Usually in any family from time to time ariseconflicts. Parents, spouses, children - it is difficult for us to find the right approach to others, even very close people. In any case, there may be disagreements, misunderstandings, contradictions and even violence. Unfortunately, through the problems in the family life passed either of us. With many difficulties, we are able to cope on our own. But sometimes we can not understand the situation without outside help and need someone to give us advice on how to overcome the family crisis. In order to better understand how to behave in a particular conflict situation, it is worthwhile to understand what these collisions are most often caused by. We will consider three main causes of family problems that each of us has encountered at least once in our life. 
What kills respect and love
Many couples can boast that in theirrelationship reigns complete idyll? Hardly. But there is nothing to worry about if loving partners quarrel from time to time. To swear in part is even useful. Conflicts help to understand the partner's position and explain to him his view of the problem. So you can find a solution that suits both, having overcome all the crises of family life. But it happens and so - quarrels like and no, global contradictions do not arise, swear only on trifles. They can be insignificant, but they can be incredibly annoying! A pack of cigarettes thrown past the bucket, dirty socks scattered all over the apartment, left open with a tube of paste, a toilet seat constantly lifted, wife's chatter on the phone, her husband's habit of constantly switching channels while watching TV. Everyone can continue the list further. At first glance, it's not so scary. But if it is repeated daily, then such trivialities can kill love and cause a crisis of family life! How to be? Is it possible to allow such a smallness to destroy the relations of partners? What do psychologists say about this? According to experts, worldwide crises of family life arise precisely because of bad habits of one or both partners. All the irritating factors can be divided into four groups:
- disorder - scattered clothes, garbage on the floor, etc .;
- incorrect behavior - eating in front of the TV, long chatter on the phone, etc .;
- bad habits - nibbling nails, the habit of fiddling with an ear or nose during a conversation, etc .;
- spores in the bathroom and toilet - hair in the sink, a raised stool, drying toothpaste, etc.
Of course, we all know that the basis of lastingpartnership relations are responsibility, loyalty, trust, strong friendship and love, the same life goals. When all this is there, the hair in the sink is not so important. And yet, if you for many years in a row every day will leave them there, then in the eyes of your partner you will turn into the devil of hell! Crises of family life simply do not come. Trivialities can really destroy a partnership, psychologists say. Trifles are dangerous because they penetrate into the relationship slowly, allowing the irritation to gradually accumulate. The tension is getting stronger, until one day an explosion occurs. Most often, this happens when a significant change in the life of a couple - for example, the birth of a child or moving. Even trying to somehow react to annoying little things, most couples do it wrong. Usually, one of two ways is chosen - disputes and reproaches or silence of the problem. Both options will lead to the destruction of the family. Constant disputes and reproaches can give some result only for a very short time. As a rule, it is not possible to reach a mutual agreement in this way, but mutual irritation is growing. If you are silent - a partner and does not know that something does not suit you, and will continue to act, and your resentment will accumulate. And in the first and in the second case, constant dissatisfaction with each other will inevitably lead to the thought of divorce. How to get out of this situation and survive the family crisis? The solution exists! According to experts, avoiding such a finale is easy. Just follow the general rule - as the English say, "do not bury the problem under the bed!" All the arising disagreements must be solved on time. Every time something off balance you, tell the partner about it. Without accusations and reproaches, calmly explain what you do not like and why. Discuss the problem and try to find a compromise. And from time to time, when the partner will allow himself to relax, quietly remind you of the decision you made. And that's all! It's very simple! Be patient and indulgent, and minor misunderstandings will stop threatening the strength of your union. It is worth remembering that for a strong marriage, not only mutual love is important, but also mutual understanding. It would be right to say that love is the ability to talk and hear each other! It is very important for spouses to develop communication skills, and not only in a conflict situation. After all, discontent with each other can arise not only because of accumulated trifles, but also for reasons lying more deeply. 
When partners stop talking
Unfortunately, in today's world there are not manyyou can find people who unconditionally feel happy in their family life. Lack of satisfaction with established relationships becomes the fundamental cause of most divorces. Discontinuities result in about a third of all marriages. But this does not mean that all couples who continue to live together keep a harmonious relationship. Very often, spouses are not divorced for reasons that have nothing to do with love and happiness. They, for example, save the family for the sake of children, or for material reasons. In the end, people live with each other simply out of habit. Family crises most often begin after three to five years of living together. During this time, love gradually becomes an obligation. The joint life of partners is becoming increasingly boring and monotonous. Sex is a responsibility that both spouses often begin to avoid for various reasons. Partners begin to notice each other's shortcomings, which previously did not pay attention. There are mutual accusations, mutual discontent. Serious quarrels flare up more and more often. Joint life is painted in gloomy colors, and at times it seems both unbearable. Spouses lose contact, "break away" from each other. Practicing psychologists conducting family counseling always ask the couple: "What do you think is the most important reason for the destruction of your relationship? Why was everything not the same as it was before? ". Are you interested in knowing how their customers answer these questions? Almost 80% of respondents believe that the cause of the crisis was the lack of communication! It would seem that there is nothing easier - open your mouth and speak! But like and we talk, but the dialogue still does not work. The main reason is our ignorance. We do not understand that communication can be the main means for strengthening a marriage. The ability to communicate with a spouse is a skill that must be acquired as early as possible after marriage. It is necessary to study your partner well, to know all the features of his character, habits. We must not forget that your husband would also like to know everything about you. Tell him about what's on your mind, what thoughts and desires come to you most often, what you like and what is not. Do not forget that only a telepath could read the thoughts of a silent person. But hardly your spouse is endowed with such a gift! The second reason for the inability to conduct a dialogue is the fear of a reciprocal negative reaction. We would like to talk, but we are afraid of the reaction of the interlocutor. And we ignore the problem, which is inadmissible, as we have already said. In this case it would be good to find out where you got such psychological blocks. In this you could be counseled by a psychologist.
How to learn to talk to a partner about problems
Observing a few simple rules, you will learnexpress and defend their point of view, giving the same opportunity to their partner. And then you can survive all the crises of family life, get out of any existing situation. So, agree that, if necessary, each of you will show readiness for dialogue. If you talk and listen to only one person, the conversation will not work. Whenever you feel that you want to discuss or express something, and your partner is not ready to listen to you at this moment, try to transfer your thoughts and emotions to paper. It is especially useful to do this if the issue that you are about to discuss is rather complicated. While you write, you can order your thoughts and clearly understand the essence of the problem. Never solve problems at the peak of emotions. Stop the discussion and wait for the feelings to settle. Always first of all tell your partner about something pleasant, and only then state what you would like to change. Do not ask for something from your partner or reproach him. And again: do not delay the solution of the problem for later. Just do not go to bed until everything is settled. You do not have to endure the disagreement in tomorrow - you risk ruining it! It is better to survive today, and the next morning to start with a clean slate. What if the spouse (or partner) does not want to make contact? Sometimes it happens. But this does not always mean that he does not care that you are unhappy. Perhaps your partner has some mental block to express emotions. In this case, you either have to accept everything as is, or seek help from a psychologist. After all, in time it can happen that the problem goes too far, and you can not cope with it yourself. Calling a specialist in such a situation can be a really good decision. After all, love and family happiness are those values for which it is worth fighting.
Children and family: when kids get out of control
Even the quietest and most prosperous familylives to such a point, when children grow up and begin to bring trouble to their parents. Problems in the preparation of the teenage generation in family life arise most often, again, because of a lack of contact - now between parents and children. Parents often do not even try to build relationships with grown-up sons and daughters. Because it takes a lot of time and effort and requires a mutual compromise. Relationships remain rather superficial, often without an exchange of true feelings. Parents prefer to control the situation, relying on the strength of their authority. Not considering at the same time that the parental authority in the eyes of a teenager just because of this significantly fell. With the onset of puberty, the importance of parents for the child does not decrease, however it may seem obvious. The task of the parents during this period is to support the teenager. This is difficult because of the high demands on their generosity of feelings, patience and self-confidence. While your child has not yet become completely adult and independent, you must protect him, prompt him, help in solving many of the problems that he faces, and gradually lead him to independence. Now everything is changing for him and for you - sometimes fundamentally, and sometimes it seems that metamorphoses occur every day. 
We struggle with transitional age
What needs to be done to alleviate the problems in the family because of the transitional age of children?
- Confidence
Begin to establish trust witha child when he is still young. In the future, he will feel confident and protected. A teenager will know that parents will always help him in a difficult situation and forgive him for possible mistakes.
- Tolerance
A stable situation in the family is very important. The intellect of the child ripens faster, and the emotional development goes unevenly. Parents should take this into account and be sympathetic to the mood swings of adolescents.
- Justice
Avoid repressive methods of education. A teenager needs to be explained that he must be responsible for his actions. The task of parents is to teach the child to solve difficulties, and not to punish them for the fact that these problems arise.
- Communication
It is important for a child to know that parents are interested in himproblems and interests, then he will listen to what the elders tell him. Observe the basic rules of the dialogue. It is in this difficult period that we must take care of maintaining good relations, even if the adolescents do not listen to us and behave defiantly. This often happens to them, even when they do not want it. Parents in such cases should be wiser, showing restraint and patience. Then the adolescent will imperceptibly pass to the tone set by his parents. Rules of dialogue: do not try to defeat the one with whom you conduct a dialogue, listen and try to understand the opponent's point of view. Trust your children and take them positively. Remember that fear is the only consequence of distrust. Fear of failure blinds us, deprives new opportunities to solve problems. Do not be a negative perception to create a threat to the stability and security of your family. And in no case do not humiliate the child with violence!
Family problems: learn to deal with difficulties
Not always quarrels begin with trifles. Unfortunately, no family is immune from routine routine and small problems that can turn into serious ones. In such situations, a lot depends on us - women. If you know how to behave properly, then quarrels and conflicts can be completely avoided. Let's look at the most common family problems and how to solve them.
- Distribution of duties in the family
In most families, daily events occurfor the same scenario. Husband and wife come in the evening from work. He sits down in front of the TV in anticipation of dinner, believing that the enjoyment of a well-deserved rest after a day's work is fair, and his wife ... The fair sex has a labor marathon! Needless to say, that the weekend woman does not spend in relaxation and bliss. After all, it is necessary to have time in two days to do everything that has accumulated in a week. Naturally, this can not but cause irritation. How to do it right? Do not give vent to anger. Talk to your partner calmly. Explain to him that after an eight-hour day you feel tired and need his help. It would be very good if he took on some of the household chores. Ask him to choose what he would like to do, helping you.
- Finance
This is perhaps the most pressing problem of manyfamilies. Financial difficulties lead to uncertainty of relations, nervousness, and, of course, provoke one another's displeasure and quarrels. Very often there are contradictions about how much money and what to spend, whether it is worth investing and where. What should I do in this situation? Here the script should be one. You should establish clear rules that are mandatory for both. Determine the amount necessary to pay for housing and utilities, food, travel, etc. This money should be inviolable and should be spent only for its intended purpose. Agree on what amount can be determined for each of you, so that you can spend these funds at your discretion. Such planning will help you avoid unnecessary expenses, while retaining the opportunity for everyone to have money for their own needs.
- Parents and relatives
This problem is very common. Relatives, especially parents, believe that they have the right and even the duty to interfere in the family affairs of young people. It is said and written about this a lot, so we will not mention all the possible options provoking the conflict. Suffice it to say that this is indeed a serious problem that can lead even to the destruction of the family. What should I do? Yes, it is especially important not to get excited and not make mistakes. First of all, try to calm the older relatives and show them that you respect them and appreciate the experience, the desire to help. Even if you do not agree with what they say, do not want to use the things that they give, do not immediately tell them about it. For example, you do not need an old plush tablecloth, but in the eyes of your mother or mother-in-law, she has an unusual charm and value. Why upset and tune the elders against themselves? Just accept with gratitude - because you also wanted to make nice. But cover the tablecloth only when waiting for your mother to visit. It is not difficult for you, and the relative will see your respect for her. In general, do not once again conflict with loved ones, proving them wrong. Do not be afraid to make compromises more often. In an extreme case, you will still have the opportunity to do it your own way. As in the proverb about Vaska, who listens and eats. Try to meet with your relatives more often. Invite them to visit, visit regularly. It is necessary to have common family traditions. For example, family Sunday meals at least once a month. This will help to establish a warm relationship. In addition, relatives will see that everything in your family goes on as usual. And they will become less worried about you and harass you with advice.
- Getting children education - where and how?
Very painful problem. Children grow up, they want to escape from their native nest and go away. Parents are afraid to let their daughters and sons go, they do not want to lose control over them. And the specialty that the offspring wants to get does not always suit the parents. It even happens that after a series of scandals children have to literally run away from home. How to avoid conflict? Children sooner or later leave the parental home. And this is inevitable. It is necessary to give your offspring freedom of choice. Do not you want your child to offend you all his life because you did not allow him to realize his dreams and get a favorite profession? The most correct thing that you can do in such a situation is to be adherent to your child and help him find the right way in life. Discuss with him all the advantages and disadvantages of the profession that the future entrant wants to receive. Be attentive to his arguments, because we do not always know about the inclinations and interests of our grown-up children. And most importantly - give your child the confidence that he will always be able to count on your support.
The same approach to solving different problems
In everyday life there are variousmisunderstandings, quarrels and conflicts. This is normal. And it depends on you how everything will be resolved. So that the usual problems of family life do not turn into a devastating catastrophe that can lead to a serious crisis in the partnership, think about the good. Whatever problem arises in your family, no matter how heated the atmosphere, do not let your emotions go and solve all the issues with a cold head. Try to always hear and understand your partner. This is the most important rule for solving problems in the family. We advise you to read:
