Ever since people have known love, they,Having met a loved one, they dream of one thing – for their feelings to burn with a bright flame forever. But alas, alas… Sadly, most couples in love fail to keep them. Time passes, and the man and woman who once loved each other so passionately often become almost enemies. Why does this happen? Why does love pass? What kills it – everyday life, betrayal, resentment, boredom? Let’s try to find answers to these questions.
Causes of the disappearance of love. The desire to re-educate a loved one
Yes, we all really want to be around alwaysthere was a loved and loving person. And always initially in the relationship everything seems to indicate that this is how it will be. However, after a few months or years the situation changes. Coldness appears in the eyes that once glowed with feelings. Tenderness in the voice turns into irritation. Understanding turns into alienation. The relationship falls apart. And this, unfortunately, happens all the time. In principle, we ourselves are to blame for why love passes. More precisely, our inability to preserve it and ignorance of the ways to preserve it. After all, how do we usually approach relationships with a loved one? Most of us strive to improve him, and begin to re-educate an already adult partner. This is absolutely pointless. Before us is an established person, whose most basic character traits were laid down in early childhood. And all our attempts to change them are nothing more than moral violence against this person. It is quite natural that it causes resistance and aggressive resistance. What kind of positive development of relations can we talk about then? No, if we are fighting some bad habits of our other half, it is normal. But it is not uncommon for people to declare war on quite acceptable qualities of each other! They can quarrel utterly because one is slower than the other, someone has a habit of reading at the table, eating quickly or not very carefully, and so on. Frequent nagging over such, in general, insignificant things gives rise to mutual irritation. And it can easily be replaced by hatred. And that's it. And the desire to be together goes away. Here it is, the real embodiment of the expression: "from love to hate is one step." But everything can be different if both men and women get it into their heads - to remake each other means to kill love. Because the very desire to re-educate your partner implies that he is not perceived as the only, unique and worthy person. And, therefore, not particularly loved. Because love is a complete acceptance of the personality of the beloved, with all its shortcomings and rough edges. If he reciprocates, then he will change something in himself. And if not... Nothing can be done. There is no case for "no". Of course, the desire to re-educate your other half is not the only reason why love passes. There are many couples in which no one is obsessed with cleaning up the other's personal area. But despite this, feelings often fade away over time, giving way to indifference or hostility. What's the matter?
Causes of the disappearance of love. Lies when meeting
It must be said that these are the seeds of future collapseWe usually diligently sow the seeds of a relationship in the first hours of meeting our loved one, telling him something about ourselves. At the initial stage of a relationship, we really want to please the person, so our own portrait is at least a little embellished. We involuntarily begin to play some role, not fully revealing or even hiding our true face. And as a result, we make the person fall in love with the created image, and not with ourselves. And we ourselves fall in love with exactly the same image. What happens next? And then, when the relationship becomes serious and marriage occurs, all our original roles create serious problems. Family is perhaps the only place where a person can become himself. We get tired of the endless change of images at work and in society and come home with one desire - to finally take off the rather boring mask. And the other half has the opportunity to see us without embellishment. Such a change may well shock the person in love with the image of a person. He begins to understand that next to him is not the one to whom he had such an irresistible attraction before. And, naturally, he feels deceived. What sincere feelings can we talk about in such a case? No, of course, it is not at all necessary for spouses to completely relax within the home walls and show themselves to each other in all their glory. Please, continue to play the same roles, who is stopping you?! A wonderful way to preserve love! Yeah. Not so. Sooner or later, we will get tired of such an endless theater and want to take a break from it. Mutual fatigue from each other is very dangerous for relationships. At best, it will contribute to the desire to be apart. At worst - to break up completely. And such fatigue, unfortunately, appears in many married couples. However, it is by no means a mandatory phenomenon in marriage. Constant communication between truly close people does not mean that they necessarily get bored with each other. After all, we don’t get tired of our mother or father if we are spiritually close to them! So why should this appear in the relationship of spouses? In fact, everything should be the other way around, since a husband and wife are like one Satan. That is, one whole. And the whole does not want to tear away some part from itself, even for a short time. That’s how it is. But it is impossible to become “one whole” when people are afraid to open up to each other completely. Falling in love with an image and love for the true essence of a person are not the same thing. The first implies superficial infatuation, the second - real closeness that promotes unity. Therefore, it is necessary to gradually open up to the one you love, giving him the opportunity to get to know us for real. Are we afraid that the person will not like it? Well, what then, this person is a stranger to us. And there is no point in talking to him about immortal feelings. Sooner or later they will disappear like smoke. What other reasons are there for why love passes in life?
Causes of the disappearance of love. Boredom and monotony
Boredom in a relationship is perhaps one of the mostformidable enemies of love. Initially, they are fueled by a sense of novelty and interest in their partner, as something unknown and very interesting. We eagerly await each meeting with our loved one, and every moment of communication with him is very valuable and incredibly significant. And then everything becomes familiar and begins to develop in accordance with traditional rules. We get bored. After all, the novel promised to be very unusual, but it looks like hundreds of other such novels! The relationship develops according to the same scenario. Predictability begins to become boring. Feelings fade. In fact, this is not a natural path for the development of relationships. In order for the initial infatuation to grow stronger and turn into almost immortal love, you should try to write your own scenario of communication with your loved one. Only independent creativity contributes to the progress of relationships and warms up the interest of lovers in each other. And if there is interest, then there is no place for boredom. It is enough just to move away from stereotypes and create your own individual project for building a family. In such marriages, the soil is formed that is very favorable for the growth and blossoming of long and lasting love. What are some other common reasons why love dies?
Causes of the disappearance of love. Inability to quarrel and find out the relationship
Many of us are convinced that those who love each otherCivilized people should neither quarrel nor sort things out at all. Just coo and live in perfect harmony. Oh, how wrong we are! Negative emotions are inseparable from human nature. And most of them are caused by the closest people. Because it is with them that we live side by side and constantly communicate. It is impossible to always feel only delight even towards a loved one. After all, none of us are angels. A loved one did something wrong, offended you once or twice, and irritation begins to accumulate. It accumulates, accumulates, and then spills out into a conflict, which sometimes is similar to an almost destructive earthquake. Quarrel after quarrel, and - basta ... There is no love. Hostility and hatred have taken its place. What to do in this case? Do not accumulate discontent, but do not splash it out on the head of your other half at once, without mincing words. It is better to calm down first and control the genie of anger that is trying to escape from the bottle. And only then soberly determine what was the reason for indignation and how to eliminate this reason. And then calmly discuss this issue with your loved one and try to come to some kind of agreement with him. Yes, it is not easy to maintain love. It requires great effort and constant work on mistakes. But happiness is worth it! And what else do we strive for in life, if not for it? We advise you to read:
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