Usually in any family there are problems from time to timeconflicts. Parents, spouses, children – it is difficult for us to find the right approach to others, even very close people. In any case, disagreements, misunderstandings, contradictions and even violence may arise. Unfortunately, each of us has gone through problems in family life. We are able to cope with many difficulties on our own. But sometimes we cannot understand the current situation without outside help and need someone to give us advice on how to overcome a family crisis. In order to better understand how to behave in a particular conflict situation, it is worth understanding what these clashes are most often caused by. We will consider the three main reasons for family problems that each of us has encountered at least once in our lives.

What kills respect and love

How many couples can boast that in theirthere is complete idyll in the relationship? Hardly. But there is nothing wrong with loving partners arguing from time to time. Arguing is even partly useful. Conflicts help to understand the partner's position and explain your view of the problem to him. This way you can find a solution that would suit both, overcoming all the crises of family life. But it also happens like this - there are no quarrels, global contradictions do not arise, they argue only over trifles. They can be insignificant, but at the same time they can be incredibly annoying! A pack of cigarettes thrown past the bucket, dirty socks scattered all over the apartment, a tube of toothpaste left open, a toilet seat constantly left up, a wife chatting on the phone, a husband's habit of constantly changing channels while watching TV. Anyone can continue the list further. At first glance, it is not so scary. But if this is repeated daily, then such trifles can kill love and cause a crisis in family life! What to do? Is it really possible to allow such a trifle to ruin the relationship of partners? What do psychologists say about this? According to experts, family life crises all over the world arise precisely because of the bad habits of one or both partners. All irritating factors can be divided into four groups:

• disorder - scattered clothes, garbage on the floor, etc .;
• incorrect behavior - eating in front of the TV, long chatter on the phone, etc .;
• bad habits - nibbling nails, the habit of fiddling with an ear or nose during a conversation, etc .;
• spores in the bathroom and toilet - hair in the sink, a raised stool, drying toothpaste, etc.

Of course, we all know that the basis of strongpartnerships are responsibility, loyalty, trust, strong friendship and love, the same life goals. When all this is in place, hair in the sink is not so important. And yet, if you leave it there every day for many years in a row, then in the eyes of your partner you will turn into a fiend of hell! Crises in family life do not just happen. Little things can really destroy a partnership, psychologists believe. Little things are dangerous because they penetrate into the relationship slowly, allowing irritation to gradually accumulate. The tension becomes stronger and stronger until one day an explosion occurs. Most often, this happens when a significant change occurs in the couple's life - for example, the birth of a child or a move. Even trying to somehow react to irritating little things, most couples do it incorrectly. Usually they choose one of two paths - arguments and reproaches or hushing up the problem. Both options will lead to the destruction of the family. Constant arguments and reproaches can give some result only for a very short time. As a rule, it is not possible to reach some kind of mutual agreement in this way, but mutual irritation increases. If you remain silent, your partner will not even know that something does not suit you, and will continue to act as before, and your resentment will accumulate. And in both cases, constant dissatisfaction with each other will inevitably lead to the thought of divorce. How to get out of this situation and survive a family crisis? There is a solution! According to experts, it is easy to avoid such an ending. Just follow the main rule - as the English say, "don't bury the problem under the bed"! All disagreements that arise must be resolved in a timely manner. Every time something upsets you, tell your partner about it. Without accusations and reproaches, calmly explain what you do not like and why. Discuss the problem and try to find a compromise. And from time to time, when your partner allows himself to relax, calmly remind him of the decision you both made. And that's it! It's very simple! Be patient and indulgent, and minor misunderstandings will no longer threaten the strength of your union. It is worth remembering that for a strong marriage, not only mutual love is important, but also mutual understanding. It would be correct to say that love is the ability to speak and hear each other! It is very important for spouses to develop communication skills, and not only in a conflict situation. After all, dissatisfaction with each other can arise not only because of accumulated trifles, but also for deeper reasons.

When partners stop talking

Unfortunately, in the modern world there are not manyyou can find people who feel unconditionally happy in their family life. Lack of satisfaction with the established relationship becomes the fundamental reason for most divorces. About a third of all marriages end in breakups. But this does not mean that all couples who continue to live together maintain harmonious relationships. Very often, spouses do not divorce for reasons that have nothing to do with love and happiness. For example, they keep the family together for the sake of the children, or for financial reasons. In the end, people live with each other simply out of habit. Family crises most often begin after three to five years of marriage. During this time, love gradually turns into an obligation. The partners' life together becomes increasingly boring and monotonous. Sex is an obligation that both spouses often begin to avoid for various reasons. Partners begin to notice each other's shortcomings that they did not pay attention to before. Mutual accusations and mutual dissatisfaction appear. Serious quarrels flare up more and more often. Life together takes on a dark tone, and at times it seems unbearable to both. Spouses lose contact, “break away” from each other. Practicing psychologists who conduct family counseling always ask spouses: “What do you think is the main reason for the destruction of your relationship? Why is everything not the same as it was before?” Are you interested in knowing how their clients answer these questions? Almost 80% of respondents believe that the cause of the crisis was a lack of communication! It would seem that there is nothing easier - open your mouth and talk! But we seem to talk, but the dialogue still does not work. The main reason is our ignorance. We do not understand that communication can be the main means of strengthening a marriage. The ability to communicate with a spouse is a skill that must be acquired as early as possible after marriage. It is necessary to study your partner well, know all the features of his character, habits. We must not forget that your husband would also like to know everything about you. Tell him what is on your mind, what thoughts and desires come to you most often, what you like and what you don’t. Don’t forget that only a telepath could read the thoughts of a silent person. But it’s unlikely that your spouse is gifted with such a gift! The second reason for the inability to conduct a dialogue is the fear of a negative response. We would like to talk, but we are afraid of the reaction of the interlocutor. And we keep silent about the problem, which is unacceptable, as we have already said. In this case, it would be good to find out where such psychological blocks came from. A consultation with a psychologist could help you with this.

How to learn to talk to a partner about problems

By following a few simple rules, youLearn to express and defend your point of view, giving the same opportunity to your partner. And then you will be able to survive all the crises of family life, get out of any situation. So, agree that, if necessary, each of you will show readiness for dialogue. If only one of you speaks and listens, there will be no conversation. Whenever you feel that you want to discuss or express something, and your partner is not ready to listen to you at that moment, try to transfer your thoughts and emotions to paper. It is especially useful to do this if the issue you are about to discuss is quite complex. While you are writing, you will be able to organize your thoughts and more clearly imagine the essence of the problem. Never solve problems at the peak of emotions. Stop the discussion and wait until the feelings subside. Always first tell your partner about something pleasant, and only then state what you would like to change. You should not demand anything from your partner or reproach him. And once again: do not put off solving the problem for later. Just do not even go to bed until you have resolved the conflict. Do not transfer disagreements to tomorrow - you risk ruining it! It is better to live through everything today, and start the next morning with a clean slate. What to do if your spouse (or partner) does not want to communicate? This happens. But this does not always mean that he or she does not care that you are unhappy. Perhaps your partner has some kind of mental block on expressing emotions. In this case, you will either have to accept everything as it is, or seek help from a psychologist. After all, over time it may happen that the problem goes too far, and you will not be able to cope with it on your own. Contacting a specialist in such a situation can be a really good solution. After all, love and family happiness are the values ​​​​worth fighting for.

Children and family: when kids get out of control

Even the most calm and prosperous familylives to the point where children grow up and start to cause trouble for their parents. Problems with preparing the teenage generation in family life most often arise, again, due to the lack of contact - now between parents and children. Parents often do not even try to build relationships with grown-up sons and daughters. Because it takes a lot of time and effort and requires mutual compromise. Relationships remain rather superficial, often without an exchange of true feelings. Parents prefer to control the situation, relying on the power of their authority. Not taking into account that parental authority in the eyes of the teenager has significantly decreased precisely because of this. With the onset of puberty, the importance of parents for the child does not decrease, no matter how obvious it may seem. The task of parents during this period is to support the teenager. This is difficult due to the high demands on their generosity of feelings, patience and self-confidence. While your child has not yet become quite an adult and independent, you must protect him, prompt him, help in solving many problems that he faces, and gradually lead him to independence. Now everything is changing for him and for you – sometimes fundamentally, and sometimes it seems that metamorphoses are happening every day.

We struggle with transitional age

What needs to be done to alleviate problems in the family due to children's adolescence?

• Confidence

Start building trust witha child when he is still small. In the future, he will feel confident and protected. The teenager will know that his parents will always help him in a difficult situation and forgive him for possible mistakes.

• Tolerance

A stable environment in the family is very important.The child's intellect matures faster, but emotional development is uneven. Parents should take this into account and be understanding of the teenager's mood swings.

• Justice

Avoid repressive parenting methods.A teenager needs to be explained that he must be responsible for his actions. The task of parents is to teach the child to solve problems, and not to punish him for having these problems.

• Communication

It is important for a child to know what his parents are interested inhis problems and interests, then he will listen to what his elders tell him. Follow the basic rules of dialogue. It is during this difficult period that we must take care to maintain good relations, even if teenagers do not listen to us and behave defiantly. This often happens to them, even when they themselves do not want it. Parents in such cases should be wiser, showing restraint and patience. Then the teenager will imperceptibly switch to the tone set by the parents. Rules of dialogue: do not try to defeat the one with whom you are having a dialogue, listen and try to understand the opponent's point of view. Trust your children and perceive them positively. Remember that the only consequence of mistrust is fear. Fear of failure blinds us, deprives us of new opportunities to solve problems. Do not create a threat to the stability and security of your family with a negative perception. And under no circumstances humiliate a child with violence!

Family problems: learn to deal with difficulties

Quarrels don't always start with little things.Unfortunately, no family is immune to everyday routine and small problems that can turn into quite serious ones. In such situations, a lot depends on us – women. If you know how to behave correctly, then quarrels and conflicts can be completely avoided. Let's look at the most common family problems and ways to solve them.

• Distribution of duties in the family

In most families, daily eventshappen according to the same scenario. A husband and wife come home from work in the evening. He sits down in front of the TV waiting for dinner, considering it fair to enjoy a well-deserved rest after a hard day's work, and his wife... The work marathon of the fair sex continues! Needless to say, a woman does not spend her weekends in relaxation and bliss. After all, she needs to do everything that has accumulated over the week in two days. Naturally, this cannot but cause irritation. What is the right thing to do? Do not give in to anger. Talk to your partner calmly. Explain to him that after an eight-hour workday you feel tired and need his help. It would be very good if he took on some of the responsibilities around the house. Offer him to choose what he would like to do, helping you.

• Finance

This is perhaps the most pressing problem for manyfamilies. Financial difficulties lead to uncertainty in relationships, nervousness, and, of course, provoke dissatisfaction with each other and quarrels. Very often, there are contradictions about how much money and what to spend it on, whether it is worth investing and where. What to do in this situation? There should be one scenario here. You should establish clear rules that are mandatory for both. Determine the amount needed to pay for housing and utilities, food, travel, etc. This money should be inviolable and should be spent only for its intended purpose. Agree on what amount can be determined for each of you so that you can spend these funds at your own discretion. Such planning will help you avoid unnecessary expenses, while maintaining the ability for everyone to have money for their own needs.

• Parents and relatives

This problem occurs very often.Relatives, especially parents, believe that they have the right and even the obligation to interfere in the family affairs of young people. Much has been said and written about this, so we will not mention all the possible options that provoke conflict. Suffice it to say that this is a really serious problem that can even lead to the destruction of the family. What should be done? Yes, it is especially important not to get carried away and not to make mistakes. First of all, try to calm down older relatives and show them that you respect them and value their experience, desire to help. Even if you do not agree with what they say, do not want to use the things they give you, do not tell them about it right away. For example, you certainly do not need an old plush tablecloth, but in the eyes of your mother or mother-in-law, it has extraordinary charm and value. Why upset and set your elders against you? Just accept it with gratitude - after all, they wanted to please you. But lay the tablecloth only when you are expecting your mother to visit. It's not difficult for you, and your relative will see your respect for her. In general, you shouldn't conflict with your loved ones once again, proving them wrong. Don't be afraid to compromise more often. In extreme cases, you will still have the opportunity to do things your way. As in the proverb about Vaska, who listens and eats. Try to meet with your relatives more often. Invite them to visit, visit them regularly yourself. It is worth establishing common family traditions. For example, family Sunday dinners at least once a month. This will help establish warm relationships. In addition, relatives will see that everything is going as usual in your family. And they will worry less about you and pester you with advice.

• Getting children education - where and how?

A very painful problem.Children grow up, they want to break out of their nest and move far away. Parents are afraid to let their daughters and sons go, they don’t want to lose control over them. And the specialty that the offspring wants to get does not always suit the parents. It even happens that after a series of scandals, children literally have to run away from home. How to avoid conflict? Children leave their parents’ home sooner or later. And this is inevitable. It is necessary to give your offspring freedom of choice. You don’t want your child to harbor a grudge against you all his life for not letting him realize his dreams and get his favorite profession, do you? The best thing you can do in such a situation is to be a like-minded person for your child and help him find the right path in life. Discuss with him all the advantages and disadvantages of the profession that the future applicant wants to get. Be attentive to his arguments, because we do not always know about the inclinations and interests of our grown-up children. And most importantly, give your child confidence that he can always count on your support.

The same approach to solving different problems

In everyday life there are variousmisunderstandings, quarrels and conflicts. This is normal. And it depends only on you how everything will be resolved. To prevent ordinary problems of family life from turning into a destructive catastrophe that can lead to a serious crisis in partnerships, think about the good. Whatever problem arises in your family, no matter how tense the atmosphere becomes, do not give in to emotions and solve all issues with a cool head. Try to always hear and understand your partner. This is the most important rule for solving problems in the family. We recommend reading:

Comments

comments