When we start a family, we all naively think that there will be no quarrels.there won't be any. After all, we love and understand each other perfectly, therefore, we will live together happily ever after. Without scandals and conflicts. Soul to soul. Meanwhile, time passes, and quarrels begin to appear almost out of nowhere. Sometimes we despair, believing that love is leaving. However, quarrels are a completely normal phenomenon. Conflicts that arise from time to time between people living side by side are inevitable and are even a sign of a healthy family. At the same time, it is important to know how to quarrel correctly, so that one day a quarrel over unwashed dishes or scattered newspapers does not lead to a dramatic ending. Usually, women wise in family experience teach us how to behave with our husbands so that he is happy with everything. How to talk to him, how to meet him from work, how to serve dinner... But almost no one teaches how to quarrel with a man correctly. And little has been written about this, and no one gives lectures. So let's think for ourselves how we can have a row in such a way that we can let off steam and not destroy the family.

Why do quarrels arise?

Most family quarrels start because ofsheer nonsense, smoothly flowing into almost a universal war between the spouses. Then it acquires the status of a cold war, with a tense atmosphere in the house, sullen silence of the husband and wife and their stubborn unwillingness to look each other in the eye. Sometimes such a situation is discharged within one or two days. And sometimes it drags on for weeks and even months, creating an ever deeper gulf between the spouses. As a result, a quarrel that began over trifles can lead to a breakup. And only later, after the divorce, we begin to understand with pain that, in essence, there was no significant reason for it. A wonderful ending, isn't it? Two people who love each other went their separate ways because of scattered socks. But the conflict could have been extinguished at the very beginning, preventing it from developing into irreconcilable hostility. But for this you need to be able to quarrel in such a way as to ultimately improve family relationships. And not to kill them, causing each other unbearable and everlasting pain. Unfortunately, not all spouses quarrel correctly. We do not know how to conflict at all. We get heated, irritated, cross all boundaries, unfairly accusing the opponent of all sins ... In family quarrels, this often takes on the character of fights without rules, where the husband and wife try to hit each other as painfully as possible. This is understandable. Spouses know each other's most vulnerable spots very well, and in the heat of an argument they hit exactly in these places. Hence - the deepest grievances and the inability to forgive and forget them. Misunderstanding, coldness in the relationship, divorce arise. Conclusion: learning how to quarrel correctly is very important. Let's see if there are any unspoken laws of correct family quarrels.

Rules of normal family quarrels

We have already said that even in very prosperousIn marriages, periodic quarrels are almost inevitable. At the same time, after scandals, families not only do not fall apart, they become stronger, more perfect, more harmonious and reliable. In fairness, it must be said that in such families, during a quarrel, it is usually the wife who behaves correctly. Men are more straightforward. And if war is declared on them, they rush into battle without thinking much about the tactics of its conduct. This means that in order for a scandal between spouses not to lead to the collapse of the marriage, the tactician in it must be a woman.So, how do tactical women behave during quarrels? They adhere to some rules. Namely:

Scandal in the family should only concern the promptingits causes. You can not start a quarrel because of scattered things or unwashed dishes, then move on to situations from the past, to relatives, friends or some of the wife's shortcomings that are irrelevant to the quarrel;

In a quarrel, one should not use phrases like "... yesyou are always! "or" ... you never! ". According to psychologists, such expressions are nothing more than programming a person for the same actions in which he is reproached. Husband, if he is guilty of something, you need to give a chance to improve. It's unlikely that our halves want to upset us. Rather, on the contrary;

In the right quarrel, in no case can we recall what was the year, month, week ago. Do not even touch what happened yesterday;

In general, a quarrel should take place in certainwithin emotional boundaries. When we are angry, we have poor self-control and can say a lot of things that would never occur to us in a calm state. Go and prove to your better half that it was just anger! Therefore, as soon as you feel that you are starting to boil over in earnest - go into another room and count to ten. This will calm you down and you will be able, if you really want to, to continue the argument with a "sober" head;

Don't rush to respond harshly to some offensive comment.husband's remark. Take a slow breath in and out two or three times. And then calmly say something in response. Don't forget about the "sober head" rule!;

For proper quarrels in the family it is worth inventing some kind ofritual. For example, agree with your spouse on a certain dress code for scandals: dressing gowns, blouses, shirts of a certain type. And, at the slightest sign of a tense atmosphere in the house, immediately go to the bedroom and put on "clothes for a scandal". Such techniques are the best way to reduce tension;

Don't sulk for a few days after a scandal, don'tKeep quiet and don't pretend to be unapproachable. Often men would come up to us with apologies, but we look as if we are ready to rush into battle again. As a result, our husbands retreat in fear and withdraw into themselves. Don't traumatize them after quarrels - men are more vulnerable than us. It would be better to pretend after a while that nothing happened, or even apologize. It doesn't matter that your husband will remain silent or mutter something in response. A man should emphasize his status. Some time will pass, and he will thaw out.

Keeping a family together is not an easy task.And its successful solution depends mainly on the woman. Because a woman is wiser and more tolerant by nature. It is she who creates the mood in the house, and it is she who can make all the household members happy or unhappy. What can you do, such is our fate! Therefore, in order to maintain the warmth in your relationship with your husband for many years, you should learn how to quarrel with him correctly. After all, any normal spouse does not like scandals and deep down really wants his other half to be happy with him. Sometimes our faithful simply do not understand why the scandal broke out. After all, everything seems to be in order - and the salary has been delivered home, and the favorite sofa has received its owner. Rejoice, wife! But she, instead of joy, spews thunder and lightning. Like, you are lying here like a log, you have scattered things all over the house, you have thrown all the plates into the sink, and so on and so forth. The husband, naturally, begins to defend himself. And off we go. As a result, it turns out that he has ruined his better half's life, that he is nothing but trouble, and in general they need to separate. And that's it. And everything has turned upside down. The husband no longer wants to return home from work, he spends more and more time with friends. And then, maybe, not with friends. Unfortunately, such a scenario for the development of family relations is quite common. No, of course, there are situations when a man has really committed a significant offense. But even in this case, a huge scandal is not a way out. A quarrel of this kind will only give the husband a reason to justify himself and set him against his wife for a long time. But a calm, fairly tough conversation will make it clear that your actions should be reviewed and adjusted. To avoid quarrels over trifles, it is better to immediately distribute responsibilities in the family and establish some rules. For example, if the wife is at work, the husband cleans the house, and vice versa. Or so that the cleaning is done jointly. With mutual agreement and consent, the number of reasons for quarrels will be significantly reduced. Everyday quarrels over trifles spoil our lives so much! And it is so difficult for us to tell our loved one: “Sorry, my dear. I was wrong!” And grievances accumulate, and dissatisfaction with each other grows, and love and warmth in relationships disappear. And all this because of unwashed dishes and scattered socks?! Is our happiness so cheap that we give it away so easily and frivolously? We quarrel, quarrel, quarrel... No, it is almost impossible to do without quarrels in the family. This is how a person is made - strong negative emotions contribute to his internal progress. Therefore, almost all of us need them. However, we should not allow them to ruin our lives. Happiness is a very fragile thing. So let's take care of it and quarrel with our beloved man only according to the rules! We advise you to read:

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