“I don’t know how to speak beautifully… I’m thin, I’m fat,"Too red, too fair, clumsy, I have crooked teeth..." People with very low self-esteem live in constant stress. Unfortunately, such an overly critical attitude towards themselves is a very common phenomenon for women. It is rare to find women who are completely satisfied with themselves and their appearance. How difficult is it to live with low self-esteem? What impact does low self-esteem have on love, relationships, even success at work? How can you learn to love yourself? To understand these issues, it is worth learning the story of 25-year-old Ekaterina N.

How to live when you are the worst?

Until the age of 23, Ekaterina led a rather withdrawn life.lifestyle. She didn’t even have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. “I cried a lot because instead of friends or a loved one, I only had my huge butt. It seemed to me that everyone around me was just making fun of me,” says Ekaterina. When one of the guys looked at her with interest, invited her to the cinema or to sit in a cafe, Katya always refused. “I couldn’t believe for a second that I could arouse genuine interest in someone. I was sure that the guy wanted to make fun of me; or he bet his friends that I would go with him.” At 23, Ekaterina decided to change her life. She turned to a psychotherapist, and he helped Katya become a completely different woman. “He really helped me. It was as if he completely reprogrammed my brain, and I realized that even with my appearance, I have the right to love. A happy life is no longer a fantasy for me,” concluded Ekaterina, who is getting married this year. But Ekaterina, of course, is not the only woman who has encountered such a problem. Low self-esteem, exaggerated flaws in appearance, fear and stiffness, a cross on personal life - these are mainly women's problems.

In a world full of problems

Perhaps some women do not experiencesuch a strong lack of self-confidence as Ekaterina, but their low self-esteem also leads to many problems in life. First of all, it becomes problematic to find a suitable partner. A woman is not able to correctly assess whether this or that person is right for her, since she cannot even understand the requirements for herself. In such a situation, there is a risk that a woman will find a partner with whom an unhealthy relationship will develop. Considering herself to be somehow inferior, she will treat her partner too enthusiastically, as if he were perfection that has stooped to her. No man will respect such a partner, and the poor woman will have to experience constant humiliation from the deity she adores. And live in constant stress, because she will be afraid that her partner may be carried away by a more attractive woman. This is usually what happens, but it is not the shortcomings of appearance that become the cause, but the woman’s disrespect for herself, her constant lack of self-confidence. But low self-esteem can be harmful not only in relationships with a partner. It also harms friendships and work. People with a bad opinion of themselves never achieve success anywhere. Very often, they become the target of constant ridicule and stupid jokes from others. Those who do not respect themselves are not respected by others either...

Where does uncertainty come from?

Problems with self-doubt can besolve, you just have to want to. But before you understand how to get rid of low self-esteem, you must first try to understand where it “comes from”. How does it even happen that a woman loses confidence in herself? Most often, for women with low self-esteem, the source of the problem is her habit of comparing herself to someone or something. Unreasonably high expectations and demands on herself in adolescence and youth subsequently make her think that these comparisons will never be in her favor. A woman creates many ideas for herself about how her breasts should look, what her hair should be like, how sparklingly she should joke, how she should always be in the center of attention ... But in reality it turns out that not all of her dreams and expectations coincide with reality, and problems begin ... Therefore, it is necessary to remember - our low self-esteem most often has nothing to do with the real state of affairs! Therefore, you should not invent non-existent problems for yourself; otherwise, it will turn out like in the famous joke about women's fun - "she came up with it herself, she got offended herself!"

When parents are wrong ...

It also happens that in an adult's low self-esteema person is to blame for the mistakes of their parents. Parents often say to their children: “Look how neat Vanya is always! His jacket is clean, his trousers are ironed, and he doesn’t bite his nails. And you…”, or “Look how beautifully Natasha braids her hair, each time in a new way! And you…” This is wrong, because it is a kind of emotional blackmail. And it does not matter that all this was said with the best intentions - because in the end, the little person developed a feeling of inferiority, that he is worse than someone else. And when the person becomes an adult, it will seem to him that he is worse than everyone else. And other parents do not compare their children with anyone, but they really want their children to become an example for others, to become better than others. Such parents dream of their child being the best student in the class, or drawing like Leonardo da Vinci, or achieving champion heights in sports... And they start taking their daughter or son to music or art schools, or to gymnastics or judo training. And they don’t want to listen to the objections of their children, who have no interest in the activity chosen by their parents, or the assurances of teachers that their charges have no talent. Parents want their children to satisfy their ambitions; when the child fails to do so, they cannot hide their disappointment. And the child develops low self-esteem – after all, he or she understands perfectly well that he or she has not lived up to the expectations of his or her parents.

How to change your life?

In order to change your life, you need tochange yourself. The most important step will be to try to realize - I have problems! And I need to do something about these problems urgently! You need to start by analyzing all your demands on yourself. Try writing down your thoughts on paper - it will be easier to see the essence of the problem. Ask yourself - what do I want to be? And why do I want to be exactly like this? What will I do if I become the way I want? What will change in my life? When you start writing down your answers to these questions, you will surely immediately see how many unnecessary and absurd demands you make on yourself! For example, if you understand that it is unrealistic to lose twenty kilograms in one month - perhaps you will stop tormenting yourself with remorse and calmly make a weight loss plan for six months? If the problems are really serious, and you feel that you cannot solve them on your own - maybe you should follow the example of Ekaterina N., whom we told you about, and seek help from a specialist? If you still feel strong enough to awaken trust in yourself, try to create a kind of instruction for yourself. You will be able to check every step of yours on the way to a new you against it.

The instruction that guides us to a new life

Forgive yourself all your mistakes. They are also needed, because by making mistakes, we acquire life experience. After making a mistake, take a lesson from it for yourself; and then forget about it as soon as possible.

Be honest with yourself. Remember your interests. If you want to increase your confidence, you must understand that trust can not be bought or leased; self-confidence must be created. Low self-esteem can not be defeated in a single day, and that's normal!

In a healthy body healthy mind! This is not just a set of words and a beautiful phrase. If you feel physically strong and dexterous, then psychological confidence will also grow steadily. You need to eat normally and try to get enough physical activity. Physical stress has always been the best way to improve mood and confidence.

Allow yourself to be happy. You have to do everything in order to feel good. Take care of the comfort of the physical, and this will help to bring comfort to the soul. Pamper yourself with pleasant idleness, sleep more, properly organize the working mode. Avoid stressful situations that adversely affect your self-confidence. Go to the hairdresser or the beauty salon. Do not hesitate to pay the master a little more than it should - he will thank you for the excellent work. And you do not recognize yourself when you look in the mirror. And you will be happy! There are no women who would not be in a good mood after they went to beauty-creating hands.

Allow yourself what you have been dreaming of for a long time. Spend money on a favorite thing you've never been allowed to buy before, or go on an excursion you've been dreaming of ... When you let yourself get what you could only dream of, your self-confidence will grow.

Avoid people who are always unhappy with something. Negative spreads like a virus, and can undermine your self-confidence.

Release all negative emotions that areinside you. Revenge, anger or jealousy - those emotions that will entice you into a swift fall down. If you run away from them, it will help to strengthen your confidence in yourself.

Learn to say no. Do not waste your time solving other people's problems, do not let people use you

Remember that you are not the only person in the world,which has problems. Even movie stars or famous athletes are burdened with problems, they just know how to hide it well. Treat problems without panic, and you will learn to overcome them confidently. And you will become even more confident in yourself, completely forgetting that such a low self-esteem.

Be a little selfish! Don't live the life of other people, even those who are very close and beloved. You must live your life; so fill it with dreams and joy and learn to love yourself!

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