Ah, love, love... How much has been said about it,written, sung! How many scientific treatises have been created and studies conducted on this mysterious feeling! But no one has yet been able to clearly explain what love is. It is only clear that this is a special state of the nervous system, which some learned men consider a disease. Maybe they are right. However, illness destroys and contributes to the decline of strength, and true love creates and increases strength a hundredfold. "Oh, come on!" - someone will say, - "There are many examples when love destroyed a person and pushed him to commit crimes." Yes. Only this was not true love, but what it is often confused with - love addiction. This can be classified as a disease. Moreover, quite serious diseases that need to be gotten rid of. Let's take a closer look at what it is and how to get rid of love addiction.
The difference between love and love dependence
We have been taught almost from the cradle that the real thinglove is necessarily connected with selflessness, sacrifice and suffering. And these sufferings, they say, ennoble. In reality, such an approach to love relationships strongly resembles masochism. A person who truly loves should not suffer. His feeling is bright, calm and does not create any particular psychological discomfort, even if love is unrequited. True, it should give joy, and not bring only torment, from which you want to free yourself. No, at the early stage of falling in love, of course, everyone has emotional swings. This period is characterized by frequent mood swings from exalted, elevated to melancholy, depressed. However, this is usually typical of young people with an unstable psyche. And when a mature person shows his feelings in this way, it looks at least strange. However, this is normal, if the mood swings do not drag on for a long time. And if they drag on, then this is no longer love, but a real love addiction. It is dangerous because it is accompanied by violent outbursts of passion and can extremely exhaust the psyche. That is why everyone who has found themselves in a similar situation needs to get rid of love addiction as quickly as possible. In general, love addiction and love have practically nothing in common. When addicted, people simply get fixated on the object of their attention. They become jealous, unrestrained, aggressive. A woman subordinate to them almost never experiences satisfaction from any kind of relationship. She is suspicious, quick-tempered and strives to control the one to whom she is strongly attached in everything. People with love addiction can be considered mentally unhealthy creatures. Their feelings and actions clearly show an obsession with one idea - to achieve the object of their suffering at any cost. Whether this goal has been achieved or not does not matter. Even if a marriage union is concluded with the "object of suffering", the situation does not change. A person with love addiction continues to torment both himself and his partner, persecute them and throw tantrums, demanding proof of love and devotion. Such a painful attachment of one partner to another is quite common. Why, instead of enjoying the feeling and rejoicing in it, do people suffer, condemning themselves and those around them to suffering?
The reasons for the emergence of love dependence
To the emergence of love addictionNot everyone is predisposed to it. People who are overly sensitive, insecure, and who did not receive enough emotional warmth in childhood are prone to it. The feeling of a lack of this warmth is stored in the depths of the subconscious for a very long time. And a person, already an adult, strives with all his might to quench his thirst for love. Naturally, he can love without obsession if he does not have a specific model of impeccable relationships and does not cherish in his soul an invented image of an ideal life partner. In their presence, the likelihood of love addiction increases significantly. It appears, as a rule, when a person meets someone who is similar to his ideal. It is mainly the fairer sex that “suffers” from love addiction. They are more predisposed to identifying themselves with a partner than men. Women tend to dissolve in him with their whole being and live only for their beloved, not wanting to get rid of invented stereotypes. Moreover, such dependence on a person, having once manifested itself, can then be projected onto other partners more than once. As for men, they can also fall into a similar trap. However, having escaped from it, they behave differently. Having experienced a deep nervous shock, representatives of the stronger sex try not to become too attached to anyone. They either withdraw into themselves or begin to lead a wild life, constantly changing girlfriends. There are also those who take revenge on the opposite sex, trying to arouse pathological passion in its representatives. Well, the stronger sex is strong for a reason, to find ways not to step on the same rake. Let's leave the male to men and talk better about how women endure and express their love addiction.
The behavior of a woman in love dependence
As we have already noted, women are especially prone tolove addiction and often completely lose their heads and behave extremely unreasonably. They are sure that the depth of their feelings is undeniable, and a man is simply obliged to respond to it. In the opinion of such a lady, incapable of rational reasoning, only she is able to make him happy. And only she in the whole world knows what is needed for this. Alas, men not only do not appreciate such pathological attachment. On the contrary, they prefer to stay away from a person overcome by passion, even if she is unusually attractive. There is nothing strange in this. An ocean of passion is somewhere not bad, but few people want to drown in it. Devotion is also good, but, excessive, it becomes burdensome. With her love addiction, a woman limits a man's freedom, unceremoniously invading his personal territory. She sincerely believes that she has every right to do this, because she “gave him all of herself” and “sacrifices everything for him.” And she doesn’t understand that the life of the object of her affection can turn into hell because of these gifts and sacrifices. It’s quite difficult to reciprocate the feelings of someone who is ready to become grass underfoot. Her constant demands for attention are irritating, and her total control is simply infuriating. In reality, women who behave this way do not love at all. Loving people do not think about themselves, but about the well-being of their loved ones. In our case, such women attach more importance to their own well-being. They speculate on their supposed love, reproaching a man for ingratitude. Someone humiliates himself, crawls on his knees, even promises to commit suicide if his feelings are not accepted and repaid in the same coin. All this is nothing more than demonstrative hysteria based on egocentrism. It must be said that women with love addiction really do suffer. But at the same time, they refuse to understand that the reason for their suffering is not that they do not receive the necessary amount of attention from their beloved. Even if this attention is in abundance, the woman’s torment will not stop. Because, despite the natural reluctance to torment herself, subconsciously she is set for this torment, not wanting to get out of the state of melancholy and depression. And she will strive for them until she understands that she must fight her manic attachment to someone. How can one avoid suffering of this kind, and what kind of treatment does love addiction provide?
How to become a lovingly independent person
Basically, to get rid of loveaddictions have not yet come up with clear, specific methods. But there are general recommendations that allow you to significantly reduce your attraction to the object of your adoration and get out of the painful state of mistrust of your partner. They are as follows:
In order to understand how to get rid oflove addiction, you need to listen to yourself. Each of us, albeit unconsciously, strives to be a whole and self-sufficient person. Why voluntarily drive yourself into the trap of your own feelings? This is not only inappropriate, but also dangerous. Because in such a trap it won’t take long to perish as a person. The result of this will be an enduring need for affection for someone. Even if he is far from an angel. And one more thing. Women who are “crazy with love” usually need sympathy. They are able to seek it even in people they barely know, dedicating them to the smallest details of their “tragic relationships”. This is a reflex impulse that must be taken under control. Yes, pain torments the soul and is bursting to get out. And you want to talk it out. In general, talking about a problem helps to cope with it. But only when it is carried out within certain boundaries. And if a person constantly talks about his experiences to everyone in a row, he plunges into them headlong. And the situation becomes hopeless, and love addiction becomes chronic. In a word, in order to destroy love addiction, you need to recognize it and try to curb your emotions. We can love very much, and there is no pathology in this. It appears when we begin to openly and obsessively demonstrate our boundless, sacrificial love everywhere. Therefore, you need to learn to cope with your feelings. Well, if it does not work out, seek help from professionals. Otherwise, happiness will not be in sight. We advise you to read:
