Many of us really want to love and beloved ones. It would seem that no one interferes! Fall in love with yourself for health and fall in love with yourself! One day it will coincide with one another, and personal life will improve. Everything is simple ... But for some reason, many men and women can not normally arrange this very personal life. What is the reason for their loneliness? The fact is that we often avoid the relationship from the fact that we subconsciously experience the fear of love. We will now talk about what it is and how to deal with it.
The causes of the fear of love
How can you explain the appearance of fear of love? It seems that the answer arises by itself: unsuccessful relationships in the past. Once, the suffering soul is covered by a shield from its former pain, not wanting to reach out to anyone anymore. But there are a lot of representatives of both sexes who did not stop this. And they are ready to fall in love again, despite the past defeats. Why does someone have a fear of love, and someone does not? There are many reasons. It happens that the first love affords an indelible imprint on the peculiarity of relations with the opposite sex. Strong and bright, it gives rise to a thirst in a man of the same acute sense. All subsequent electors are compared with the first lover and do not reach his level. The slightest deviation from perfection is not allowed here. On compromises in a relationship, a person fixated on the first love, does not intend to go. As a result, too high a bar of requirements destroys the very possibility of the appearance in the life of true love. Sometimes the fear of love arises from the fear of losing oneself in a partner and the desire to keep your own "I" intact. And sometimes it is explained by the unconscious fear of communicating with representatives of the opposite sex. Basics of this state, as a rule, are laid in childhood. For example, if the father suppressed the daughter, and the mother caused trouble to the son, then both the girl and the boy may have persistent rejection of men or women. And close contacts with them, of course, will be difficult. They interfere with accepting love self-doubt and constant doubts about their own attractiveness. They create fear of betrayal and inspire conviction that no one can be trusted. Otherwise, they will offend or take advantage of gullibility in their own interests. Usually such confidence comes from those who have experienced treason. This may be the departure of the father from the family, and the sudden detachment of a close friend, and the perfidy of the first partner ... Actually, the decisive factor is the fear of refusal when recognizing love. And the fear of love does not arise in the absence of doubt that the partner will not refuse. It should be noted that in our time, the main values of life were career, professional interests, the possibility of self-realization and personal freedom. There is a commonplace in the society from which the view that love is an obstacle on the way to achieving these goals. Say, it interferes with focusing on something specific, ties hands and slows down thinking. So the excessively self-interested person runs away from any attachment to someone. If we get used to the fact that professional significance is on the first place in life, we build our relations reflexively according to the type of building a career or business. That is, before taking a step, we consider the risks connected with it, we calculate the profitability of costs and determine our own profit. And if we make a positive decision, then we become extremely demanding towards the chosen one. He must justify all our hopes with interest. Otherwise, he will be fired. This pragmatic approach to love destroys the very essence of it, because it does not allow to really get closer to another person. In general, the main causes of fear of love are based on fear of losing something. How much fear of loss is justified and is it worth giving so much importance to it? Is the fear of love expedient and should one get rid of it?
What to do with the fear of love?
If to argue from the point of view of pragmatism, thenlove, like, really is not needed. She also prevents concentrating and sober thinking, makes you think all the time about another person and pushes them to reckless actions! What kind of personal freedom and professional progress can we speak about then? So it is so. But the fact is that the fear of love can only be from someone who really needs it. Only he does not admit it to himself. And the subconscious need for love indicates that this feeling is necessary for the full realization of the inner potential. Yes, at first love is knocked out of the usual rut and prevents a person from reasoning reasonably. This is normal. A strong emotional outburst changes the perception of reality. But the same splash opens all the barriers on the way to maximum self-expression. A person needs an experience of love. And it does not matter which one is positive or negative. And in that, and in another case, love promotes inner progress and makes you look at yourself and the world in a different way. There is no fear in love, so a person who loves ceases to fear what, in his opinion, threatened him earlier. He, especially without thinking, easily turns such, to what till now and to be risen was afraid. And this is done both with mutual, and with unrequited love. With mutual feelings - for the sake of a loved one, with the unrequited - to prove to everyone, including him and himself, that you are capable of much. Of course, if this is real love, not love addiction. People who seek to fall in love again and again, despite the past failures in the relationship, perfectly understand this. For them, the feeling of love is an ideal way of development in all directions. It is a tool that removes internal clamps and helps to solve the most difficult problems. But in order for such a powerful feeling to find its true purpose, one must take a loved one as a separate person. And do not dissolve in it, forgetting about yourself. You should not allow too close a psychological connection with your loved ones. It engenders aggression directed at both the partner and himself. This is explained by the destruction of the boundaries of the personal zone, to which the psyche reflexively resists. In order to love the way that nature intended, you need to have a confident sense of your own "I". This will allow you to respect both your personality and the partner's personality. And do not be afraid of the pain of unrequited love. Because if the soul hurts, it means that our "I" is improving, psychologically growing up. Opening in love to another person, we get to know our essence better and can estimate the scale of our own capabilities. And we have the opportunity to fearlessly move forward. There is no fear in love! We advise you to read: