Have you ever been under the influence of emotions?Have you ever done or said anything that you later bitterly regretted? Have you ever wondered why you can’t control yourself? You’ve probably already noticed that this kind of situation happens with certain types of feelings, such as anger or jealousy. Depression, fear, anxiety and obsessive thoughts about problems quite often play an excessive role in a person’s life. People are used to reacting negatively to many irritants. But if we are objective, we often jump to hasty conclusions. At the same time, many of us lose the ability to control ourselves and splash out our emotions on others. Have you already started to worry about the fact that such breakdowns have been happening to you more and more often lately? If so, you are not alone. Many people have allowed their feelings to get the better of them. In general, there is nothing wrong with strong emotional experiences. They are a valuable part of human existence, enriching our boring lives. The main thing is that they do not harm us. Without our emotions, we would be indifferent robots. But when self-discipline is completely absent, and feelings, on the contrary, begin to control actions, serious problems can arise. It is necessary to learn to keep worries and fears in check. And do not forget to maintain a balance between reason and the desire to be offended by the whole wide world. This will allow your thoughts to always remain clear, and your actions - thoughtful.
How can you control emotions
Managing your feelings does not mean ignoring them.Controlling emotions means that you acknowledge your shortcomings, but act on them when you consider it appropriate. You will not react impulsively and uncontrollably. But first, you should understand how you can manipulate your emotions at all. What do you need to learn first? Awareness and statement of emotion This is quite simple and at the same time very entertaining. Having mastered this technique, you will react to external stimuli more consciously, knowing in advance what reaction you may have. How to do this? For example, you are in a hurry to catch a bus. You urgently need to cross the road to get to the stop. But as soon as you approach the crossing, the red light comes on for pedestrians. Naturally, you will get a little angry, especially if you see that transport has pulled up to the stop. Then you will cross the road and leave on the next bus, and you will completely forget about this small incident. But after some time, you will be perplexed - where did this irritation come from? Perhaps you will attribute everything to fatigue or it will seem to you that your loved ones are behaving incorrectly. But it all started with a traffic light! This fleeting, insignificant event (unless, of course, you were late for a plane) served as an impetus for a chain reaction: red - slight anger - irritation - resentment towards the whole world. It is important to catch and realize the moment when the negative emotion arose, which served as the beginning of this chain. As soon as you learn to notice this, you will become more attentive to everything that happens practically without your conscious participation. Distancing yourself from emotion As soon as you can be aware of your emotions, you will need to learn to look at them as if from the outside. Observing yourself, involuntarily distance yourself, separating it from yourself. Feelings in this case can no longer take over you and quickly disappear. Here's an example: everyone knows how annoying the noise of a car alarm outside the window is. Especially if the owner of the car does not hear the alarm sound and does not turn off the alarm. Long monotonous howls are simply crazy! And the more you focus on an external irritant, the louder and more disgusting it seems to you. And the stronger the indignation, which turns into anger and rage. You imagine how you take a brick and throw it straight at the windshield! Or better yet, at the owner! Now try to look inside yourself, instead of listening to the sounds on the street. Just watch your anger as if it were some kind of independent creature, and not your own emotion. What will happen in a few minutes will greatly surprise you! The anger will disappear without a trace, and you will simply stop paying attention to the alarm. Or you will begin to perceive it completely differently. It is possible that you will even start laughing. This will happen if you yourself want it to.
Simple steps to managing your emotions
Of course, it is quite difficult to change your mind abruptly.attitude to the world, people and the situation. You need to control your feelings gradually, taking small steps every day. After all, you didn’t learn to walk, talk, read right away. You need to act in the same way in this situation.
- Explore your emotions
There are many different shades of emotionfeelings that every person can experience. But psychologists distinguish several basic emotions from which all feelings originate: interest, joy, fear, surprise, sadness, anger and disgust. All other feelings are derivative. For example, jealousy is a manifestation of fear. Or the fear that you are not as good as someone else. Or you do not want to feel abandoned because you are not “perfect”, not “the best”.
- Recognize that emotions do not appear out of nowhere, but are born gradually
Many times on a subconscious level yousurrender to the mercy of your emotions. By recognizing your feelings, you will be able to control them better. It is simply necessary to recognize them from the moment they arise, because this way you will not give anger or resentment the opportunity to accumulate and intensify (remember the example with the traffic light). The worst thing you can do for yourself is to ignore or suppress your emotions. Since you are interested in the answer to the question about how to control yourself, it means that you probably know what this can turn into - a deafening "explosion" out of nowhere, it would seem.
- Pay attention to what is happening in your head when there is an evil emotion
Just stop and analyze everything thatyou just thought until you find the thought that made you angry, apathetic, aggressive, or resentful. Sometimes even fleeting, almost unconscious thoughts can lead us to depression or a bad mood. For example, at work you suddenly felt anxious and worried, but you can’t understand what caused it. If you think about it, it turns out that when you met your boss, you said hello, but he didn’t answer. A thought flashed through your subconscious: “They want to fire me!” That’s where the anxiety comes from. You yourself didn’t notice that you had made such a conclusion (it happened unconsciously). But you suffered the whole day, wondering why you were overcome by bad feelings.
- Think about how your thought can be grounded, which caused alarm
If you think consciously about what flashed byguess about dismissal, then you can make a completely reasonable conclusion - the boss simply did not hear you, because, for example, he was too busy thinking about the upcoming conference. If you catch the thought that caused the negative emotion, then upon closer examination it may seem absurd to you. And you would not have to guess where the feeling of anxiety comes from: “What if something happened at home? What if I forgot to turn off the iron?” Ask yourself: “Is there another way to react to this situation? Perhaps it is more rational, unlike my previous reaction?” If we take the example of the boss - how would it be better to behave in a situation when he did not say hello to you? Was it worth being nervous all day because of unfounded guesses? Or maybe it is better to tell yourself, like Scarlett O'Hara, the heroine of the novel "Gone with the Wind" - "I'll think about it tomorrow!" If you made a decision and calmed down - everything is fine, you coped with the negative emotion. And if it did not help? What to do next? Proceed to the next step.
- Consider the options
At least now you know where it came fromunpleasant feelings. Emotions take over when you assume that there is only one way to react to a situation. But there is always a choice. For example, if someone insults you and you feel angry, your reaction may be to insult them back. But you have two alternatives (of course, if you think about it, you can find more). You can choose not to react and do nothing. Or you can do something opposite to what you would normally not agree to in such a situation. When you make a decision, it is important to make sure that it is a conscious choice and not a reaction to the accompanying emotions. For example, if someone offends you and you do nothing - this is your position. Perhaps this is a response to your fear of confrontation? There are very good reasons to act in accordance with the inner self.
- Principles
What do you want to be?What are your moral principles? What outcome do you prefer in this situation? Ultimately, what should your decision be so that you do not regret it later? By answering these questions, you will understand yourself and your emotions.
- Logics
What reaction do you think will lead tothe desired result? For example, if you were pushed on the street, and you do not want to scandalize, you can simply pass by in silence. But if a drunk pushed you, and even started insulting you, confident that it was you who pushed him - just silently passing by, unfortunately, will not work. The scandal will still flare up: he will follow you and continue to shout. In such a situation, it is better to apologize yourself in order to calm the troublemaker. The above examples explain how not to allow panic, fear, anger to control your behavior. If you want to experience as few negative feelings as possible, first change your vision of the world. This will help you become more optimistic and cheerful. But at first, you need to learn to neutralize negative emotions.
Why do negative thoughts arise: we learn to think correctly
You need to overcome the socially imposednorms of behavior. After all, they ultimately lead to anxious thoughts and negative emotions. There are many of our irrational ideas to which we devote too much time and attention. You can get rid of such standards by realizing their falsity. Check if you have such beliefs.
- It is necessary to be perfect in all respects
Remember once and for all, be perfect in everythingIt's simply impossible. If you believe that you will be unhappy if you can't achieve perfection, then you will truly doom yourself to failure for the rest of your life. By the way, no matter how hard you try, you will not be loved by the whole world. It is simply impossible to always remain good and be liked by absolutely everyone. You are not the sun, not a dollar, to be adored. Moreover, there are such people who do not need anyone at all. Is it worth making your own life miserable, trying to please them?
- Unfair attitude testifies to malice
Most people who treat you wrongthe way you would like it to be - these are your loved ones (after all, it is with them that you communicate the most). They value you. The trouble is that people are a "mixture" of both good and bad. In addition, everyone has their own ideas about justice.
- In any situation you should cry
Some people have such a weak "fuse"that they cannot bear the problem or cope with the slightest disappointment. As a result, they constantly threaten friendships, relationships, and often even lose their jobs. Eternal hysterics and resentments - what could be worse? If trouble does arise on your path, do not worry and do not despair. Many believe that worrying will help solve all difficulties. "How good it is that it is over! So, what is next on the list that I should take care of?" If there is a problem, it needs to be addressed.
- If this is the case, nothing can be changed
Does this remind you of anything?You have probably seen documentaries about places of imprisonment. And almost every prisoner, telling about his path behind bars, colorfully describes his life. As if he is a cork, bouncing on the waves of circumstances. You can not be a weak-willed toy in the hands of fate and coincidence. You always have a choice.
- It's easier to ignore problems than to face them
Even the painful experiences we might have hadin the past, will serve as a basis for learning and further growth. Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. So do not forget about the scandal with your sister, the unpaid bill or the quarrel with your husband. Otherwise, everything will fall on you like a snowball in an instant. If we do not learn something new, we will always be hostages of our past.
- To fall into depression if it did not turn out as desired
We were planning to buy a new dress, but then we had torepairing a car that accidentally ran over a curb? Were you going to take over as a boss, but your colleague was appointed to it? You can't predict the course of your life, can you? So why do you think that everything will be done exactly the way you want it to be? You just have to be prepared to adjust your actions.
- Consider that you can be happy without making an effort
Do you think that you can enjoy life by accepting it?such as it is? If this were true, then any wealthy person would try to do nothing – after all, he already has everything. But for some reason he continues to work. This is necessary to maintain and even increase his wealth. The same is with our life – it is impossible to enjoy one achievement of yours all your life. You need to constantly work on yourself.
What you should not think about
At the initial stages of working on yourself,когда еще не получается полностью держать контроль над эмоциями, очень важно научиться избегать когнитивных искажений. Из-за них ситуация кажется еще хуже, чем есть на самом деле. Каждый из нас слышал выражение «видеть мир через розовые очки». Но когда вы допускаете подобное извращение реальности, вы смотрите на мир через стекла грязно-серого цвета! Существует несколько основных типов мышления, от которых необходимо избавляться, как только вы «обнаружите» их в своей голове. Все или ничего! Вы впадаете в крайности. Вам кажется, что все может быть или только хорошим, или только плохим. Вы не признаете или не замечаете того, что зачастую оказывается посередине. Если вы не идеальны, то вы не чувствуете себя самодостаточной. Если у вас не получается что-то сделать в совершенстве, то вы вообще не станете работать в этом направлении. Это уже перфекционизм – довольно неприятное состояние, которое нередко приводит к конфронтации с окружающими и доводит до глубокой депрессии. Гоните от себя такие мысли! Сверхобобщение Одно негативное событие превращается в бесконечный «узор» поражения. «Сегодня мой парень не позвонил мне. Он не позвонит мне никогда. Он меня не любит. Я ужасная. Меня никто никогда не примет такой, какая я есть. Жизнь не удалась» Это – замена положительного отрицательным. Если кто-то говорит о вас что-то хорошее, вы не принимаете в расчет. Но если знакомый сказал вам что-то не очень приятное, вы считаете, что так о вас думают все и всегда. Не делайте поспешных выводов! Никогда не интерпретируете события, особенно когда у вас нет никаких фактов, которые могут убедительно поддержать ваши выводы. Попытки решать за другого Нельзя все время думать, что начальник, соседи и коллеги плохо относятся к вам. Даже не потрудившись удостовериться в этом, некоторые девушки просто перестают общаться со «злыми» особами. В данном случае происходит замена действительности эмоциями – «Я так чувствую, значит, так оно и есть!». А ведь вы просто предполагаете, возводя свои предположения в убеждение. Не гадайте. Заранее считая, что все обернется плохо, убеждая себя, что это уже факт, вы изначально программируете себя на неудачи. Навешивание ярлыков также не допустимо. Это – крайняя степень сверхобобщения. Если девушка допустила какую-то ошибку, она сразу вешает на себя ярлык «я – неудачница». Если кто-то повел себя не так, как вам кажется правильным, вы тут же ставите на нем клеймо – «непорядочный». Преувеличение или преуменьшение Представьте себе, что вы смотрите на себя или на кого-то через бинокль. Вам кажется, что вы сделали слишком большую ошибку? Считаете, что кто-то ведет себя недостойно по отношению к вам. А попробуйте представить себе, что вы повернули бинокль другой стороной. Ошибка кажется уже не такой уж и страшной, да и недостатки других могут выглядеть не настолько важными. В жизни истина обычно находится где-то посередине. Излишняя требовательность Требовательность в качестве способа самомотивации – что может быть хуже? Очень плохо, если вы повторяете себе «Я должна сделать это», как молитву на ночь. Заклинание не придаст вам сил, а только заставит постоянно чувствовать себя виноватой. А если вы распространяете требовательность и на других, то в итоге будете чувствовать гнев, разочарование и обиду. Постоянное присутствие «если» Думая: «Если у меня получится…», «Если я сделаю…», вы придаете мыслям окраску неуверенности, заранее допуская неудачу. Тем самым вы задаете программу своему подсознанию. А ведь наш мозг – это биологический «компьютер»: какую установку вы в него заложите, так он и будет работать. Нельзя не упомянуть о том, что многие эмоциональные проблемы бывают настолько сложны, что они требуют дополнительной помощи психолога. Некоторым представительницам прекрасного пола не стоит ею пренебрегать. К сожалению, не все вовремя начинают это осознавать.
When emotions need to be restrained
It is extremely important to understand that emotions area necessary part of our life. And the presence of feelings in itself is quite natural for any person. It is important not to follow their lead, but to be able to manage them. The key to the work is the ability not to ignore or suppress them, but to control them. It is very important to learn to accept unpleasant situations and react objectively. Now that you have seen that controlling emotions is easy. You can manage them without showing your feelings and resentments. In any situation, even when it seems hopeless, you always have two options: to look at it from a positive or negative point of view. As an example, we can cite the most difficult cases that have happened to many:
- The accident in which the car was injured
Negative reaction:the car is broken, it will cost a lot to restore it. Positive reaction: it's just a piece of iron! It can always be repaired. The main thing is that no one was hurt!
- Death of a loved one
Negative reaction:life has lost all meaning, I don’t want anything anymore. Positive reaction: I am grateful to fate for having this person, I believe that he will always live in my soul. This is a very difficult loss. But even here you can find the strength not to fall into despair. Do you want pain to penetrate all areas of your life? Or do you decide to disconnect from negative thoughts and let happiness into your life? Remember, control of emotions is in your hands. Learn to make the right decisions! We recommend reading:
