Marriages fall apart for different reasons. The reason for the divorce is treason, eternal scandals, the death of love, the lack of understanding, a major quarrel ... Anyway, the termination of the existence of the family is always a drama for the couple. Even if this was all the prerequisites and divorce seemed the only way out. Because the gap between two people who have existed together for a long time brings chaos and discomfort to their lives. Especially suffer from this woman. A man, having received freedom, usually begins to use it with might and main. Shastaet somewhere with friends, drunks to the fullest, does his favorite thing as much as he likes, meets with some kind of lady ... A woman, especially if she has children, is more difficult. Many wander with my girlfriends will not - there is no time, and they are married in the majority. With a green snake, the normal young ladies do not enter into too close a relationship. Hobbies for the weaker sex, of course, there is. However, some hobbies are married matrons who are not used to living, because in the foreground there was a family. Flirting spontaneously is not easy - there are not enough bachelors. So, one day a question arises in a divorcee about how to return an ex-husband back. How to do it correctly and efficiently? Well, well, we will understand.
Why women want to return an ex-husband
No matter how we argue with our halves, howwould not be angry with them, dreaming to part, if the gap occurs, we always feel some kind of devastation and confusion. Still, the family is a community, a small world with its own way of life, in which everyone has his own place. And when this world collapses, its fragments hurt everyone. From this can not escape. Therefore, often, we, even parting with a hated already kind of spouse, feel sad. No, initially there may be relief - well, finally, peace has come! No one is required to file clean socks, do not grumble for each occasion, do not reproach for the money spent, do not call a fool, do not scandal and do not return home in the early morning. You can seem to be relieved to breathe, spread your wings and - in free flight! But it does not fly. An empty bed, the absence of a toothbrush of a spouse and his slippers, evenings alone ... There is no one to swear, there is no one to wait all night and blame for ruined youth, there is no one to be angry and offended. Empty and annoying. And he does not think to come or call. To the emptiness and annoyance is added the grumbling of wounded pride. Once upon a time, this man, having married, made it clear that you are special and he can not live without you. And now, it turns out, maybe. So, you became for him like everyone else. In addition, it suddenly turns out that after the departure of the faithful broke the usual daily routine, and it formed gaps. Than to fill them, it is not known. And you suddenly realize that you no longer drive to the far corner of consciousness the thought "I want to return my ex-husband", but you start cultivating it as a life goal. Why is this happening? It would seem that a woman really got freedom, which you can use, as you please. And she burns with a desire to return the one who previously limited this freedom. There are more than enough reasons for this. If two live with one family for a long time, their worries, problems, goals, become connected with each other. In any case, the husband and wife together exist in the chain of events, which is torn when they part. To gather together the links of a new chain and adjust their daily goals to a woman is difficult - the usual guidelines for these purposes have already disappeared. And she comes to the idea that to get out of this situation it is necessary to return her husband to the family. How can this be done?
What to do after leaving her husband
It is not uncommon to return an ex-husband to a family, if he is stillI did not find another woman, it is not so difficult. However, and when I found another, it is also possible. Men with difficulty give up their habits. Whatever it was in the former family, no matter how the relationship developed, it was already a habit. That is, it became a way of life, to which the former spouse psychologically adapted. Therefore, one way or another, but he is subconsciously connected with his former wife. And the lady with whom she meets or lives now, will involuntarily compare with her. In some cases, it will certainly be worse. Therefore, even if the ex-husband is not alone, all is not lost. To begin to return it it is necessary with a cold-blooded rethinking of relations in marriage. And they should be evaluated calmly and thoughtfully, without accusations and insults. It is necessary to find the exact answer to the question, why it happened. Perhaps, the faithful was missing something, or was it on the contrary? When and how did it happen that the original attachment turned into alienation or enmity? At what stage of communication did the family lose mutual understanding and desire to find a common language? Above all this we need to think carefully. Even if the spouse before the divorce clearly expressed his claims, he could substitute for the real reason invented. Not all people are able to speak frankly about painful problems. In order to determine as accurately as possible what became the impetus for divorce, we should remember which situations most often irritated her husband. Was his mood spoiled or was he angry if we were flirting with someone? Perhaps, the spouse was nervous if we pestered him with any requests or were not allowed to sit with friends? Or when we started to nag him for the fact that there is no money in the house again and that it's time to start raising children? The reasons for the disorder of relations can be anything. They need to be sure to find out that in the future, if the husband returns, learn to bypass the sharp angles in communicating with him. After everything is fairly well understood, we need to think about how much we are willing to change our own behavior to improve relations. If this requires not only excessive efforts, but also a rejection of life principles, it is hardly worth trying to return the man. Nothing good will come of it. If the behavior needs only correction, and we can easily accept the husband with all his desires and claims, then we start acting.
Rules of conversation with the former husband
First of all, with her husband, of course, it is necessarytalk. Do not hurry with this - let it be at least two weeks after the parting. The conversation should be calm, without reproaches, accusations, complaints, excuses. Surely a man in advance for them prepared and ready to resist. Another quarrel us to anything. It will only further alienate the spouse and ultimately destroy the hope for the restoration of relations. Therefore, the faithful should be shown that his right to freedom is recognized. Just want to understand why the marriage fell apart and what we did wrong. Surely the husband will respond to the offer of frankness in a dialogue of this kind. All the same, before he was a very close person, so he is able to express the sore that was considered half. Do not bargain and promise to improve if the husband returns to the family. One should not threaten and speculate with something, imposing on him the role of a victim of circumstances. It is unlikely that then a man will again burst out feelings, - a strong sex can not tolerate coercion. Even if we force the spouse to return in this way, nothing more than alienation or even hatred will be expected from him later. Need I say that in this case the joint life will at least be joyless? In no case should you let the former spouse know that we are ready to wait forever and always at his service. Otherwise, there is a significant risk of turning into a spare airfield, where a man will land from time to time, in order to bring his psychological and physical state in order. A former husband does not need to know to what extent we need him. Let it be better that the wife does not feel bad alone, is fully capable of living on her own and has the opportunity to choose with whom she should relate her fate in the future. This position of a woman usually clings to a man and makes it clear to him that the former spouse, if delayed, you can lose. If a husband has another woman, you should not humiliate her and criticize her. It is advisable to pull yourself together and pretend that we calmly accept this fact. And the conversation started only in order to learn his views on the past and the negative aspects of marriage. In principle, many men are impressed by sheer female jealousy. However, in this case it will not work. The spouse, having received evidence that the wife is suffering and jealous, will only amuse himself and begin to treat her with disdain. It will be advisable in the dialogue to unobtrusively emphasize the importance of men in the family. You can subtly hint that here, without him, and the shelf has warped, and the crane began to growl, and the children got bored, and the dog missed. It would not hurt, they say, more often appear in the house and put things in order there. No, there is an option to invite to repair the crane or return the shelf to someone else's place. However, it is better if it is a former master. Only he knows all the nuances of repair, and only he is able to nail the shelf as it should. Thus it is necessary to speak about what the husband used to do really skillfully. If he does not know how to hold a hammer in his hands or how to deal with a coughing tap, then you can not mention them. Or will not believe, or do not come to do so as not to fall face to face in the mud. After the conversation took place, we must find an excuse to continue to maintain relations with the ex-husband. The reason for this should be found neutral. Help in some issues, meetings with children on weekends, a trip to the dacha - anything, if only it had no hint of closer communication than friendly communication. The main thing is that you can meet regularly with your spouse. At meetings, you should behave with dignity, try to be cheerful and do not look exhausted. Let the faithful do not doubt - on it the light wedge did not converge. Most likely, it will make him interested in the personal life of his former wife. After all, for some reason, she does not beat her head against the wall from grief and does not tear her hair! So, there is someone to console. It is advisable at the same time to maintain a good relationship with the mother-in-law and with the friends of the ex-husband, if possible. But just do not ask them for help, but just call, come to visit and talk about how I would like to understand the mistakes of my behavior in marriage. This will help create a kind of support group of people whose opinion is not indifferent to the spouse. Of course, in order for all these actions to be most effective, we must try to part with the faithful in a civilized manner.
How to part with her husband, then you can return it
Whoever was to blame for divorce, part withthe spouse must be tolerated as much as possible. It is possible that after the emotions calmed down, the event will appear in a completely different light, and want to fix everything. In a rage and resentment, you can say good-bye to such a farewell, for which you will not beg for forgiveness. Therefore, you should take yourself in hand, so as not to burn all the bridges irrevocably. To cry and beg to stay when the husband leaves, too it is not necessary, even if we are assured, that the life after this will end. First, it will not end. Secondly, maybe, tears and keep the man, but then he will not love more. The husband will remain because he does not want to feel cruel executioner, and not because he did not initially want to leave. But even if this is not so, then his feelings will still change. There will be a note of contempt for his wife and confidence in her dog fidelity. Such a position will allow the spouse to behave as he pleases. It is unlikely that this state of affairs will contribute to the strengthening and harmonization of relations. When parting, you can not humiliate or insult your spouse, either directly or indirectly. When people live side by side for a long time, they know a lot about each other. And in a fit of anger in the hearts can drop out that which will cause unbearable pain. Of course, this can make a man. But if you need it, then you really want to, do not want to, you have to make a discount on the temper and emotionality of a person at that moment. It is easier for women to forgive words that destroy self-esteem, because it, this self-esteem, is not so vulnerable to the weak sex. As for men, everything is much more complicated here. Belts below the belt they do not forget and do not forgive. Therefore, you need to control yourself and not respond to insults with insults. In whatever tone they did not sound. The optimal option of parting with the spouse is calm, friendly and benevolent behavior. Say, forcibly you will not love, so I give you freedom. This will certainly hurt the man and intrigue him. Why does a woman just let go of it? So he's not the best in the world? Or maybe she originally wanted a divorce? In addition, this nobility will make the spouse look at his ex-wife differently. And think about what he overlooked in marriage and what was wrong. And this is an essential step towards a truce. Completed egoists who do not count with anyone, do not meet very often. If we want to return the husband after the divorce, in all likelihood, he does not belong to such egoists. Normal men always take their marriage seriously enough, especially when there are children. And with the collapse of the family, they sometimes experience at least as many women. Even if the marriage was far from flawless, the husband is often ready to return, it is only necessary to find the right approach to it. But this requires working on yourself and your own mistakes. And you need to change not for a while, but forever. When a former spouse sees a new, soft, full of self-respecting woman in front of him, he will again be there. Because no man will change the world in which he is loved and appreciated, to the unknown. We advise you to read: