If we admit that men are really from Mars,and women - from Venus, it can help explain one of the common beliefs: friendship between a man and a woman is impossible. This is always the fault of sexual tension, which almost inevitably occurs between any healthy heterosexual man and woman. Agree, a lot of quite reasonably and rationally thinking people embraces a sense of anxiety and jealousy, it is worth it to his husband or wife to buy a friend of the opposite sex. I just can not believe that all this will end simply with friendly relations. Correctly? That's right, but not always. Psychologists believe - the belief that a man and a woman can not be friends, came to us from the era when women spent all their time at home, and men worked. They met in a rare time for men from work, and this time was allocated for a romantic relationship. Now men and women work together together, go in for sports, rest, take a great interest in art and so on. This cultural shift has led to the fact that men and women have many points of intersection on interests and occupation, and their desire to communicate with each other for an exchange of views today is quite natural. If men and women coexist in the modern world, both at work and during rest, they must communicate and learn to understand each other. Maybe someone in this is hard to believe, but from the point of view of some psychologists, men and women can quite successfully become close friends.
It was not us who started it-is it not for us to change it?
On the other hand, society has longnovel as a prototype of the relationship between a man and a woman. This is the most natural type of relationship, because the division of the sexes is explained by the need for procreation, and romantic relationships allow the continuation of the life cycle. Each of us has a conception of certain rules of behavior in love relationships (flirting is a serious relationship - getting married - having children), and it is exactly the same-sex friendships that have been familiar to people from a long time: boys are friends with boys, girls are with girls. But as soon as the friendship between a man and a woman looms in our field of vision, we are perplexed and can not decide how to treat such relations. Most people treat such friendship with suspicion and even hostility. Our society is still not completely ready to accept the friendship of people of different sexes as relationships that have no sexual connotations. This is especially true for older people, whose outlook was developing at a time when men and women were still closed to each other and became close people only in marriage. So, it's all about our stereotypes, which have evolved over the centuries. His contribution to the confusion of more and books and feature films. Television from them also does not lag behind. Almost every time we see the friendship of a man and a woman from pages or screens, it invariably ends with a fiery novel. It is difficult for readers and viewers to overcome such influence of artistic images, and it is not surprising that in life they expect that men and women are always on the way to romantic relationships. So what really - can a man and a woman be friends with each other, or is it impossible? Try to ask such a question in any company - most likely, there will begin a heated discussion, which will last several hours. Let us try to understand this question.
Definition of relationships: friends or lovers?
If we talk about friendship, then this is such an attitudepeople to each other when they are interested in spending time together, when they trust each other and can always rely on each other. Love is something more. This is the desire for living together, physical attractiveness, boundless trust ... But sometimes it is difficult to draw a line between romantic, sexual and friendly feelings. In reality, sexual attraction can suddenly intervene and take precedence over friendly relations. A simple friendly embrace can instantly acquire a loving subtext, when a man will suddenly run a spark between a man and a woman. Nature is stronger than the arguments of our mind, and there is always a sexual tension between a man and a woman, which is not always to be ignored. Do not forget about the Platonic love. Not always, but quite common is a condition in which one of a couple of friends feels in love, but his feelings are not yet mutual. Is friendship between a man and a woman durable in this situation? Most likely - no, because most of the relationship begins precisely with friendship, which over time grows into love. This is a completely logical development of relations. In general, a good, strong friendship is born on the basis of common interests, attitudes and views on life. But - strong friendship is the basis for deeper relationships; this is what becomes the stumbling block.
Step to Love
So, while we came to the conclusion - friendship betweenrepresentatives of different sexes exist, but you can not discount the sexual tension between a friend and a friend. While physical attraction exists, there is also the danger that friends can go to an unplanned and undesirable "drift". Different situations - for example, drinking alcohol, or grieving one and trying to console the other - can ultimately lead to both being in bed. The intimate experience received by them can be episodic, but it will lead, most likely, to the end of their friendship. If the two still do not want to lose friendship, they will decide to overcome the current situation and will remain friends; but their friendship will never be imbued with the same spirit of comradeship as before.
Varied friendship - the eyes of psychologists
The question of the existence of true friendship betweenwoman and man becomes more and more topical. It is difficult to determine unequivocally and decide whether any other close relations are possible between a man and a woman, except for sex? One thing is clear - modern conditions have made their own amendments to the quality of relations between the sexes, but the established traditions still exert a strong influence on people. Our society is structured according to heterosexual norms, which leads us to a certain type of relationship. What place in the heterosexual social structure can the friendship of heterosexual people take? Psychologists decided to conduct a large-scale study to find answers to these questions. And here are the conclusions they made on the basis of numerous surveys:
Conclusion number 1. The older they become, the less likely they are friends
Friendship between boys and girls arises,as a rule, in school days. Quite often, this friendship occurs during the student days. But when it comes time for serious romantic relationships and marriage, the establishment or maintenance of a different-sex friendship becomes more and more difficult. Even if there is a strong, reliable marriage, it is more likely that a husband or wife will not like it if the second husband maintains a warm relationship with a person of the opposite sex, especially if he is very attractive externally. If you spend a lot of time with your friend, then your husband will not be delighted by the fact that his alien is infringed upon his "territory" and his status as owner of this territory. Yes, you yourself should think: if you are drawn with a friend to spend more time than with her husband - consider that for you the warning light has already started flashing! In the future, with age, the number of friendly heterosexual couples continues to decline. And it's not surprising, because we have already talked with you about this - most of the elderly people grew up in that era when a communication with a man of the opposite sex outside of marriage was taboo. Therefore, elderly people very rarely form new friendships with members of the opposite sex. The results of scientific research show that only about two percent of older women have friendly contacts with men.
Conclusion number 2. Do not always mean sex
In fact, sexual stress is not always"Is on the agenda" when it comes to a different-sex friendship. The reason for this may be sexual orientation, lack of physical attraction or participation of one or both in other romantic relationships. In the end, even friends who feel a certain attraction to each other are fully aware that those qualities that are attractive in a friend will not necessarily be attractive in a lover. Or else the situation: the two so cherish their friendship, as a rule, long and strong, that they are afraid to lose it and do not want to think about any romance. In any case, after a while, it becomes difficult for such friends to even imagine themselves in some other capacity.
Conclusion №3. What benefits do men derive from friendship
There are clear differences between the friendship of men andfriendship of women. Women spend most of their time with their girlfriend in discussing their thoughts and feelings, and men tend to focus on group communication. Men come together to play football or cheer for their favorite team, go camping or discuss stock quotes. Female friendship largely implies a relationship based on trust. It's not a secret for anyone that women tend to open their heart and soul to close friends. They like to give advice and discuss some events, while friendship between men is based on deeds. Men prefer to do something than talk about it. Almost never do men share personal thoughts, feelings and experiences with friends. Most of all, a man would not like to be known in his circle as a weakling or a slobber, and in fact he needs understanding and sympathy. This can explain why the friendship between a man and a woman brings satisfaction to a man even more than a woman. Studies have shown that men appreciate the quality of mutual understanding between them and female friends much higher than the quality of mutual understanding with a male friend. From their words, with a friend they can talk about things that they can never talk about with a friend. It is the emotional support of a female friend that a man values most.
Conclusion number 4. What are they looking for in a different-sex friendship of a woman
Quite often for a woman friendship with anothera woman can be too tiring. Probably, there are few such ladies who did not have to listen for hours to the groaning of a friend with a broken heart. And how many women had to feel that even the best friend secretly envied her luck or surreptitiously gloating when something goes wrong? A woman can never be trusted completely. What can not be said about a man. A man will not gossip about his girlfriend, and her husband will not repulse. Friendship between a man and a woman does not exert emotional pressure on a woman, it is easier for her to be friends with a man and even more fun. Solving any of their questions or problems, the woman appreciates the opportunity to enlist the male point of view on the problem. Some women also note that they like to feel surrounded by care and protection, which come from a male friend. This gives reason to believe that they regard such a friend as a surrogate older brother.
Conclusion №5. Heterogeneous friendship fills the lack of emotional unity
Heterogeneous friendship can give a person what hereceives less in his family. For example, with a friend, you can talk about something that is simply impossible to talk with your spouse or partner. A variety of "forbidden" topics often concern our questionable behavior or some kind of wrong actions, our secret feelings or worries. Friendship is a kind of escape from emotional misunderstanding in the family. And if you feel that the need to communicate with a friend becomes excessive, this should signal that you are missing something in a relationship with a loved one, and so you are trying to look for it elsewhere. In this case, it is worth starting to fight to fill the gap in marital relations. A firm conviction of psychologists - a friend must be sought first of all in the wife!
Conclusion No. 6. Heterogeneous friendship is gaining momentum
In today's world, men and women have everythingmore equal rights, opportunities and interests, which can contribute to the increasing popularity of heterogeneous friendship. We are growing new generations of children, believing that boys can play dolls, and girls can engage in kickboxing. Men and women are also becoming more androgynous, as their social roles have become more similar. Men are often more likely to have feminine characteristics, and women are much more willing to apply traditional male characteristics to themselves. In this situation, heterosexual friendship occurs twice as often as in previous times. Thus, the friendship of a woman and a man increasingly has nothing to do with romantic relationships: work and common interests are the key factor here.
Is the truth somewhere in the middle?
So, researchers believe that men andwomen may well be friends. But can we truly believe them? One of the dating sites conducted a survey of more than 1,500 visitors on the topic "Is there friendship between a man and a woman." The results were very eloquent. Judge for yourself:
- Question: Do you think that men and women can be platonic friends?
- Answers: yes - 83%, no - 11%, not sure - 6%
- Question: Who better supports the platonic relations?
- Answers: men - 13%, women - 67%, not sure - 20%
- Question: Has it ever happened to you when a platonic friendship passed into a romantic or a sexual relationship?
- Answers: yes - 62%, no - 36%, not sure - 2%
- Question: Who is more inclined to misinterpret the intimacy of friendship as a sexual desire?
- Answers: men - 64%, women - 25%, not sure - 11%
- Question: Is it possible to fall in love with a person who enters your life as a friend?
- Answers: yes - 94%, no - 4%, not sure - 2%
Conclusions, as they say, do it yourself. Perhaps the question "Is there friendship between a man and a woman?" Sounds in our time just as the question once was "Is there life on Mars?" And the answer is the same - we do not know for sure! And what do you think about this? We advise you to read: