Well, now a man has appeared in our circle,one look at which made the heart tremble. You want to think about this guy, you want to dream about dates with him, you want to hear his voice... But we are perfectly aware that the young man is not the hero of our novel at all! A serious and promising relationship with him will not work out. Why? You never know... For example, he is too much of a womanizer, an irresponsible egoist, a frivolous flier or just someone's gentleman or even husband. Naturally, you can't get carried away by such an unreliable guy or even someone else's lover! If you allow yourself to mindlessly dive into the pool of feelings, you can drown. Is it worth doing this if you understand that there is only suffering ahead? Of course not! But how can you manage your emotions? How can you curb them and not fall in love with such an attractive man? After all, it is better to try to prevent the disease than to suffer and look for ways to cure it later, when it goes into an acute stage. And to do this, we need to at least understand a little why it arises and whether it can be managed and controlled.

Where does love come from?

Why do people fall in love?After all, it is completely irrational. You forget about everything in the world, you become stupid, you cannot concentrate on anything useful and sometimes you start doing things that would never occur to a person in their right mind! Who needs such sudden madness? No one. If we could control our own emotions, we would allow ourselves to fall in love sensibly and only with someone who suits all parameters. And everything would be decorous and noble, and any young lady would fall in love only of her own free will. But you can’t curb them, these wayward emotions! They rush forward, biting the bit, go and cope. What should you do if you understand perfectly well that you have fallen in love with a man who is not made for you? And in general, why did you choose him and not a more suitable guy? It must be said that there is no clear and unambiguous answer to such a question. Scientists and experts insist that this happens due to an excess of a chemical substance called phenylethylamine in the body. They say that when there is a lot of it, we can fall in love with almost the first man we come across. Scientists, of course, know better. But somehow it is hard to believe that the feeling of falling in love is explained by banal chemical reactions. After all, the true reason for its occurrence is hidden somewhere in the depths of the subconscious. It is like a bomb, the detonator of which is triggered when we receive the appropriate sign. It can be a guy's smile, his gestures, his voice, even the smell of cologne ... The girl felt it, saw it, heard it and - trrrah! The bomb exploded, the dose of phenylethylamine released into the blood went off the scale, and the young lady fell in love. Then, when the brain comes to its senses after such a powerful explosion, she will be able to more or less soberly assess the situation. And realize how suitable the object of her love is for her. If it suits, there are no questions. You can give in to the feeling, and come what may. Well, and when the young lady realized that she managed to fall in love with a man who is not suitable for this, then she will have to think about why this happened and what to do now. There is only one answer. You need to extinguish the just flaring feelings, before it is too late. Otherwise, it will be difficult to cope with them. Of course, managing emotions is not easy. But if you try hard ...

How to stop the development of love

In general, a person falls in love with anyone when,when his psyche is ready for it. And it doesn’t care whether the object of passion meets any specific requirements of the mind or not. The main thing is to latch onto something and start realizing the emotional potential. You can latch onto an item of clothing, a mysterious phrase, an attractive appearance, an interesting conversation, an unusual act… Even the guy’s hairstyle! The psyche finds an anchor of this kind and begins to create an image around it. As a result, we begin to look at a sometimes ordinary man with completely different eyes, attributing non-existent virtues to him and embellishing the existing ones. What does this mean? It means that it is enough to eliminate the anchor, and the fog of love will gradually begin to subside. Where to begin such an elimination?

It is necessary to determine the fact that this personwe really do not need. For this, without emotion, we calmly and reasonably explain to ourselves what it is that does not suit him. It would be advisable to write everything on a piece of paper. But only not general phrases like "we are absolutely different" or "we will not get anything done." You need to fix the essence of the problem. For example, write that the guy has a difficult character, that he can not be true, that he is already busy and so on. Making a list, we are trying to find the most serious reason for the inexpediency of feelings for a man. As soon as we find it, put a point, hang a leaf on the wall in front of you and reread it as often as possible.

You must forbid yourself to love this person. How? We put it on a par with some relative - father, brother, uncle. Do not we think of falling in love with them? No, because it is a taboo, entrenched in the subconscious from the earliest childhood. That's trying to put in its frame of someone who seemed too attractive to us. We tell ourselves that a close relationship with a man is impossible, and we drive away all thoughts about the likelihood of a novel. In a word, we associate a guy with his relatives in order to include within himself the mechanism of his perception as a brother.

It is desirable to try our bestraise self-esteem and look at the man as if down. At the same time, we remember the sense of proportion, or you can imagine yourself a queen, to whom no one is worthy at all. Enough and the fact that we will regularly praise ourselves and our actions, not forgetting to repeat that we deserve the best man. If for several days to direct thoughts in such a direction, very soon the acuity of feeling will be dulled, and the object of falling in love will not seem so stunning at all.

It is necessary to make maximum efforts to ensure thatdistracted. We leave with a head to work, have fun with friends, spend a lot of time hobbies or sports. In a word, we do everything to think about our feelings as little as possible. Download anything you want, just do not leave in your head a window for heavy thinking about the situation. Immediately throw a young man out of your head, of course, will not work. But you can organize a stream of related reflections, if you give them a certain time - an hour in the morning, an hour for lunch, an hour before going to bed. I must say that such memories will inevitably breed dreams. We do not allow them to spread their wings, deliberately driving them into a dead end.

It is necessary to get rid of the desire to idealizeimage of a guy. In general, the idealization of the male image is the most pressing female problem. Here we will draw to ourselves a portrait of the chosen one, and then we fall in love with the meeting in the one in whom we will see at least some resemblance to this portrait. And completely without perceiving the obvious differences and not listening to the arguments of reason. This, they say, is my destiny, and the point. With this position can not cope with either reason, or trying to reason with the sensuality of a lady feeling friends and relatives. Emotions completely deprive her of the ability to soberly assess what is happening and perfectly disguise the negative features of her lover.

However, this is not our case.We understand perfectly well that we fell in love unsuccessfully and that we need to get rid of the feeling. This means that we need to destroy the fictitious image and try to look at the young man differently. That is, from the point of view of his unattractiveness. It must be said that this is not so simple - an emotional outburst creates a wall through which unsightly actions and traits are not visible. But we want to get rid of being in love! This means that we open our eyes wider, turn on our brains and debunk the man with the help of methods that have been tested in practice.

Techniques that do not fall in love with the image of a guy

As we have already understood, in order not to fall in love with a guyup to our ears, we must first of all knock him down from the pedestal of the ideal on which we ourselves have raised him. That is, understand that he is by no means the crown of creation and not the embodiment of a dream. How should we act to achieve such a goal? There is nothing tricky about it. We just need to change our view of what we considered the exclusive merit of a man, and pay more attention to the flaws in his appearance and behavior. That is, we need to change our attitude towards the person. To do this, we will have to act approximately like this:

The guy seemed uncommon to us. Let us attribute this unusualness to the behavior of inadequacy and the desire to show off;

The young man has attracted his mysteriousness. We will explain this quality with secrecy and a tendency to deceive;

The man is interesting for his charisma andintellect Let's begin to reason this way. Charisma - just a charm that does not indicate the nobility of the soul. A high intelligence is often a companion of double egoism and an inability to love for real. With such a person, become a companion of life, obviously will have a hard time;

The guy's amazing appearance. Beauty in general.the concept of a lengthy and subjective, and even a man's and even more so. It is likely that we found the young man beautiful under the influence of the love that had already arisen. And it may very well be that he really has an outstanding appearance - an excellent physique, tall stature, masculine facial features. But, in the first place, many girls like this! It turns out that a man will always have a lot of fans and is unlikely to resist temptations all the time. Secondly, such a brilliant exterior is not yet a proof of the firmness of the spirit. It may very well be that this "hero" is actually a cowardly petty being. And in a difficult moment, without hesitation, he betrays anyone.

This is roughly how we need to changeвпечатление о человеке. Чтобы ускорить этот процесс, необходимо искать в нём недостатки самого разного толка. У парня небритые подмышки? Какой ужас, ведь от него всенепременно однажды сильно начнёт пахнуть потом! На молодом человеке надета несвежая рубашка? Похоже, что в таком же состоянии и носки… Он, наоборот, слишком много внимания уделяет гигиене и одежде? Оооо, это вообще заставляет заподозрить мужчину в чрезмерном занудстве и нарциссизме. А то и в некоторых интересных, пока ещё не ярко выраженных, наклонностях. В копилку недостатков объекта увлечения складываем всё – игнорирование или незнание правил этикета, отсутствие вкуса, неосведомлённость в элементарных вопросах и даже неумение управлять самолётом. Ах, он умеет? Тогда, значит, плохо танцует. Или неважно рисует. Или пишет с ошибками. Да мало ли! Было бы желание. Что-то отталкивающее можно найти в любом человеке всегда. Не получается? В таком случае прибегнем к помощи подружек или мамы. Опишем им парня без предвзятости, намеренно высказываясь о нём в негативном ключе. Не нужно думать, что это несколько безнравственно, – нам необходимо вдолбить себе в голову, что мужчина больше плох, чем хорош. И если не удаётся справиться с этим самостоятельно, придётся сделать так, чтобы его как следует отругали окружающие. Иной раз мнение близких людей действует отрезвляюще. Уничтожить в себе влюблённость неплохо помогает сравнение молодого человека со своим предыдущим увлечением. Но только тогда, когда сравнение это в пользу бывшего кавалера и когда этот кавалер вспоминается без отвращения. В противном случае мы рискуем ещё больше привязаться к тому, кого хотим забыть. Оно и понятно – антипатия к прежнему другу автоматически спровоцирует рост симпатии к другу нынешнему. Нам такое абсолютно не нужно. А вообще, чтобы не потерять голову из-за одного человека, нужно не отказываться от флирта с другими и благосклонно принимать мужские знаки внимания. В таком разе мы, во-первых, рассеем своё внимание, а во-вторых, будем иметь варианты выбора. Даже если мнится, что лучше нынешнего избранника в мире нет. Это всего лишь фокусирование эмоций на конкретном объекте. Фокус в любой момент можно изменить. Нет подходящего для этого мужчины рядом – сосредоточимся на каком-нибудь актерё, певце, да даже на футболисте или политическом обозревателе! Главное, чтобы он вызывал симпатию. Приобретём фотографию знаменитости, прицепим её на видном месте и скажем себе – этот мужчина действительно супер! Нашему молодому человеку до него очень далеко! Честно говоря, в борьбе чувств и разума чаще всего побеждают чувства. Нет, пока любимого нет рядом, рассудок ещё резвится. Но как только он появляется на горизонте, — амба! Весь рационализм бесследно испаряется, в голове начинается круговорот, под ложечкой образуется вакуум, душа улепётывает в пятки… Так стоит ли прилагать столько усилий к тому, чтобы избавиться от чувства? Дорогие барышни, да влюбляйтесь на здоровье! Ведь не так уж это важно – подходит мужчина, не подходит. Важно оставаться живой, способной на печаль, восторг, неразумные поступки женщиной. Только так можно ощутить всю прелесть бытия и оставить за собой право на счастье. Советуем почитать:

Comments

comments