Divorce ... A terrible word, inexorable. The word biting into the mind and tormenting the soul with the question: "Why?". Why not so long ago - just some couple of years ago - this man was the most loved and loved one, but today he became a stranger and hostile? How could this happen? After all, initially both were so happy, and the marriage was seen as cloudless, safe, reliable. So when they live together happily and even die in one day. But some time passed, - sometimes several years, and sometimes only a few months - and this hope left no trace. Where did she disappear? How to save the family? Let's try to understand this issue and find out why people are divorced and who is to blame for this.
Unsuccessful marriage. What is the reason for his failure?
Divorces today have become quite common,and it's scary. Statistics show that about 40% of first marriages, almost 60% of second marriages and over 70% of third marriages end with divorces. Less and less often you can meet families in which husband and wife live, soul to soul, for many years. Often such a life together resembles a more painful coexistence based on a habit or position: "to save the family for the sake of children." In short, the institution of the family is irresistibly collapsing, burying under its wreckage a huge number of unfortunate women and men. Because the divorce, however necessary it seemed, always, and especially if the family has children, is a great misfortune. But after all, cohabitation, more often than not, has become unbearable! Daily scandals, mutual hostility, growing into hatred, and - a complete hell in the house. To get rid of all this, we usually decide on the last step - a divorce. But, as soon as we understand that it is inevitable, dislike and hatred are suddenly replaced by pain from the inevitability of loss. And it does not matter, the first is a marriage or the fourth, - the pain is always present. No, sooner or later we will survive it, of course. And, in the end, losing hope for happiness, we will begin to condescendingly grin in response to the aphorisms quoted by someone about a happy marriage. Because our life experience testifies that marriage is a continuous family quarrel and marital conflicts because of every little thing. Are we right in this case? Yes and no. Because if several marriages were unsuccessful, then the reasons for this should be sought in their own actions and aspirations. After all, when a person marries or gets married again and again, it means he is trying to create a family, but he can not! And, unwilling to admit this inability, in the end, convinces himself that the answer to the question: "Are there any happy marriages?" - exclusively "no." In reality, the family is a huge work, to which many of us are simply not ready. And it's good if we realize this after the first divorce. Then we are almost guaranteed a happy second marriage. And if not? Then ahead, is the loss of faith in personal happiness and loneliness. And it's scary. In other words, many seemingly unsuccessful marriages can be made successful if you make some effort to do this. What kind? To find the answer to this question, let's consider the most important aspects of the existence of happy families. This will enable us to understand how to preserve love in marriage.
Secrets of a Happy Marriage
Happy marriages are not created in heaven, asit is customary to affirm, but by the spouses themselves. It does not need to have some kind of supernatural powers. You just have to really want to save your family by accepting some rules. First of all, let's remember the main thing: practically in any family, both husband and wife sometimes begin to doubt the fidelity of their choice. This is normal. Because, firstly, over time, even the very hot feelings are initially dull, and you begin to perceive your partner in life a little differently. And this means that some aspects of his nature are opened, which we either did not notice before, or refused to notice. These parties do not always please, of course. But after all, he, in all likelihood, also begins to find in us something that is not too pleasant for himself. Therefore, we agree, - the character of man is multifaceted, and it is extremely interesting to learn these facets in any aspects if one treats a shortcoming with humor. And leave our doubts about the correctness of the choice aside - who knows what traits suddenly appear in another woman or in another man. This is one of the answers to the question of how to make the marriage happy. If you take a closer look at examples of happy marriages, you can see a number of similar features of their construction. Each of the spouses in such marriages is a kind of autonomous republic in one state. That is, they can be together without interfering, at the same time, with each other's independence. This is a very important point. One of the leading reasons why marriages break up, and it is the desire of the wife to fully control the actions of her husband or vice versa. In addition, these "autonomous republics" are jointly responsible for each other and for their entire family. In unsuccessful marriages, it is not uncommon for someone to take responsibility for this, but this is not an easy burden. Drawing a strap-like spouse, one day, one might think: "Is it worth saving a family if it's too much for me?" And decides that it's not worth it. By the way, this is also one of the most frequent causes of male infidelity. Husbands, tired of eternal responsibility for everything, in another woman are looking for a kind of a means for psychological rest. So let's think about it, ladies, before it's too late, but do we not ask too much of our second half? Because it may come a day when you have to ponder on how to avoid a divorce from your husband. Of course, the "autonomous republics" must always be ready for the fact that one of them will be less hardy than the other, and weaker in the struggle with life's circumstances. And this is also perfectly normal, - each of us has its own resource of vitality. When it is exhausted, a person needs rest. Otherwise, the decoupling can be fatal. All happy marriages are based on joint care and willingness, if necessary, to fulfill the duties of their halves. This, - a guarantee of the family's security and the security of the inevitable conflicts that arise in it and quarrels. There are two magnificent quotes about a happy marriage. The famous French writer André Maurois defined it as: "A successful marriage is a structure that must be reconstructed every time." Another French writer, Jean Rostand, said: "A good family is one in which the husband and wife forget in the afternoon that they are lovers, and at night - that they are spouses." Creating a full-fledged sexual relationship is one more rule of all happy marriages and their key moment. And, meanwhile, many of us do not know how to maintain a relationship in a marriage so that they are always welcome. And they try to restore the sharpness and completeness of sensations with the help of random connections. This is fundamentally wrong, because it is the family bedroom - a place where you can completely relax and allow yourself to surrender to passion. This applies to both men and women. Only in close people, sex gets the most intense emotional coloring, because it is based on complete trust. Erotic games of spouses should not be constrained by any prohibitions. After all, a full-fledged sexual life allows us to remove countless stresses and get rid of subconscious fears. In the same families, where she is constantly postponed for later, sooner or later there is a crisis. So, let's summarize. The fundamentals of a happy marriage are:
- The ability to favorably perceive each other's shortcomings;
- Simultaneous commonality and independence of actions;
- Mutual responsibility;
- Caring for each other and understanding;
- Regular and relaxed sex life.
Well, of course, we say, these rulesa happy marriage is easy to observe when there is mutual love! And here, for example, what to do if the husband stopped loving and changed? Or the wife decided to go to another man? Is it possible to avoid divorce in this case? Let's try to understand this situation.
How to save a family after treason
Adultery is the main reason for alldivorces. It can not be otherwise, because it is regarded only as betrayal. Before the advent of Christ after the betrayal of marriage, even if one of the spouses was ready to forgive her, they were still dissolved. But the times were coming, the mores were changing, and the attitude towards betrayal became more loyal. Today, each of us can decide whether to divorce in this case or not. At the same time, many still remain categorical: they must be divorced. In fact, this categorical is justified when one of the spouses continues to change and after the other, having learned of the treason, forgave him. In such a situation, there is simply no answer to the question of how to preserve love in the family. However, adultery is often a mistake, a temporary weakness or the result of an incorrect behavior of the second half. And the one who changed, sincerely repents of the deed. What to do in this case? After another husband, having learned about treason, suffers, feels shame, anger, humiliation and usually thinks that he "once lied" ... But, at the same time, he understands that he can not lose his soul mate. A traitor with all his heart wants forgiveness and day and night thinking about how to save the marriage. Because the family means a lot to him. Or maybe try to forgive? It's complicated, very difficult. But probably. Burning bridges is easy, building them is difficult. So let's get ourselves together and think about it - maybe we ourselves pushed him to it? For example, they devoted little time and attention to their half, refused intimacy, or even made scandals for no particular reason. And they completely refused to notice signs of impending disaster. Trivial situation - the husband became irritable, taciturn, sullen. "Stop loving!" - his wife panics and rushes for advice to her friends. They, of course, vied with each other, how to find out that the husband has fallen out of love. And she begins to check his business correspondence, overhear telephone conversations, arrange interrogations, track down his progress and so on. In vain, because anyone, overwhelmed by any suspicions, a person confirming these suspicions will find in the most innocent little things. So persistently following the advice of girlfriends the wife in all will see signs that the husband has fallen out of love with her. And, desperate, will begin to arrange ugly scandals. The result is his betrayal, which he never thought of before. And the loving spouse still suffers, does not sleep at night and does not know how to avoid a divorce from his wife. The same thing happens with men, if they notice the coldness of the wife. And they rush about, not knowing what to do if the wife stops loving. And they begin to do stupid things, which, as a result, can lead to her betrayal. And the fault was only the psychological and physical fatigue, the desire to relax, to be a little alone with himself. In short, in many betrayals, both spouses are to blame. They did not fulfill one of the rules of a happy marriage: care and understanding. He simply did not take into account his wife, constantly tormented by the thought of how to understand that her husband had changed. About him, and my husband, who took the same position. This is very bad, but if you do not try to forgive treason, it will become even worse. Do we need such torments? After all, we do not want then to rush about, not knowing how to stop loving an ex-husband or how to forget his one and only one? Conclusion: if both are to blame, we will try to forgive, if we do not want to forever lose a loved one or a loved one. Time will pass, the pain will recede. It is unlikely that a person, realizing what a blow his treason caused, will decide on it again. And, it is likely that the marriage after this will become much stronger and happier. Just do not rush things and give your half time to gain confidence. And in the future, even in quarrels, not to mention conversations, never touch this topic. In a word, marriage is a work, sometimes very difficult. For a divorce you need only a step, and to achieve happiness in the family you need work. But it is not necessary to be lazy in this case, it is a work of creation, construction of a beautiful palace in which everyone will be warm, cozy and reliable. Work to create a family requires special tasks, the decision of which, to a greater extent, depends on the woman. Because it was her nature that brought more wisdom, patience and compassion. And each of us intuitively understands how to become happy in marriage. But not everyone wants to listen to their intuition. In men, these qualities are less pronounced and palpable. And therefore, even being very strong, they are often lost before family tasks. So let's help them solve them - this is a wonderful remedy for divorce. We advise you to read:
