Ah, love, love ... How much is said about it,it is written, пропето! How many scientific treatises have been created and researches of this mysterious feeling have been carried out! But no one has been able to explain clearly until now what is love. It is clear only that this is a special state of the nervous system, which some learned men consider a disease. Maybe they are right. However, the disease destroys and promotes the decline of strength, and true love creates and increases strength a hundredfold. "Come on!" - someone will say, "There are many examples when love destroyed a person and pushed him to commit crimes." There is. Only this was not true love, but something with which it is very often confused - love addiction. Here it is something can be attributed to the category of diseases. And the disease is quite heavy, which you need to get rid of. Let's take a closer look at what it is and how to get rid of love addiction.
The difference between love and love dependence
We are almost from the cradle instilled that the genuinelove is necessarily associated with selflessness, sacrifice and suffering. And these sufferings, they say, ennoble. In fact, this approach to love relationships strongly resembles masochism. A person who truly loves should not be tormented. His feeling is light, calm and does not create a special psychological discomfort, even if love is unrequited. True, it should give joy, and not bring one torment, from which you want to be free. No, at an early stage of falling in love, of course, everyone has emotional differences. This period is characterized by a frequent change of mood from the exalted, raised to dreary, depressed. However, it is typical of this usually young people with a still unstable psyche. And when a mature person manifests his feelings in this way, it looks at least strange. However, this is normal, if the mood jumps do not drag on for a long time. And if they are delayed, then it is not love anymore, but a real love affair. It is dangerous, because it is accompanied by violent bursts of passion and is capable of extremely exhausting the psyche. That is why everyone who got into this situation needs to get rid of love addiction as soon as possible. In general, love affection and love have almost nothing in common. When people are addicted, they simply focus on the object of their attention. They become jealous, unrestrained, aggressive. Satisfaction from any kind of relationship, the woman subordinated to them almost never experiences. She is suspicious, quick-tempered, and strives to control everything to whom she is strongly attached. People with love dependence can be attributed to mentally unhealthy creatures. In their feelings and actions, one can clearly see the obsession with one idea - to achieve the object of their suffering at all costs. This goal has been achieved, no, it does not play a role. Even if the marriage is made with the "subject of suffering", the situation does not change. A man with love addiction continues to torment himself and his mate, pursue her and roll up tantrums, demanding proof of love and devotion. Such a painful affection of one partner to another occurs quite often. Why, instead of enjoying and rejoicing in the feeling, do people suffer, condemning themselves to suffering and those around them?
The reasons for the emergence of love dependence
To the emergence of love dependencenot all are predisposed. Admitted to it are mostly excessively vulnerable, insecure people who have not received enough warmth in their childhood. Sensation of the deficit of this heat is stored for a very long time in the depth of the subconscious. And the person, already being an adult, with all his strength seeks to quench his thirst for love. Naturally, he can love without obsession, if he does not have a concrete model of impeccable relations and does not cherish in his heart the imaginary image of an ideal partner in life. If they are present, the likelihood of the appearance of a love affair increases significantly. It appears, as a rule, when a person meets someone who is like his ideal. "Afflicted" love affair, mainly, representatives of the weaker sex. They are more than men, predisposed to identify themselves with a partner. Women tend to dissolve in it with their whole being and live only their lover, not wanting to get rid of fictitious stereotypes. Moreover, such dependence on a person, once manifested, can then be projected onto other partners more than once. As for men, they too can get into a similar trap. However, breaking out of it, behave differently. Having experienced a deep nervous shock, the representatives of the stronger sex try not to become attached to anyone more strongly. They either become isolated in themselves, or begin to lead a wild life, constantly changing girlfriends. There are also those who take revenge on the opposite sex, trying to cause in its representatives a pathological passion. Well, a strong sex - he is strong enough to find ways not to step on the same rake. Let's leave the men's men and talk better about how women suffer and express their love affair.
The behavior of a woman in love dependence
As we have already noted, women are especiallylove dependence and often completely lose their heads and behave extremely unreasonably. They are sure that the depth of their feelings is undeniable, and a man simply owes it to him. In the opinion of such a woman, unable to reason with reason, she alone can make him happy. And only she alone in the whole world knows what is needed for this. Alas, men not only do not appreciate such pathological affection. On the contrary, they prefer to stay away from the passionate person, even if she is extraordinarily attractive. Strange in this there is nothing. The ocean of passion - it's somewhere not bad, but there's little who wants to drown in it. Devotion is also good, but, excessive, it becomes burdensome. With her love affair the woman limits the freedom of the man, unceremoniously invading his personal territory. She sincerely believes that she has every right to do this, because she "gave him all herself" and "sacrifices everything to him". And does not understand that the life of the object of her affection from these gifts and sacrifices can turn into hell. To reciprocate the one that is ready to become grass underfoot is rather difficult. Her constant demands of attention are annoying, but total control is simply enraging. In fact, women behaving in this way, do not like. Loving people do not think about themselves, but about the good of their loved ones. In our case, such women pay more attention to their own good. They speculate with their supposedly love, reproaching a man for ingratitude. Someone is humiliated, crawls on his knees, even promises to lay hands on himself, if the feelings are not accepted and paid with the same coin. All this is nothing more than a demonstrative hysteria based on egocentrism. I must say that women with love addiction really suffer. But at the same time they refuse to understand that the cause of suffering is not that they do not receive the right amount of attention from their beloved. Even if this attention is abundant, the women will not stop torturing. Because, despite the natural reluctance to plague itself, subconsciously, it is set on these tortures, not wanting to get out of the state of anguish and depression. And will strive for them until he realizes that with his maniacal attachment to someone it is necessary to fight. How can we avoid suffering of this kind, and what does the treatment of love depend on?
How to become a lovingly independent person
In principle, to get rid of loveDependencies have not yet come up with clear, concrete methods. But there are general recommendations that allow you to significantly reduce the attraction to the object of adoration and get out of the agonizing state of distrust towards the partner. They are as follows:
In order to understand how to get rid of lovedependency, you must listen to yourself. Each of us, even if unconsciously, but strives to be an integral and self-sufficient person. Why then voluntarily drive yourself into the trap of your own feelings? This is not only impractical, but also dangerous. Because in such a trap for a short time and die, as a person. The result will be an everlasting need for attachment to someone. Even if he is not an angel. And one moment. Women who are "crazy with love" usually need sympathy. They are able to look for it even in unfamiliar people, devoting them to the smallest details of their "tragic relations." This is a reflex impulse, which must be taken under control. Yes, the pain tears the soul and bursts out. Also it would be desirable to be uttered. In general, pronouncing the problem helps to cope with it. But only when it is carried out within the limits of some boundaries. And if a person talks about his experiences all the time without stopping, he plunges into them with his head. And the situation becomes desperate, and love dependence is chronic. In short, in order to destroy the love dependence, it is necessary to realize it and try to curb its emotions. We can love very much, and there is no pathology in it. It appears when we begin everywhere openly and intrusively to show our boundless, sacrificial love. Therefore, you need to learn to cope with your feelings. Well, if it does not, ask for help from professionals. Otherwise, there is no happiness. We advise you to read: