How to get rid of loneliness quickly and forever

Despite the bad weather, the calendar already showsIt's been a long time since spring. Every girl, thinking about this period, dreams of one thing - a big and beautiful love. But for some reason it doesn't come. And so millions of girls are sad, not knowing how to get rid of loneliness. If you are one of them, then perhaps our article will become a key for you, opening the door to a new happy life.

Loneliness: a variety of interpretations

The phenomenon of loneliness has been discussed by people sincethe very times when they became interested in the question of the human soul and personality. For some, it is embodied in the absence of a life partner, someone considers people who have few friends to be lonely, and other people understand loneliness as a special state of mind that does not depend on the intensity of contacts with others. What do psychologists think about this? Followers of the great Sigmund Freud suggest that we distinguish between such concepts as solitude and loneliness. In the first case, we are talking about a normal “state of mind” that arises as a result of the absence of someone in our environment. Loneliness is a constant, irresistible state associated with the presence of egocentrism, narcissism and hostility in the character. The roots of this, as a rule, are in deep childhood, when a child has a very great need for closeness with parents, which for one reason or another is not satisfied. Psychologists, who consider each person unique and inimitable, consider those people lonely who find themselves in the world without their usual psychological protection. For example, a person has been angry with others all his life, and because of this, he has no friends left. He realized this and gave up his usual behavior, and at the same time found himself in a very vulnerable position. He feels that he is unworthy of love and good relationships with others. It is the fear that it will hurt now that makes the experience of loneliness so acute. It is believed that there is no universal definition of loneliness. Each person experiences this state differently, and no one can do it for another. At the same time, for most people, the feeling of loneliness has some common features, such as totality, integrity and all-encompassingness. It is characterized by complete immersion in oneself. It is thanks to this that you acquire some new knowledge about your own soul. It is impossible to get them otherwise if you are constantly in contact with someone. In the modern world, people often feel lonely. Large spaces of megacities, it would seem, should prevent this - but no! On the contrary, being in a crowd, a person feels loneliness more and more often. Sociologists attribute this to the weakening of ties in various groups, such as family or neighbors. If we used to know almost everything about those around us, now it is not so rare not to hear “hello” from a passing acquaintance. We are used to being in our own apartments, as if in shells, not seeing or knowing anyone around us and not feeling the need to communicate with them.

10 most common causes of loneliness

The feeling of loneliness is directly related to ouremotional state. After all, what prevents a person from enjoying the freedom he has, enjoying his independence and his own happiness? But not everyone can do that. We often face our own nervousness, sadness and irritation at the whole world. This is especially true for women who do not have a beloved man. Before you understand how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness, you need to understand the reasons that cause it.

Lack of self-confidence Very often you failname the reason why you feel lonely. In this case, most likely, it is inside you. If a girl feels insecure, she simply cannot present herself worthily when meeting a man. The feeling of her own inferiority can prevent her from opening up. Of course, it will be very funny and ridiculous if you smile or, God forbid, joke! Obviously, each person has objective shortcomings - for example, you stopped taking care of yourself, and your figure "spread out" - and imaginary ones. So, it's time to stop worrying about the latter! Forgetting about them, you gain the opportunity to meet a worthy life partner and new friends.

Obsession with one topic There are things,that should be discussed exclusively with women: clothes, shoes, beauty salons, baby diapers and unfaithful husbands. Of course, you can discuss a new healthy eating system that you like with a friend or your boyfriend - perhaps you will find a like-minded person in him. But daily conversations on the same topic can "destroy" the brain of any sane man. They are much more interested in doing or trying something than in discussing for hours the smallest nuances of all the fashion trends of this year. And especially do not tell them how much your new dress costs!

Narrow social circle You don't go anywhere and do nothingyou don’t want to do in order to communicate with the people around you. The choice is, of course, yours, but if you close yourself off only to yourself and your apartment, nothing good will come of it. Almost no one is interested in “stirring up” a person who doesn’t want anything himself. Judge for yourself, would you invite a friend to a cafe for the tenth time, who has already refused nine meetings? Probably not. Where will communication come from if you yourself don’t strive for it? Perhaps the matter is in shyness or natural laziness, but only by overcoming them, you can learn how to get rid of loneliness.

Worldview If you consider all people onplanet Earth evil, it is no wonder that they do not want to communicate with you! No one is interested in a person who sees everything in a negative light and believes that man is a wolf to man. The same applies to relationships with men: if you think that they are all counted as cattle, then so it will be.

Over-persistence Reverse viewdoes not bode well either. People often get scared when they see excessive persistence in communication. They think that there is some kind of catch hidden in this, and they do not see the “initiator” in a favorable light. Especially men: for them, discussing the details of the future wedding and the names of potential children on the third date is like death.

Narcissism It is not advisable to communicate with conceited people.is interesting to every living soul. A person likes to feel their own importance, and if they do not get it, they become sad. Do you think your partner will strive for a person whose communication brings only grief and disappointment in themselves? That's right, they will not. It's great that you are so beautiful and smart, but other people also want to feel their status. In relationships between a man and a woman, this usually manifests itself in exorbitant expectations on the part of the partner: a white limousine, expensive restaurants, vacations on the islands and bouquets of hundreds of roses - only a few are capable of this, but their human qualities remain a mystery. Therefore, for your own good, it is useful to find a balance between your own dignity and your attitude towards the people around you.

Sharp tongue Almost no one likes itsharp and poisonous jokes about yourself. Indeed, you can find a funny flaw in every person and make fun of it, but why do it all the time? People start to feel embarrassed, nervous, lose their mental balance and do everything to hide from you. Men especially don’t like this line of behavior - they want to be winners in the eyes of women, and here you “drown” them in stupid remarks!

Overprotection Every woman has hidden insidethe most powerful force called maternal instinct. But in some cases, especially when you don’t have your own children yet, you begin to spread your care and attention to all the people around you. This looks, at the very least, strange. For example, men want to see you as a passionate lover, an interesting conversationalist and a good friend, but they have enough of a kind mother at home. Don’t take this slippery path!

Lack of time You spend a huge amount of timestrength to make a career? Commendable, but you probably noticed how your colleagues leave work at six to meet with friends or family, and you crawl home after ten o'clock in the evening, where no one is waiting for you except for the cat. Communication with people is an important part of any person's life, and if you find it difficult to be spontaneous in this matter, then use your business skills - separately plan get-togethers with girlfriends or find a gentleman for yourself.

Fear of pain It is pain that makes us avoidthe reason that caused it in the past. This is a completely normal process aimed at preserving life, but in relationships between people it can create a lot of inconvenience. But, firstly, by getting rid of communication, you will not be able to experience the sincere joy that it can give. Secondly, it is far from certain that you will be hurt again. Yes, it is possible, but whoever does not take risks, does not drink champagne!

Not being alone is easy!

More precisely, not quite so - absolutely everyoneчеловек способен понять для себя, как избавиться от одиночества. В любом случае придется что-то поменять в жизни, так как исходный ее вариант уже привел вас к неудовлетворенности. Страх одиночества способен довольно ощутимо усиливать тяжесть и глубину непосредственных переживаний. Подумайте, сколько на это тратится ресурсов! Собственная отгороженность от общества сразу же кажется во много раз ужаснее и страшнее, чем она есть на самом деле. Да и никакого удовольствия от уединенности вы получить не сможете. Соответственно, в первую очередь необходимо понять, как избавиться от страха одиночества. Для этого подумайте, что оно для вас вообще означает, и развейте до конца логическую цепочку. Например, одиночество — это когда некому в старости поднести стакан воды, то есть как-то помочь. Или одиночество означает, что вы — неполноценная женщина, раз никто не хочет брать вас замуж. Все эти идеи помогут вам понять, чего же вы боитесь в одиночестве и, возможно, часть из них покажется вам абсурдной. Далее необходимо разобраться со старыми обидами, которые мешают вам общаться с людьми. Звучит, конечно, немного странно, но наверняка они есть в вашей жизни. Даже если вы попытались забыть их, они могли спрятаться глубоко в душе и вредить оттуда вашей жизни. Чтобы оценить это, проанализируйте, какова ваша основная проблема в отношениях с людьми. Сформулируйте ее и подумайте, не было ли давным-давно ситуации, в которой бы данная проблема имела место быть впервые и которая бы вас сильно травмировала? Если вы можете вспомнить нечто подобное, то велика вероятность психологического переноса, который предопределяет ваше восприятие других людей. Проще говоря, вместо того, чтобы быть с реальным человеком в реальных отношениях, вы начинаете думать и видеть в общении с ним что-то плохое, после чего контакт обрывается. Или начинаете вести себя так, будто бы пытаетесь сопротивляться обидчику из прошлого. Что с этим делать? Хороший вопрос. В первую очередь, необходимо разрешить себе переживать из-за травматичной ситуации. Наши чувства нередко тормозятся всякими социальными установками типа “нечего страдать из-за всякой ерунды” или “пообижалась, и хватит — пора все забыть и идти дальше”. Из-за этого вы не проживаете ситуацию до конца, не отпускаете ее. Далее попробуйте представить человека, с которым у вас связаны травматические переживания, сидящим напротив вас на пустом стуле. Внимательно рассмотрите его лицо, обратите внимание на жесты и позу. Что вам хочется сказать ему? Если в голове ступор, попробуйте вспомнить время, когда вы страдали из-за него, и немного расскажите ему о своих чувствах. Скорее всего, язык у вас развяжется. Выскажите пустому стулу все те мысли, которые годами прокручивались у вас в голове во внутреннем диалоге. Можете даже заорать, разбить тарелку или атаковать подушку. Ну, а если у вас есть возможность высказать свои эмоции человеку в реальности, воспользуйтесь ею – и удивитесь тому, как сильно изменится ваша жизнь через какое-то время. Через недельку после предыдущего упражнения начинайте использовать техники позитивного мышления. Как известно, Вселенная откликается на наши послания по отношению к ней. Соответственно, вам необходимо настроиться на то, что все будет хорошо. Каждый день повторяйте себе по несколько раз следующие вещи:

There are a lot of interesting people around me;
I am full of kindness towards people;
It is easy for me to get acquainted with pleasant people;
When I talk with another person, I experience warmth and joy;
I feel self-confidence;
I am full of strength and energy for communication;
I'm ready to love and be loved;

However, in order not to be unfounded, usestrategic planning: where, when and how you will communicate with people. If it concerns friends and acquaintances, set aside time to organize a theme party. If it concerns communication with men, then think in detail about the easiest places to “pick up” the subject you are interested in. Keep your appearance in perfect condition: go to the gym, do your hair and nails, wear nice clothes. Make a list of qualities and manners that men like, and try to get into character. Just do not forget that he should be authentic to you, that is, you should be comfortable in him. He can be your opposite, but only if this arouses your interest, and not disgust and a desire to run away. Remember that happiness in relationships with people around you almost entirely depends on your internal state. You need to take responsibility for what happens to you. It is useless to complain that nothing works out with you, and your neighbor Masha is tired of fighting off admirers. Most likely, she is sincere and active in her manifestations, and does not fence herself off from the whole world with a wall of loneliness. You only have to want it - and you will go beyond it and be happy surrounded by the closest and most pleasant people. We recommend reading: