All families are happy equally ... It is difficult to argue withthe master of world literature, who besides that was also an excellent family man. Leo Tolstoy generally appreciated family relations, cherished the family and fragile family happiness. Of course, Tolstoy, more fortunate in his family life, owes his wife: patient, understanding, tender and caring. However, his credit was also in that. After all, it is clear to everyone today that without mutual desire for a happy family life it will not work. And what is happiness in the family? Was Leo Tolstoy right when he asserted that everyone had the same happiness? What do we put into this concept? How exactly do we want to be happy? Is not the bar high? Do not we focus on the established myths? And anyway, is this possible in modern realities? Let's figure it out.

Family happiness and the modern world

Let's start, perhaps, with the last question. Is it possible to have a happy family life today? And we will not look for an answer to it! Because the answer is: it is possible! And it's not true that there used to be other times - the times are always the same. And people are the same at all times. It's just that each time has its own religion, its own philosophy and its own morality. And what is the moral of the modern world? Alas, today's world is more amoral. We are driven by consumer instincts, we want to take and do not want to give. We do not want to think about other people's troubles, we do not want to take care of elderly parents, we do not want to deal with our own children, but we do not want to give birth to them at all. But stop! And why then live? Money for money? Sex for sex? And what is the meaning of life then? Believe me, this question is not rhetorical. One sage said that the meaning of life is to be someone necessary. When a person ceases to be necessary, he loses the meaning of life. And who in this life we ​​need, if not to our relatives, our family? That's why in the modern world the family is the only refuge from immoral reality. That's why we all subconsciously strive for family happiness, we shoot movies about it and write books. However, in our endeavor, we must try not to rely on the widespread myths about family happiness.

Five myths about family happiness

Modern man thinks in a stereotyped way - this isthe costs of our information age. Therefore, we sometimes do not make decisions based on the results of our own reflections and assessments, but on the basis of the generally accepted opinion or the so-called myths. Myth one: not all are created for family life. Most young people think so. In any case, the overwhelming majority of those who approve of this, it is simply convenient to think so. And young ladies are no exception: they are not created for motherhood or for marriage. Of course, where it is more convenient to live in one's own pleasure, not to bear any responsibility for their household members, not to report to anyone. However, all this is good for the time being. When it's time to admit your own mistakes, it's almost impossible to fix them. Firstly, all worthy partners for family happiness are already dismantled, attached and quite happy. And secondly, when time is lost, cardinally changing the way of life and thoughts is really very difficult. Therefore, everything has its time. And people unadapted to family life simply do not exist: there are only those who do not want (for the time being) to burden themselves with family ties. The second myth: a happy family is the result of a lot of luck. Many people think that if people are happy in marriage, it means they were just lucky to find each other. But if the family life is not working, then the partners just do not suit each other. In fact, this is not so. The family is everyday work: physical and spiritual. Very often the spouses, who initially form an ideally harmonious couple, can not create a truly happy family and eventually part. And cases when in the family from the first days of its existence reigns calm and peace, practically does not occur (only as a very rare exception). Only those families who are able to not only create this happiness but also save are truly happy. And happiness in family life is a reward for the ability to compromise, to surrender one's own desires and value a partner. In addition, families are often happy where the spouses have far from ideal characters, but they know how to tolerate each other's shortcomings, know how to forgive and love not for something, but in spite of everything. Myth three: for family happiness you need prosperity. That's all myths myth! Of course, the happy existence of the family will not prevent money, nor spacious housing, nor suburban real estate, nor a personal car. However, you know a lot of families, where prosperity would help save love, save the spouses from quarrels, betrayals, divorce? That's it: do not confuse cause-effect relationships. All of the above benefits alone will not contribute to family happiness, it all depends on people. Ironically, most unlucky families live in full prosperity. Of course, life sticks, lack of money or cramped housing will easily cause the collapse of the family. However, loving people to be happy nothing will not hurt. After all, it was not invented by us that with a nice paradise and in a hut. So not prosperity becomes the cause of family happiness, but vice versa. Myth Four: an incomplete family can not be happy. Here, dear ones, let's not confuse family happiness and personal happiness. First, an incomplete family is a family without one of the parents, and secondly, an incomplete family is a family without children. When there is no father or mother in the family, this is certainly bad, but this fact alone can not prevent such a happy family from becoming. Often absent parents are successfully replaced by grandparents present, and sometimes even a single mother (or single father) is able to make her small family happy. Yes, a woman without a man can be unhappy (on a personal plane, in the sexual sphere of life), but in an incomplete family she is primarily a mother. And the mother is able to make her children happy, and if she sincerely desires, nothing and nobody can interfere with her! Another issue is a family without children. Here, too, is a twofold situation. One case where the spouses are satisfied with each other and for no reason simply do not want to bear children. For the time being, such spouses are quite happy, but the moment comes when this happiness gradually begins to flow away like water through your fingers: people have not done the most important thing for their happiness. And most importantly, they are children who, as you know, are the fruit of love. A barren love is doomed to a slow and painful death. If the spouses want, but can not have children, then there are only two ways to develop their relationship. Either this development simply does not happen, and people part, or they take this fact as a reality that can not prevent their love and happiness in marriage. Myth Five: in a happy family there can not be quarrels and troubles Oh, how wrong is he who is sure of it! Cloudless happiness does not happen! Even in the happiest families, passion, love and a romantic atmosphere can not reign forever. On the contrary, fervent feelings are gradually transformed into a more calm and stable relationship. But they also need to refresh from time to time. And then, people can not always be happy with each other: loving spouses also get irritated, there are everyday difficulties. And even in happy families comes grief, and there are losses. Sincerely and strongly loving each other, the couple also quarrel, too, take offense, too, are unhappy. So, for a happy family, all this is only a part of life, and note, a happy life. And if people are not able to survive such cataclysms, then they will not be able to save family happiness either. A happy family is a quiet harbor, in which serious storms also occur. And the ability to survive them is the ability to save the happiness of your family.

The basis and superstructure of family happiness

In Soviet times, the family was called a cellsociety. Today it sounds, to say the least, trite, but the slogan has not lost its relevance. In fact, the family is a certain construction with a solid foundation (basis). So the foundation of any happy family can only be love, but love is mutual. And everything else acts as a superstructure. And how do we build our own happiness in family life? First of all, their desire to have a full-fledged family. And all our efforts are applied to this desire. The desire to provide the family with prosperity and comfort in the home, a sincere desire to make the spouse and children happy, the ability to forgive and tolerate the shortcomings, taming their own ambitions, the strength to experience adversity and much, much more. A happy family is built all my life. This is an ongoing process, because any family - the construction is fragile, no matter how strong and stable it may seem.

The key to family happiness

And where to get the key to family happiness? And is it the same key? The answer to this question, strangely enough, was found by scientists from the Australian university Dikin. In the family, the couple should be happy about equally. This conclusion was reached by sociologists in the process of analyzing the data of ten thousand married couples from different countries (Austria, Germany and Great Britain). According to the researchers, the following factors influence the "difference in happiness" between husband and wife:

• difference in income level;
• belonging to different religious castes;
• the need to lead a household alone.

They also managed to find out that the risk of severing the relationship between the spouses directly depends on the personal happiness of each of them.

• If the spouses are happy in the family about the same, then the probability is very high that their union will last a very long time.
• If the husband feels happier in the family than his wife, then most likely, their relationship will end in a divorce.
• A marriage, in which the wife is happier than her husband, has a future.

And do you think, is it true that all the happyfamilies are happy equally, and each unfortunate family is unhappy in its own way? So once wrote the great writer Leo Tolstoy, unaware that after many years this topic will remain relevant. Or maybe he knew this, and that's why he allowed himself such a statement? After all, what is family happiness? This is your home and your family, where you always want to return. These are your native people, whom you need and without which you simply can not live. This is your world, your little universe and your huge love. This is the meaning of your life. What do you think? We advise you to read:

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