do something if you can safely play computer games. And the problem itself will resolve. Checked. No money to pay for water or light? Well, "there is no trial, no." He will not go, in fact, to earn them! Infantil calmly waits for the problem to grow to global proportions, and outsiders will connect to its solution. Mom, Dad, wife, friends, relatives - everyone runs around the authorities with a request not to file an unreasonable lodger in court, while he serenely plays computer games. And why rush? He said that everything will be decided. And they gave me the money, and the receipts were put in order. Beauty! Infantil rather stretches in his chair and starts another round of computer games. The word "depression" is the first in the list of words used. Wife called a slacker? Infantilny husband fell into universal sorrow. He was offended. Has your legs wet? In advance preparing for a large cold, while cursing her husband for sending him to the rain for bread. To the problem of love and marriage add to the constant depression of a gentle husband. And in the end, the wife stops to pick on him, believing that "more expensive." All the same, he will not do anything, but he will pout for a week. And this is exactly what our cunning did. If the husband is infantile, do not expect confessions and strong feelings. Such a person loves only himself. No, he will say how wonderful you are, but all his words can be translated like this: "You are so wonderful that you care about me." Treason is also part of the way of life infantile. He does not suffer from remorse. It's so nice. Why not do it.
Such a man is usually born to a strong andstrong-willed mother. The father, as a rule, either does not (divorced when the child was very small), or he is completely dependent on the opinion of his wife. Since childhood, the child has been fully cared for (it is not uncommon when infantilals are the only children in the family). Any wish was fulfilled even before it was announced. In the end, people got used to the fact that everything is for him. That everything is there. And do not strain. When the infantile grew up, he was continued to be wrapped in children's pants, buying an apartment, arranging for work, helping with money. Problems of family and marriage are prudently solved by parents, buying everything necessary, acquainting the son with the right people, finding him a resigned bride. And if the real life began to show its true face, the immature boy was simply frightened. The chief shouted? I wrote a letter of resignation. Misunderstandings with a friend? He struck him out of his life so as not to bother with the analysis of the situation and apologies. Infantil always follows the path of least resistance. Or rather, it just sits in place, and life goes by.
Guess who the infantile takes in wives? That's right, a woman who will look like his mother. After all, the main task of such a man (albeit unconsciously) is to replace the wet nurse-mother with a wet nurse. That is, it is necessary to find a woman who resignedly resigns herself to all the duties of the house and his, incomparable. To do this, the infantile chooses the one that:
- is able to provide for the family (it is the woman who is to work);
- will be dependent on him for some reason (age, past, lack of an apartment, the availability of children),
- will be lower in social status (infantile is very important to feel superiority),
- will love him.
Wives of infantils are always not sure of themselves. They believe that they are already so lucky with this husband. And the fact that he is lazy and not dependent, so this is a feature of the nature of this. The philosophy of such a woman: "Look, Zinka's husband at all drinks and raises his hand on her. But my quiet, calm, does not drink, does not walk. What else does? Money? It is not important. Especially since I earn good money. And my husband does not need much. Cigarettes, cookies (he has a sweet tooth) and tea. But he loves me and the children "The fact that a healthy man simply uses it, a woman does not come to mind. For the time being.
How to recognize an infantile man
Without special skills, this is difficult to do. Such people are initially very well disguised. At first, a woman will feel that this man gives her a lot. So a divorced woman with a child can "peck" at the fact that the infantile is getting along very well with her child (as he himself is in the child's soul), not against the stamp in the passport and is ready to give her everything that she currently owns. While the rest of the men looked with caution at the child and offered a civil marriage (and suddenly we could not get along). Plus, his family will be very well treated both by the woman and the child. This is a kind of "honey trap". They have already recognized the nature of their infantile and will only be happy to shove him on other people's shoulders. By the way, if the infantile begins to offer your favorite golden mountains, and give the last shirt, do not believe it. This is a lie. Such men very carefully guard everything they own, because they understand that they themselves can not earn money on this thing. Therefore, the original promises will remain words.
Types of infantiles
There are two types of similar men:
At the hour when a young wife will fall pink glasses(and they'll fall by all means, too infantile is not dependent, it's hard not to notice). And the young look will no longer shine with adoration, her husband will find her temporary replacement in the form of a mistress. The one who will say that he is a real man. And those who do not think so, just envy him. And they will live until someone gets tired of this farce.
What if the husband is infantile?
Many women, having fallen for the bait of an immature person, begin to suffer the question: what to do? Psychologists have outlined several solutions to this problem:
Positive aspects of life with infantile
Let's finish the article with positive points? After all, life with an infantile is not only a double load and, in fact, the adoption of an unadapted husband. There are also positive aspects of such a marriage. What kind? Let's look. The woman becomes more independent. She learns to rely only on herself. Such wives always have a way out, they do not lose heart. By the way, they are also more responsible in terms of money. Having an idle husband, you should always have a stash in case you are unable to work for some reason. Wives of infantilists have an active personal growth. They start to develop faster, to master new professions. All because they now have to work for two, so the woman is looking for a job more prestigious, more highly paid. Such a husband will never tell a woman what to do. He simply does not have his own opinion, which is very convenient for authoritarian wives. Girlfriends for months prove the second half about the need to buy a new TV, while husbands persistently argue that this television is enough for their grandchildren. And infantile in response only obediently nods his head: "As you say, darling" In any case, at what stage of the relationship you would not be with the infantil, let me give you advice: Love yourself. Do not put your life on the altar of someone else's unfitness, laziness and unwillingness to do something. You deserve better, believe me! We advise you to read: