Everyone at least once felt a painful feelingloneliness, when there are a lot of people around you, but there's nobody to talk to. They will not understand. At least, you thought so, especially in adolescence. Therefore, instead of solving the problems of loneliness by communicating with friends or a new acquaintance, you are even more closed in yourself and enthusiastically regretting yourself. A familiar picture? And it is believed that in most cases, loneliness affects women at any age. And all because they are more impressionable, and the psychology of loneliness is close to them in spirit. But to say that this feeling is alien to men is impossible. Many psychologists are sure that they just suffer in silence, considering their feelings an unacceptable weakness. What can I say? They are not even ready to admit to themselves that they are lonely, not like a specialist at a reception. If we talk about territorial divisions, then in megacities the problem of loneliness is felt more strongly. Long distances do not allow people to meet as often as they would like. And a huge crowd of people does not have the soul communication. Everyone is running somewhere, hurrying, jostling in the crowd with their elbows and not even looking back to apologize. A huge faceless mechanism absorbs people. And the person himself does not notice how he stops communicating with his family (once), to come to family holidays (far away), to cook homemade food (why, if the restaurant is tastier). Men and women live, as if by inertia. And one fine moment they look around, and next to no one. Here it is - loneliness. The numerous colleagues with whom you spent most of your time live your life. My relatives have become out of touch with you, and you simply do not have anything to talk about. Empty words about weather and politics are capable of killing time, but not loneliness. In small towns the situation is better. But here, too, has its own problems. For example, a person who suffers from loneliness can not seek professional help to overcome it. We are not talking about dating services, but about psychologists. After all, in order to get rid of the problem, it is necessary to determine the cause of its appearance. And how, tell me, a man will be able to complain that his wife does not understand and does not hear when a psychologist is a friend of his wife? Or a guy who is in adolescence, can not go to a psychologist? In a small town everyone knows each other, so it's impossible to get acquainted with someone new. How, after all, get rid of the feeling of loneliness? Let's figure it out.
Loneliness and human uniqueness
Oddly enough, loneliness is our whole life. A man came to this world alone. In solitude, he will leave. But it is very difficult for people to be aware of this fact. They created the institution of marriage, social society, set up multi-storey houses, where it is impossible to hide from each other. And all in order to be close to someone. If primitive people strayed into communities in order to make it easier to hunt, then a modern woman does not need to bring a package of milk from the supermarket. But at the same time she wants so much to have a family, friends, acquaintances, to feel loved and needed. And the freshly killed mammoth on the threshold of the cave has nothing to do with it. In order to understand the essence of the sense of loneliness, one must follow the whole path of development of this psychological phenomenon. Let's go back to the cave time. Primitive people at first did not feel alone. They went hunting, burned bonfires and were satisfied with life. And so it continued until one of them realized that a person is very different from inanimate nature. That a person's skin is not at all like, for example, the surface of a stone. The primitive thinker was shocked. The only solution that occurred to him was to build a body unlike him into the rank of a deity. Do not blame our ancestors for stupidity and cowardice. They acted very circumspectly - they tried to make friends with what they did not know. But the key concept here is not fear or cunning, but awareness of one's own uniqueness.
Loneliness in childhood
As soon as a person began to understand what is not likeon the same mammoths, the first sensations of loneliness began to emerge in him. And he habitually built dissimilar organisms to the rank of a deity. Here it is - one of the main mistakes of mankind and the main problem of loneliness. We love to put everyone above ourselves. Nature is like that. If our ancestors have sinned, then what can we say about us? Tell me, who do people pray to today? Jesus. To the person. We will assume that we have reached the boundaries of awareness of our uniqueness. First there was an inanimate nature, then beasts, and then a man. People have realized their dissimilarity in others and .... began to feel lonely. Because if he is different, not like everyone else, then no one can understand him. Moreover, to think that loneliness is an innate quality is not worth it. A person, when he is born, does not realize that he is alone. The baby is quite happy (with proper care). His parents adore him, grandmothers adore. It is worth crying, as you clean diapers, and my mother carefully gives milk. What kind of loneliness can we talk about? But the point is not in the excessive care of the child, but in the fact that he does not yet feel himself to be a person. When a child learns to speak, he calls himself "we" and speaks of himself exclusively in the third person. He is in society. And as soon as the pronoun "I" slips in the conversation, you can be sure that the first brick to the feeling of loneliness is laid. This quality will be aggravated by those children whose parents decided to realize all their dreams and aspirations in their own child. Mom did not become a ballerina? My daughter is dragged to dance lessons every day, despite the active protests of the child himself. Dad wanted to become a surgeon? A son from childhood impose an unloved profession. And if the child begins to resist, moral blackmail is being used. Parents begin to remind the child of all the blessings they gave him. Do not you want to go to the dance? Bad girl. I'll take your new bike from you and give it to a neighbor girl. She is obedient. The peak of this blackmail is the statement that the intractable child will be changed for another, good. Tell me, would this kid feel lonely? Of course it will. He sees that parents do not understand his desires and aspirations. And most importantly - do not realize its uniqueness. Worst of all, children's problems are pawned deep into the subconscious and form a further character. The girl, who did not become a ballerina in her teens, becomes withdrawn. She rightly believes that if her mother does not understand her, then what to say about strangers. No, the girl does not interrupt the communication with the world completely. She communicates, she is friends with her peers, but she does not disclose her soul to anyone. And she feels immensely lonely. By the way, in adolescence, the problem of loneliness is particularly acute. You absolutely no one understands: neither parents, nor friends, nor even teachers. Added to this are distorted impressions of their appearance - that's all! You're a loser who has absolutely no one to talk to. And even after overcoming this difficult period, there will be scars on the soul, which will always remind us of adolescence.
In addition, the psychology of women's loneliness is veryoften associated with the lack of a man. Have you noticed that a divorced girl very often calls herself lonely, while her baby is sleeping next door in the carriage? And when they begin to say that she is not alone, the woman begins to project her loneliness and the baby: "we do not need anyone". The girl has in mind that she and her child do not need a former husband, but the projection is so wide that it covers all of humanity. What is the problem of such a painful female desire to have a family? No, this is not a far-fetched need, as men like to say. This behavior is inherent in nature. Look at the kids in the kindergarten. At a time when the boys are running around the game room with automatic weapons, girls play in their mother's daughters. Soup is cooked in a plastic saucepan, swaddling dolls, folding tiny clothes in lockers. They already dream of a white veil and a beautiful husband. So what about the grown-up girls? Let's say that we managed to put on a wedding dress. And an engagement ring on her hand says that life has not been lived in vain. But where is this oppressive feeling of loneliness? It seems that the husband is near, and the children are growing up. Such a woman's psychology - loneliness often arises in people surrounded by relatives and friends. And quite reasonably. Very often families live as if by inertia, not being interested in the mood, thoughts and actions of those who are with them under one roof. A woman cooks dinner with love, choosing the best dishes from the cookbook, and in return hears the "thank you" on duty. On this subject there is an instructive joke: the mother of the family put an armful of hay on the table in front of her husband and sons, and when the men began to resent the nurse said: "how else could I know that you see what you eat?" Did this woman feel alone ? Undoubtedly. By the way, very often a woman herself condemns herself to compelled loneliness. Usually this happens after an unsuccessful novel, when the relationship ended very painfully for the girl. She was abandoned, humiliated, it hurts. Instead of adequately overcoming these difficulties, a protective mechanism is included, which finds the cause and, summarizing, says that men are evil. And the woman no longer tries to build her personal life, believing that everything will end the same way as last time. As a result, it becomes even more unhappy than before. Because to create a relationship it prevents fear, and all her subconscious desires to love and be loved, a woman lives contrary to her desires. And, in the end, she has to restore not only the ability to trust men, but also to be treated for loneliness. But if the reason is not in the second half of the person? What if someone does not have enough communication? Let's look at the problems of social loneliness.
From loneliness to self-improvement
Ask yourself the question: why others do not want to communicate with you? Maybe they are not interested in you? Or are you fixated on one topic, which people are bored with for the hundredth time? This happens sometimes with young mothers who are day and night ready to discuss their newborn baby. How he eats, how he sleeps, how he holds the head. And if for the first time unmarried friends readily listen to your enthusiastic speeches about the achievements of the child, then in a week they start to leave from communication, referring to some problems. Do not think that these same problems do not exist, and that the girlfriend came up with them in order to get rid of you. They are. And not at all of your interlocutor, but with you. You have ceased to be interesting to people. Have ceased to develop. And that is the problem of your loneliness. What to do? Many young mothers now begin to talk about the fact that they do not have enough time to study, otherwise they would gladly learn something new and interesting. But is it? And what prevents you to take a walk with the baby a new book? While the child sleeps in a wheelchair in the air, you improve. And it can be not only a romance novel, but also a textbook on psychology or a self-instruction manual in English. You must do everything possible to become a useful and interesting companion. The psychology of loneliness is very multifaceted and unites a number of many-sided human problems. That is, loneliness can be experienced by a young mother, a director of a large enterprise, an old pensioner, and even a minor student. The reasons for all are different. The consequence is one. And in order to get rid of loneliness, you need to determine what type of psychological problem you overtook.
Types of loneliness
When is solitude good?
Are there people who knowingly takeloneliness for the model of behavior? Of course. These are introverts. People turned inward, who do not need communication to feel happy and self-sufficient. Naturally, introverts do not admit complete loneliness. They have a family, friends. But as a whole they lead a rather closed way of life. Moreover, they can only recover one by one with them. When does loneliness become disastrous for them? Then, when a connection with a loved one is broken, and at any age. For example, a woman quarreled with her best friend. Or my husband filed for divorce. Suffering intensifies because introverts are very reluctant to let outsiders into their lives, and those they consider close to are valued very highly. From this, the losses become more significant than for the outgoing extrovert. To overcome this stress, an introvert needs time and, of course, a healthy loneliness.
Changing attitudes towards loneliness
However strange it may sound, psychologistsloneliness is not seen as the main problem - the essence is in relation to this people's feeling. Example: a woman brought up children, married them and now feels uncomfortable in a deserted apartment. She lacks communication, voices of children. She is lonely. To smooth out the feeling, the woman often begins to visit new families of children, call them in the evenings. Naturally, such close attention may not appeal to the young. There is a conflict. And what, according to psychologists, should a woman do to overcome her loneliness? Find yourself a new hobby. Enroll in a club of interests, make friends with the same as she. Look at how people behave in old age in the West. They talk a lot, travel, make parties, which do not have room for loud music and strong spirits. Guests listen to old records and talk about knitting or fishing. They are happy and do not burden children with their problems. Therefore, try to love your loneliness, find the positive side that you are at the moment alone, and life will be fine. We advise you to read: