"I can not speak beautifully ... I'm thin, fat,too red, too blond, clumsy, I have crooked teeth ... "People who have too low self-esteem live in constant stress. Unfortunately, it is for women that such a critical attitude towards themselves is very widespread. It is not enough to find women who would be completely satisfied with themselves and their appearance. How difficult is it to live with low self-esteem? What is the effect of a low self-esteem on love, relationships, even on success in work? How to learn to love yourself? To understand these questions, it is worthwhile to learn the story of 25-year-old Catherine N.
How to live when you are the worst?
Before the age of 23, Catherine had a rather reserved imagelife. She did not even have friends, let alone a young man. "I very often cried because instead of friends or a loved one, I had only my huge backside. It seemed to me that everyone around was just doing that they were mocking me, "Catherine said. When one of the guys looked at her interested, invited her to the cinema or sit in a cafe, Katya always refused. "For a second I could not believe that I could cause anyone sincere interest. I was sure that the guy wanted to make fun of me; or he argued with friends that I would go with him. " At 23, Catherine decided to change her life. She turned to the therapist, and he helped Katya become a completely different woman. "He really helped me. As if my brain was completely reprogrammed, and I realized that with my appearance I have the right to love. A happy life has ceased to be a fantasy for me, "- concluded Catherine, who this year is getting married. But Catherine, of course, is not the only woman who faced such a problem. Underestimated self-esteem, exaggerated shortcomings of appearance, fear and squeeze, a cross on personal life - basically, it's women's problems.
In a world full of problems
Perhaps some women do not experience thisstrong self-doubt, like Catherine, but also their understated self-esteem leads to many life problems. First of all, it becomes problematic to find a suitable partner. A woman is not able to correctly assess whether a certain person is suitable for her, since she can not even understand the requirements to herself. In such a situation, there is a risk that a woman will find a partner with whom an unhealthy relationship will develop. Considering herself as something defective, she will treat her partner too enthusiastically, as to perfection, which descended to her. Respect such a partner is not a single man, and the poor woman will have to experience constant humiliation from her adored deity. And live in constant stress, because she will be afraid that a partner can get carried away by a more attractive woman. So it usually happens, but not the faults of appearance become to blame, but the woman's disrespect for herself, her constant self-doubt. But not only in relations with a partner, low self-esteem can harm. It harms both friendship and work. People with bad opinions about themselves never achieve success anywhere. Very often they become a target for constant ridicule and silly jokes from others. Who does not respect himself, others do not respect him either ...
Where does uncertainty come from?
Problems with insecurity in yourself can beto solve, it is necessary only to want. But before you understand how to remove a low self-esteem, you must first try to understand where it "grows". How does this happen at all, that a woman loses her trust in herself? Most often for women with low self-esteem, the source of the problem is her habit of comparing herself to someone or something. Unjustifiably high expectations and demands for oneself in adolescence and adolescence subsequently make her think that these comparisons will never be in her favor. A woman creates a lot of ideas about how her breasts should look, what hair should be like, how sparkly she must joke, how should she always be in the spotlight ... And in reality it turns out that not all of her dreams and expectations coincide with reality, and problems begin ... Therefore, it is necessary to remember - our low self-esteem of attitude to the real state of things often does not have! So do not think up any non-existent problems; otherwise it will turn out like in a famous joke about women's entertainment - "she made up her own mind, she took offense herself!"
When parents are wrong ...
It also happens that in the low self-esteem of an adultthe faults of their parents are to blame. Parents often tell their children: "Look, what a neat Vanya is always! And his jacket is clean, and the trousers are ironed, and he does not chew on his nails. And you ... ", or" It's like Natasha's beautiful braids are braided, every time in a new way! And you ... "This is wrong, because it is a kind of emotional blackmail. And it does not matter that all this was said with the best intentions - after all, the little man had a feeling in his inferiority, that he was worse than someone. And when a person becomes an adult, he will feel that he is the worst. And other parents of their children do not compare anyone, but they terribly want their children to become an example for others, they become better than others. Such parents dream that their child would study best in class, or draw as Leonardo da Vinci, or in sports reached the champion's heights ... And they start driving their daughter or son in music or art schools, but in training for gymnastics or judo. And they do not want to listen to the objections of their children who have no interest in the occupation chosen by the parents, or the teachers' assurances that their wards lack talents. Parents want the children to satisfy their ambitions; When a child does not get it, they can not hide disappointment. And the child has a low self-esteem, because he understands that he did not live up to his parents' expectations.
How to change your life?
In order to change your life, you need tochange itself. The most important step will be an attempt to realize - I have problems! And with these problems you need to do something urgently! You need to start by analyzing all your requirements for yourself. Try to write down your thoughts on paper - so it will be easier to see the essence of the problem. Ask yourself - what do I want to be? And why do I want to be just like that? What will I do if I become like I want? What will change in my life? When you begin to write down your answers to these questions, you will probably immediately see how many unnecessary and absurd demands you make to yourself! For example, if you understand that it is unrealistic to lose twenty kilograms in one month - perhaps you will cease to suffer from remorse and calmly make a plan for losing weight for six months? If the problems are really serious, and you feel that you can not solve them on your own - maybe you should follow the example of Catherine N., about which we told you, and seek help from a specialist? If you still feel the strength to independently wake up confidence in yourself, try to make for yourself a kind of instruction. You can check with her every step on the way to a new self.
The instruction that guides us to a new life
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