Every person has felt a nagging feeling at least once.loneliness, when there are many people around you, but there is no one to talk to. They will not understand. At least, that's what it seemed to you, especially in adolescence. Therefore, instead of solving the problem of loneliness by communicating with friends or making new acquaintances, you withdrew even more into yourself and began to feel sorry for yourself with rapture. Sound familiar? Moreover, it is believed that in most cases, women of any age suffer from loneliness. And all because they are more impressionable, and the psychology of loneliness is close to them in spirit. But it is impossible to say that men are alien to such a feeling. Many psychologists are sure that they simply suffer in silence, considering their feelings an unacceptable weakness. What can I say! They are not even ready to admit to themselves that they are lonely, let alone to a specialist at an appointment. If we talk about territorial divisions, then in megalopolises the problem of loneliness is felt more strongly. Large distances do not allow people to meet as often as they would like. And a huge crowd of people does not encourage spiritual communication. Everyone is running somewhere, hurrying, elbowing each other in the crowd and not even looking back to apologize. A huge faceless mechanism swallows people. And a person himself does not notice how he stops communicating with his relatives (no time), coming to family celebrations (far away), cooking home-cooked food (why, if it is tastier in a restaurant). Men and women live, as if by inertia. And one fine moment they look around, and there is no one nearby. Here it is - loneliness. Numerous colleagues with whom you spent most of your time live their own lives. Relatives have become unaccustomed to you, and you simply have nothing to talk about. Empty words about the weather and politics can kill time, but not loneliness. In small towns, the situation is better. But there are problems here too. For example, a person who suffers from loneliness cannot seek professional help to overcome it. We are not talking about dating services, but about psychologists. After all, in order to get rid of the problem, it is necessary to determine the cause of its occurrence. How, tell me, can a man complain that his wife does not understand and does not hear him, when the psychologist is his wife's friend? Or a guy in his teens cannot go to a psychologist? In a small town, everyone knows each other, so there is no opportunity to meet someone new. How can you get rid of the feeling of loneliness? Let's figure it out.

Loneliness and human uniqueness

Oddly enough, loneliness is our wholelife. Man came into this world alone. He will leave it alone. But it is very difficult for people to realize this fact. They created the institution of marriage, social society, built multi-story buildings where it is impossible to hide from each other. And all this in order to be close to someone. If primitive people gathered in communities to make hunting easier, then a modern woman can easily carry a carton of milk from the supermarket. But at the same time, she wants to have a family, friends, acquaintances, to feel loved and needed. And a freshly killed mammoth on the threshold of a cave has nothing to do with it. In order to understand the essence of the feeling of loneliness, you need to follow the entire path of development of this psychological phenomenon. Let's go back to cave times. Primitive people did not feel lonely at first. They went hunting, lit fires and were happy with life. And this continued until one of them realized that man is very different from inanimate nature. That human skin is not at all like, for example, the surface of a stone. The primitive thinker was shocked. The only solution that came to his mind was to elevate a body that was not like him to the rank of a deity. Our ancestors should not be reproached for stupidity and cowardice. They acted very carefully - they tried to make friends with what was unfamiliar to them. But the key concept here is not fear or cunning, but the awareness of one's own uniqueness.

Loneliness in childhood

As soon as a person began to understand that he was not likeon the same mammoths, the first feelings of loneliness began to emerge in him. And out of habit, he elevated organisms unlike himself to the rank of deity. Here it is - one of the main mistakes of mankind and the main problem of loneliness. We love to put everyone above ourselves. Such is nature. If our ancestors were guilty of this, then what can we say about us? Tell me, who do people pray to today? Jesus. Man. Let's assume that we have reached the limits of awareness of our uniqueness. First there was inanimate nature, then animals, and then man. People realized their dissimilarity from others and ... began to feel loneliness. Because if he is different, not like everyone else, then no one will be able to understand him. Moreover, it is not worth thinking that loneliness is an innate quality. When a person is born, he does not realize that he is alone. The baby is quite happy (with proper care). Parents adore him, grandmothers idolize him. As soon as you start crying, you have a clean diaper on, and your mother carefully gives you milk. What kind of loneliness can we talk about? But the point is not in excessive care for the child, but in the fact that he does not yet feel like an individual. When a baby learns to speak, he calls himself "we" and speaks about himself exclusively in the third person. He is in society. And as soon as the pronoun "I" slips into conversation, you can be sure that the first brick to the feeling of loneliness has been laid. This quality will be aggravated in those children whose parents decided to realize all their dreams and aspirations in their own child. Mom did not become a ballerina? The daughter is dragged to dance lessons every day, despite the active protests of the child herself. Dad wanted to become a surgeon? Since childhood, his son has been forced into an unloved profession. And if the child begins to resist, moral blackmail is used. Parents begin to remind the child of all the benefits they have given him. Don't want to go dancing? Bad girl. I'll take your new bike and give it to the girl next door. She's obedient. The peak of such blackmail is the statement that the intractable child will be exchanged for another, good one. Tell me, will such a baby feel lonely? Of course he will. He sees that his parents do not understand his desires and aspirations. And most importantly, they do not realize his uniqueness. The worst thing is that childhood problems are embedded deep in the subconscious and shape the future character. A girl who never became a ballerina in her teens becomes withdrawn. She rightly believes that if her own mother did not understand her, then what can we say about strangers. No, the girl does not completely cut off communication with the world. She communicates, makes friends with her peers, but does not open her soul to anyone. And she feels immensely lonely. By the way, in adolescence, the problem of loneliness is especially acute. Absolutely no one understands you: neither parents, nor friends, and especially not teachers. To this are added distorted impressions of her appearance - and that's it! You are a loser who has absolutely no one to talk to. And even after overcoming this difficult period, there will be scars on your soul that will always remind you of your teenage years.

Women's loneliness

In addition, the psychology of a woman's lonelinessis very often associated with the absence of a man. Have you noticed that a divorced girl often calls herself lonely, despite the fact that her child is sleeping in a stroller next to her? And when they start telling her that she is not alone, the woman begins to project her loneliness onto the baby: “nobody needs us.” The girl means that her ex-husband does not need her and the child, but the projection is so broad that it encompasses all of humanity. What is the problem with such a painful female desire to have a family? No, this is not an imaginary need, as men like to say. This behavior is inherent in nature. Look at the kids in kindergarten. While the boys are running around the playroom with machine guns, the girls are playing house. They cook soup in a plastic saucepan, swaddle dolls, put tiny clothes in lockers. They are already dreaming of a white veil and a handsome husband. So what can we say about grown-up girls? Let's say that they managed to put on a wedding dress. And the wedding ring on the hand says that life has not been lived in vain. But where does this oppressive feeling of loneliness come from? It seems that the husband is nearby, and the children are growing up. Such is the female psychology - loneliness often arises in people surrounded by family and friends. And quite justifiably. Very often, families live as if by inertia, not caring about the mood, thoughts and actions of those who are with them under the same roof. A woman lovingly prepares dinner, choosing the best dishes from a cookbook, and in response hears the usual "thank you". There is an instructive joke on this topic: the mother of the family put an armful of hay on the table in front of her husband and sons, and when the men began to be indignant, the wet nurse said: "How else could I know that you see what you eat?" Did this woman feel lonely? Undoubtedly. By the way, very often a woman condemns herself to forced loneliness. This usually happens after an unsuccessful romance, when the relationship ended very painfully for the girl. She was abandoned, humiliated, she is in pain. Instead of adequately overcoming these difficulties, a defense mechanism is activated, which finds a reason and, in general, says that men are evil. And the woman no longer tries to build her personal life, believing that everything will end the same way as last time. As a result, she becomes even more unhappy than before. Since fear prevents her from creating relationships, and her entire subconscious desires to love and be loved, the woman lives contrary to her desires. And, in the end, she has to restore not only the ability to trust men, but also to heal from loneliness. But what if the reason is not in the second half of the person? What if someone clearly lacks communication? Let's look into the problems of social loneliness.

From loneliness to self-improvement

Ask yourself:Why do people around you not want to communicate? Maybe they are not interested in you? Or are you fixated on one topic, which people get tired of talking about for the hundredth time? This sometimes happens with young mothers who are ready to discuss their newborn baby day and night. How he eats, how he sleeps, how he holds his head. And if at first unmarried friends willingly listen to your enthusiastic speeches about the child's achievements, then after a week they begin to avoid communication, citing some problems. Do not think that these very problems do not exist, and that your friend made them up in order to get rid of you. They do exist. And not at all in your interlocutor, but in you. You have ceased to be interesting to people. You have stopped developing. And this is precisely where the problem of your loneliness lies. What to do? Many young mothers will now begin to talk about how they catastrophically lack time for study, otherwise they would be happy to learn something new and interesting. But is this true? What's stopping you from taking a new book for a walk with your baby? While your child is sleeping in a stroller in the open air, you are improving yourself. And it can be not only a women's novel, but also a psychology textbook or a self-study guide to English. You must do everything possible to become a useful and interesting conversationalist. The psychology of loneliness is very multifaceted and combines a number of diverse human problems. That is, loneliness can be experienced by a young mother, and the director of a large enterprise, and an elderly pensioner, and even a minor student. The reasons are different for everyone. The consequence is one. And in order to get rid of loneliness, you need to determine what type of psychological problem has overtaken you.

Types of loneliness

Cosmic loneliness You can encounter itat any age. Here a person feels a break in connections with nature, space. But these are only his feelings. In fact, he loses connection with himself, and this is a much more complex problem than the absence of an interlocutor. Cosmic loneliness is observed in those people who do not live their own lives, sacrifice themselves for others, whose talent does not develop. This can be either an obedient child who fulfills the will of his parents despite his own needs, or a housewife who dreamed of becoming a leading economist, but ultimately devoted herself to her family. To overcome such a problem, self-realization and defending one's own point of view are necessary.

Cultural loneliness This feeling arises,if a person's personal values ​​do not fully correspond to the values ​​of society. This problem is faced by dissidents, emigrants, people who have had to endure profound social changes. Cultural loneliness was very common among the elderly during the collapse of the Soviet Union. The country began to live in a new way, but part of society did not want to accept these changes. This type of loneliness is especially acute for people of mature and old age.

Social loneliness When a person is forced tobreaks off contact with a certain group that he would like to be a part of. This could be work (the woman was sent on a well-deserved rest) or college (the student was expelled for unsatisfactory behavior). In such a case, a person feels not only lonely, but also exiled, unworthy. He withdraws into himself for a long time, reliving his failure in his soul over and over again, mentally replaying the situation, going over options that, in his opinion, could save the situation. Often, the feeling of social loneliness is aggravated by those who are close to the person who has suffered a failure. Colleagues continue to call and cheerfully tell him that the company is thriving. Students invite the expelled comrade to a party, where they actively discuss the past session. Solution: were you fired? Are you suffering? Then break all ties with your previous place of work so that nothing reminds you of the fiasco. You can even change your route so as not to drive past your old job every day.

Interpersonal loneliness is the cause hereis a breakdown of connections with other people. For example, a person has no friends. Or there are people around him whom he cannot trust. Many in this case turn to dating services or start communicating with strangers on the street. However, if you do not determine the true cause of interpersonal loneliness, you will not be able to build new relationships. To overcome it, seek help from a psychologist, dig into your memory. Most likely, you are hindered by an old inferiority complex. Get rid of it, and new friends will appear on their own.

When is solitude good?

Are there people who consciously acceptloneliness as a behavior pattern? Of course, yes. These are introverts. People who are turned inward, who do not need communication to feel happy and self-sufficient. Naturally, introverts do not adhere to complete solitude. They have a family, friends. But in general, they lead a rather withdrawn lifestyle. Moreover, they can only recover one-on-one with themselves. When does loneliness become destructive for them? When the connection with a loved one is broken, and at any age. For example, a woman has a fight with her best friend. Or a husband filed for divorce. The suffering is intensified by the fact that introverts are very reluctant to let strangers into their lives, and they value those they consider close very highly. Because of this, the losses become more significant than for a sociable extrovert. To overcome the resulting stress, an introvert needs time and, of course, healthy solitude.

Changing attitudes towards loneliness

As strange as it may sound, psychologistsloneliness is not considered the main problem - the essence lies in people's attitude to this feeling. Example: a woman raised children, married them off and now feels uncomfortable in an empty apartment. She misses communication, the voices of her children. She is lonely. To smooth over the feeling that has arisen, the woman begins to visit the children's new families often, calling them in the evenings. Naturally, such close attention may not please the young people. A conflict arises. And what, according to psychologists, should a woman have done to overcome her loneliness? Find a new hobby. Sign up for a club of similar interests, make friends with people like her. Look at how elderly people behave in the West. They communicate a lot, travel, throw parties where there is no place for loud music and strong alcoholic drinks. Guests listen to old records and talk about knitting or fishing. They are happy and do not burden their children with their problems. So try to love your loneliness, find the positive aspects of being alone at the moment, and life will get better. We recommend reading:

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