Ever since people have known love, they,meeting a loved one, dream of one thing - that the feelings burn with a bright flame forever. But alas, alas ... It's sad, but most couples in love can not keep them. Time passes, and once so ardently loved each other man and woman often become almost enemies. Why is this happening? Why does love pass? What kills her - life, betrayal, resentment, boredom? Let's try to find the answers to these questions.
Causes of the disappearance of love. The desire to re-educate a loved one
Yes, we all want very much to be there alwayswas a loved and loving person. And always initially in a relationship everything seems to indicate that it will. However, in a few months or years the situation is changing. In the once-luminous eyes, the eyes are cold. Tenderness in the voice turns into irritation. Understanding becomes alienation. Relationships fall apart. And this, unfortunately, meets often. In principle, in why love passes, we ourselves are to blame. More precisely, our inability to preserve it and ignorance of the ways of this preservation. After all, how do we usually approach a relationship with a loved one? In the majority we aspire to improve it, and we begin to re-educate an adult partner. It's absolutely pointless. Before us is an established personality, the most basic traits of which were laid back in early childhood. And all our attempts to change them are nothing but moral violence against this person. It is only natural that it provokes resistance and aggressive resistance. What kind of positive development of relations can there be? No, if we struggle with some harmful habits of our halves, it's normal. But in fact, people often declare war on the fairly acceptable qualities of each other! They can quarrel with one another due to the fact that one is more sluggish than the other, someone has the feature of reading at the table, quickly or not very carefully eating and so on. Frequent quibbles due to such, in general, not having special significance of things generate mutual irritation. And it may well be replaced by hatred. And that's all. And the desire to be close disappears. Here it is, the real embodiment of the expression: "from love to hate, one step." But everything can be different if both men and women are hacked to their noses - remaking each other means killing love. Because the very desire to re-educate one's partner implies that it is not perceived as the only, unique and worthy person. And, therefore, do not particularly like. Since love is the total acceptance of the person's beloved, with all its shortcomings and roughnesses. If he reciprocates, then something will change in himself. And if not ... There's nothing to be done. No, there is no court. Of course, the desire to re-educate one's half is not the only reason why love passes. There are many couples in which no one is possessed by a mania to put things in order in the personal zone of another. But, despite this, and in them often feelings fade with time, giving way to indifference or dislike. What's the matter?
Causes of the disappearance of love. Lies when meeting
It must be said that the seeds of the future collapse of relationswe usually diligently sow in the first hours of meeting with your beloved, telling him something about yourself. At the initial stage of the relationship very much it would be desirable to please the person, therefore own portrait though a little, but is embellished. We unwittingly begin to play a role, not revealing to the end or in general hiding its true face. And in the end we fall in love with a person in the created image, and not in ourselves. Yes, and we fall in love with the same image. What happens then? And then, when relations become serious and marriage occurs, all of our original roles create serious problems. The family is perhaps the only place where a person can become himself. We get tired of the endless change of images at work and in society and we come home with one desire - to take off, at last, the self-annoying disguise. And the half has the opportunity to see us without embellishment. Such a change may well shock the person in love with the image of a person. He begins to understand that next to him - not the one to whom was such an irresistible attraction earlier. And, of course, feels cheated. What kind of sincere feelings can you say in this case? No, of course, it is not necessary for the couple to completely liberate themselves in their homes and demonstrate themselves to each other in all their glory. Please, continue to play the previous roles, who does not give something ?! A wonderful way to save love! Aha. It was not there. Sooner or later we will get tired of such an endless theater and we will want to rest from it. Mutual fatigue from each other is very dangerous for the relationship. At best, it will encourage the desire to be apart. In the worst - leave at all. And such fatigue, unfortunately, appears in many married couples. Nevertheless, it is by no means a compulsory phenomenon in marriage. Constant communication of really close people does not mean that they are necessarily bored with each other. After all, our mother or father does not bother us if we are spiritually close to them! So why should this appear in the relationship of the couple? In fact, everything should be the other way around, since the husband and wife are one Satan. That is one whole. And the whole does not want to tear off from itself at least a short time some part. So it is so. But it is impossible to become "one whole" only when people are afraid of revealing themselves before others. Love for the image and love for the true essence of man is not the same thing at all. The first implies a superficial infatuation, the second is a true intimacy that fosters unity. Therefore, before someone you love, you need to gradually open up, giving him the opportunity to get to know us really. We are afraid that people will not like it? Well, then, it means that this is a stranger to us. And it's not worth talking about immortal feelings with him. Sooner or later they will disappear like smoke. What other reasons are there for why love passes in life?
Causes of the disappearance of love. Boredom and monotony
Boredom in the relationship, perhaps, one of the mostformidable enemies of love. Initially, they are fueled by a sense of novelty and interest in their partner, as something unexplored and very interesting. We look forward to every meeting with our beloved person, and every moment of communication with him is very valuable and incredibly meaningful. And then everything becomes familiar and begins to develop in accordance with traditional rules. It becomes boring for us. After all, the novel promised to be very unusual, and it looks like hundreds of other such novels! Relations develop according to the same scenario. Predictability begins to become boring. Feelings fade. In fact, this is not a natural way of developing relations. In order that the love that has arisen in the beginning became stronger and turned into an almost immortal love, you should try to write your own script of communication with your loved one. Only independent creativity contributes to the progress of relations and fuels the interest of those in love with each other. And if there is interest, then there is no place for boredom. It is enough to just abandon stereotypes and create your own individual project of building a family. In such marriages, soil is formed, very favorable for the growth and flowering of a long and lasting love. What other common reasons why love dies?
Causes of the disappearance of love. Inability to quarrel and find out the relationship
Many of us are convinced that loving each otherCivilized people should not quarrel nor find out the relationship in general. Only coo and live the soul in the soul. Oh, how wrong we are! Negative emotions are inseparable from human nature. And most of them are caused by the closest people. Because it's with them that we live side by side and constantly communicate. It is impossible to experience only eternity for even a loved one. After all, we are not angels. Did something you do not like, something offended once or twice, and irritation begins to accumulate. It is accumulated, accumulated, and then poured into a conflict, which is sometimes similar to an almost devastating earthquake. Quarrel for a quarrel, and - Basta ... There is no love. In its place came hostility and hatred. How to be in this case? Do not save discontent, but do not throw it out immediately on the head of your half, without being embarrassed at the same time in expressions. It is better to calm down at first and master the aspirant to escape from the bottle of genie anger. And only then can it be soberly to determine what was the reason for the indignation and how this reason to eliminate. And then calmly discuss this issue with your loved one and try to come with him to some sort of agreement. Yes, it is not easy to keep love. This requires a lot of effort and constant work on the errors. But happiness is worth it! And what are we still striving for in life, if not to him? We advise you to read: