Recently he was always there: at home, at a meeting with friends, at a corporate party. And suddenly he cooled, became detached, stranger, and eventually pronounced the fatal phrase: "I slept with another woman." And after her, an inexorable and terrible alienation entered the house. This has happened in the lives of many women, but it does not become easier to understand.
Causes of infidelity of men
Perhaps, it is worth pondering over whether it is necessaryto know the true cause of male betrayal? The truth can be very unpleasant! But, if you really want to know it, you can dare to talk frankly with a former lover, avoiding even a hint of reproach in conversation. It should be borne in mind that he can hide the true reasons for his departure, making fictional claims. For example, a former lover can blame a woman for talkableness or extravagance, in fact lacking mental warmth. It also happens that the reasons for his departure are not related to the nature of the woman, and the man will try to hide them. Sometimes he is afraid of spiritual intimacy, and runs away from his beloved woman when he begins to realize that he is too attached to her. Or does not want a serious relationship and has never really been in love with you - in which case it largely saves you from any sense of guilt. Therefore, the reasons for his betrayal should be tried to unravel. Most often, in addition to the above, there are the following "roots of evil":
- Lack of understanding by the spouse Everyonea person is unique and individual, but not everyone knows about it. Many women believe that their way of thinking and behavior are the only correct ones, and they are ready to "kick" their man for any deviation from the given direction. And the man suffers this for many years, but when a woman who accepts and understands all his "cockroaches" meets, he wants to be with her.
- Sexual dissatisfaction Yes, sex inthe life of most men occupies a very important place! And there is nothing to be done about it - they are not perverts or maniacs, it's just their physiology: if a man is not sexually satisfied for a long time, then various negative changes begin in his body, as a result of which his state of health worsens. Therefore, when on his way meets a relaxed representative of the fair sex, it can be very difficult for him to stay away from contact with her.
- Lack of personal spaceman has a need for his own piece of life: in his desk, in his folder on the computer and in his box for the storage of exclusively male nonsense. However, sometimes a woman practically expels a man from a shared space, completely filling it with himself, with his things and habits. And then he seeks to find his place in the life of another woman.
- Mismatch in matters of interest or evenworldview It is possible that after years of living together, its further extension becomes simply impossible: you have different interests and aspirations, a different attitude and perception of the world. You want an exemplary ideal family with joint vacations, a green lawn in the country and three children, and he - a hermit's life in a mountain hut. And there was a woman who shared his worldview. In this case, to stay together is never to be happy. You do not need it, do you?
- Conflict between you Unfortunately, sometimes the reasontreason can be a quarrel: you quarreled very much, and he went into disheveled feelings. Then there could be a desire to take revenge or simply a desire for emotional and physical relaxation, but the fact remains that he betrayed you because of a quarrel. This reason is most promising in order to maintain your relationship. But more on that later.
All these reasons - not an excuse to engage inself-flagellation, even if you find their roots in the infidelity of their men. Yes, this was the case in your life, but this does not mean that you immediately had to run to another woman! In the end, you could somehow try to solve all of these problems together. And treason in this case is what both partners are responsible for. Awareness of its cause can be a point of growth for you - you can work on yourself and prevent the interference of any of these problems in your future personal life.
Consequences of male change
Men's betrayal is a collapse of hope, despair,unbearable pain, which does not give neither to eat, nor to sleep, nor to forget even for a few minutes. In this state, absolutely nothing pleases and does not interest, which, of course, affects the appearance of a wounded woman. She suffers with a sense of guilt, believing that the betrayal of a loved one was due to the fact that he did not get what he wanted, tenderness, beauty, sexuality and other things. The woman begins to invent her own shortcomings, the list of which continues indefinitely. This self-flagellation is explained by the fact that the betrayal of a man greatly reduces women's self-esteem. Not always treason leads to parting. And there can be different explanations for this. For example, the above betrayal due to a quarrel can be a vexing and very unpleasant accident, but if you both value your relationship, then you should try to save them. In the end, it's just sex, the need for which in men is physiological. Some couples live so for decades: the husband periodically "walks on the side", and the wife closes her eyes to it. A man in this situation can be very grateful to his woman and arrange a paradise for her in all other aspects. And this is the secret of their personal family happiness. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Often the most serious consequence of male change is parting with a man. The desire to escape from the traitor is understandable in those cases when your life together has no future, and sometimes the man himself leaves the woman and goes to his mistress. In such a situation, feelings of loneliness can not be exacerbated, because in the life of an abandoned woman a grand emptiness appears. The former beloved disappeared from her, which means that there is no one now to pamper delicious food and slippers in the morning, there is no one to rip off anger, there is no one to blame for their troubles and seek help in connection with them. Parting with a man is the same loss of a loved one (of course, this is not the same as death, but it is very similar to it, because your ex is out of your life forever and breaks your romantic relationship). As with any other loss, you have to go through several stages of experience:
Unfortunately, there are circumstances thatsignificantly slow the passage through these stages. For example, it is doubly difficult when working with a former lover unites you. After all, you see it every day, and if a new lover is with him, it's unbearable at all! Add colleagues who need to explain what happened, and everything - the situation may seem hopeless, because you will also have to change work. However, you should not rush to make such a decision: perhaps you should do it, but the change does not have to be cardinal. It is likely that you will want to go to another department, where you definitely will not encounter your ex. Or, in general, consider the possibility of leaving to work abroad, because now the factor that deterres you has disappeared. In addition to this, every day you have to visit places where you used to walk together, and see the sorrowful and compassionate looks of friends and acquaintances. And in companies where everyone gathers in pairs, you are no longer expected, and there are places in which single women do not belong. This can further demoralize you. But think about the fact that the views of others are unpleasant only to those who allow them to be unpleasant. In a cafe or at a concert, a lonely or self-respecting woman may be inappropriate, but a woman who is free and self-sufficient will always have to go to court. All these are just the settings instilled into us by the society. Be stronger than these conventions and restrictions, and then male treason will be much easier to experience.
How to survive a man's betrayal
In order to survive men's betrayal and careloved, it will take a lot of effort and time. The emptiness must be filled with new impressions and experiences. In addition, you may have to look for new friends. Unfortunately, few people are able to gently maintain friendship with both former partners - it is likely that you will have to "divide" friends and acquaintances. The most bad thing that an abandoned woman can do in a situation of treason is to try to get the man back. Such attempts, turning around, as a rule, a failure, hurt the psyche much more than its original withdrawal. They left you, so they do not take back! Therefore, it is better to put them to rest, unless, of course, there are real prospects for reuniting with a man. By the way, about them. As we already wrote above, it is by no means always the result of treason that parting is. So how do you do it if you decide to stay together and experience this difficult period? To begin with, when the emotions cease to go off scale, you will need to talk frankly and discuss the reasons that led to this development of events. Try not to reproach your man once again, because it can be difficult to talk about your own dissatisfaction. Listen to it and try to penetrate into what he says, look at things with his eyes, because it is quite possible that at some points you "bend the stick", and this should be mitigated for the sake of your future life. The next necessary and important stage is forgiveness. Without it, you can not move on. You will have to forgive a man for what he did, and leave it in the past. Endless reminders and references to how you stayed with him after infidelity will lead you to further disagreement. Most likely, it will be very difficult to do, and you will need time, but it is possible. In the future, you will need to agree on new rules for living together, in which both of you will be comfortable. For example, overcome your sexual problems (sometimes it takes a sexologist) or find common ground for your interests. Try to look at the man with different eyes and remember what you once loved him for. This resource can be very important for building a joint future. However, if you are still separated, it would be more appropriate in the name of yourself to reconcile with the betrayal of a man and try to make use of it. After the departure of the former lover you gain complete freedom, and this means a lot! You can, without fearing a scene of jealousy, flirt with anyone, buy clothes and makeup without fear of accusations of squandering, and walk with your girlfriends wherever you want. So enjoy this freedom in its entirety! After all, you are beautiful, independent and will never be lost alone. And he let him regret that he lost such an amazing woman. Some girls even set themselves the goal of wiping the nose of the former, and this is also useful at the initial stage, because it gives vitality. In the end, you will meet your destiny and will be happy forever and irrevocably. Do not think that the pain of separation from a man will never pass. According to experts, the acuteness of this pain subsides in a half to two months, and a year later it almost disappears (if a woman does not seek to fix this and stop her life). It is possible that the echoes of her will bother the soul for a long time, but with such experiences you will be able to cope. Parting with an unsuitable man is not a life catastrophe. On the contrary, it gives an opportunity to radically change one's life and start it from scratch. So let's not scatter this unique opportunity and build our life, but this time exactly the way we want it! We advise you to read: