Love is a feeling, thanks to which it turnsplanet Earth. This can be stated without exaggeration. Testing it, we are ready to do what we normally would not have done: to turn mountains, lose weight by twenty kilograms, move to another country, jump with a parachute - and all this for the sake of a loved one. However, life is a strange thing, and this most magical love has the property of once disappearing. Usually one partner informs about its loss to another, and the latter does not know what to do about it. How to forget the old love? What can I do to recover from this?
Why does love go away?
When we remember the relationship, then each of usfor sure they most like the beginning: the first exciting moments, experienced together, loving glances, walks under the moon, the magic moments of recognizing another person. And suddenly at some point this feeling disappears. Why is this happening?
- True intimacy Strangely enough, it is shecan provoke the departure of love. Many people are afraid of really close relationships, as they require a serious return of mental strength and responsibility for another person. Yes, and this closeness implies a deep knowledge of the partner, including the shadow sides of his personality. Collision with them, not everyone is able to survive, and this, as a rule, is the first serious crisis in any pair.
- Inconsistency of inner worlds Each of ushas its own personal core, on which you rely on life: values, worldview, life goals. It is very important that the partner, although to some extent, share these important spiritual grounds for you. Divergences in the life ideology lead to serious differences in interests, needs, principles and behavior in general. Sooner or later a man and a wife understand that their couple is simply not viable, unless, of course, one of the partners does not renounce his life plans.
- Unsuitable characters. If we are abovetalked about some fundamental differences, then in this case we are talking about the manner of behavior and temperament. For example, his wife is an extrovert and constantly cracks incessantly, loudly listens to the TV and chaotically moves around the apartment. And the husband is an introvert who loves solitude and peace. Yes, in the stage of falling in love, this difference did not stop anyone, but then it can very much "get" both partners.
- Lack of freedom Of course, there are people in the world,who feel at ease only in the suffocating embrace of the other. But most of us need personal freedom and space. Partner attempts to constantly monitor you are regarded as an invasion and begin to cause aggression. If nothing changes, it inevitably leads to mutual misunderstanding and rupture.
- Long distances There is such a thing - the relationship todistance, which are used by couples who do not have the opportunity to be around, but who do not want to part. Approximately three-quarters of people who have had similar experience say that it is almost impossible to preserve love in such relationships. There are no sex, physical contact, the opportunity to personally tell your loved one about your day and much more. With each of the partners begin to occur changes that do not always like the other. All this in general causes the withdrawal of love from relationships.
- Banal fatigue It also happens that youjust get tired of each other. This arises from the fact that you are completely familiar with the characters and habits of each other - there is no riddle, no zest. At the same time, it is not possible to get used to and accept a partner - this takes years. All this causes discontent and irritation, which attacks roll on your pair. Usually this happens a year or two after the beginning of a joint life.
This is not a complete list of reasons, becausewhich passes love. Of course, you can avoid this by maximally neutralizing the power of negative factors, but not all succeed. And if you are now reading our article, then, most likely, the question of how to forget love, does not give you rest.
How long does it take to forget?
How do you think, how much time should pass,before you forget the past love? A universal answer to this question is not and can not be. The speed of the process of forgetting previous relationships depends on many factors. A joint study of psychologists from leading universities in the United Kingdom and the United States was aimed at studying them. For example, can you forget the first love? Scientists have proved that it is almost impossible: about eighty percent of people in one form or another came across sudden manifestations of this seemingly long-extinct feeling. Accordingly, forgetting the first love remains a big question. With subsequent relationships, things are different, and the love wounds from them are delayed. Periodically on the Internet, you can find different formulas for calculating the farewell period with love. The most well-known and correct one sounds like this: from the moment of parting to calm, about half of the time that you were together should pass. For example, if you met a guy for a year, then you will need six months to forget it. For someone, this period is too long, therefore, alternatives are offered: one week from all those months that you were together, exactly one thousand piles of tequila and not a drop, a month of tears in the pillow, etc. ... In fact, every person has everything individually, and your task is to choose that way of experiencing separation that will suit you.
Out of sight, out of mind!
Love can be completely different: first, unrequited, withering, calm, etc. ... It's one thing when you were madly in love, and quite another when you were madly in love with you. Restoring after this will have to be completely different. Surely you have been in each of these situations and you know how difficult it is to live such an experience on your own skin. This is why, just below, we specially gathered for you the most effective psychological recommendations concerning how to move away from previous relationships. First love The first love becomes for any person a magic window in the world of real and deep feelings. Do you remember these feelings? As a rule, it overtakes us as teenagers. Hurricane of romantic feelings, hormonal storm, the desire to be together always, no matter what - all these are typical signs of the first love. But it usually passes. The first parting in depth of experience is comparable and even capable of outdoing love itself. Of course, with time the wounds are prolonged, but these relations continue to be still emotionally loaded. And is it necessary to forget the first love? In the end, memories of her will always be a source of pleasant experiences associated with a light and carefree youth. However, if it is the reason why you still can not build a normal personal life, then it's time to get down to business. "How can you forget it? - you ask. - It's absolutely unreal! ". But we will try to prove to you the opposite. The simplest and most understandable way is to limit communication with the object of first love. But here lies their pitfalls: sometimes we torment ourselves for years about what would have happened if you had not parted. And in this case, limiting communication can be an excellent ground for the idealization of the former gentleman and fantasies about him. It is possible that a worthy alternative will try to establish with him at least some kind of relationship. Then you will understand that it is by no means ideal, and it has its drawbacks. Remember that you can not enter the same river twice. And if for some reason you decide to resume the relationship, they will be completely different than you remember. It's been a long time, and the man you once loved has changed a lot - like you. Often the memories of the first love are only a way to return to the time of youth and realize what was missed and lost. To forget the first love is not often. But you can stop reacting to the one who is its object. For this you need to realize one simple thing: you were in love and experienced a hurricane of feelings. And he was just the person who called it, who discovered in you the ability to love. That is why the first love grows with so many illusions. In the end, you can put the energy of these experiences on a peaceful course. The best way for this is creativity. Remain alone in the room and recall the memories of the first love. As soon as they become alive, start creating: drawing, writing poetry, photographing, embroidering, etc. ... Do what you like and what you love. Be sure, the result will be different than usual. Use this method every time the first love manifests itself, and after some time the force holding you will weaken. Unrequited love It's possible that the object of passion has not reciprocated you - this, unfortunately, happens all the time. So it turns out that you love, but you do not. Inside, there remains a black, painful sensation, which for some reason does not go away for some reason. It provokes you to stupid acts, beginning with the desire to break this man and ending with tearful entreaties in his address. How to forget unrequited love and get rid of a lump in your heart? Psychologists offer different ways:
Love in the past What if your exlove can not be attributed to either the first or the second? By and large, all the same - the above methods are suitable for experiencing any gap. Only in your case there will be no unnecessary complications that are inherent in the love of these two types. And on you time works - it is the best healer for heart wounds. If the first love is almost impossible to forget, then with any other it will necessarily happen - you just need to believe. And when it will be very difficult, remind yourself of a speedy cure. And in order for you to live a little easier in this period, you can try a romantic inoculation. Louis Pasteur proposed to introduce into the body a small dose of weakened bacteria to form a strong immunity to them. What prevents you from doing the same thing with regard to love? If you have an excessive desire for romance, give yourself the will: find a more or less suitable object for passion and make a relationship with him. But be careful that he is not a new "ideal man", otherwise you will again fall in love foolishly, and your task is to let yourself feel falling in love with an acceptable dose. Sometimes there may be an illusion that you could have it all differently, and it seems as if the relationship can still be restored. It is necessary to get rid of it, and as soon as possible. Firstly, it can not be otherwise. You can not deny the objective reality - you have what is, and the idea of another scenario is self-deception. Secondly, even if it seems to you that some mistakes can be corrected and changed, imagine yourself in a year, two, five years. What will happen to your relationship? Most likely, all discontent and inconsistencies will come out and bloom in double color. So, do not waste time on this novel, because there is someone who is much more suited to you. Maybe it's worth forgetting past love and making room for a new and real? We advise you to read: