It’s not for nothing that people say: “little children –маленькие бедки». По мере того, как ваш вчерашний малыш растет, появляются все новые и новые хлопоты и проблемы. Еще вчера мама искала ответы на вопросы, связанные с воспитанием малыша. А уже сегодня она лихорадочно ищет любую информацию о таком явлении, как проявление влюбленности у подростков 14 лет, а порой даже и младше. Как бы ни отрицали родители тот факт, что их ребенок вырос, и как бы не гнали от себя мысль о возможной влюбленности подростков, а уж тем более о подростковом сексе, избежать этого не удается практически никому. Не верите? А попробуйте напрячь свою память и вспомнить себя в этом возрасте. Наверняка, вы вспомните свою первую любовь – такую чистую и светлую, когда казалось, что эта любовь – навсегда. А избранник или избранница казались самыми идеальными людьми в мире. Так почему же родители, услышав о том, что и их ребенок столкнулся со своей первой любовью, отказываются поверить в этот факт и принять его как данность? Зачастую родители начинают доказывать своему ребенку, что он еще слишком мал для любви, что это – вовсе не любовь, не слушая никаких уговоров и увещеваний своего чада. Но и это не худшее, что могут сделать родители. Гораздо большей ошибкой, которая достаточно распространенная, является высмеивание чувств ребенка. Последствия подобной линии родительского поведения могут быть самыми печальными. Причем потеря взаимопонимания и контакта родителей со своим ребенком далеко не худший вариант. Порой, к огромному сожалению, отчаявшийся влюбленный подросток может даже попробовать совершить попытку суицида. Особенно если эта самая первая любовь окажется безответной. Также очень часто поводом для разногласий становится сам избранник или избранница вашего чада. Практически во всех случаях, так уж сложилось давно, но выбор детей их родителям совершенно не нравится. Те родители, которые оказываются немного мудрее остальных, всю критику по поводу выбора сына или дочки предпочитают оставлять при себе. Однако, увы, чаше всего родители на эмоциональном вводе, особо не выбирая слова и выражения, говорят ребенку все, что думают по поводу его второй половинки. В результате в доме воцаряется тяжелая напряженная психологическая обстановка – родители ведут нескончаемые беседу в духе «не для него маменька ягодку растила», ребенок огрызается. Согласитесь – далеко не самая радужная перспектива. И для того, чтобы не оказаться в столь неприятном положении, родители должны быть во всеоружии. Ведь зачастую же случается так, что все родительские недовольства и беспокойства оказываются абсолютно оправданными. К огромному сожалению, как бы этого ни хотели родители, круг общения современных подростков достаточно велик, и включает в себя не только положительных мальчиков и девочек. А почему – то очень часто подростки выбирают свои вторые половинки из так называемых антиподов – людей, полностью противоположных им самим. Посмотрите по сторонам – наверняка, вы припомните несколько пар, в которых партнеры, на первый взгляд, кажутся совершенно неподходящими друг – другу. Мальчик – отличник, студен ВУЗА, встречающийся с малообразованной и довольно распущенной ученицей старших классов. Или, напротив, девочка – комсомолка, пионерка и просто красавица, души не чающая в первом обормоте, и хулигане двора. Иногда их дружба и отношения абсолютно невинны, и не приносят подростку абсолютно никакого вреда. Однако далеко не всегда, к огромному сожалению. Сколько же раз подростки, стремясь походить на вторую свою половинку, начинали курить, пробовали спиртные напитки, и даже наркотики. Но и это далеко не полный список того, во что может оказаться втянут ребенок, попавший в социально неблагополучное окружение. Вот для того, чтобы в меру своих возможностей родители могли предотвратить подобные ситуации, поддержать своего ребенка морально, а там, где это действительно необходимо, проконтролировать ребенка, или напротив, дать ему немного больше воли, и нужно знать все, про такие вещи, как влюблённость подростки. 
Symptoms of adolescent love
Child and family psychologists unanimouslyThey say that adolescence is one of the most difficult years for both the child and all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is during adolescence that such a character trait as teenage negativism begins to manifest itself very actively in a child. It manifests itself in the fact that the teenager begins to question absolutely everything that adults say, and tries to refute them, not in a discussion, but in practice. Mom says that smoking is harmful to health? So, you need to smoke and see what happens in six months. Dad said that you need to be home no later than ten o'clock in the evening? You need to try to come at 11, and see what happens. In addition, almost all teenagers at a certain point begin to think that adults are too much of an intruder not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several basic taboos that psychologists strongly advise against breaking:
- Do not rummage in children's things - pockets of things, bags, drawers of the table. Remember that the child is likely to take this behavior, as a manifestation of mistrust of parents to him.
- The same is true for mobile phonesphones and computers - do not climb on them. Believe me, if your child - a teenager wants to watch porn videos, he and so will see them, not at home, so with friends.
Otherwise, your child will close himself intighter than a mollusk in its shell. After all, even if the relationship between parents and children is simply ideal, in adolescence they still try not to let their parents into their lives once again. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that their child has fallen in love only by the signs of falling in love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So, these signs include:
- Length of stay at home
If your child was previously able tospend days on end reading a book or at the computer, and recently has been disappearing outside the house more and more often, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he has fallen in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion. In such a case, the worst mistake of parents will be prohibiting spending time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for quite a long time, both the parents themselves and the teenager are guaranteed to be nervous. It is much more reasonable to give the child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, you should never forget about the boundaries of reason - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return home in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will definitely appreciate your trust!
- Increase the talk time on the phone
Often in the case when a teenagera guy or a girl appears, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. Moreover, if before the child without any hesitation talked on the phone in your presence, now he tries to leave the room or at least move away from you a little so that you do not hear the conversation. Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, most of these conversations are essentially completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. You should not worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after the youthful maximalism disappears.
- Request for an increase in pocket money
As a rule, this point is true in relation toto boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other "delights" of modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay for dates themselves. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, albeit still very young. Try, to the extent of your family's financial capabilities, to allocate a little more money to your son so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least trivially pay for her travel on public transport. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek an opportunity to find money. And if you take into account the fact that a teenager can not always earn money, parents should think seriously. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, and in the worst case, the son may be involved in various illegal activities, and as a result, he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, you hardly want this?
- The mood of a teenager
A teenager's mood swings can alsotestify to his love. Moreover, these very changes can be very different and opposite. In the case when the first love is mutual, the child feels some euphoria, is constantly in an elevated mood, which is very difficult for him to spoil. But in the case when the object of sympathy did not reciprocate the teenage love, the picture can be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly in a depressed state, can refuse to go for walks, eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that the perception of the world in teenagers is not the same as in adults. And if an adult woman who broke up with her passion, despite the sobs, will gladly discuss all his shortcomings with her friend and agree that he is a complete bastard, then the teenager, in response to the parents' attempt to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely close himself off. And even just an attempt by mom or dad to console the child can cause a protest reaction. It is much wiser to try to distract the child. For example, if you have the opportunity, send your child somewhere to relax – a change of scenery is very helpful even for adults, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him something he has long wanted – a computer, a new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself – no matter how fatal the child’s emotional wound may seem, he will soon calm down and forget his first unhappy love.
- Appearance of a teenager
One of the most characteristic signs of thisthat a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday your son did not particularly care about the cleanliness of his shoes, and today you can look at yourself in them as if in a mirror? Your daughter, out of the blue, began to ask you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love. It is during this period that quite serious conflicts between parents and children often arise. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child has become more careful about his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - dyes his hair in unimaginable shades, pierces all sorts of body parts, puts on unimaginable clothes. Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the likelihood of ruining the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept your child with all his experiments - they will pass very soon, as they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and searching for oneself. If you really can't stand such creativity, try to offer your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps, in this way, you will be able to at least slightly correct the teenager's appearance. And by the way, speaking of shopping - try not to skimp on your child's wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. And children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the crowd and does not have this or that fashionable thing is an absolutely normal practice for them.
- The appearance of contraceptives
Sometimes it happens that parents are completelyaccidentally find contraception in a teenager. As a rule, condoms are most often found in boys. But contraception can also often be found in girls - the same condoms, or even birth control pills. This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that the child began to have sex too early. And it is quite natural that the first desire of the parents will be an urge to throw a terrible scandal with a showdown and a search for the guilty. However, before doing this, try to calm down and think soberly. What will you achieve with a scandal? Your child will not regain virginity no matter how much you want. But the relationship, once again, can be completely ruined. Psychologists recommend that parents pretend that they did not notice anything and ... rejoice. You can foresee violent objections from parents - they say, what is there to rejoice about? But the fact that your child turned out to be reasonable and far-sighted enough to take care of his own safety. Not all teenagers, having started their sexual life, think about their own safety in principle. However, you shouldn’t relax too much either – after all, your child is still quite young and is unlikely to know about all the dangers that sexual relations can conceal. Try to make sure that your child receives all the necessary information. How you do this is not the point. You can leave relevant literature on the subject in a visible place, for example. Of course, this list of signs of possible teenage love is very conditional. Often, all these changes occur in adolescence, regardless of whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from the house and constant fluctuations in the child’s emotional background. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems, including drug use. In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs there are, the higher the probability that the child is really in love. And very often the best way to find out is to ask the child an open question. But as you remember, if he doesn’t want to answer it, you shouldn’t insist and try to get into the child’s soul – you can only push him away from you.
How to behave to parents?
As you may have already seen, the changes haveTeenagers are almost always in love, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents react to the current situation? Let it take its course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences. Intervene? However, here too, parents may face pitfalls - the child will think that you do not trust him or are overprotective. And this also often leads to the emergence of various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents take the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of affection. And they do not pay special attention to such trifles as spoiled relations with their own offspring, believing that everything will work out on its own. However, such tactics of behavior are far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can pass completely without a trace. However, in fact, this is not so at all - the child simply hides his resentment deep in the subconscious. And don't be surprised later, many years later - why does your child pay you "protocol" courtesy visits several times a year, blaming it on being terribly busy? However, this is not the most unpleasant thing that such a line of behavior can lead to. As a rule, almost all children without exception, in adulthood, having become parents themselves, will involuntarily repeat the line of behavior of their parents at a subconscious level. And therefore, their mistakes. In order to avoid such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:
- Get to know the object of your child's sympathy
If you are lucky and you know exactly whoIf your child is in love, try to get to know him or her. Advise your child to invite the chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to arrange a family dinner. Children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no need to arrange a "viewing". Acquaintance is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when getting to know a person, it turns out that he or she is actually much better than he or she seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair hides a rather modest girl who is trying to realize herself in this way. And behind the appearance of a hooligan guy - a young man who catches every word and look of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.
- Meet the child's friends
Those parents are in a very advantageous positionwho know their child's circle. Try to get to know all, or almost all, of his or her friends - and you will have at least a rough idea of the social circle your child moves in. This means that you will already know roughly what to expect and what to prepare for. However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that your child will bring them to you one by one to meet, as if for an interrogation. But if you organize a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will certainly have a wonderful opportunity not only to see almost all of your loved ones in person, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, "advanced" parents. However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your constant supervision - give them a little freedom. Stay for a while and go to the cinema or visit - leave the teenagers alone. Believe me - nothing terrible will happen to them. But your child will certainly appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every way to justify it and not lose it. And such a small holiday will have the most positive effect on your relationship with your child.
- Refrain from criticism
It may well be that when you meet you onlymake sure that you were right and your child's other half is far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, and your son - that his girlfriend is just a dud. In this way, you will achieve nothing, but only push the child away from you. Moreover, your child, to spite you, will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest goes away on its own, naturally. But it will not be superfluous to talk frankly with the child. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much to the chosen one. In no case laugh at the child's arguments, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.
- Do not read notations
Another very common mistake ismany parents turn a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecturing. Agree, few people will like the situation when they come to a loved one with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, they receive a moralizing sermon. Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist "soul-saving" conversations, do not give in to the impulse under any circumstances. Be sure to listen to your child, try to give him really correct and useful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first crush will pass quickly enough, but it is extremely difficult to restore the child's lost trust, and sometimes even unrealistic.
- Allow the child to fill his "bumps"
Of course, no parent wants thattheir child had to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should never do this! No matter how much you want to, you simply cannot physically protect your child from all the dangers that may await him on the long path of life. So maybe it really makes sense to give your child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain his own life experience, even if minimal? At least for now the child is close to you, and you can provide him with the necessary help. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you will not be able to help him in such situations. So why take risks and deprive the child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?
- Do not interfere in the relationship of adolescents
Never try to apply it under any circumstances.efforts to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice such a line of behavior. Intrigue, gossip, slander, libel - parents are ready to do anything to quarrel young people. However, this is very fraught with negative consequences. If you try to set the child against his other half, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared for the fact that they will avoid you and avoid you in every possible way. The child will completely and entirely try to protect his personal life from your presence. Even the most harmless question like "where are you going?" will only make the child want to snap back. The child will start hiding everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, where the opponents will be the parents and the teenager. Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter's parents, and for her first of all. There are often cases when a girl deliberately gets pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at the age of 15-16, her parents are forced to either give their permission for the marriage or send their daughter to have an abortion. But this is not the best solution. Firstly, the first abortion, especially at such an early age, has an extremely negative effect on the health of a woman, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. You should not focus on the medical aspects - everyone probably knows about them very well. And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult period in her life. Hormonal changes, and also first love are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl absolutely uncontrollable. She can simply pack up and go live with her boyfriend. And consider yourself very lucky if your daughter's chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in the neighboring house, and you regularly meet his parents at the nearest store. But what if not? What if you have a very vague idea of \u200b\u200bwhat kind of person is the guy your daughter is in love with? What if he lives wherever he can, earns extra money doing not-so-legal things, or hitchhikes? Think about it - where will you look for your daughter in this case? Unfortunately, such stories are not some kind of horror stories for parents, but they do happen, and, alas, not so rarely. If you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter breaks up with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childhood resentment makes itself known - the child may periodically, as a rule, during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this action of yours.
- Tell your child about your first love
If you categorically refuse to acceptthe child's choice, remember that lecturing and moralizing in conversation are in no way acceptable. Therefore, try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And do not skimp on words - tell in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about your experiences, plans and hopes, about your first dates and first kiss. Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love - his second parent. And it is highly desirable that both parents - both mom and dad - tell about this. Why is this necessary, you ask? And with such stories, in any case, you will make the child involuntarily think about the fact that. It is quite possible that his first love is not forever. After all, the child's life is just beginning - and who knows how it will turn out further. However, under no circumstances should you give examples from someone else's life - there is no point in pointing out the girl next door who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. The child will most likely perceive such an example as another ordinary "lecture" on the topic of morality.
- Increase the child's self-esteem
Most often, in order for a child to part withtheir passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the teenager's beloved. And they certainly discuss them heatedly among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes they also constantly point them out to the child. But such tactics are doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little around them. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love is generally very prone to idealization of the partner. Don't believe it? Remember yourself at the peak of love. And your child will also deny even the most obvious negative aspects of the object of love. Moreover, he will probably think that you are deliberately slandering in order to quarrel them. And this will almost inevitably lead to a huge number of misunderstandings, misunderstandings and conflicts between you and your child. It is much wiser to act differently. Do not scold the object of the teenager's love. But praise the child himself. Praise as often as possible. Praise for any trifle, even if it is sometimes a little exaggerated - your praise is very important for the child, as it allows him to feel much more confident in himself. And if the child is confident in himself, in his abilities, in the fact that he is smart enough, handsome, well dressed, then he will evaluate guys and girls in approximately the same way. And he will definitely closely evaluate his boyfriend or girlfriend. And it may well happen that he himself will re-evaluate his values and break up with his first love.
- Try to become your friend for your child
No matter how the situation develops, remember thatthat a good relationship with your child should come first. Try to become a real friend to whom the child can turn in difficult times and receive advice and support, not moralizing and censure. Believe me - you can give your child much more useful advice and keep him from rash hasty actions and mistakes much more effectively than his equally young and inexperienced friends. And it depends only on you whether the child will turn to you for this help, or will go with his experiences to friends. Be that as it may, but parents, whether they want it or not, need to come to terms with the fact that the time has come, and their child has matured significantly. They need to accept this fact as a given, and take it into account, building a line of relationships with the child. After all, the process of growing up a child has just begun, and first love is only the first test not only for you, but also for your child. We advise you to read:
