1 Popular TV host Tutta Larsen recently becamemom for the second time. But it's too early to talk about the youngest daughter of Martha, her business is sweet to sleep and eat well. But the experience of the education of the five-year-old Luke has sense to speculate. - What mistakes, associated with the education of Luke and care for him, you would not want to repeat with your daughter? - As for education, there are no "mistakes". Even if you are doing something wrong, it is an invaluable experience that you acquire in the process of "cooperation" with the child. Perhaps in my case the problem was that I'm an emotional person. It seems to me that every parent is familiar with a feeling of despair, fatigue, when the only desire is to yell, stomp, and sometimes slap. But there is such a sediment that the next time you want to bark or make a sharp move. Because you understand: firstly, it can become a bad example for him, and secondly, it is completely pointless. Another mistake of parents is that they often dump problems with the child on the child. If you can not cope with something, you need to understand first of all in yourself, and not blame the child, that he is some kind of unbalanced, not talented or he has bad genetics. - That is, all responsibility should lie on the adult? - There are children nervous, hyperactive and other, but in any case the task of the parent is to establish contact with the child, find the key to it. But it's easier to "diagnose" and not to do anything ... Of course, it's easier. I'm poking around, and I'm even in some way more infantile than my children. Somewhere we do not want to make an effort, somewhere - take responsibility. But it seems to me, it's not even scary, because children are amazing creatures: if you love them, you can always agree with them. And at any age, pals in the breast. When Luke was very young, he usually woke up very early. And I said to him: "Son, I am absolutely unable to communicate with you now, let me sleep another hour!" And he fell asleep. I have an experience of dialogue with my son, although at times there is a feeling that we stop hearing each other. But this is a temporary state. - Is there a feeling that the children are bringing us up? - Right! My child taught me restraint. And yet, do not make unreasonable demands. He has a very developed sense of self-worth, and I notice this not only in him, but also in many modern children: they are from a very early age-personality. They can not say: you will do it, because I said so, they need arguments. - Do you really think that the current children are somehow different? "They are different, they ... they know how to" bend under themselves a volatile world. " And then, it seems to me that they have a very cool filter that is worth all the extra information. Although, if the child begins to watch actively the TV, then this "filter" gets clogged. And they are open to the world. Luke in this sense is very happy, he knows how to communicate. He is able to present his demands and achieve the desired, and not with hysterics, but with words and arguments. - We are talking about the experience of upbringing, and there is still the experience of caring for the baby. Share some problems, how did you solve them? - I do not think that my experience is particularly original. I breastfed for a year and three months, for me it was a moment of principle. As for the lures, we, frankly, did not particularly bother - used food in the banks. In the first place, it was simply physically impossible to prepare fresh food for the child. Secondly, if we took food from our own garden, this is another matter. And so, when you buy in the market and do not know where it came from, than these vegetables - the fruits were fertilized, it seems to me that there is no difference. We chose the lesser of two evils: technically, of course, it's easier to warm up the jar than to cook it yourself. - And there were no side effects - allergies, for example? - We have an easy food allergy for sugar, chicken eggs and butter. Although, for example, my godmother's mother cooked everything herself, but I do not see any difference in terms of children's health. - And now your attitude to the nutrition of the child has changed? - The attitude is still calm. Of course, I do not feed it with smoked sausage, although I can sometimes give a piece of boiled, but this is a pampering. We do not eat chips in our house. Although no, Dad eats on the sly ... But the child does not eat chips, does not chew gum, we try as less as possible to buy chewing marmalade and chupa - chups. Basically, we have a healthy, balanced diet -myas, fish, soups. We have no problems with food, because Luke eats everything. He loves dumplings, I buy ready-made ones, because nobody has the strength to mold them. - In a word, live the life of modern citizens who do not have the opportunity to focus too much on everyday life ... - I sincerely envy people who can afford luxury - an ecological existence. There are even ecological villages. But I'm different in another way, my life has gone on another channel. I live in a city, and I have to adapt to its conditions. - And how to protect the baby in a city from aggressive ecology? - Every summer we leave for the country. We try to make him swim in the river, walk barefoot on the grass. - Nanny is a burning issue for all working women. You are lucky? - Without a doubt. Nanny is a family member and a very close friend. She taught me a lot. There were at first moments of jealousy: how is it, a stranger knows and understands your child better than you. But she managed to smooth out the sharp corners and explained that Mom is Mom and no nanny can replace her. Of course, it's a pity: you are at work all day, you come, you see an idyll and you understand that you have nothing to do with it. But in principle, the fate of a working woman is always an unpleasant compromise. Half-truth. It is clear that you want to be with the child, but you can not. - And could you formulate the commandments of a working mother? - It's simple: all the time that you spend with a child, you should be focused only on it. Let it be fifteen minutes a day, but at the same time the phone, TV, Internet should be off. And let it be some significant part of life - putting sleep, bathing, reading a fairy tale for the night. Something exclusive, that only you do. And more importantly: you have to cope with the complex of guilt, because the time you spend on reflection ("What a bad mother"), it is better to spend to think about how you spend your leisure time together. - Were there any difficulties with Luke in terms of forming some skills? - No, everything happened naturally in its time. He himself stopped sucking a pacifier, he refused swaddling, normally suffered a refusal from breastfeeding. Now we with the nurse are thinking how to wean him from sleeping together. He still comes to us with his husband in the morning in bed, sometimes he can come at night. I do not think this is a problem: well, he came to bed at night, fell asleep, my father took it back. It's touching even ... I remember that, being quite an adult child, over ten years old, I was afraid to sleep alone in my room because we had a low ground floor, a window without bars, and all the time it seemed to me that someone was climbing in the house. But my parents, not understanding how scared I was, sent me back. I remember my fears so far, and so if my child comes to bed with me, even to hairy legs, I do not mind. - How to raise a boy from a man, not a mama's little son? - I agree with the statement that children should be pampered, then from these grow up real robbers. A child needs to be loved. It is to love, not to appropriate yourself as property. It means responding to his real needs and requests, but at the same time giving the opportunity to exercise both independence and responsibility. Luke is still small; to say, a real man or mama's son will grow out of him, early. But it seems to me, the boy needs a lot of caress and love. Even more than a girl. - Why? - I talked about this with a child psychologist, and she confirmed my intuitive feeling. The girl is easier-she can go and the doll cry, but the boy keeps everything in himself. Why do our men leave so early? They were brought up: the boys do not cry, be strong. And they are not as strong as we think. And not as stressful as we would like. They will grow up real, self-confident muzhiks only when you educate them in love and affection, when they do not spend their energy to defend themselves from the aggressive external world, to grow the "tortoise" emotional shell, and use them to harmoniously develop , self-improvement, self-realization. This is what gives them confidence in their own strength. Another genius phrase was said by the listener who called us on the radio program: Mom, stop educating your boys, they will be brought up by women all their lives - bosses, mother-in-law, etc. The boy should just love the boy. Do not bring him up. We advise you to read: