Being parents is not only an honor, but alsotroublesome and responsible. And being the parents of a teenager is a difficult test altogether. Of course, it is not for nothing that folk wisdom says that little children are little troubles, and children are big troubles. Teenagers sometimes have problems with their peers, sometimes their first unhappy love, and sometimes some other misfortune happens. And it is the parents who should be there, help and support their grown-up child. But it is impossible to tell about all the problems of adolescence within the framework of one article, so today we will talk about a specific problem, namely, how to increase the self-esteem of a teenager. Surely this question interests many parents, because the self-esteem of a teenager is the most vulnerable spot. Deep self-analysis is typical for a teenager, and it is always subjective - he manages to find 333 shortcomings, and in most cases completely fictitious. And in the case where there are real shortcomings - For example, excess weight, glasses or poor performance at school - lights out. Where there is low self-esteem, there are always various complexes. And what could be worse for a developing personality than an inferiority complex? Therefore, the main task of parents is to raise this very assessment, thereby protecting his fragile psyche from unnecessary shocks.
How to understand if self-esteem is understated?
Unfortunately, it is not always the parentsunderstand that their son or daughter's self-esteem is low - very often teenagers carefully hide all their experiences. But in order to help the child, you first need to understand whether the problem itself exists. Attentive parents do not even need to say anything - they will figure it out themselves. To make the task easier, we offer you a series of questions that will help clarify the situation. The more questions you answer positively, the more acute the problem.
Of course, one - two positiveanswers may be a coincidence, so it is too early to raise the alarm - just watch your child. But if there are three or more positive answers - the teenager needs help from adults. Moreover, if the parents do not react in time and do not correct the situation, there will be a need for professional help from a child psychologist.
What can not be done in any case?
Very often, adults, having discovered lowself-esteem, try to find an answer to two well-known questions - who is to blame and what to do? And few people think that, first of all, the parents are to blame for the child's low self-esteem. A thoughtless word, an unjustified punishment, an innocent joke in your opinion - all this can become the beginning of serious problems. Therefore, carefully study what should never be done and remember it well. It is very likely that these undesirable elements of "upbringing" are inherent in you to one degree or another. So:
- Do not criticize the child
Criticism is, of course, necessary.But criticism is exclusively constructive! In no case should you turn to the child's personality, even if he or she has made you very angry. For example, a teenager has disobeyed you once again. Most often, he or she hears the statement "you are unbearable!" Replace this statement with another one - "your behavior has become unbearable." That is, criticism should be directed at the teenager's undesirable actions, but not at his or her personality!
- Do not skimp on the praise
Unfortunately, we are all quick to punish, especiallyif we are talking about a child. But it is not so easy to wait for praise from parents. And it is very much in vain - if you do not regularly praise your child, his self-esteem is unlikely to be high enough. Of course, praising him every time for washing his own plate is too much. But if you at least once a week note what a helper you have, the child will definitely appreciate it.
- Do not focus on shortcomings of appearance
In adolescence, the attitude towards one'sappearance is the most critical. Parents should be especially tactful when it comes to the appearance of a teenager. No criticism or even comments in a joking manner - even if there is a reason. The maximum is a very tactful remark, or even better advice.
- Do not compare your child
A very big mistake that is often madeparents - this is a comparison of their child with his peers. Especially if this comparison is far from in the child's favor. For example, it is wrong for a child who brought another C to cite as an example his classmate who gets only excellent marks.
How can I help my child?
So, we figured out how to understand whatteenager low self-esteem and how not to make the situation worse. Let's now figure out how to increase this very self-esteem of a teenager. In fact, this is not such a difficult task - at least for parents. Very often, mom and dad complain that their grown-up child has become very distant and withdrawn. Adults think that they are losing their former authority for the teenager. However, in fact, this is not so! The child still depends very much on your opinion, so everything is in your hands.
- Watch the appearance of the child
The flawless appearance of a teenager isis a very important issue that parents should keep under control. A timely haircut, for girls - a manicure, fashionable clothes - yes, all this requires a lot of expenses, but you should not save on this. Children - are cruel creatures, especially in adolescence. Therefore, the money saved on jeans or a sweater can be the price for the peace of mind of your son and daughter. Although, of course, this does not mean that you should indulge absolutely all whims and buy things from the latest collection of world-famous fashion designers - everything should be reasonable and in moderation. By the way, speaking of clothing style - be sure to listen to your child. Your ideas about teenage fashion can be very different from reality. Let the teenager make the choice of things on his own. In extreme cases, slightly correct this choice - carefully and unobtrusively. Believe me - If you do everything right, your child's self-esteem will improve in no time.
- Help the teenage achieve something
Do you want to boost your child's self-esteem?Help him find a reason to be proud, because it probably exists, the teenager just doesn’t see it. Maybe your son is into playing the guitar? Buy him a good instrument and give him money for a personal teacher. Is your daughter into photography? Give her a good camera and support her endeavors. Many teenagers write poetry - print a collection! Let it be in only 10 copies, but it will happen! Does your daughter like to cook? Great, suggest that she invite friends and throw a party. There is a spark in every child, the main thing is to see it. If you succeed, very soon the child will earn recognition among his peers. And it is unlikely that anything can increase self-esteem better than this. And who knows how life will turn out? Perhaps this teenage hobby will become the work of your child’s whole life?
- Teach your child to say "no"
Many people don't even realize thatSelf-esteem can be raised by several points at once if you learn to say "no". This is also true for a teenager - if he cannot refuse anyone anything, he will feel led, which does not contribute to a high opinion of himself. By the way, almost no one with low self-esteem knows how to refuse. He believes that by helping others, he becomes more important to them. In fact, alas, this is not so - people simply shamelessly use such a "friend-comrade". But they do not gain any respect. Moreover - very soon people begin to take this help for granted and simply become impudent. As a result, the teenager's self-esteem falls even lower. Therefore, dear parents, teach your children to respect themselves and refuse if they are trying to exploit them.
- The material side of the question
Man does not live by bread alone.We have all been taught since childhood that material goods are not the most important thing in life. However, modern reality dictates its own rules. We have already said above that you cannot save on a child's wardrobe. However, in addition to clothes, a modern child has other needs. For example, a mobile phone, a player, a computer, after all. Firstly, all these things are really necessary for the normal life of a teenager. And secondly, it is also a question of prestige - a child who does not have all this will most likely be teased very quickly by his peers. Believe me, there can be no talk of any self-esteem in this case.
- Self respect the child
All the above mentioned methods to increaseteenager's self-esteem are certainly effective. But all of them will be completely useless if you do not respect your child. Dear moms and dads! To begin with, understand one very important thing - your yesterday's baby is already a fully grown person today. An adult with his own desires, opinions and potential, even if not yet fully realized. And you must respect this person, take him seriously and take his opinion into account. We have already talked about the fact that you should not allow yourself to humiliate the child under any circumstances. But in addition to this, it is important to make it clear to the child that you consider him equal to you. At family councils, always take into account the child's opinion, periodically ask his opinion on this or that issue. And, most importantly, from time to time do as the child advises - even if it is not always correct. The main thing is that the child will see confirmation of his importance. If you follow all the recommendations, you will definitely be able to increase the child's self-esteem. Of course, this will not happen in one day, but patience and work will grind everything down. If after two or three months you do not notice an improvement in the situation, you should contact a child psychologist. And this does not mean that you should take your child to an appointment under escort - very often a conversation between the parents and a psychologist is enough, who knows exactly how to increase the self-esteem of a teenager. We recommend reading:
