Has it ever happened to you that under the influence of emotionsdid they do something or say such things, which they then bitterly regretted? Have you ever wondered why you can not control yourself? You probably already noticed that this kind of situation occurs with certain kinds of feelings, such as anger or jealousy. Depression, fear, anxiety and obsessive thoughts about problems quite often play too much role in a person's life. People are used to react negatively to many irritants. But to be objective, we often make hasty conclusions. In this case, many of us lose the ability to behave in the hands and splash out their emotions on others. Have you already begun to worry that recently such disruptions have happened to you more and more often? If so, then you are not alone. A lot of people let the feelings take over. In general, there is nothing wrong with strong emotional experiences. They are a valuable part of human life, enriching our boring life. The main thing is that it does not harm us. Without our emotions, we would be indifferent robots. But when self-discipline is completely lacking, and feelings, on the contrary, begin to control actions, serious problems can arise. It is necessary to learn to keep experiences and fears in check. And do not forget to strike a balance between the mind and the desire to take offense at the whole white light. This will allow your thoughts to remain always clear, and actions - to be considered.
How can you control emotions
Managing feelings does not mean ignoring them. Control of emotions implies that you recognize your shortcomings, but you influence them when you consider it appropriate. You will not react impulsively and uncontrollably. But first you need to understand how you can manipulate your emotions at all. What do you need to learn first? Awareness and statement of emotion This is quite simple and at the same time very entertaining. Having mastered this method, you will react to external stimuli more consciously, knowing in advance what reaction you may have. How to do it? For example, you are in a hurry to the bus. You urgently need to cross the road to get to the stop. But, as soon as you come to the transition, for pedestrians a red light comes on. Naturally, you will get a little angry, especially if you see that the transport has come to a stop. Then you cross the road and leave on the next bus, and you will completely forget about this small incident. But after a while you will be puzzled - where did this irritation come from? Perhaps you will write off everything for fatigue or you will feel that your loved ones are behaving incorrectly. But it all started with traffic lights! This is a fleeting, little-meaning event (unless, of course, you were late for the plane) triggered a chain reaction: red - slight angry - irritation - resentment to the whole white light. It is important to catch and realize the moment when there was a negative emotion, which served as the beginning of this chain. As soon as you learn to notice this, you will become more attentive to everything that happens practically without your conscious participation. Removing from emotion Once you can be aware of your emotions, you will have to learn to look at them as if from the outside. Watching yourself, unwittingly withdraw, separating it from yourself. Feelings in this case can no longer take over you and quickly disappear. Here's an example: everyone knows how annoying the car alarm sounds outside the window. Especially if the owner of the machine does not hear the alarm sound and does not turn off the alarm. Continuous monotonous howls just go crazy! And the more you focus on an extraneous stimulus, the louder and more disgusting it seems to you. And the stronger the outrage that goes into anger and anger. You can imagine how to take a brick and run it right into the windshield! Or better in the master! Now try to look inside yourself, instead of listening to the sounds on the street. Just watch your anger as if it were some kind of independent being, not your own emotion. What happens in a few minutes will surprise you greatly! Evil will disappear without a trace, and on the alarm system you will simply stop paying attention. Or you will perceive it in a completely different way. It is possible that you will even become ridiculous. This will happen if you yourself want it.
Simple steps to managing your emotions
Of course, it is quite difficult to dramatically change yourrelation to the world, people and situation. It is necessary to control feelings gradually, making small steps every day. You did not immediately learn to walk, talk, read. Similarly, you need to act in this situation.
- Explore your emotions
There are many different shades of emotionalfeelings that every person can experience. But psychologists distinguish several basic emotions, from which all feelings come: interest, joy, fear, surprise, sadness, anger and disgust. All other sensations are derivatives. For example, jealousy is a manifestation of fear. Or fear that you are not as good as someone else. Or do not want to feel abandoned, because you are not "perfect", not "the best."
- Recognize that emotions do not appear out of nowhere, but are born gradually
Many times on a subconscious level you were givenat the mercy of their emotions. Recognizing your feelings, you can better control them. It's just necessary to recognize them from the moment you start, because so you will not allow anger or resentment to accumulate and amplify (remember the example with a traffic light). The worst thing you can do for yourself is to ignore or suppress your emotions. If you are interested in the answer to the question of how you can control yourself, then you probably know what it can turn out to be - a deafening "explosion" in an empty, seemingly place.
- Pay attention to what is happening in your head when there is an evil emotion
Just stop and analyze everythingyou just thought, until you find the idea that caused you anger, apathy, aggression, resentment. Sometimes even fleeting, almost unconscious thoughts can lead us to depression or a bad mood. For example, at work you suddenly felt anxiety and anxiety, but you can not understand what caused it. If you think about it, it turns out that when you met the boss you said hello, but he did not answer. In the subconscious mind flashed the thought: "They want to fire me!". Hence the alarm. You yourself did not notice that you made such a conclusion (it happened unconsciously). But the whole day tormented, wondering why you are overcome by bad apprehensions.
- Think about how your thought can be grounded, which caused alarm
If you think consciously about the flashedguessing about the dismissal, then we can make quite a reasonable conclusion - the boss simply did not hear you, because, for example, he was too busy reflecting on the forthcoming conference. If you catch the thought that caused the negative emotion, then on closer examination of yourself, it may seem absurd. And I would not have to guess where the sense of alarm comes from: "What if something happened at home? Suddenly the iron forgot to turn it off? ". Ask yourself: "Is there another way to respond to this situation? Perhaps it is more rational, in contrast to my previous reaction? "If you take the example of the boss - how would it be better to behave in a situation where he did not greet you? Were you nervous all day because of unreasonable guesses? Or maybe better to say to myself, like Scarlett O'Hara, the heroine of the novel Gone with the Wind - "I'll think about it tomorrow!" If you made the decision and calmed down - it's all right, you coped with the negative emotion. And if it did not help? What to do next? Proceed to the next step.
- Consider the options
At least now you know wherethere were unpleasant sensations. Emotions take over you, when you assume that there is only one way to respond to the situation that has arisen. But there is always a choice. For example, if someone insults you, and you are angry at the same time, your response may be a response insult. But you have two alternatives (of course, if you think about it, you can find more). You can not react and do nothing. Or do something the opposite of what you normally would not agree with in such a situation. When you make a decision, it is important to make sure that this is a conscious choice, not a reaction to the accompanying emotions. For example, if someone insults you, and you do nothing - this is your position. Perhaps this is the answer to your fear of confrontation? There are very good reasons to act in accordance with the inner self.
Which one do you want to be? What are your moral principles? Which outcome do you prefer? In the end, what should be your decision, then you do not regret it? Answering the questions, you will understand yourself and your emotions.
What reaction do you think will lead tothe desired result? For example, if you are pushed on the street, and you do not want to make a fuss, you can just silently pass by. But if you were pushed drunk, and even started to insult you, sure that it was you who pushed him - just silently pass by, unfortunately, will not work. The scandal will still flare up: he will follow you and continue to scream. In this situation, it's better to apologize to calm the rowdy. The above examples explain how not to allow panic, fear, anger to control your behavior. If you want to experience as little negative feelings as possible, first change your vision of the world. This will help to become more optimistic and cheerful. But at first it is necessary to learn how to neutralize negative emotions.
Why do negative thoughts arise: we learn to think correctly
You need to overcome the imposed by societycode of conduct. After all, they eventually lead to anxious thoughts and negative emotions. There are a lot of our irrational ideas, to which we devote too much time and attention. You can get rid of such standards by realizing their falsity. Check if you have such beliefs.
- It is necessary to be perfect in all respects
Remember once and for all, be perfect in everythingsimply impossible. If you think that you will be unhappy, if you can not achieve perfection, then for the rest of your life you will really doom yourself to failure. By the way, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to be loved by the whole world. It is simply impossible to remain always good and like absolutely everyone. You are not the sun, not the dollar, that you are adored. Moreover, there are people who do not need anyone at all. Is it worth making your own life unhappy, trying to please them?
- Unfair attitude testifies to malice
Most people who do notthe way you would like it - it's your loved ones (after all, it's with them that you communicate most). They appreciate you. The trouble is that people are a "mixture" of both good and bad. In addition, everyone has his own ideas about justice.
- In any situation you should cry
Some people have such a weak "safety device"that they can not endure a problem or cope with the slightest disappointment. As a result, they constantly create a threat to friendship, relationships, often even lose their jobs. Eternal hysteria and resentment - what could be worse? If there is trouble on your way, do not worry and do not despair. Many believe that if you worry, it will help solve all the difficulties. "It's good that it's over!" So, what's next on the list, what should I take care of? "If there is a problem, it should be dealt with.
- If this is the case, nothing can be changed
Does not it remind you of anything? You've probably seen documentary films about places of detention. And almost every prisoner, telling about his way behind bars, colorfully describing his life. As if he is a cork, bouncing on the waves of circumstances. You can not be a weak-willed toy in the hands of fate and coincidence of accidents. You always have a choice.
- It's easier to ignore problems than to face them
Even the painful experience that we could getin the past, will serve as a basis for learning and further growth. Everything that does not kill us makes you stronger. Therefore, do not forget about the scandal with his sister, unpaid bill or a quarrel with her husband. Otherwise, everything at once will fall on you with a snowball. If we do not learn something new, we will always be hostages of our past.
- To fall into depression if it did not turn out as desired
We planned to buy a new dress, but we needrepair a car that accidentally drove to the curb? They were going to take the post of chief, but he was appointed to your colleague? You can not predict the course of your life? So why do you think that everything will be done exactly as you want? You just need to be ready to correct your actions.
- Consider that you can be happy without making an effort
You think that you can enjoy life by taking itsuch as it is? If this were true, then any wealthy person would try to do nothing, because he already has everything. But for some reason he continues to work. This is necessary in order to retain and even multiply your well-being. So with our life - it is impossible to enjoy all one's life with one or another of your achievements. You need to constantly work on yourself.
What you should not think about
At the initial stages of working on themselves, whenit is still not possible to fully control the emotions, it is very important to learn to avoid cognitive distortions. Because of them, the situation seems even worse than it really is. Each of us heard the expression "to see the world through rose-colored glasses." But when you allow such a perversion of reality, you look at the world through glasses of dirty gray! There are several basic types of thinking that you need to get rid of as soon as you "find" them in your head. All or nothing! You go to extremes. It seems to you that everything can be either good or bad only. You do not recognize or notice what is often in the middle. If you are not perfect, then you do not feel self-sufficient. If you do not get something done in perfection, then you generally will not work in this direction. This is perfectionism, a rather unpleasant condition that often leads to confrontation with others and leads to deep depression. Punish yourself with such thoughts! Overthrowing One negative event turns into an endless "pattern" of defeat. "Today my boyfriend did not call me. He will never call me. He does not love me. I'm terrible. No one will ever accept me as I am. Life was not a success. "This is a replacement of the positive by a negative one. If someone says something good about you, you do not take into account. But if a friend told you something is not very pleasant, you think that everyone thinks about you so much and always. Do not make hasty conclusions! Never interpret events, especially when you have no facts that can convincingly support your conclusions. Attempts to decide for another You can not always think that the boss, neighbors and colleagues are not treating you well. Even without bothering to make sure of this, some girls just stop talking with "evil" people. In this case, the reality is replaced by emotions - "I feel so, so it is!". But you just assume, putting your assumptions into conviction. Do not tell fortunes. In advance, believing that everything will turn out badly, convincing yourself that this is already a fact, you initially program yourself for failure. Hanging labels is also not allowed. This is the extreme degree of super-generalization. If the girl made some mistake, she immediately hangs herself a label "I'm a failure". If someone did not behave the way you think is right, you immediately put on it the brand - "dishonorable." Exaggeration or understatement Imagine that you are looking at yourself or someone through binoculars. Do you think that you made a mistake too big? You think that someone behaves unworthily towards you. And try to imagine that you turned the binoculars with the other side. The error seems no longer so terrible, and the shortcomings of others may not look so important. In life, truth is usually somewhere in the middle. Excessive exactingness Demanding as a method of self-motivation - what could be worse? It is very bad if you repeat yourself "I must do this", like a prayer for the night. The spell does not give you strength, but only makes you feel guilty all the time. And if you spread the exactingness to others, you will eventually feel anger, disappointment and resentment. The constant presence of "if" Thinking: "If I succeed ...", "If I do ...", you give thoughts a coloring of uncertainty, in advance assuming failure. This way you set the program to your subconscious. But our brain is a biological "computer": what kind of installation you put into it, so it will work. It is impossible not to mention that many emotional problems are so complex that they require additional help from a psychologist. Some of the fair sex should not be neglected. Unfortunately, not everyone starts to realize this in time.
When emotions need to be restrained
It is extremely important to understand that emotions area necessary part of our life. And in itself the presence of feelings is quite natural for any person. It is important not to go on about them, but to be able to manage them. The key in the work is the ability not to ignore or suppress them, but to control. It is very important to learn how to accept unpleasant situations and react objectively. Now that you are convinced that controlling emotions is a simple matter. You can control them without showing your feelings and grievances. In any situation, even when it seems hopeless, you always have two options: to look at it from a positive or negative point of view. As an example, we can cite the most difficult cases that have occurred with many:
- The accident in which the car was injured
Negative reaction: the machine is broken, you will incur large expenses in order to restore it. A positive reaction: it's just a piece of iron! It can always be repaired. The main thing is that none of the people were hurt!
- Death of a loved one
Negative reaction: life has lost all meaning, I do not want anything more. Positive reaction: I am grateful to fate that I had this person, I believe that he will always live in my soul. This is a very heavy loss. But even here you can find strength in yourself so as not to fall into despair. Do you want the pain to penetrate all spheres of your life? Or do you decide to disconnect from negative thoughts and let happiness into your life? Remember, controlling emotions is in your hands. Learn to make the right decisions! We advise you to read: