Being parents is not only honorable, but alsotroublesome and responsible. And being a teenager's parents is a difficult test. Still, it's not for nothing that folk wisdom says that small children are small babies, and babies are big boys. At teenagers that with contempoparies of a problem, love the first unfortunate, still what trouble will happen. And it is parents who should be there, help and support their grown-up child. But about all the problems of adolescence within the framework of one article you will not tell, so today we will talk about a specific problem, namely how to increase a teenager's self-esteem. Probably this question interests many parents, because the self-esteem of a teenager is the most vulnerable place. For a teenager, an in-depth introspection is typical, always subjective - he manages to find 333 shortcomings, and in most cases completely fictitious. And in the event that there are real shortcomings - for example, excess weight, glasses or poor academic performance in school - in general gout light. Where there is low self-esteem, there are always different complexes. And what can be worse for an emerging personality than an inferiority complex? Therefore, the main task of parents is to raise this very rating, thus protecting his fragile psyche from unnecessary shocks.
How to understand if self-esteem is understated?
Unfortunately, parents do not always understand,that self-esteem of their son or daughter is understated - very often adolescents carefully hide all their experiences. But in order to help the child, you must first understand whether the problem itself exists. Attentive parents do not need to say anything - they themselves will guess everything. To facilitate the task, we offer you a number of questions that will help clarify the situation. The more questions you give a positive answer, the sharper the problem.
Of course, one or two positive answers canbe an accidental coincidence, so it's too early to raise the alarm - just watch the child. But if there are three or more positive answers - a teenager needs help from adults. And if the parents do not react in time and correct the situation, the need for professional assistance of the child psychologist will appear.
What can not be done in any case?
Very often adults, finding a lowself-esteem, try to find an answer to two well-known questions - who is to blame and what to do? And it does not occur to anyone that first of all parents are to blame for the understated self-esteem of the child. An ill-considered word, an unreasonable punishment, an innocent joke in your opinion - all this can be the beginning of serious problems. Therefore, carefully study what to do in any case impossible and well remember. It is very likely that these undesirable elements of "upbringing" are inherent in one or another degree to you. So:
- Do not criticize the child
Criticism, of course, is necessary. But the criticism is extremely constructive! Do not go to the child's personality, even if he is very angry with you. For example, a teenager once again disobeyed you. More often than not he hears a saying "you are unbearable!". Replace this statement with another - "your behavior has become unbearable." That is, criticism should be directed at the unwanted actions of a teenager, but not on his personality!
- Do not skimp on the praise
Unfortunately, all of us are quick to kill, especiallyif it is a child. But praise from parents to wait is not so simple. And very vain - if you do not regularly praise your child, his self-esteem is unlikely to be high enough. Of course, for the washed plate behind itself to praise every time is a search. But if you at least once a week to note what kind of assistant you have, the child will appreciate it.
- Do not focus on shortcomings of appearance
In adolescence, the attitude towardsappearance is the most critical. Parents should be particularly tactful when it comes to the appearance of a teenager. No criticism and even remarks in a joking manner - even if there is an excuse. A maximum is a very tactful observation, and even better advice.
- Do not compare your child
A very big mistake, which is often assumedparents - this is a comparison of his child with his peers. Especially if this comparison is not in favor of the child. For example, it's wrong for the child who brought the next three to give an example of his classmate, who gets some excellent marks.
How can I help my child?
So, we figured out how to understand thatteenager understated self-esteem and how not to exacerbate the situation. Let's now understand how to increase this self-esteem of a teenager. In fact, this is not such a difficult task - at least for parents. Very often, my father and mother complain that their grown-up child is very much distanced and withdrew into himself. Adults think that they are losing their former authority for a teenager. However, in fact it is not! The child is still very much dependent on your opinion, so everything is in your hands.
- Watch the appearance of the child
Impeccable appearance of a teenager is veryAn important issue that parents should keep under control. Timely haircut, for girls - manicure, fashionable clothes - yes, all this requires a lot of expenses, but it is not worth saving. Children are cruel beings, especially in adolescence. Therefore, money saved on jeans or a sweater can be a price for peace of mind of the son and daughter. Although, of course, this does not mean that you have to indulge absolutely every whim and buy things from the latest collection of fashion designers of the world name - everything should be reasonable and in moderation. By the way, about the style of clothes - be sure to listen to your child. Your ideas about teenage fashion can be very different from reality. Allow the adolescent to make his own choice of things. In extreme cases, slightly correct this choice - neatly and unobtrusively. Believe me - if you do it right, raising a child's self-esteem will not be long in coming.
- Help the teenage achieve something
Do you want to increase your child's self-esteem? Help him find an excuse for pride, because he certainly is, just a teenager does not see him. Perhaps your son is fond of playing the guitar? Buy him a good tool and give money to a personal teacher. My daughter is fond of photography? Give her a good camera and support her beginnings. Many teenagers write poetry - type a collection! Let it be only 10 copies, but it will be! Does your daughter like to cook? Fine, invite her to invite friends and have a party. In any child there is a spark, the main thing is to see it. If you succeed, the child will soon gain recognition among peers. And it's unlikely that something will improve your self-esteem better than that. And who knows how life will turn? Perhaps this teenage enthusiasm will be the work of your child's entire life?
- Teach your child to say "no"
Very many people do not even guess thatSelf-esteem can be increased immediately by several points, if one learns to say "no." This is also true of a teenager - if he can not refuse anything to anyone, he will feel himself guided, which in no way contributes to a high opinion of himself. Incidentally, almost none of the people who have understated self-esteem, can not refuse. He believes that by helping others, he becomes more meaningful to them. At the very least, this, alas, is not so - people simply shamelessly use such a "friend-friend". But they do not add respect. Moreover - very soon people begin to perceive this help as a matter of course and simply insolent. As a result, the adolescent's self-esteem falls even lower. Therefore, dear parents, teach your children to respect themselves and refuse if they are being exploited.
- The material side of the question
Man does not live by bread alone. All of us have been taught since childhood that material benefits are far from the most important thing in life. However, modern reality dictates its own rules. Above we have already said that you can not save on the child's wardrobe. However, in addition to clothing, the modern child has other needs. For example, a mobile phone, a player, a computer, after all. First, all these things are really necessary for a normal life of a teenager. And secondly, it is also a question of prestige - a child who does not have all this, most likely very quickly peers tease. Believe me, there is no question of any self-assessment in this case.
- Self respect the child
All of the above ways to increase self-esteemteenagers are certainly effective. But all of them will be completely useless if you do not respect your own children. Lovely mom and dad! First, understand one very important thing - your yesterday's baby today is already quite an adult. An adult personality, with their desires, opinions and potential, even if not fully realized. And this person you must respect, take seriously and take into account her opinion. That you should not under any circumstances allow yourself to humiliate the child, we have already said. But besides this it is important to let the child understand that you consider him to be equal to yourself. On family councils always consider the opinion of the child, periodically be interested in his opinion on this or that question. And, most importantly, from time to time do what the child advises - even if it is not always right. The main thing is that the child will see confirmation of its importance. If you follow all the recommendations, you will definitely get to improve the self-esteem of the child. Of course, this will not happen in a day, but patience and work will all peretrut. If after two or three months you do not notice an improvement in the situation, you should contact a child psychologist. And this does not mean that you have to lead a child to a reception under escort - very often there is enough talk with parents of a psychologist who knows exactly how to increase the self-esteem of a teenager. We advise you to read: