The problem of domestic violence exists, probably,already a millennium. And it can not be solved by any widespread progress, nor by raising the level of the culture of society. The number of women who are victims of male assault, even in civilized and developed countries and to this day remains quite large. However, today, if a husband beats his wife, she may well sue him. But how many of the brawling spouses decide this? Strangely enough, in this case even self-sufficient and seemingly completely independent women continue to live with a tyrant, taking care of him and even giving birth to his children. Why? Who knows. Perhaps, they are guided by a long-obsolete and rather stupid principle: "Beats, then loves." And maybe they cherish the hope that the faithful will someday change and will treat his wife carefully and gently. Of course, such hopes can not come true. Where does the tenderness in a man who regularly lifts a hand on a woman? A person capable of true love can not constantly apply physical violence to his or her half. Even when she, as the representatives of the stronger sex, inclined to such actions, say, "she herself arises". And, if a husband began to beat his wife, it is unlikely he will ever stop it. And she, poor thing, will have to wear lanterns under her eyes, explaining to others that she "accidentally knocked on the jamb", "failed badly", "hit" and so on. A spouse, they say, has nothing to do with it. Of course, to admit that you live with a man using fists when he likes, is embarrassing. It would seem that it's much easier, just get together and get away from this "gentleman," whose code of honor is fully tolerated by the woman's grinding. However, very often this option is not even considered the objects of this loop. Why? Who knows. Whether the fear of a tyrant husband works, education, fear of condemnation from the outside, a guilt complex or a woman's insecurity in herself is unknown. But the fact is clear - many who are battered by their spouses, wives suffer violence, without even trying to find a solution to the question: "What does your husband do?" But in fact, if a husband beats his wife what to do? When so behave lovers well laid for the collar, it can still be understood. The psychology of alcoholics is broken, the behavior is uncontrollable, and control over their own actions from them does not have to wait. But, in fact, unfortunately, they beat their wives and quite adequate men, who can not be accused of drunken drunkenness. They can hit their mate not only for the slightest disobedience, but also simply from a bad mood. And often in such cases, wives justify spouses-tyrants in that, say, "he has troubles at work", "he worries because he can not provide a family", "it is so hard for him to answer everything, he suffers so much , poor". And a lot of explanations of the same kind. Yes this is not true! Because even after tyrannous husbands find an excellent way to earn, they receive excellent positions and gain weight in society, beatings in the family usually do not stop. Zalepit wife a good slap can and Mozart's adoring music that does not touch strong drinks, seemingly intelligent candidate of science, and an esthete writer, and the world's almost known physicist. So how to be if a husband beats his wife, and this has become his habit? The question is rather complicated. Before looking for an answer to it, let's try to understand the reasons why a husband beats his wife, and whether it is possible to justify such behavior of a man with something.
Why does the husband beat his wife? Psychological reasons
Why do our men often resort toforce methods of influence? Because by nature they have a need for self-affirmation at any cost. It's kind of. a man's instinct, which somebody from the stronger sex forces to go to war, someone to go in for sports, fight someone in the doorways, and someone to beat his wife and children. Fortunately, not all men tend to realize their need for self-assertion through physical strength. If it was otherwise, all women would have a heaven with a sheepskin look. But still those who consider the regular beating of their loved ones quite normal actions, quite a lot. And to beat their wife, in the end, enters into the same habit as, for example, the habit of doing exercises in the morning. In general, hitting husbands can be divided into two types. The most common of them are those who, with a scandal with their wife, are gradually inflaming, accumulating aggression, and then rush at it and begin to beat. Why do husbands beat wives in this case? Usually because they do not respect their half as a person, and at the same time are extremely dependent on it psychologically. This is a very difficult situation, since it is almost impossible to wean a husband to beat his wife, when he is psychologically dependent on her. The wife of such a despot has to follow every step, every word, so that the hour is not enough to cause his discontent. Often, it has to limit their communication to the maximum, and even minimize contact with relatives. But this also helps a little, because the tyrant will still find an excuse for using force. The second type of husbands dissolving their hands is less common than the first. These satraps do not need preliminary scandals with screaming and swearing. They can attack the spouse unexpectedly, outwardly remaining completely calm. Such an attack is similar to a throw of a cobra, and poor people usually do not have time to prepare for it. I must say that the second type of hitting husbands is more dangerous for their wives. Because these are people with a clear mental disorder, much more often using for their power actions some items: knives, hammers, firearms and so on. At the same time, it's easier to cope with them. Since we can wean a husband to beat his wife in this case, if he ceases to feel control over her or loses interest in his wife. At the same time, if she decided to leave the family tyrant, a woman should be very careful. A man of this type usually seeks to punish a treacherous wife and carries a vengeance plan, which may well include murder. So why do husbands beat wives at all? Yes, because they seek to gain power even over something in this life. Simply put, this behavior indicates a man's inner weakness, his vulnerability and inability to control his emotions. Such people, firstly, subconsciously see in their half the object, which should provide their spiritual comfort. In their opinion, to please the husband and create an environment in which the spouse will feel strong is the sacred duty of the wife. And if a woman does not get it, fists are used. In fact, so a man punishes a woman for her own male failure. Secondly, if a husband can afford to beat his wife, then at heart he is sure that his wife can give it up, and has every right to do so. In fact, the aggressor of this is very afraid, because he has a tremendous psychological need for his own half. That is why he is trying to intimidate her, to make himself dependent and manageable. Such husbands begin to panic already when the wife just greets her neighbor or a male colleague. However, they are able to be jealous of her and to her friends, and to close relatives, and even to pets. Men of this type need a constant concentration of women's attention on their person. It is necessary for her to switch to something else for at least half an hour, as a husband almost physically feels discomfort and emptiness. And he tries to correct the situation by any methods. I must say that sometimes a woman provokes the appearance of aggression in a man inclined to her. She begins to make him any higher demands, doubts the capabilities of the spouse, teases his actions and plans. And then, getting from an unrestrained blithe slap in the face, panics: "Began to beat my husband what to do ?!" In this case, the answer arises by itself. When a man has a predisposition to violence, one must try to show as little hostility to him as possible. Otherwise, there is a high probability that the luptsevanie wife will be for the wife is quite acceptable and ordinary occupation. By and large, a battered wife is by no means always a submissive and passive victim. Women themselves are often too aggressive, pouring out a lot of contempt during husbandry quarrels. They instantly ignite because of the nonsense and categorically refuse to surrender their positions in the dispute. And then they go in bruises and do not know where the way out. It also happens that fights in the family are like a kind of love recharging. And after them, the couple begin to feel even greater attraction to each other. Here the situation with violence is hopeless. It is simply necessary for a man and a woman to warm up passion and strengthen mutual affection. Even if such a pair disintegrates, then for a little while. In principle, virtually everything regularly beaten by husbands, wives, is trapped in dependence. The overwhelming majority of them leave their tyrants from time to time, but then, for whatever reasons, returns to them again. Why does this happen? Because if a husband beat his wife allowed himself more than once or twice, psychologically she is already suppressed. Whether she wants this woman or not, she unconsciously becomes attached to her despot. Who knows why this is happening. Either the ancient instincts wake up, or the fear of loneliness oppresses. And maybe some complexes are working or wrong education contributes to connivance to violence from her husband ... Anyway, and this is a problem. Because the life and health of women - fragile things, to lose which, turning into a punching bag for a fighter-husband, is very simple. No, of course, you can tolerate and dutifully wait for the believer to reason or grow old and lose his strength. And then here we are, finally, cheer up and win back on him for all the ruined years! But will we wait for such happiness? And is this happiness, when you, aged, exhausted and exhausted, just can not enjoy life? And children, if they are? They have something to do with the enduring fear of family fights, completely killed the serenity of childhood? In a word, if a husband beats his wife, something must be done about it. A unique solution to the problem in this case is a complete break with the tyrant. However, as we have already said, few women decide on this gap. Conclusion suggests one: in order not to be battered, we must try not to admit the probability of their appearance. Let's see what can be done for this.
The husband beats his wife. What to do?
I must say that his wife, constantly exposedbeatings of her husband, never will a woman be strong-willed, ambitious, self-confident and her own strength. Even if you get into a similar situation, she will not be tormented by doubts such as: "Oh, the husband is beating what to do ?!", but simply, without thinking for a long time, will immediately break off relations with a man. And will not renew them again. But the woman is weak-tempered, with a low self-esteem, can tolerate a fighter all her life. Doing so, yourself and your own children to complete misfortune. Well, weak people are not capable of decisive actions at all, and character can not be changed overnight. And in general it is not easy to change it. Therefore, in order not to fall into the clutches of the husband-beast, one must try to discern in it a propensity for tyranny in advance. And take action. Unfortunately, quite often men gravitating toward full dictatorship in the family are quite attractive. They are able to turn a girl's head, surrounding her with attention and care. The enamored young lady seems that next to such a representative of the stronger sex, she will always be comfortable and reliable, like a stone wall. However, the stone wall, after the wedding, suddenly becomes a prison wall. And in the relationship of the newly married couple, the scheme of the boa constrictor and rabbit begins to work. What should alert the girl - a potential candidate for rabbits, in the behavior of a guy?
- The hidden despot, as a rule, almost immediately after acquaintance begins to let seemingly innocent remarks about her friends, relatives and acquaintances;
- The future tyrannical husband often tries to evoke jealousy in the girl, drawing her attention to how other young ladies are flirting with him;
- The guy tries to alienate the girl from relatives, convincing her that mom, dad, brother, sister want to destroy their relationship;
- A young man can quickly become furious with some trifle and lose control of himself.
Initially, this all is not very conspicuous andnot perceived by the girl sharply. And then, completely unnoticed by herself, she finds herself in the grip of a tyrant. Girlfriends disappear, relatives are pushed into the background. The faithful begins to scandal and lose his temper for any reason, calling, humiliating, using force. Poor thing despairs, rushes, tries to please him, but all her attempts to normalize the atmosphere in the house are useless. So what to do if the husband beats and humiliates constantly? First of all, do not allow this. Do not dissolve, do not sob over unhappy fate and do not feel sorry for yourself. Just try to pull yourself together and think carefully about why it happened and whether it's worth living with this person next. We will assess the situation soberly and without emotions and try to weigh all the positive and negative features of the spouse. If the positive qualities he has more than negative, it is worth trying to change the home microclimate. For this, a woman should try, first of all, to raise her own self-esteem. There are a lot of methods for developing respect and love for one's person today. Choose from them the most suitable will not be difficult. Yes, my husband has already managed to convince us that we are ugly, clumsy, stupid and so on. However, each person is valuable and worthy of happiness, and we are no exception. And no one has the right to encroach on this happiness and take it away from us. If we want to save the family, while improving the atmosphere in the house, we need to act gradually and consistently. Eliminate in ourselves the fear of the spouse, we will tear it from the roots! After all, we are free, and this means that the choice of a life path always remains for us. And, since it's already decided to keep the marriage, we will try to behave with the husband a little differently. More often we praise his dignity, become more affectionate, quieter, more positive. All this will be effective only if the faithful realizes that he has problems with self-control, sincerely regrets this and is ready to work on himself. And if not ... Well, well, then it's best to say goodbye to him. Because no requests for forgiveness on his part, no ardent apologies and assurances of passionate love do not give a guarantee that the beating will not happen again. Life experience proves: man's maneuvering, with his regular forgiveness by a woman, in the end, becomes habitual. Therefore, we do not make the proverb "Beats - it means, loves!" One of the postulates of your life. Let us sincerely love those who, to prove their love, there is no need to dismiss their hands! We advise you to read: