Recently he was always there:at home, at a meeting with friends, at a corporate party. And suddenly he cooled down, became distant, alien, and eventually uttered the fatal phrase: "I slept with another woman." And after that, an inexorable and terrible alienation entered the house. This has happened in the lives of many women, but understanding this does not make it any easier.

Causes of infidelity of men

Perhaps it is worth thinking about whether it is necessaryDo you know the real reason for a man's infidelity? The truth can be very unpleasant! But if you really want to know it, you can decide to talk frankly with your ex-lover, avoiding even a hint of reproach in the conversation. It should be taken into account that he can hide the real reasons for his departure, expressing fictitious claims. For example, a former lover can accuse a woman of talkativeness or extravagance, while in fact he lacks spiritual warmth. It also happens that the reasons for his departure are in no way connected with the character traits of the woman, and the man will try to hide them. Sometimes he is afraid of spiritual intimacy, and runs away from his beloved woman when he begins to understand that he is becoming too attached to her. Or he does not want a serious relationship and has never been truly in love with you - in this case, this largely relieves you of any feeling of guilt. Therefore, you need to try to unravel the reasons for his betrayal. Most often, in addition to those listed above, the following “roots of evil” are encountered:

• Lack of understanding from the spouse Eacha person is unique and individual, but not everyone knows about it. Many women believe that their way of thinking and line of behavior are the only correct ones, and are ready to “kick” their man for any deviation from the given direction. And a man tolerates this for many years, but when he meets a woman who accepts and understands all his “cockroaches”, he strives to be with her.
• Sexual dissatisfaction Yes, yes, sex inmost men's lives take a very important place! And nothing can be done about it - they are not perverts or maniacs, this is just their physiology: if a man is not sexually satisfied for a long time, then various negative changes begin to occur in his body, as a result of which his health worsens. Therefore, when he meets an uninhibited representative of the fair sex on his way, it is very difficult for him to refrain from contact with her.
• Lack of personal spaceman has a need for his own piece of life: in his desk, in his folder on the computer and in his box for the storage of exclusively male nonsense. However, sometimes a woman practically expels a man from a shared space, completely filling it with himself, with his things and habits. And then he seeks to find his place in the life of another woman.
• Mismatch of interests or evenworldview It is quite possible that after many years of living together, its further continuation simply becomes impossible: you have different interests and aspirations, different worldviews and perceptions. You want a model ideal family with joint vacations, a green lawn at the dacha and three children, and he wants a hermit life in a mountain hut. And a woman has been found who shares his worldview. In this case, staying together means never being happy. You don’t need that, do you?
• Conflict between you Unfortunately, sometimes the reasonbetrayal may be a quarrel: you had a very big fight, and he left with disheveled feelings. Then there could be a desire for revenge or just a desire for emotional and physical release, but the fact remains - he cheated on you because of a quarrel. This reason is the most promising for saving your relationship. But more on that later.

All these reasons are not a reason to do somethingself-flagellation, even if you found their roots in your man's infidelity. Yes, this took place in your life, but this does not mean that you immediately had to run to another woman! In the end, you could have somehow tried to solve any of these problems together. And cheating in this case is something for which both partners are responsible. Understanding its cause can be a point of growth for you - you can work on yourself and prevent any of these problems from interfering with your future personal life.

Consequences of male change

Male infidelity is the collapse of hopes, despair,unbearable pain that does not allow you to eat, sleep, or forget yourself for even a few minutes. In this state, absolutely nothing pleases or interests you, which, of course, affects the appearance of the hurt woman. She is tormented by a sense of guilt, believing that her loved one's betrayal occurred because he did not get what he wanted - tenderness, beauty, sexuality, etc. The woman begins to invent her shortcomings, the list of which goes on forever. Such self-flagellation is explained by the fact that a man's betrayal greatly lowers a woman's self-esteem. Cheating does not always lead to separation. And there can be different explanations for this. For example, the above-described betrayal due to a quarrel can be an annoying and very unpleasant accident, but if you both value your relationship, then you should try to save it. In the end, it's just sex, the need for which is physiological in men. Some couples live like this for decades: the husband periodically "walks on the side", and the wife turns a blind eye to it. A man in this situation can be very grateful to his woman and arrange a heavenly life for her in all other aspects. And this is the secret of their personal family happiness. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Often, the most difficult consequence of male infidelity is separation from a man. The desire to leave a traitor is understandable in cases where your life together has no future, and sometimes a man himself leaves a woman and goes to his mistress. In such a situation, an exacerbation of the feeling of loneliness cannot be avoided, because a huge emptiness appears in the life of an abandoned woman. Her former lover has disappeared from her, which means that there is no one to pamper with delicious food and slippers in the morning, no one to take out her anger on, no one to blame for your troubles and seek help in connection with them. Parting with a man is the same as losing a loved one (of course, this is not the same as death, but it is very similar to it, because your ex leaves your life forever and breaks off your romantic relationship). As with any loss, you will go through several stages of grief:

Denial At first you will probably feelIt's hard to believe that you've broken up once and for all. You'll constantly feel like he's going to walk into the room and ask you to warm up your dinner. Denial is a natural reaction of the body to a strong psychotraumatic event, but it goes away over time.

Anger After some time you will start to get angry atex, and very, very strongly. There may be a desire to take revenge or at least destroy something dear to him. And if in the first case it is better to stop yourself, then in the second you can give free rein to your imagination (if you can't wait) and cut his favorite tie into small pieces. The satisfaction you will experience is nothing compared to the mythical pangs of conscience!

The desire to return it at any cost Anger passes,and this obsession arises. Help to overcome it will help a simple trick: at the moment of greatest anger, write down on paper all those feelings and thoughts that you have with respect to the treacherous traitor, and if you ever want to return it, this "letter to yourself" will be able to you protect from ill-conceived actions.

Depression After all the storm of emotions that youhad to experience, can be poured sadness. It is related to the emptiness that arose after the man left your life. Interests and desires may disappear, instead of which apathy and misanthropy will come. Most likely, you will be able to cope with this yourself, however, if you sit down, you will feel that the situation is becoming too heavy, then it may be worthwhile to seek help from a psychologist.

Acceptance Anyway, and everyone comes to this. Gradually you will learn to live a new life, memories of the former will begin to overwrite and cease to bring pain. Life will sparkle with new colors, new hobbies and interests will appear, and you will no longer have time to think about some kind of treachery!

Unfortunately, there are circumstances thatsignificantly slow down the passage through these stages. For example, it is doubly difficult when you and your ex-lover work together. After all, you see him every day, and if he has a new lover next to him, it is simply unbearable! Add colleagues to whom you need to explain what happened, and everything - the situation may seem hopeless, because you will also have to change jobs. However, do not rush to make such a decision: perhaps you should do it, but the change does not necessarily have to be radical. It is quite possible that you will want to move to another department, where you will definitely not run into your ex. Or even consider the possibility of going to work abroad, because now the factor that was holding you back has disappeared. In addition to all this, every day you have to go to those places where you used to walk together, and see the mournful and compassionate looks of friends and acquaintances. And in companies where everyone gathers in pairs, you are no longer welcome, and there are places where single women do not belong. This can demoralize you even more. But think about the fact that the looks of others are unpleasant only to those who allow them to be unpleasant. A lonely woman or one who considers herself lonely may be out of place in a cafe or at a concert, but a free and self-sufficient woman will be welcome everywhere. All of these are just attitudes instilled in us by society. Be stronger than these conventions and limitations, and then male infidelity will be much easier to survive.

How to survive a man's betrayal

In order to survive a man's betrayal and departureлюбимого, потребуется очень много сил и времени. Пустоту надо заполнить новыми впечатлениями и переживаниями. К тому же, возможно, придётся поискать новых друзей. К сожалению, немногие люди способны аккуратно поддерживать дружбу с обоими бывшими партнерами — вероятно, что вам придется “делить” друзей и знакомых. Самое же плохое, что может сделать брошенная женщина в ситуации измены – попытаться вернуть мужчину. Такие попытки, оборачиваясь, как правило, неудачей, травмируют психику гораздо больше, чем его изначальный уход. Вас бросили, так еще и не берут обратно! Поэтому их лучше пресекать на корню, если, конечно, нет реальных перспектив для воссоединения с мужчиной. Кстати, о них. Как мы уже писали выше, далеко не всегда следствием измены является расставание. Так как же все-таки быть, если вы решили остаться вместе и пережить этот сложный период? Для начала, когда эмоции перестанут зашкаливать, вам необходимо будет поговорить начистоту и обсудить причины, приведшие к такому развитию событий. Старайтесь лишний раз не упрекать своего мужчину, ведь ему может быть сложно рассказывать о собственной неудовлетворенности. Слушайте его и старайтесь вникнуть в то, что он говорит, посмотреть на вещи его глазами, ведь вполне возможно, что в каких-то моментах вы “перегибаете палку”, и это стоит смягчить ради вашей дальнейшей жизни. Следующим необходимым и важным этапом является прощение. Без него вы не сможете двигаться дальше. Вы должны будете простить мужчину за то, что он сделал, и оставить это в прошлом. Бесконечные напоминания и отсылки его к тому, как вы остались с ним после измены, приведут вас к дальнейшему разладу. Скорее всего, это будет очень сложно сделать, и вам понадобится время, но это возможно. В дальнейшем вам необходимо будет договориться о новых правилах совместной жизни, в которых вам обоим будет комфортно. Например, преодолеть ваши сексуальные проблемы (иногда для этого требуется сексолог) или найти точки соприкосновения ваших интересов. Попробуйте посмотреть на мужчину другими глазами и вспомнить, за что вы его когда-то полюбили. Этот ресурс может быть очень важным для построения совместного будущего. Однако если вы все-таки разошлись, то целесообразнее будет во имя себя примириться с изменой мужчины и попробовать извлечь из неё пользу. Ведь после ухода бывшего возлюбленного вы обретаете полную свободу, а это немало значит! Вы можете, не боясь сцены ревности, флиртовать с кем угодно, покупать одежду и косметику, не опасаясь обвинений в транжирстве, и ходить со своими подругами, куда хочется. Так наслаждайтесь этой свободой во всей её полноте! Ведь вы красивы, самостоятельны и ни за что не пропадёте в одиночестве. А он пусть жалеет о том, что потерял такую потрясающую женщину. Некоторые девушки даже ставят себе целью желание утереть нос бывшему, и это тоже полезно на начальном этапе, поскольку придает жизненных сил. В конце концов, судьбу свою вы обязательно встретите и будете счастливы окончательно и бесповоротно. Не стоит думать, что боль от разлуки с мужчиной не пройдёт никогда. По мнению специалистов, острота этой боли стихает через полтора-два месяца, а через год она практически пропадает (если женщина не стремится зафиксироваться на этом и остановить свою жизнь). Возможно, что отголоски её будут беспокоить душу ещё довольно долго, но с такими переживаниями вы вполне сможете справиться. Расставание с неподходящим вам мужчиной не является жизненной катастрофой. Напротив, оно даёт возможность кардинально изменить свою жизнь и начать её с чистого листа. Так давайте не будем разбрасываться этой уникальной возможностью и будем выстраивать свою жизнь, но на этот раз именно так, как мы того хотим! Советуем почитать:

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