Whoever initiated the parting - you orhe, in any case, will face pain and disappointment. Most likely, you will have a very difficult time. How to deal with this yourself? What to fill the emotional void after parting? On these and other questions you will learn the answers from our article, devoted to how to survive the rupture of relations.

Stages of experiencing a break

There is nothing eternal in our world. Sadly, this principle applies to love. What started as the most beautiful and romantic love story in the world, after a while can turn into a drama or a boring narrative. You thought that you finally met a suitable man, but at some point your relationship could not stand the test of strength. Either way, you're breaking up. Unfortunately (and, maybe, and fortunately), the rupture of relations can not be experienced in a single moment, no matter how often we do not like it. Everything in our life has its place, including people, and when we lose them, there seems to be emptiness in our soul. You've probably heard a wide variety of descriptions of how long a break is going on: someone claims it is half the duration of the novel itself, someone talks about one week for each month spent together, and for someone else it takes the form of half-year "spree." At all, everything passes individually, however there are some general stages through which each "parted" woman passes:

Denial The severance of relations is rightfully on thetop of the hit parade of the most stressful events in a person's life. It's no wonder that at first you absolutely do not want to believe in what is happening - it seems to you unreal and slightly grotesque. Some women even experience psychosomatic reactions such as stunning, prolonged (more than twelve hours) sleep and other bodily phenomena. This is how the body tries to protect our fragile psyche from mental trauma.

Search for "guilty" Sooner or later you realizethe reality of what is happening. And at this moment there is a desire to understand what happened to your beautiful couple. Most likely, you just try to find the guilty. It's natural that at the very beginning you are seized by anger, and only one thought turns in your head: "It's all his fault!". And so it is really easier, because then you are almost completely removed responsibility for what is happening. But with this anger you can and need to cope. Well, if instead of scratching his car offensive words you just take to the trash everything that reminds him. Often, a woman experiencing a break in relations with her beloved, later "throws" and at the other extreme. Bitter thoughts of one's own guilt come to mind. For example, "if I were softer, we would have succeeded" or "I should have been more attentive to it" and many more other small things that may have been very annoying to your ex. But this samopakanie is quite meaningless and even harmful, because you do not get anything but complexes. And we must not forget that each of us has its own shortcomings, and usually they do not determine the outcome of the situation. People are able to put up with the negative features of another throughout their life - this is called acceptance, and if in your case it was not, then the relationship is likely to have been doomed.

Regret One morning you just wake upunder the weight of that sad fact that in your life there is no longer this person. Resentment, anger, guilt - all these feelings pass, giving way to new ones - sadness, sadness and regret. This is a period of experiencing the death of your story and its mourning, and it is very, very difficult. Sometimes it will even seem that this state will last forever, but it is not. The main thing - do not stop yourself, give vent to feelings and tears. Of your life, an important person really leaves you, and this loss is quite large. Therefore, we should not expect the rapid completion of this stage - it will probably take no less than six months. But gradually you will become easier.

A new life Gradually the stream of tears subsides, youcome to and understand that the world, it turns out, did not collapse. People all also go to work, meet with friends, rejoice and smile in the spring sunshine or fall autumn. You have the strength to return to life, and that's why it's very important to keep in touch with your close people. Visit your friends or go to your parents "for pies." And best of all, meet someone new - new characters will help you get rid of the past and let the future into your life.

Summing up We wrote above that younecessarily want to find the reasons for your parting with a man. But just now it's time to think about what really happened between you. Yes, do not be surprised, but only now, when your head is free from resentment and anger, you can soberly analyze the gap in the relationship between you. Most likely, this man was really a good person, like you. But something went wrong, and your task is to understand what exactly it was to build a new relationship with the peace of mind and not to drag the luggage of the past in them. It happens that people simply by mistake fall on the pages of each other's lives, and it is not worth the effort to preserve this connection at the price of one's own happiness.

Who will win?

You probably know that a lot dependsfrom the one who initiated the parting. This important moment determines the alignment of forces in the process of rupture, and also affects the degree and depth of your emotional experiences. If he threw you, do not commit inadequate, inappropriate and rash acts, for which he will then be ashamed. Yes, it hurts, it's insulting, because a man just rejected you. That's why you allow yourself to feel anger and sorrow, grief and despair. Do not try to seem strong - this will take a lot of mental strength, which you now are important for absolutely another. There is another very interesting point: when they leave us, a much deeper experience of guilt, after all, it often seems that we were rejected because of our own individual shortcomings. At the same time the woman practically does not undertake responsibility, as the decision on parting was made by the man. And in this case it is worthwhile to be cautious and not to slide into the victim's position, which attracts to him after such a break. In the case if you decide to break off the relationship, chances are high that you will be covered by resentment and anger. It was you who made the decision to part, and most likely it is due to your deep dissatisfaction with the relationship. But it is not very easy to drive away the thought: "Why did not he do anything to save me?". This position is less destructive for your personality, but there are also dangers here. Do not doubt and do not regret your actions, reproaching yourself that although it was bad, it was. Now for you the main thing is time to come to your senses, after all knowingly they say that time is the best healer.

The most actual ways to fill a void

Psychologists unanimously declare that to beginA new life is best in harmony with itself. Now the most important thing is not to make mistakes and save your own mental resources. That is why do not rush to beat the wedge with a wedge and start a new relationship (although there are also happy exceptions). It is better to repeat the words as often as possible: "Everything that is done, everything is for the best!". And also follow our psychological recommendations on how to survive the break with your beloved:

• Avoid the victim's position Undoubtedly, in itthere is a mass of bonuses and advantages: you are all sorry and help you, and the soul is somehow morally easier - because you are good, and it is bad! Oh, yes, of course, you have a moral permission to run yourself, to arrange a mess in the apartment, to work through your sleeves - in general, to abandon those spheres of life that somehow require your efforts and attention. Only now, then, will not it be sad then about what you turned into? Therefore, right now, as soon as you want to feel sorry for yourself and desecrate, stop this stream of thoughts with the words: "So, enough! I'm not a victim, but an adult self-assured woman, who is now simply difficult. But I cope with this! ".
• Do not go back to the past. So we are,women, that in moments of special emotional vulnerability, we are drawn to former guys or husbands. Especially often it happens on a drunk head, so if you know for yourself such a feature, take care in advance that the phone is out of your reach. But seriously, every time when there will be a temptation to return everything to its place, stop and remember, because of what you, in fact, broke up. You can even write a letter to yourself, in which you paint all the shortcomings of a relationship with a once beloved man in paint - this will be an excellent "antidote" to sentimentality.
• Try to use dances and music, like a certainthe ritual of purification For this, it is not necessary to be able to dance - just close your eyes and move to the music the way your body asks. Very soon you will see that being alone and living happily is not so difficult. But it will be in the near future, but for now you have to adapt to new life circumstances.
• Reading books is an ideal way to cry withthe hero of the novel, which, like you, is going to parting, and maybe with him to come to some decision. The same applies to films - these are all variants of parallel reality that help you to get distracted from what is happening and become a source of mental strength. Do not overdo it - you still can not forget about real life.
• As often as possible, communicate with people who are aloneby their presence they can set you up for a positive mood It can be a fun chirping gaggle of girlfriends that will help you to leave a self-interest and will give you a sea of ​​joy even in such a difficult period for you. Or it may be a friend who knows and understands everything about you and already expresses her support and participation in one of its kind. However, if you need to speak out, contact a professional psychologist who, unlike her friends, will not give unnecessary advice, but will listen and help you to find the right direction in life.
• Do not spend all your free time at work,turning into a workaholic But to take up a complex and interesting project is quite another matter. First, you will gain confidence in yourself and your forces, because such things contribute to the disclosure of all your capabilities and resources. And, secondly, you just digress with such a useful and interesting thing.
• Do not rush to start a new novel "to spite him" andTo prove that you need someone Instead of the expected triumph, such a relationship will bring you emptiness and frustration, because, most likely, it turns out that nobody cares about your love triumphs. And this is a strong blow to self-esteem. Better make a pet. In addition to jokes - the need to take care of your favorite little animal will distract you from your experiences and will not allow them to "get stuck" on them. Just do not "replace" cats with men - it's still not the same thing.
• Find yourself a suitable hobby Case "for the soul"will help you not only to calm your nerves, but also to acquire new acquaintances. Perhaps what you need is a change of image that will make you feel refreshed and happier. Another good tactical move is to do what we wanted for a long time, but until now either there was not enough time or determination. In any case, you can manifest yourself and realize a secret dream - who knows, maybe now in your life it is time for a drastic change?

Parting is very difficult and crisisfulperiod. But it gives us a lot: vitality and fortitude, self-confidence and one's own strengths, as well as the experience of independence and independence. Only by going through this, you will understand that nothing is impossible for you. And now, after tears, snot and sleepless nights, you finally smile and enjoy life. And this means that you are one step closer to finding true and sincere love! We advise you to read:

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