How nice it is when someone tells youwarm words, and even emphasizing those aspects that are important to you! Surely every woman has heard compliments addressed to her at least once in her life. But not everyone can adequately respond to them. How to respond to a compliment so that both the speaker feels good and you are pleased? A good question, and we will try to find an answer to it.

Types of compliments

There are a huge variety of compliments, andThe reaction to them can vary greatly depending on the type. Firstly, they can be sincere and not so. As a rule, in the latter case, you are left with some unpleasant aftertaste after hearing the praise. In everyday life, we call it flattery. Usually there is some hidden goal behind it, which is almost always felt in communication. Pleasant words can be said from different positions: on an equal footing, from above and from below. A man who compliments a woman in the latter version has no chance. We are not interested in those who feel one step below. Praise from above looks like a handout from the powers that be and usually causes only irritation and aggression. And only a compliment made on an equal footing is worthy of a positive and sincere reaction. Sometimes it is difficult for a guy to give you a direct compliment, so he takes a roundabout route. For example, instead of “you look great,” he says: “Every passerby turns to look at you!” You can hear anger in this, and it is logical, because he is worried about his own lack of self-confidence. There is also such a subtype as hidden compliments. It is not always appropriate to tell a person nice things directly - in this case, the atmosphere of closeness and trust in the relationship is created by indirect methods: interested questions, sincere comments and natural reactions to the conversation. We encounter this especially often at the beginning of a relationship, when the guy and the girl are a little awkward and, at the same time, enjoy playing such a subtle game.

Wrong reactions

Before we talk about how to do it rightreact to praise, it is necessary to understand the peculiarities of our negative reactions. Some girls blush from embarrassment, others try to turn invisible. One way or another, you can react to compliments in different ways, but I want to protect you from the most common mistakes:

• Objection Very many girls, having heard praisein their address, they immediately begin to argue with her: “There’s nothing special about it!” or “It just happened!” Behind this lies the desire to belittle themselves and their merits, which, at the very least, looks rather strange and causes awkwardness in the one who gives the compliment.
• Justification The girl instantly has a desirejustify something good. Often she starts telling unnecessary details about why some of her features are admired. For example: “Oh, I bought this dress at a second-hand store for next to nothing.”
• Ignoring Some women in generalprefer not to respond to a man's compliment, pretending that nothing happened. But in reality, it only makes sense to do this when you deeply dislike the person and don't want to talk to him at all. Otherwise, the lack of reaction hurts even more than its presence in any form.
• Neglect You must admit, it is very unpleasant,when you praise someone, and they make a brick face and show indifference with their whole appearance. It feels like you gave something away, but no one needs it, and disappointment and resentment become the natural result.
• Over-enthusiasm This is another extreme,which should be avoided. There is a category of girls who, having heard a few flattering words addressed to them, are ready to do everything for the person who said them. But this is wrong! Normally, if someone gives you a compliment, he just wants to make you happy, and he does not need anything else from you. But if you lose your head and start to “float”, then you become very vulnerable and accessible to manipulation.

The reasons for incorrect responses to compliments

Almost nothing in the world happens by chance. В основе всех вышеперечисленных реакций лежат какие-либо причины, которые, как правило, бывают связаны с личностными проблемами. Возможно, что дело и не в вас — чтобы исключить это, подумайте над тем, какие комплименты вызывают у вас желание послать говорящего их куда подальше. Если в этот список войдут лишь отдельные люди с их словами, то стоит задуматься над общением с ними. Ну а в том случае, когда вы вообще не можете принимать похвалу в свой адрес, стоит поискать причину в себе. Чаще всего ей оказывается заниженная самооценка. У вас есть стойкая уверенность в том, что вами невозможно искренне восхищаться. Соответственно, любая похвала воспринимается как издевка и вызывает неправильную реакцию. Обычно корни этой проблемы стоит искать в детстве, когда родители и прочие значимые взрослые мало хвалят ребенка, который пока еще мал, и все его представления о себе зависят от оценок окружающих. Поэтому, уже будучи взрослой, вы воспринимаете любые комплименты с недоверием, и вам кажется что вас обманывают. Единственный выход — полюбить себя. Кстати, это положительным образом скажется на всех сферах вашей жизни. Из заниженной самооценки вполне логично вытекает чувство неловкости, которое испытывает человек, услышавший про себя будто бы незаслуженную похвалу. Иногда в особо запущенных случаях оно даже трансформируется в чувство вины, ведь вам кажется, что вы обманываете окружающих, и у них возникают иллюзии на ваш счет. Другая категория людей наоборот обладает завышенной самооценкой. Им кажется, что достижение, на которое обращает внимание человек — сущая мелочь, и они способны на большее. Некоторые даже умудряются обидеться на похвалу, произнеся что-то вроде: “Неужели вам кажется, что это максимум того, что я могу сделать?!”. Если комплименты вызывают у вас эти или похожие чувства, то очевидно пора задуматься о коррекции самооценки. Бывает и так, что нам кажется, будто бы комплименты нас к чему-то обязывают. Если вас похвалили, то человеку необходимо дать что-то взамен: ответную похвалу, свое теплое отношение или даже какую-либо услугу. Обычно всему виной установки, с детства или юности засевшие в подсознании — “в жизни нужно платить за все” или “бесплатный сыр бывает лишь в мышеловке”. Можно, конечно, банально ответить комплиментом на комплимент, но велика вероятность, что это не будет выглядеть красиво и естественно. Гораздо лучше, если вы поработаете с этими установками, например, составив список хороших “бесплатных” вещей и убедив себя в иррациональности проникновения товарно-денежных отношений во все сферы жизни. Наконец, последняя причина, по которой мы не знаем, как ответить на комплимент правильно, заключается в подозрительности. Вы решаете, что человек пытается вами манипулировать при помощи похвалы. Проще говоря, льстит вам, преувеличивая или даже придумывая несуществующие достоинства и достижения. К сожалению, в некоторых случаях это может оказаться правдой, и тогда вашей интуиции следует поставить памятник. Однако если вы в каждой похвале стремитесь углядеть подобный подвох, то стоит задуматься. Скорее всего, все дело в негативных установках относительно людей или всего мира в целом, к примеру, “мужчине от женщины может быть нужно только одно” или “мир полон зла”. Естественно, что подобные идеи просто не дадут вам быть счастливой, и от них нужно избавляться — иногда с помощью психолога.

Action plan

So, someone gave you a compliment.Perhaps it is a man who has long been attracted to you or a boss who is pleasantly pleased with the annual report - it does not matter. You should discard all the above-mentioned obstacles and irrational attitudes in order to respond to praise correctly. And we will tell you how to do it.

Believe the compliment inside Do you know,that people usually say nice things to each other just to make each other happy? Well, accept this fact! When you hear a compliment about yourself, be sincerely happy to yourself. Perhaps the person's words sound false and unnatural, but try to believe the opposite. You can reassure yourself that even if it seems as if your merits were exaggerated, this is your friend's personal point of view. And he has the right to think so, especially since we often perceive ourselves through the prism of personal defenses and attitudes, and a person from the outside may know better. In addition, you have nothing to lose by believing the compliment, but if you are disappointed, you will get a spoiled mood for half a day.

Sincere joy Once you acceptcompliment the second stage of the reaction will come by itself. You will look into the eyes of the person who voiced the praise, straighten your shoulders, straighten your back and smile beautifully. He will be pleased to see that you are happy with his words. We will tell you a short story sent by one of the readers. A sad girl is standing at the bus stop - it looks like she is very tired from work. And then a guy passing by complimented her figure. How she instantly blossomed! There was no trace of fatigue left, and in a couple of seconds she turned into a real beauty. That's how powerful compliments are.

Gratitude The simplest and easiest thing you can doyou can do is say: “Thank you!”. This is absolutely and completely enough for an adequate reaction to a compliment. You don’t need more! Although, if the person’s praise really had a magical effect on you, you can say something like: “Your words are a real balm for my soul!” or “Thank you, I’m so glad you like it.” In some cases, it’s appropriate to joke: “I’m learning from you!” or “I’m taking an example from you.” If there is slight embarrassment, then you shouldn’t hide it: “I’m embarrassed, but I’m very pleased to hear it.” You can dilute the words with non-verbals and take the person’s hand or even hug. The most important thing is to be natural and positive.

In order to answer any questions correctlycompliments you just need to realize one simple thing: you have every right to accept them from the people around you. When they say them, they do it sincerely and from the bottom of their hearts, wanting to bring you joy or improve your mood. You have the right to be happy that other people like you or your actions. Well, in order to hear pleasant words addressed to you more often, you just need to say more compliments yourself, and they will definitely return to you a hundredfold.

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