The relationship between mother and daughter is one of the moststrong, deep and important. Unfortunately, they are not always perfect. "I do not like your girlfriend," "Sit straight, or you'll earn yourself a scoliosis!", "Do you have a stupid haircut" - do you often hear such words from your mother? And as often you answer: "Mom, leave me alone! This is my friend, back, hair, life "? If you answered yes to both questions, then this article on how to establish a relationship with your mother will be interesting and useful for you.
Reasons for not speaking
As a rule, you understand that everything is bad, not in theone moment . This happens gradually - mutual grievances are accumulating, and reproaches are heard more and more often in your speech. It's terrible that at such moments people are separated from each other, which should be as close as possible to each other - you and your mother. Most likely, it's hard for you to talk about what is happening to you. So it always happens in communicating with the closest - we are either afraid to say something to them, or we say such that later we want to fall through the earth. A tangled ball of feelings, consisting of resentment, guilt, shame and anger, indicates that your relationship with your mother has deteriorated. As a rule, you save these feelings, and then they break out. In order to decide the question of how to establish relations with my mother, it is necessary to determine the causes that have upset them. You can talk about the following things, which most often cause discord in your relationship with your mother:
How can I fix this?
The initial reasons may be different, howeverin the future mutual discontent accumulates, and it is impossible, and it is not necessary to understand who is right and who is to blame. What can be done so that you no longer have to worry because relationships with your mother have deteriorated and peace and harmony have come to you?
- Try to understand what motivates your mother. Most likely, such an engine will be all sorts of good intentions. But when we want good, get offended and get angry, something becomes out of hand. Realizing that your mother probably wishes you only good, if you do not forgive her completely, you probably want to establish a dialogue.
- Recognition of the fact that each of you has its owna life. It's quite difficult to do, but you need to pass through yourself and understand that you are different personalities with different values, worldviews, dreams and desires. Perhaps, it seems to you, that such recognition should go exclusively from your mother? No! You also need to realize that she has the right to her own views and dreams of well-being, a stable future and self-realization. Part of this realization of yourself as a mother can be the image of a daughter who defended her thesis or successfully married. She may desire it, but you, in turn, are not obliged to implement her dreams for you and, accordingly, should not feel guilty for the desire to live your life.
- Find out more about your mother's life. What was her childhood? What were her youthful dreams? Why did she start dating your father? The answers to these and many other questions may reveal your eyes to the causes of her actions and the sources of some features of character. It is possible that your mother lived a difficult life, and this always leaves an imprint on the character of a person. It is possible that all your discord is a cry for help and support from her side, which she, unfortunately, can not express directly.
- Pay attention to what unites you: external resemblance, the same character traits and common for you views. This will set you up to the realization that you are one flesh and blood, women of the same gender. You will see how much in you everything from your mother, including your dignity, abilities and strengths. You can even feel grateful to her, for you would not be what you are now, if not for her.
- Ask your mother about your childhood. How was her pregnancy? How did you behave in the mother's belly? Did you beat your legs or behave calmly? How did you come into being? What was her first feeling at the moment she saw you? What did she like about you when you were a baby? What was she afraid of? What was the most difficult for her in caring for you? Did she consider herself a bad mother? Firstly, it will focus on your closeness, thanks to stories about how your mother took care of you when you were little. Secondly, it will help you understand how difficult it is to be a mother. What does not hide from the attention of your mother and, in addition, give her the opportunity to once again feel like an expert in such a difficult matter as motherhood. Thirdly, the memories of your childhood are a source of positive energy for both you and your mother, but this is what your relationship with her is now.
- Think about the responsibility that lay onyour mother. Try to put yourself in her place and feel the difficulties that she sometimes experienced and experienced. Most likely, it will reduce the degree of your resentment and anger at your mother. Do not forget that you were born thanks to your mother. She fed you, dressed and cared for all her strength. She worried about you and tried to make it so that everything was fine. She put a lot of effort into you. Remember this, and it will be easier for you to close your eyes to some of its shortcomings.
There is one very interesting phenomenon - as a rule,problems in dealing with your mother go away at a time when you have your own child. This, firstly, is due to a sharp restructuring of your entire attitude and worldview, and, secondly, to the fact that you begin to live in a new role - the role of the mother. And at this moment the true understanding of your mother's actions most often comes. Most likely, these first steps to solve problems in your relationship with Mom will have to be done to you. To that there is a simple explanation: you are younger and, accordingly, more flexible. Your mother is older, and often it is by age that some stiffness of her views can be explained. The problems with the mother are compounded by the fact that you both feel the abnormality of your negative emotions towards each other, causing alienation between you. That's why they need to be resolved and not to allow you to permanently deteriorate relationship with his mother. You are more like each other than anyone else. This similarity supports your mutual affection and makes it unique. And that's why try to return and keep that closeness that is possible only between the mother and her daughter, because you, unfortunately, will not have another chance for such a relationship. We advise you to read: