Until recently, the baby laughed cute and pulled the pens toyou, so that you hug and kissed him, and today he angrily responds to all your requests and comments? Unfortunately, many families know about what teenage aggression is, not by hearsay. And if you do not pay attention to the problem in time and do not tamper with the child, in the future the student can get out of control altogether. And then no threat, no punishment, no encouragement.
The reasons for the appearance of aggression in the child
In fact, there are many reasons whymanifest aggression in adolescence. But first, parents should understand that in an empty place anger, hatred and similar feelings simply do not arise. Therefore, if you are faced with this state of affairs, you should first find the reason. And only after this can begin an incredibly difficult struggle with the nature of the schoolboy. And it's not a fact that you can win (re-educate) a difficult teenager. Family upbringing or when did you miss the moment? Many experts believe that it is the mother and father who are to blame, not the society, the environment, the school, and the like. After all, it depends on how parents behave, the perception of the world is still unformed in the physical and moral terms a little man. A teenager, unfortunately, does not always understand that adults too can make mistakes, deceive, break down. They react to everything very sharply. And even the slightest remark can cause a tantrum. Therefore, you should reconsider how you behave at home.
- Excessive hyperope
When parents do not give the student and step to step,do everything for him, a teenager can rebel. He wants to decide for himself what is best, where and with whom to go for a walk, what things he needs. And adults for him - not authority. Most often this happens if mom and dad can not agree on how to properly raise a child.
- Lack of attention
Aggression for teenagers is one of the waysattracting your attention to his person. If, for example, a mother is busy hiking with her friends in beauty parlors, and dad keeps spending time at work, the schoolboy feels abandoned. And just being rude to his father and mother, he begins to understand that he really is loved.
- Violence in family
Perhaps one of your family membersDisdainfully refers to the rest, displays rudeness, dismisses hands, morally or physically humiliates. There are two options here, why can an aggression occur in a teenager. The first is that the child tries to protect himself from a person who is dangerous to him. In the second case, your child copies the behavior of the father, grandfather, uncle, that is, the person who is the aggressor.
- Second child
Often the aggression of the adolescent is manifested inrelation to brother, sister. It seems to him that his parents love him less. The situation worsens if the mother and father often praise the second baby, compare them. But even if a teenager is the only child in the family, he can be jealous of Sasha, Masha or Katya, whom you constantly put to him as an example.
Lack of money and lack of satisfaction -this can also be the cause of teenage aggression. In this case, the child will test against this state of affairs. He wants a new mobile phone, beautiful sneakers and jeans, a powerful computer, and parents can not afford such expensive purchases. Some children try to find work to help mom and dad, and others - they want to buy and get angry if they are not given a new toy. And if the parents still allocate money and give the teenager what he wants, the schoolboy begins to show his character even more, testing the rest for strength.
Secured families often encounterthe manifestation of aggression in adolescents, especially if the child never knows anything about refusal. It is difficult for him to understand why one can not shout at others if he is the chief. By the way, schoolchildren not only treat their parents and servants badly, but also to less well-off people.
Have you noticed that in strict families, where everyonemembers follow a long-established tradition, children in their teens arrange a riot. They do not like walking in the same clothes as their parents, doing the same job, just having fun and relaxing. They, in essence, are isolated from society. Classmates of such people do not take in their circle, considering them freaks. And being an outcast in society is the most difficult thing that a small man unprepared for adulthood faces. Biological factors: when hormones are to blame Usually such changes in behavior occur in 14-16 years. In the body of a teenager, serious restructuring begins, a hormonal boom occurs. And if you do not direct your son or daughter in the right direction, do not take something serious, the child will begin to manifest his "I". The first reason why he decides to do this is the wrong perception of the world. Adolescence is the time when a schoolboy begins to form his own behavior pattern. He is no longer the same mama's son as he was before. And there are two directions in which relationships with adults can grow. He either begins to respect people who are older and smarter, or show aggression towards them. By the way, aggression in a teenager can be a usual reaction to exactly the same behavior of other people. Parents rarely notice when the relationship with the child begins to deteriorate. Usually they miss this moment, they are so busy with more serious problems. And only when there is an exacerbation, the father and mother begin to make attempts to improve the situation. Finding yourself and your place in life is the most difficult thing in growing up. White and black, good and evil. During this period, adolescents divide the world into two parts. And for them there is no golden mean. Maximalism is inherent in every person, but in this case it is too pronounced. The schoolboy does not want to perceive the world as he is, and tries to change himself, his environment. And if the parents are not ideal, and they have their own vices, the child pushes them away. The second reason why the aggression of teenagers is manifested is an increased sexual attraction. It is during this period that girls and boys have an interest in the opposite sex. It is difficult for them to control and restrain themselves. But it was enough to write my son on boxing, daughter to the dance, so that they spilled out the accumulated energy.
What is teenage aggression?
Often, parents can not distinguish aggression fromteenagers and just a bad mood, laziness, apathy. So, for example, if a student does not want to talk to a father or mother, that does not mean that he hates them or tries to ruin their lives. Perhaps he has some problems, and he's just afraid to talk about them. Panic should be raised if the child:
- attempts to cause moral or physical harm to the victim;
- offends animals, deliberately damages objects and living organisms.
Thus, adolescent aggression isdestructive behavior of the child, which completely or partially contradicts the rules and norms that have developed in society. At the same time, this person tries to destroy, damage the animate and inanimate objects, cause disruption or psychological imbalance. A child can express his feelings differently. It can be like ordinary depression, and an explosion of emotions. If the schoolboy is always calm and complaisant, this behavior should alert mom and dad. This state indicates that the student either accumulates aggression, or he simply can not defend his point of view. And in that, and in another case, this is fraught with consequences.
How aggression manifests in teenage schoolchildren
Teenage aggression manifests itself in different ways. Someone insults classmates, someone needs to prove their physical superiority. Some try to offend those who are weaker, others only respond sharply to advice or comments. It is necessary to find out how the child behaves not only at home, but also at school, on the street, with friends. Did you pay attention to how he treats other people. So, proceeding from this, several types of aggression are distinguished:
Physical aggression of adolescents, perhaps, the mostdangerous. The main goal of such a child is to cause pain and harm to another person. The problem is that the student may not even realize his mistake. He will beat the victim before losing consciousness, while not feeling then guilt or regret. It is not without reason that the most terrible tyrant is a child.
You think that verbal skirmishes with adults andodnodokami - not such a terrible vice? In fact, some malicious utterances of children can bring the victim to a nervous breakdown. It is enough for a group of high school students to tell a classmate that she is a terrible, stupid, fat and so on list, a child can not stand it. Often such "jokes" and bullying lead to suicide. How is verbal aggression usually manifested in a teenager? This can be rebuff, criticism of others' actions or behavior, foul language, anger, mockery, resentment, hatred. Often a schoolboy screams curses or threats against other people.
The person who has been pulled out of himself passes hisattitude towards others with the help of movements threatening to make faces, facial expressions. For example, a teenager can show an indecent gesture, a fist, grin an unhappy grievance. Often this is accompanied by profanity.
The child reacts directly to the object,which causes him unpleasant feelings: anger, resentment, irritation, apathy, hatred. In this case, both physical (beating, self-mutilation) and moral violence (insult, threats) can be used.
The aggressor breaks not on the culprit of his badmood, but on people or objects that can not react to it in any way. For example, a student was given a deuce. Arriving home, he can offend his younger brother, a domestic animal, to break his favorite toy.
Situational and purposeful malice of a teenager
Why does a child show aggression towardsother people? Is he always to blame for this and is it worth it to punish him if he fell through? The thing is that sometimes circumstances force him into fights, shouts and hysterics. Therefore, first we need to understand what caused this reaction.
- Situational or reactive
Imagine that your child was rude intransport, school or shop. How will he react to this behavior? Correctly, the teenager will try to give a verbal rebuff to the offender. And only in rare cases will he be able to remain silent, avoiding conflict. In this situation, it can not be said that the child is aggressive and overly emotional. Yes, he behaved incorrectly and correctly. But how would you react to this situation? Every person, regardless of upbringing and social status, is aggressive.
- Purposeful aggression or accumulation of emotions
If the child is always rude, fights in school,offends others, does not respect the elders, then he is aggressive. This behavior is not considered normal. In this case, the student needs the help of a specialist. And if aggression in adolescence will be directed in the right direction, you can bring up a true leader. It will be easier for such a person to adapt in any difficult situation. He without problems subordinates itself to the whole team and will become a good boss. If everything is left to its own devices, in the future the child can be engaged in crime. He will be interested in humiliating other people.
Who the angry child is
An important role is played by the one to whomaggression. Often, people mistakenly believe that schoolchildren can only harm other people. The problem lies in the fact that adolescents often blame themselves for all troubles and conflicts, being angry at their appearance, character, and manner of behavior. There are two directions of aggression:
The schoolboy refers aggressively to those around himpeople, animals and things. He fights, insults, humiliates others and feels special pleasure from it. Often a child uses profanity, not embarrassed at the same time brothers, sisters and older persons.
In this case, the aggression of adolescents is not directedon some stranger, and specifically on himself. Often schoolchildren end their lives by suicide, or they have serious illnesses caused by psychological disorders.
Who is in the risk category
- Bastard boys
Single mothers are difficult to educate andcontrol sons. Excessive love and care of the female half of the family, lack of male attention and a firm father's hand - all this leads to the fact that the child feels like a king. No one has crossed it before, so why are they being taught now? Also in the risk zone are teenagers, whose fathers are tyrants and aggressors. At the same time, women in such a family do not have the right to vote, they always and in all are subordinate to others. The son in such an environment will try to resist the pope. And if the older family member does not quell the riot and breaks the character, the child will be an exact copy of the father.
With the fair sex businessis quite different. Aggression of adolescents manifests itself in the case if the authority in the family is the mother. The father is too soft at the same time. The girl begins to copy the behavior of a brutal, assertive, imperious woman. Plus, these daughters grow up very bad mistresses who can not eat or prepare to watch, nor watch children, but they always have an eternal mess in their house. They are used to the fact that all this is performed by a man. The second category is children left to themselves. And aggression is an attempt to survive in our, let's be honest, not very fair and friendly society. Communicating with the guys in the yard, she learns to fight back to people. Gradually, this attitude is manifested in the family.
Male and female aggression: similarities and differences
For some reason, it is commonly believed that boysmore aggressive and meaner girls. This erroneous opinion has developed due to the fact that the schoolgirl is not so clearly and openly express their feelings. They prefer to dissolve rumors, pour the pepper into the underwear, and not to hit at all. Unfortunately, recently the difference is becoming less noticeable. You probably noticed that the guys show their emotions at once. They find it difficult to control and restrain themselves. To harbor resentment and to act in secret is not for them. Plus, public opinion plays a big role in this case. So, for example, if your son is offended, the father will say that he gave the change. Daughters will begin to explain that they should stay away from such persons. Little things that can happen. Another difference - a way of manifestation of aggression in adolescents. Representatives of the fair sex prefer to avoid physical violence. As mentioned above, it is easier for them to offend, humiliate. But to strike is the last thing a girl will go for. After all, she can get change. And schoolgirls used to understand that the word hurt more painfully. They learn to find the weakest place of each particular person, after which they strike directly at the target. Boys do not have this talent. They show aggression not point-by-point, as girls do, but massively. Whoever got hold of the hand is guilty. Fists are in the course, and the surrounding people and things are suffering. The guy, for example, can break the phone against the wall, hit the door with a hand, etc. Now let's analyze the behavior of adolescents. So, imagine a situation where a girl likes a neighbor by her desk. She can take his pen from him and cute make faces, clapping eyes. The schoolboy will try to take this object, swearing or even taking force. Naturally, they will punish the boy, since they will consider that he is the initiator of the conflict. Thus, girls act as ringleaders, and boys as innocent victims of circumstances. Representatives of the fair sex like to pose foreheads of people, while remaining on the side. It is much more pleasant to observe than to participate in such actions. Therefore, before you punish your son or daughter for a fight, find out what caused the cause. Listen to both sides, and only after that make a decision whether to punish a teenager for manifestations of aggression. If you do this, you will be able to establish contact with an out-of-control child.
What is dangerous is increased aggressiveness or lack of it
As mentioned above, during this period the teenagerbegins to move away from his parents, tries to do everything himself. And if, for example, the father will prohibit too much the child, the son or daughter will do everything to spite. Acting should be gentle and gradual. You need to understand that this is not a five-year-old kid, who needs constant care and custody. The child needs to grow up. Of course, it's not necessary to let go straight away to free bread, indulgence should be done gradually. Do not forget also that the student needs to communicate with peers. Only with them he will master communicative skills, learn to be friends, love, command, solve problems. Your role is to observe from the outside. Believe, the teenager will address to you for the help when it really is required to it. You are its rear and support. If you have a trusting relationship with the child, even during the rebellious period, he will turn to you. But in any case, do not pressure him, do not force him to tell about what he would prefer to hide. Remember yourself at this age. Did you want your dad and mom to know about the first kiss, intimate relationships, a smoked cigarette, a bottle of beer drunk. It is not necessary to break away on the schoolboy, if he told you about such things, from which the hair stand on end. If you start criticizing, screaming, punishing, then next time you will not be informed again. And learn about the events in the life of the child you will be from neighbors, teachers, acquaintances. Unpleasant prospect, is not it? Do not try to completely suppress aggression in adolescents! Direct it to the right direction. It's only thanks to this feeling that people become champions, leaders, winners. A person who never gets angry and shows no emotion will not be able to manifest his self. But be careful that the child does not go on a dangerous path. Often, unrealized force splashes out at the most inopportune moment. That is why in our world there are so many murderers, people, with broken fates, as well as suicides. Do you think that you have a calm son who will not offend flies either? If a teenager is a pay-boy who helps at home, and transfers his grandmother through expensive translations, and studies well, and an example for imitation, he can at one point break. Such restraint is fraught with nerves, mental disorders.
How to deal with aggression
To begin with, it should be understood that nothingdecide. You will come across a wall that the child will build. And it will be almost impossible to destroy it. Find out what causes aggression in adolescents, then try to establish contact with the schoolboy. Try to talk with your son or daughter calmly, without raising your voice. This will adjust the child to the right way, he will start listening to you, and will not sharply respond and be rude. If your child tries to speak out, do not interrupt it. Let him speak. And only after the flow of speech (brat) stops, you can start the conversation. Remember, he also has the right to show indignation, irritation, anger, distrust and similar feelings, like you. As already mentioned above, you should find ways to splash negative emotions. So that your son does not come home hard and angry, send him to sports training. Boxing, athletics, dancing, swimming, football - everything will help get rid of accumulated feelings. If the child is hyperactive, only so he can get a discharge. What if you can not cope with the child, he does not want to make contact, or do you doubt his adequate perception of the world? In this case, one can not do without the help of a specialist. You will have to walk the whole family to a psychologist to figure out what you are doing wrong.
Errors in education or what parents should not do
Unfortunately, at school and institute we are not taughthow to properly create a family, educate children, establish contacts with people. As a result, we act blindly, make many mistakes that are almost impossible to correct. This applies to our kids. But nevertheless there are a number of rules about which good and loving parents should know. So, for example, in order not to cause aggression in adolescents, conflict situations should be avoided. Believe me, in most cases, if your parents did the same, you would not react better.
- Negative assessment
Telling a child that he is stupid, bad, evil, etc.d, you humiliate him. In this case, the teenager perceives your words as a motivation for action. And if you constantly criticize him, the schoolboy will start to do everything to spite you. Only a few try to improve, to prove that the parents are wrong.
- Mocking shortcomings
Telling your daughter that she is overweight, youcreate a bunch of complexes in it. In no event should one be open and tell all about the shortcomings of children. You will be pleased if your mother tells your husband secretly that up to age 16 you have suffered from enuresis or played dolls.
As mentioned earlier, no personI do not like it when compared to the more intelligent, successful, beautiful. This causes a kind of protest in the subconscious of a teenager. Remember once and for all: your child is an individual, this is no more. And, perhaps, in something he is worse than others. But he also has some talents. By the way, this behavior of parents can cause aggression in adolescents in relation to the person who is praised. So do not be surprised that your son does not like the honors pupil and the pride of the whole school. It is better to say every evening that the kid is your joy, you love him for who he is, with all his shortcomings and weaknesses.
You can not swear, find out the relationship with her husband whenchild. Otherwise, he will be rude to someone who is weaker in the family, repeating the habits and manner of communication of the aggressor. If mom and dad always consult each other, make concessions, do not blame others for mistakes, and do not shift the worries about the home, the child will behave just like that. Following the above rules, you can avoid the appearance of aggression in adolescents. The last, but most important advice: try always to put yourself in the place of a schoolboy. How would you have acted in place of a son, if, for example, he is offended at school. What would you do if you took a second half, as happened with your daughter. Only by switching places, you will be able to establish contact with children.