What is loneliness? The Internet tells us that this is a special psychological state of a person, connected with the absence of close emotional ties with other people. Probably, each of us at least once in my life felt lonely. Agree, this stage in the life of a person is recalled with dislike, and with the slightest approach, there is at once a desire to learn how to deal with loneliness. But is this really necessary? Let's try to understand this problem.
Loneliness: Pros and Cons
"Loneliness is a bastard ...", is sung in onethe well-known song. But is this true? The last few centuries, people just do that they try to get rid of loneliness. Many are defeated on this front, and all because they initially wrongly approach the solution of the problem. Loneliness has its positive aspects. However, in this case, psychologists prefer to call it another word - "privacy". We will ponder on the topic of how our contact with the environment is built. Now, you have a need that you have realized after a while. After that, you have to choose from the environment the object with which you will satisfy yourself. Finding it, you merge with it for a moment into one. Speech here can go both about something material, and about live people. Obviously, it is impossible to always be with someone or something in contact. At some point, it is interrupted, and you need time to digest your impressions and experience. If this stage was not, then the psyche simply could not cope with the information received. In addition to the above-described paramount function, loneliness has a number of other advantages:
- Time for yourself When you talk a lot with otherspeople, you do not have the opportunity to do something for yourself. And what about our favorite care procedures, reading, watching stupid TV shows and a lot of such pleasant nonsense? Being engaged in all this, we rest and get pleasant emotions.
- The opportunity to understand yourself In a life full of suchsituations where we do not know what we want and what needs to be done. Solitude creates a psychological space in which you have a chance to hear and understand yourself. Agree, without it, anywhere!
- Freedom When you are not connected to anyone, it givesyou have a huge space for freedom of action. You do not need to report to other people and take their opinions into account when making decisions. You just do what you want, and achieve the goals you need.
Of course, everything is not as rosy as we would likethink. Loneliness does not accidentally have so many negative connotations. Women are especially afraid of him - probably this is due to our high emotionality and the need for communication. Most likely, you and without us are well informed about the lack of loneliness, but we still list them:
- Harmful Health Latest researchshowed that there is a link between loneliness and the risk of developing various diseases. Along with alcohol, cigarettes and harmful fatty foods, it depletes the human body and leads to the occurrence of psychosomatic disorders: diseases of nerves, heart, stomach, etc. ...
- Deteriorating contacts with the world A lonely personbegins to suffer from distrust of everything around him. Often this is due to the fact that people are alone after quarrels, changes and partings. Strong stress traumatizes the human psyche, and after it happens it is very difficult to recover.
- The effect of "infection" When your girlfriendtells you about his loneliness, you may have feelings and experiences that are consonant with her state. After all, each of us is to some extent lonely, and when we are in contact with such people, this effect is intensified.
- Insignificant loneliness Very rarely around youpeople manage to notice that you are alone. A lonely person looks and behaves almost the same as everyone else, only inside he has pain. This leads to a worsening of the psychological state, and you experience the feeling that nobody understands you.
You are alone?
Surely after reading all of the above,you are interested in the question of how alone you are. When you come home, you are alone with yourself, and often this is accompanied by a feeling of gray, sombre angst, covering the whole space around you. The TV and the cat become members of your family, and you by voice distinguish the DJs of your favorite radio station. Naturally, your psychological state is far from ideal. You feel emptiness, sadness, and the word "happiness" can cause you only a sad grin. Some lonely people begin to evil and poisonously joke, "flooding" with sarcasm all the space around them. A person experiencing loneliness, very much wants to sleep, but with sleep there may be problems. It is not surprising, because it's not a problem, but that the bed is the only place where it's still warm and cozy. In the apartment you feel uncomfortable - the emptiness prevents it. Life begins to resemble a groundhog day: everything is the same, and nothing new is happening. At the same time, you begin to avoid people. Of course, because they can not understand what is happening to you. The strongest sign of loneliness is a feeling of abandonment in a crowd of people or at a party. You may not want to take off sunglasses even at night - but suddenly someone will see your eyes?
Wrong ways to escape from loneliness
For any person, the experience of lonelinessbecomes an incredibly painful test. Yearning, emptiness, a sense of lack of something important - all these things prevent a person from experiencing privacy in full, forcing them to flee from it where their eyes look. The fear of remaining with own inferiority leads to the emergence of various options for this flight. Women's escape from solitude often takes the form of an obsession to get married. This leads to illegibility in the matter of choosing a partner, which, of course, does not bode well. The charm of the courtship period and the alluring prospect of the wedding ring on the ring finger of the right hand literally do not allow the woman to see inconsistencies in values, outlook and views on family life. Do you dream of a cozy house with three children, and he - about the world tour? What's the difference, because we love each other so much! All this ends in a feeling of deceit in the relationship. But to disperse after a lapse of years is not so simple, and you continue to be nominally a couple, while experiencing a sense of loneliness in the family. If you can not marry, you can try to become part of a group or community. This creates a sense of consistency and ownership of something important. Such a need is very popular with any unscrupulous people, for example, sects whose membership leads to the loss of one's own personality. Thanks to the Internet, in the modern world almost no one feels lonely - more precisely, there is always the opportunity to escape from loneliness into virtual reality. Social networks, forums, communities of interest - on the Internet, a lot of sites for communication and uniting people among themselves. However, here lies its danger. The relationships that we build in reality require from us a considerable amount of effort and the need to make compromises, and also contain a significant element of risk - suddenly I do not like, or will I be left for the sake of someone better? Internet relations in this regard are simpler and easier: if something goes wrong, you can simply "remove" the unwanted person from the list of friends and find him a replacement. Yes, and you are in contact, by and large, not with a real person, but with your fantasies at his expense.
Loneliness: how to deal with it?
Are there any correct options for howto struggle with loneliness? In general, there is nothing impossible for man. But, most likely, in something you will need to change, because the habitual lifestyle has led you to a negative state. What should I do?
What conclusion can be drawn from our article? Everything needs a balance. With solitude you should not fight, it is the natural phase of contact with the world, necessary for processing the experience gained. But if it takes more than necessary, part of your life and turns into oppressive loneliness, then this should work. Remember that everything is in your hands, and you can become happy if you really want it! We advise you to read: