how to forgive betrayal of her husband Infidelity is a crushing blow to a healthyand a strong, seemingly family. Just yesterday you believed unconditionally that this dear and closest person loves you alone, and today - the soil is running out from under your feet, and you do not know how to live and what to believe after the revealed betrayal. You feel betrayed, and a huge heartache breaks your heart. Merciless statistics argue that more than fifty percent of spouses (both wives and husbands) at some point in time became victims of the infidelity of their second half. Most deceived spouses believe that a broken heart can not be healed at all, and infidelity is a blow from which it is almost impossible to recover. Indeed, psychologists claim that infidelity is the most painful experience that can be acquired in marriage. Many marriages do not stand such a test, and the spouses divorce. And yet, do not take a hasty decision and be angry to apply for a divorce. It would be better to give yourself some time to cool down, and then calmly think about how to forgive the betrayal of her husband and save the family.

How to forgive treason and keep a relationship

Healing of a crack in relations and liquidationThe consequences of this betrayal require time and patience, but if both spouses want to save the family, then the restoration of normal relations is possible. It's hard to believe, but you can even be happy again, sometimes even stronger than before! Provided - from the very beginning of the recovery period, you will always remember that you need to enlist the support of your assistants: Forgiveness, Understanding, Forbearance, Compassion and Love. Of course, immediately after the discovery of treason it can be very difficult to cope with emotions, gather your thoughts, decide what to do next. We will try to help and stage by stage describe the actions that you should take. Be secluded Before making any decisions, try to understand what exactly happened and whether you can forgive treason for your husband. It will be best if you spend a short period of time - from several hours to several days - away from each other. Do not start to find out the relationship immediately - when the passions are boiling, the situation is very unfavorable for a constructive conversation. And you better talk calmly, without enmity and accusations. Be safe, think calmly, evaluate your relationship. This can be a good opportunity to think about your mistakes, and not just focus on your wife. Use this opportunity to note for yourself what exactly you would like to improve in your marriage - instead of focusing on some problems. Talk to each other As soon as you recover from the initial shock, most likely, you will want to try to overcome the current situation. It is reasonable; you should make an effort and start working on restoring your marriage. The first thing to begin with is to talk to your spouse about your marriage. Ask yourself - why should you save your marriage, what goals will you set for yourself, still remaining a couple? Keep your focus on what could serve your separation, and think about what will help you along the road to reconciliation and the restoration of previous relationships. Sincerity and honesty, repentance and forgiveness will help you in this. And, the main attention should be paid not to some details of treason, but to what was in your marriage, which could push the existing course of events. After all, in addition to physical treason, there is also spiritual treachery, here with its causes and it is necessary to understand first of all. Of course, it's not easy to talk with your husband about the details of his betrayal, but it's very important to understand sincerely why this happened. Give a chance to your spouse to tell about your feelings and motives, listen to him calmly, without accusations and hasty conclusions. It is very important that you remain calm during this difficult conversation. If you are embittered, accept the position of the prosecutor, your spouse will take a defensive position and can not be frank to the end. It's better just tell your spouse what makes you feel his betrayal. It often happens that a man does not even realize that he has hurt you. Features of the psyche of men are such that he can have an affair on the side, even continuing to love his wife. The reasons can be different - maybe he does not have enough sexual satisfaction, maybe he tries to make sure that he is not old and attractive, or maybe it just happened, and he could not resist ... Take responsibility for your mistakes. If it turns out that the husband was looking for something on the side that you did not give him, admit your guilt. Any of your actions that could push your husband to betrayal, and imposes on you and responsibility for what happened. You should apologize to one another for your mistakes. Yes, and you, too, should apologize! Although this is very difficult in this situation, it is extremely important to restore the bonds of your marriage. Forgive the spouse Forgiveness is the next stage on the way to the restoration of your relationship. This phase can be the most difficult, because you will be hampered by a sense of pride. Until now, you should have already considered whether you really appreciate your relationship with your spouse or you simply cling to the illusion of a happy marriage. If you understand that you still love each other, then you should not talk about pride. Rather, it says your pain in you. But if you can forgive, you will show your husband the most faithful way of his love, which he most likely previously lacked. Forgiveness will play a crucial role in final reconciliation, it will help overcome adversity and strengthen your marriage. In fact, it may take some time before you feel that you have completely forgiven your husband. To help yourself, try to change your emotions and your view of what happened. Think of yourself not as a victim of a catastrophe, but as a survivor in this catastrophe. Do not make any demands on your spouse, do not think of him as your debtor. Love him for what he is, and do not expect him to become what you want him to be. Remind yourself that you must live in reality, not in expectations. Decide for yourself that you are ready to forgive infidelity and move on. For greater persuasiveness, say aloud the phrase that you finally forgive your husband. Do this - sincerely forgive and allow yourself to be happy again! You both must forgive each other. After all, most often in the betrayal of one are to blame is both. Just do not try to find out who is to blame more, do not blame each other. Restore the trust and warmth of the relationship can only be provided that the past remains in the past. Never use in the future a reminder of the infidelity of a husband as a kind of lever for pressure on him, do not try to cause the husband a constant sense of guilt. This only embarrasses him. Nobody says that forgetting treachery will be easy; it will take time, but not only. So how to forgive treason? It will take some effort on your part. No matter how much time you need, forgiveness should become one of the most important goals for you. And the stronger and healthier your relationship becomes, the easier it will be for you to forgive treason. If you are standing at the very beginning of this stage of reconciliation, you must clearly understand: the sincere forgiveness of the betrayed spouse and open, active communication with him will help prevent future infidelities. how to forgive treason

Contact a specialist for assistance.

Forgiveness of betrayal is not easy; but! - you can forgive everything, but not everything is forgotten. Many couples who passed through a test of betrayal admitted to psychologists that the memories of that shock still haunt them. Even decades later. To prevent this from happening to you, in the hardest time for yourself, find someone with whom you could share your sore and who could give you good advice. It can be a priest, a good friend or wise and wishing only good parents to us. They will help you both survive the woeful events and support in the process of "recovery". A person who has fallen into a difficult situation is very important understanding and compassion. But the right thing to do is to turn to a specialist - a psychologist, a counselor for family and marriage. You can address it either individually or in conjunction with your husband. After all, both spouses during this period experience strong emotions - a feeling of anger, resentment, embarrassment, regret, loss of self-esteem, anxiety and depression. The specialist will be able to provide an impartial view of your problem, necessary to develop the right direction in the restoration of your marriage. The psychologist will try to help you both understand what went wrong in your marriage, why there was treason, and what steps need to be taken to solve your problems. You may need to revise your relationship in many ways, and the psychologist will help you in this. And although many people, as a rule, reject the idea of ​​counseling, this is really an important step in restoring your marriage after treason. This not only proves that both of you are ready to work together on your mistakes, but also helps to truly forgive treason and to delete it from your memory. You have to go through the next important stage together - restoring trust to each other. Distrust, eroding your relationship, can be the biggest obstacle to the recovery of your happy marriage. As a rule, a counselor on family and marriage can help you in this. But only on the condition that you both will be honest, especially with each other. Each of the spouses can have an individual pace in moving forward; the main thing is that both move in one direction. Restore trust Until recently, it seemed incredibly difficult for you to decide whether you can forgive the betrayal of your fornicate husband. But here you all decided, forgave and begin to restore the old relationship. You start living an ordinary married life. We cooked breakfast, fed it, put it to work, and ... Admit it, you are still being tormented by doubts - where is he now? What does he do, with whom does he talk? Why did I stay late from work, maybe fifteen minutes? Who sent him the message there? Who is talking to on the phone? It turns out that it is even harder to regain former trust! A doubt worm sharpens your soul, and you can be understood. Your spouse should know how you feel after his infidelity. This does not mean that you should show a significant suffering in the edification of the erring husband. You should talk to him about your torment. If you hide your emotions, you risk in the future a crack of mistrust turn into a wide gulf between you. Honesty and openness can now be painful, but secrecy will play a cruel joke with you. The most important thing that is required from a changed spouse is a total refusal from any kind of relationship with the mistress. Without this, it will be impossible to restore trust between the spouses. While there will be some doubt, resentment will continue to shoot in your soul. Your spouse must know and understand this. Therefore, he should not keep with his passion, even just a friendly relationship. Perhaps you should agree that for some time he will try to keep you informed of all his movements, will often call you. It must be honest and completely open to you. Discuss with your spouse what else you could do so that you can strengthen your confidence that communication between former lovers has completely ceased. Trust is the foundation of any stable and healthy marriage. Therefore, it is extremely important to restore trust, and both of you must exert maximum efforts. Do not remind me of treason Once you have forgiven your partner, it is very important not to succumb to the temptation to constantly remind your husband about his fault, do not blame him for the slightest opportunity. Once you have forgiven him, immediately leave the fact of treason in the past. You will never forget what happened, but it will be easier if you do not remind your spouse. The more days will pass, the closer you will be to each other and the further away from you will be your past. Know that there is nothing more devastating for a happier marriage than a constant reminder of mistakes made in the past. Have enough patience To move forward in this difficult period of your life requires time, understanding and patience. Never lose hope and remember what kind of family it is worth fighting for. Do not listen to any "good" advice on divorce, look for ways to gain strength to restore peace and harmony in your marriage. Restoring the previous sexual relationship between you is also not a very easy experience. Infidelity has such a devastating effect on the ego of a person who has been changed that restoring a past passion will become a difficult process for both partners. How to start the movement of your relationship in the right direction? Here you can also help a specialist's advice. The main thing that you have to do is to have patience. And you, and especially your spouse. He must with understanding and patience regard some of the stiffness that you may have in bed. Think about the good qualities of the spouse Try to pay attention to the best qualities of the spouse. This will help you to significantly reduce the power of resentment towards him. Try every day for something to praise your husband, or tell him why you love him. This may sound like this: "You have prepared a very delicious dinner", or: "You are a wonderful father!". This will help you think about what you like in your wife, help focus on his best qualities. And the husband will see that you do not hold the stone in your bosom, and will try to justify your trust. This behavior will remind you both why you want to save your marriage. forgive betrayal

Keep in touch with each other

Try to communicate more often, spend togetherfree time. This will help you to restore emotional connection with each other. During this communication you will be able to focus on each other, again to see in each other what once made you both fall in love. Try to do more together that gives you both pleasure. It can be joint evening walks that you abandoned because of an eternal lack of time, or Sunday outings for nature, or evening gatherings over a chessboard that has long been gathering dust on the furthest shelf. Remember all that you used to like to do together. More often joke and laugh - laughter has always been the best cure for all spiritual wounds. Do your best to restore strong emotional ties with your spouse. Keep openness in your relationship. Convince your spouse that now he must completely protect himself from everything that could somehow nullify all your efforts to restore the previous relationship. And first of all - no reminders from outside about what happened. No contacts, calls, even fleeting encounters with a former mistress! If possible, spend a vacation together or at least a weekend somewhere away from home. Escape from any irritants, be it household problems or work issues. Just relax and be alone. It will help to remember how well you are together. Everything will be fine if you want it! And finally - learn to control your emotions so that they do not control you. Be strong and keep your head high! Do not lose faith, love and hope, because without them nothing is achieved in this world. You are a happy woman, because your husband loves you for real. Otherwise, why would he stay with you? This may seem incredible, but very often treason helps strengthen the marriage at times! We do not in any way encourage adultery; we just want to say that every difficulty makes us stronger. And as for the grief that you had to experience ... Do you remember what was written on the ring known for its wisdom by King Solomon? "And this too will pass!". We advise you to read: