Let's figure it out:Relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law – a duet or a triangle? Is their peaceful coexistence possible? Are mother-in-law and daughter-in-law a cat and a dog or best friends? And in general, is it possible to have a good relationship with the husband’s mother in principle? Or is a conflict between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law inevitable? These are the questions we will try to answer. Every woman is a real actress inside. During her life, she tries on many masks. Some people like to do it, while others are simply forced to by life. But be that as it may, every beautiful representative of the fairer sex copes with the task of transformation with flying colors. So why not try to put your acting skills to good use?
Why does my mother-in-law hate her daughter-in-law?
Usually the mother-in-law hates her daughter-in-law not justYes. There are good reasons for that. At the very beginning of her life, a woman plays the role of a loving and obedient daughter, feeling the love and care of her mother. In childhood, she can only accept love. She has to learn to love herself a little later. Growing up and, naturally, falling in love, a young girl begins to give her love herself. Here she is already playing at adulthood. Her role is both simple and incredibly complex at the same time - she loves and must be loved. This period of time in the life of an inexperienced girl is not easy. Misunderstandings, annoying events, disappointments, betrayals, infidelities, danger, fear often surface here. In general, everything that fills the wonderful world of adults. For a young and inexperienced girl, a jump into the abyss of these passions can be quite shocking. In fact, it turns out that her husband, by and large, does not care about her feelings. He does not need her love at all, and her tenderness causes him ridicule and a kind of hatred. In addition, the man very often does not meet any of the requirements of the young wife. He deliberately tries to destroy her dreams and ideas about a normal man, trying to convince her that what she has and the unacceptable behavior that he can sometimes allow himself is the real norm and she has nothing more to wish for. All this is not uncommon in newly formed families.
Why does the daughter-in-law hate his mother-in-law?
This is much easier to understand for both the daughter-in-law and herself.her mother-in-law. The daughter-in-law - because she is currently, at this very moment, overwhelmed by these not-so-best emotions. The mother-in-law - because she herself was once a daughter-in-law. And the reason for the hatred between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is, first of all, the conflict of generations. Why? Because youth is characterized by maximalism, excessive self-confidence, inability to compromise. And maturity - by rigidity of views, excessive criticality and absolute faith in one's own rightness and one's life experience. The wife believes that only she has the right to "lead" her husband, and any other woman (even his mother) is deprived of such rights. And who deprives rights? The wife. But the mother-in-law does not know this. She still believes that she has rights to her child, even if this child has already become a father. By the way, it is the appearance of a child in the family that sometimes helps to extinguish the heat of passions. Firstly, the mother-in-law's help and advice (if they are useful) suddenly turn out to be vital. And secondly, the daughter-in-law herself becomes a mother and gets the opportunity to feel the all-consuming and uncontrollable power of motherly love. Thirdly, the psychology of each of these two women changes and they begin to be connected by a real blood relationship.
The appearance in the family of a child
A truly bright andthe happiest moment for a woman is the birth of a child. Here, every woman happily takes on a role that is perhaps the most important in her life – she becomes a mother. If there are some disagreements, misunderstandings and problems with her husband, then the woman usually plunges headlong into raising the child. After all, only she is able to protect her baby from the outside world. In fact, the meaning of life passes into the child, whom no one will take away from the mother. A feeling of ownership and possessor arises. The mother closes in on the child, having no other beloved creature in her life. And, as you know, to love means a lot for a woman. And if she loves, then she does it truly sincerely and selflessly. Everything becomes even worse if the child is a boy. Then the mother tries to embody in him everything that her unloved husband lacked. When he grows up, he naturally wants to live independently and find himself a girlfriend. First love, adult life, all the same problems that the mother herself once experienced. And, of course, the boy feels cramped in those strict restrictions that his mother created, trying to protect him from the troubles that she herself experienced. Now you should understand the reasons that drive the mother-in-law. However, this does not improve the daughter-in-law's situation. The relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is an eternal confrontation between two women. And it arises at the moment when the adored child falls in love with another girl. The son, who previously belonged only to her, is distracted by another woman, giving her most of his love. The mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law not always because of her bad character, but more often under the pressure of circumstances. The situation of hatred and ill will begins to form even before the birth of both the boy and his bride, namely, in the youth of the mother-in-law herself. The mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law because she has to literally tear her son away from her breast. The girl also does not want to share her beloved husband. She needs his love just as the mother-in-law once needed the love of her husband, which he did not reward her with. And such is the psychology of the "average" mother-in-law that she begins to hate her daughter-in-law so much that even congratulating her daughter-in-law, for example, on the New Year, is beyond her strength.
The struggle for husband and son
From the mother's position, the mother-in-law considers the young wifea hindrance and universal evil. The girl, from the position of a legal wife, considers her mother-in-law simply a home wrecker and an egoist, often speaking of her as nothing other than, “My mother-in-law is a real bitch.” Women sometimes feud so much that congratulating the daughter-in-law on her birthday becomes a real punishment for the mother-in-law. And, unfortunately, such a situation is not uncommon. And it is not so easy to get out of it. Therefore, it is much wiser not to bring the situation to such a heat of passion, but to try to solve the problem at the very beginning of the conflict situation. You should not try to run away from the problem. After all, it is like a snowball - it will only grow if it is not solved. The confrontation between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law has long been a folk epic and the main theme for mocking jokes. Hatred begins to grow more and more every day. The fight for the main man in the life of both women takes on serious proportions and sometimes reaches ridiculous absurdity. But, as we know, men fight until the first drop of blood, and women - until the last. Therefore, giving in is not in honor of women. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law enter into a brutal fight. Unflattering and sometimes insulting comments about each other begin. Sometimes it gets to the point that the most basic manifestation of goodwill becomes impossible. In fact, absolutely everyone is in the affected area: the old mother, the young wife and the hero himself - the beloved son and husband. Usually, he tries to stay away from the bloody battles, watching the war of two females. Women lead him to a choice: mother or wife. Remember that a man does not like problems (such is his psychology). Therefore, he will most likely run away from both, finding a third refuge, which will be less seething and dangerous for life. Of course, there are exceptions. There are rare species of men in nature who are able to act like adults and make mature decisions. But more often than not, they usually run away from problems to where it is calmer. In the best case scenario, it will be friends, fishing or a summer house. But a sadder outcome is also possible - your husband will simply find a mistress who will understand and console him. And you risk losing your husband. Surely, this is not what you want? Hatred between women flares up from the desire for power. And this is understandable. Each of them wants to own a man completely. A wife - her husband, a mother - her son. And it is this thirst for power that causes great damage to the relationship between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. The daughter-in-law does not want to put up with the authority of the older woman. The mother-in-law does not even allow the thought of the possibility of respecting the feelings and desires of "this snot-nosed girl". And as a result, the atmosphere becomes extremely tense. Life turns into hell, and for all household members - husband, wife, mother-in-law. And sometimes the children get it too - because they are extremely sensitive to everything that happens in the family. And as a result, the children are acutely aware of all the quarrels and conflicts of adults.
What to do?
Is it fashionable to improve relations betweendaughter-in-law and mother-in-law. It is difficult, but possible. And how to do it? Of course, the best option is to live separately from your parents. However, often even separate housing cannot protect a young family from the all-seeing eye of mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law. Daughters-in-law often complain to their friends that their mother-in-law has had enough of her moralizing and useless advice. It is no secret that many of them believe that they got a foolish mother-in-law or, even worse, a monster mother-in-law. And this impression is not always true. Whatever the situation with your mother-in-law, never involve your husband in your conflicts, and especially do not allow a situation where he will have to make a choice between his mother and wife, since the choice may not be made in your favor. Agree, because for almost every man, a mother always looks more reliable. Understand that a mother-in-law, no matter who she is, is not your rival and she will never be able to take your place. And it is only up to you whether you can find a common language with your mother-in-law. And your ultimatum can greatly offend your beloved man. Think for yourself - how would you feel if your husband did not find a common language with your mother and put you in front of a choice - him or your mother. Agree, this can be regarded as significant pressure on a person. And believe me - you yourself are highly likely to risk finding yourself in a similar situation - mothers-in-law are often no better than mothers-in-law. So is it worth the risk and giving your husband your own weapon? And far from the best. The mother-in-law should remember her relationship with her husband's mother and the mistakes that both women made and which they caused to the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. After all, any manifestation of attention and demonstration of respect were as heavy a burden for her as they are now for her daughter-in-law. And the daughter-in-law should understand that sooner or later she will also become a mother-in-law and mother-in-law. And before you start sorting things out with your mother-in-law, try to put yourself in her shoes. To be fair, there are exceptions in life. There are families in which the mother-in-law sincerely loves her son's wife, and she reciprocates. And this is wonderful, even if it is not true. Even if the women simply managed to find the strength to let each other know that they are loved, in demand and respected. Love each other! Even if you are a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law. Because only love will save the world! We recommend reading:
