"Masha, I'm dating a married man!""Irina, a financial analyst in a young but dynamically developing company, shouted into the phone. And this is by no means a unique case. Many women believe that it is better to have an affair with a married man than with an unmarried idiot, mumbler or mama's son. The qualitative deficit in the ranks of the strong half of humanity pushes half the weak to this forced step. Let's try to understand the pros and cons of meeting with a married man, and also try to make a forecast for this relationship.
Types of married men
Surprisingly, there is a huge varietytypes of married men. Each of them is not like the other, but they all have something in common - connected by marriage. To understand what will result in a relationship with a married man and what prospects you have, you need to know who you are dealing with at all. And help in this old good classification. So, to which of the types does your "wife" look like? "Sufferer" Look, there comes the most unfortunate man on Earth! He constantly whines and complains to you about his problems: difficulties at work, disgusted family life and quarrelsome wife. At the same time, when it comes to a cardinal solution to a problem - for example, changing work or divorce - he immediately "crawls back into the shell": "What are you talking about! I can not do this, because I have to put the children on their feet. " You naturally act as a quiet harbor - the only place where our "sufferer" can find comfort and peace. Nice job, is not it? The most important thing is that he does not want to change anything: in fact, he does not suffer at all, but is quite happy with his life. His wife and know does not know about his mental anguish, and the boss considers a good worker. Life goes on rolled, he is dressed, shod and fed, his sopli wipes a beautiful girl - what else is needed for happiness? "Coward" Roman on the side for him - a relatively safe source of new sexual sensations. And while he is terribly cowardly - hides information about your relationship by all the truths and crooks. If you call him at an uncomfortable moment, the "coward" will hang up or say something unintelligible. Can force to go to another city on a date on the train - so long as no one can see you together in one car. In such actions his whole essence: he constantly lies and twists himself before his wife, not thinking about either you or your feelings. His spiritual comfort is above all, and he will never divorce his wife, and not because of deep love or affection, but because of fear of change and loss of stability. "Fluttering" Easily makes new connections and forgets the old ones. He is pleasant in communication, open and calm - relations with him are also not burdensome, as he is. The novel with him is full of romance and passion, but not long, because for "fluttering" adultery is a source of new and powerful sensations. As soon as everything settles down, he becomes bored, and he starts looking for a new lady of the heart. This trait, by the way, is peculiar to him and in his family life: for sure his wife is by no means the first and not even the second. In such a bright type it's very easy to fall in love, but be careful! Relations with him should be used "strictly for the purpose": as a holiday novel, for example, but not as an example of a serious hobby - only so you can get from them a barrel of pleasure and not a drop of tar. "Owner" For this person mistress - as if the second (or third) wife. He is very attentive and caring, but at the same time jealous and demanding. God forbid you do not pick up the phone when he calls, or appear in a cafe with a cute buddy! He will give you all the baldness, despite the presence of his own wife at his side. Of course, it should be noted that this man will support you and protect you: fix the wiring, screw in the bulb and eliminate the breakage in the pipes. But at the same time he will not spend weekends and holidays with you - just to make you account for every step you take. Is this really what you need? "Listener" Each of us wants to be listened to, and this type takes exactly this. He is always silent, he practically does not say anything about himself, but with great interest he listens to you: how the day went, how things are, what you want - it is important for him to know the answers to all these questions. Agree, this captivates! When was the last time someone showed such genuine interest and attention to us? But in this scheme there is also a weak point: the listener is one of those rare types of married men who are able to leave for you definitively. A complete self-discovery will make you uninteresting for him. For a "listener" a mystery is important in a woman, and it is up to her that you can tie him to yourself. Constant understatement and mystery - these are the qualities that can contribute to "live happily ever after" - it was about you. It is these married men that can usually be seen in nature. Perhaps you will meet someone who will combine the features of some of several types or be the representative of the sixth. In any case, it is worth trying to think with your head and soberly assess who is in front of you. And then it can happen that you will remain with a broken heart.
Pros and cons of the novel with a married man
Love is the sphere in which it does not workthink rationally - unfortunately or to happiness. Each of us has heard that an affair with a married man is bad and unpromising, and as a result, everything becomes painful and unpleasant. However, when you fall into this situation, all these thoughts, as a rule, go to the background. Acquaintance, of course, happens gradually - no one dumps on the first date information about the marital status. And the moment you start to feel strong sympathy for a man, it turns out that he is married. To yourself, you hope that everything will just be different for you, not like everyone else, because what happens between you is real feelings, unbridled passion or sincere affection. And sometimes your head is visited by typical cliches of a single woman: good men have already been dismantled, that's why you have to meet with married people. Such relationships, like everything else in our life, have their pros and cons. Pros When talking about a relationship with a married man, his shortcomings are often recalled, and somehow everyone forgets about the virtues. Naturally, no one would have started it all, if they had not been. The most important plus is love, which for many covers all negative, because you are happy, just being in love. And what other advantages can there be?
- Lack of household problems. You do not need to cook, wash and clean for it, but it does not clog nails and does not clear the drain of your shell. You do not go through fire, water and brass pipes of marriage - all that life that can nullify all love and romance.
- Brightness and joy of all your meetings. Every your date is a memorable event: every time you try to appear before him in a new attractive image, and he - to surprise you with a small gift. Agree, for lawful halves no one usually tries.
- Delightful sex. Relations with a married man have the necessary pepper - the novelty and prohibition of your meetings, which make your intimate life diverse and unforgettable. Sex with spouses is usually boring, but in your relationship you can embody the most rampant erotic fantasies.
- Only the best! For each other, you try to be delightful: the most beautiful, intelligent, interesting and caring. Since the number of meetings is limited, each of you has enough resources for this (as opposed to relations with legal spouses). On visits, you come in full parade, trying to impress each other, because in each of you there is still some mystery and zest.
- Health. With a married man, the probability of catching some venereal disease is much lower - they are very carefully monitoring this (otherwise the wife will tear her head off). In addition, their overall health is better than that of unmarried individuals: they often go in for sports, give up bad habits and adhere to a healthy diet.
Cons It's impossible to not mention them. After all, it is because of these features that an affair with a married man is so condemned and criticized by many "experienced" women. You, of course, can ignore the entire list, but with it, at a minimum, it is worth reading to understand what you are going to face.
- Futility of relations. This, perhaps, is the most important minus of the novel with the "zhenatik". Divorce and a wedding with a mistress is more an exception than a rule. Usually this happens in the first year of relations, when they are still a regular holiday, rather than a boring "bytovuha." And in general, now he has a wife and children - why go to his mistress? To start all this over again? Very unlikely.
- Loneliness. You are doomed to it from the very beginning of your romance: one on such significant holidays as the New Year or Valentine's Day, and on weekends. At first, he, perhaps, will break out to you a couple of times because of falling in love, having done something to his wife, but gradually such outings will be less and less, and soon they will be reduced to zero.
- "Second role." Every time your meeting breaks due to unforeseen circumstances, you will hear: "Do not swear, it's family." It does not matter how hard it is for you, and how much effort and time you spend on your relationship - the wife and children will always be in the first place for him. For them, he works and devotes most of his time to them, and you are just an ally in the affair. God forbid you invite him to leave the family for you! He either starts to complain and refers to a lot of obstacles, or he immediately says that he will never do it.
- Jealousy. Consequence of the previous paragraphs. She will begin to overcome you since you realize that your wife wakes up with him every morning, and you do not. She gets stability and constant care, and you - hours waiting for a call and lonely evenings. It is my wife who is congratulated on her husband's promotion at work, because she is an important part of his life. It's no wonder that soon it will start to drive you crazy.
- The need to hide your relationship. You will never walk around the city center, go to a restaurant or theater. The maximum you can count on is a date in a cafe on the outskirts and sex in your home or in a rented apartment. In constant tension keeps the need to not catch the eye of none of their mutual friends, and any call from his wife can be the reason for the cancellation of the meeting. It's no wonder, if one year after the beginning of this relationship you have a nervous stammer and tics!
How to meet a married man?
Such relations, as you have already understood, differfrom ordinary. On the one hand, you do not fall asleep with him in the same bed, and, on the other, you do not wash socks. Therefore, the very first advice regarding a novel with a married man - use it to the fullest! There is nothing cynical about this: each of us is an organism that meets its needs at the expense of objects from the environment. Therefore, do not be shy about uninhibited sexual experiments that promote ascent to the peak of pleasure, or his help in the affairs of workers - all this and much more will be provided to you by your married friend. Of course, as compensation for the lack of future in your relationship. And do not forget about the most pleasant - about good gifts! Any woman will be happy with diamond earrings or expensive watches. Remember about what this relationship is for: in most cases it is passion, love and some intrigue. Therefore, be creative in the organization of meetings and plans. Yes, you can not go with your friend for two weeks on the sea for a full vacation, but a couple of days in Paris is a worthy alternative. He will be able to find them for you in his schedule? Do what you would not have done in ordinary relationships, do and go mad - when will you have such a chance? Try to think as little as possible about his wife, because it is in many ways poisons the lives of such mistresses as you. For something you fell in love with each other, and no one (well, maybe, except for him) is not to blame for this. Enjoy life and fellowship, enjoy the present moment and do not get hung up on troubles. At the same time, do not dive into the pool and dream about what will never happen. Yes, there are times when people really find their love, and the married man leaves the family for the sake of his mistress. Also it is necessary to soberly estimate, about you this beautiful history or not. The best way is to find out - a frank conversation: if the endless "not the best moment" begins, then do not wait for miracles. In a case where you want more and are not able to just enjoy the relationship with him - leave, because the situation will never change in your favor. Do not waste time on this.
Where will this lead?
Every woman who is going to meet withmarried man, worried about the question, where it all leads. Whatever we say, the idea of a family, children and a common heart stirs our minds, and the guy with his wife is far from the best option for its implementation. So, what are the prospects for relationships with the "zhenatik"? By and large, all possible decompositions of your novel are reduced to two things: the departure of a married man from the family or your parting with him. Naturally, love is at the heart of any romantic relationship. Even if one of the parties is burdened with marriage, all this is forgotten, when the passion rolls, and thinking is completely turned off. And, of course, each of us wants the relationship to come to its logical conclusion - the wedding and the creation of a family. That's just it becomes problematic in case the man is already married. The very idea of having an adult take someone somewhere (as if he is an irrational donkey!) Sounds somehow wrong and stupid. In addition, the idea of the karmic justice of the world is not without reason: any negative will necessarily return to its performer. However, if all this does not frighten you and you want to take the married lover from the family, the most important thing is to soberly assess the situation, as we wrote above. There are types of men with whom this trick either does not work, or takes so much time and effort, that it's easier to get the attention of Prince William. Every married man looks for in a mistress what he lacks in his family life: love, care, attention, energy, drive, variety or comfort. If you want to find the key to the heart of your lover, you should realize what kind of need he satisfies in your relationship - and do everything to keep it going. In addition, you should not nag and scold him: you can become that "quiet harbor" (or "storm of passions" - depends on the situation), with which the man will be fun and interesting always. It is useless to give birth to a child or to keep a man with ultimatums: it's wrong and you will be more expensive - concentrate on building the right relations with him and, perhaps, something will come out of them. However, statistics are inexorable: eighty percent of novels with married men end in nothing. Passion gradually comes to naught, sex becomes monotonous, and something else in your relationship that could unite you, no. As a rule, a woman sooner or later becomes bored with being an anonymous shadow and a sex toy in one bottle, and she decides to leave. How to implement it in life? It is necessary to realize that this man creates just an illusion of presence in your life. Yes, he can ask for a tick, how are you doing, but his answer is often not interested. Fix the cranes and repairman, in a cafe fun and fun to go with friends, and holidays - to spend the sea, and not at home alone and waiting for a call. Understand what your needs seem to satisfy the lover and find alternative ways to implement them. Well, if it's a question of fear of being alone, then perhaps it's worth thinking about self-esteem and self-esteem. But there is also a third option, which many do not see - a long relationship. Yes, in very rare cases, this is possible! In this case, both sides are extremely honest and open to each other and do not build any unrealistic expectations: a woman reconciles with her periodic loneliness, and the man tries to give her maximum attention when there is such an opportunity. They do not suffer from mutual jealousy, have common interests and love shared leisure. Such relationships can last for years, but this is more an exception to the rules. The most important thing in a romance with a married man is honesty, above all, before yourself. When the primary passion and love subside, try to soberly assess your prospects, maybe even go to a psychologist. In the end, if you correctly adjust yourself, you can get from this relationship everything that will be possible, but only with adequate expectations. Do not be stupid and do not let a man deceive yourself! We advise you to read: