What a whirlwind of emotions can often cause even the mosta specific action, but only an assumption about it! Often there is no one hundred percent "evidence" confirming the guilt of a loved one, and maybe there is no offense on his part, but the pictures that our imagination draws for us seem many times more plausible than what is actually happening. How to overcome jealousy, which interferes with your life so much?

Types of jealousy

Psychologists say that jealousy is always therehand in hand with self-doubt. It is like a dissatisfied rodent inside you, which no matter how much you feed, will never be satisfied. Every time something reminds you of potential betrayal, you begin to experience your own inferiority: ugly, stupid, boring - there are so many shortcomings you find in yourself every time in a fit of jealousy! This experience manifests itself in different ways in different people, and the difference here is in the strength and intensity of emotions.

• Healthy jealousy How does it manifest itself?In not deceiving yourself with the thought that your man is the embodiment of purity and innocence and no other woman is interesting to him, but at the same time not blaming him for it. Allowing that in life there may be situations when your loved one could not restrain himself and exceeded his “authority” with some flirt, in his own fantasies or in reality. Calmly accepting it if he pays attention to more than just you, because we look not only with an “ulterior” thought. Even an appraising look that seems obscene from the outside may not have any sexual content.
• Spring paranoia It seemed so – and immediately indepression. So many girls around! You can't even see your figure in fur coats, and now it's warmer - everyone has taken their miniskirts out of the closet and is wiggling their hips in front of other guys. It's scary to even imagine what will happen on the beach! In such cases, you need to remember that you also have a beautiful figure, but when you notice other girls, you have begun to forget about it. And in general, what is pleasant to look at from afar or left a trace in your memory in passing is not always so ideal up close, and you can live with it every day. But he chose you, which means he likes being with you as much as he wants; and it is unknown how quickly he would get tired of another.
• Congenital pathology Jealousy is your stylelife, sports, hobbies, entertainment and communication style all rolled into one. You throw tantrums without reason, getting on your darling's nerves, and thus pushing him to look for a new, more balanced life partner. You make plans for love to last forever, not noticing how you ruin it with daily reproaches, scandals and fits of jealousy. Men aren't "iron" either, especially when their nerves are regularly frayed.

How to get rid of jealousy?

The process of getting rid of jealousy requiresdevelopment of willpower. Ordinary self-hypnosis, which will only dull vigilance, will not do here. Getting rid of jealousy is a long work on yourself, aimed at suppressing your own whims.

Admit that you are jealous. This is the first step on the path.to solving the problem. It may often seem that you are jealous “for a reason”: you looked in the wrong place, said the wrong thing, didn’t call, etc. … Perhaps this is true, but the feeling of jealousy itself is yours and no one else’s. After all, you can react differently to your boyfriend’s actions and words — you choose this method.

Stop!Don't run your thoughts through your head, don't make up unnecessary things, don't go through his phone. "Easy to say," you think, "but hard to do." In reality, it's not that bad. Every time you're overcome by a fit of jealousy, think: what do you want to find? After all, if nothing is found, then the search will only "feed" your inner rodent, and more complex and sophisticated constructions of possible deception will arise in your brain. And if something is found, what will you do with it? If you have a clear answer to this question, then act, and if not, then it's better not to even interfere in your man's personal space; after all, if he notices it, then big trouble awaits you.

Discuss with your loved one the objective reasons for yourjealousy We talk a lot about the fact that the source of jealousy is in the soul of the jealous person. But what about truly objective situations, when it is simply impossible not to be jealous? In an adult way, that is, discuss them with your partner. This is the only way to get rid of problems in a relationship, when one goes to meet the other, and together they overcome difficulties.

Listen to him This is the first thing to do,if you suddenly have some suspicions. Sometimes jealousy distorts consciousness so much that we stop adequately perceiving the reality around us. Most likely, nothing terrible happened, and your boyfriend will be able to explain everything to you. Just do not force him to do this too often, otherwise he may get tired.

Be a rationalist When your boyfriend is calmand clearly explains the situation to you, all you need to do is listen to him. And not drive from corner to corner of your mind the thought that he is deceiving you and trying to wriggle out of it. Yes, it is difficult, but necessary. In the end, think about it: why would a normal man live with one woman, have fantastic sex with her, full of tenderness and mutual understanding, and at the same time get involved with others? And if your boyfriend does nothing but talk about polygamy and demonstrate it, maybe it's time to think about why you stay with him?

Let off steam elsewhere Sports and anyphysical work will help to cope with a psychological surge. Usually, in the heat of the moment, we can say all sorts of stupid things to our partner, which we may later regret. Try not to bring the situation to the point of absurdity and discuss problems only in a relatively calm psycho-emotional state.

Increase your self-esteem Take care of yourselfsome time - where does your deep self-doubt come from? Perhaps these are some old childhood complexes and psychological traumas. Try to look at yourself from the positive side. You have a lot of advantages - do not forget to remind yourself of them every day. You have a unique highlight - emphasize it. Show new talents, find an interesting occupation, realize yourself in work - all these things will help you feel worthy, less emotionally dependent on your partner and, as a result, stop being jealous.

Silence is golden Meaningful silencewill make him realize his mistake much faster than shouting. And in a conversation, sometimes keeping silent can be very useful if you were going to say something stupid, thereby hurting your partner. Silence is the only option for partners when they can take a breath during a conversation and pull themselves together - that is why it is so useful to resort to it, especially in conversations concerning such an emotional issue as jealousy.

The existential side of the question Remember thatfor the sake of a true feeling, which is the meaning of life for any person, it is easier to forgive your loved one than to run away to someone you do not love who has not yet cheated on you. You have been through a lot together, there have been many wonderful moments in your relationship - so why ruin it in one fell swoop?

Of course, jealousy can take place, because no oneis not ideal, and even a reasonable amount of it can revive a relationship. But you need to learn to maintain the right balance. Find it by maintaining the level of trust in your couple. Love yourself and your partner, and jealousy will never ruin your relationship! We recommend reading:

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