A man can be a bone of contention betweenfriends - every girl knows this from a young age. We swear eternal friendship and devotion to each other, but all this can collapse overnight when love appears on the horizon. Situations in which a girl stole her best friend's husband are especially dramatic. Why does this happen and how to live with it?
Love triangle
Life is a long and complicated thing.You go to school, graduate, go to college, study for five years, then work - and at the same time you make friends and fall in love with men. Some friends stay with you for a long time and become close, and you marry one of the men, you have children, and a new family is formed. This scenario is present in the life of each of us in one form or another. However, it happens that the elements of this picture - your husband and some friend of yours - become too close to each other. This can happen for a number of reasons:
- between spouses there is no love and understanding, and they are looked for on the side;
- dissatisfaction with married sex;
- the presence of something from a friend, which is very nice to her husband and is absent from his wife;
- lack of personal space for one or both spouses;
- new love;
- and many other reasons.
There are no absolute facts, somehow “for"in order to take a husband away, there must be discord within the family" or "a woman only needs to beckon a man with her finger" - all situations are individual. But is there anything similar in them? Yes, and these are the emotions of all three parties. Let's try to put ourselves in the shoes of each of the participants in such a difficult life drama.
Husband's Look
There is a saying:“No matter how much you feed a wolf, he still looks into the forest.” It is very often used in discussions of male characteristics, especially such as a tendency to cheat and polygamy. Of course, men strive to impregnate as many females as possible - this is a genetic and evolutionary program. However, any more or less civilized man is able to control his sexual instinct - otherwise he would have been in prison for raping a sexy dressed woman long ago. Accordingly, this phenomenon is important, but does not determine the behavior of any husband. This also includes showing interest in sex with another woman. It often appears in cases where the husband has had few sexual partners before his wife (and maybe she is even the only one), and he becomes interested - what if everything is different with other women? The saddest thing is - This is a disappointment that comes to a man in the vast majority of cases: sex with his wife's friend is practically no different from sex with his wife, and the family is destroyed. Sometimes the reason for a husband leaving for a friend is the presence of a special mutual understanding between them. The wife constantly nags, swears, condemns interests and does not give a drop of personal space - what kind of man would like this? Agree, such an environment is observed in many families, and it is not surprising that husbands want to leave such wives. Rarely, but it happens that the husband simply falls in love with another woman. And, to the chagrin of both, she is his wife's friend. As a rule, in this situation they are tormented by deep doubts about the correctness of their actions, but they cannot resist the power of love. And, probably, there is no need for this - after all, when people fall in love so seriously, it means something. For example, that they are made for each other and should live the rest of their lives together. And the husband's wife and the friend's husband will also be able to find their true and more suitable halves someday. And then the husband leaves for his wife's friend. You can hate him, but you must not forget that it is not very easy for him at this moment either: he has abruptly changed his life, destroyed his family (and if he left a family with children, then he still has financial and moral obligations to them) - this causes negative emotions both in himself and in his environment. Friends, colleagues and relatives can turn away from him. Therefore, if you find yourself in the role of an abandoned wife - you do not need to try to additionally poison his life. She will put everything in its place. The most important thing is to try, if possible, to maintain decency and respect on both sides. The husband should not throw mud at his ex-wife, and she - try to puncture the tires on his new car or tell the children what a scoundrel he is. Of course, your wife will be angry (and she has every right to be!), but in any situation it is better to remain a good person. After all, you have something better to spend your energy and time on.
Girlfriend's look
This role always evokes the mostнегатива со стороны окружения: подругу называют “разлучницей” и всячески ругают. Однако стоит разобраться — так ли страшен черт, как его малюют? В конце концов, вы много времени дружили с этой женщиной: общались, советовались и поддерживали друг друга. Так, может быть, она все-таки не дьявол во плоти? Как мы уже писали выше, причины ухода мужчины из семьи могут быть самые разные. А вот почему женщина уводит мужа у подруги? Да, собственно, по тем же самым причинам — любовь, взаимопонимание, наличие общих интересов. Но к ним добавляются и чисто специфические, женские поводы. Все понятно в ситуации, когда подруга жены одинока. Ей хочется любви, семьи, а еще она в курсе всех особенностей поведения вашего мужа в условиях семейной жизни (вы ведь много чего ей рассказывали на эту тему?). У нее есть время принять решение — готова ли она мириться с недостатками мужа своей подруги? Какие его достоинства ее привлекают? В данных обстоятельства она становится похожей на шпиона, ведь ей также известно, что раздражает любимого подруги, а что ему нравится. Согласитесь, очень сложно сохранить хорошее отношение к такому человеку. Редко бывает, что подруга в одночасье становится предательницей — это происходит в тех случаях, когда она, конечно, очень любит “обманутую жену”, но ценность создания своей семьи перевешивает. Но чаще всего она в принципе бывает склонна к подлым поступкам. Иногда причиной, по которой женщина увела мужа у своей лучшей подруги, становится банальная зависть. От описанной выше ситуации ее отличает то, что муж в данном случае не имеет никакой ценности. Главное — это подпортить жизнь своей “подруге” и лишить ее чего-то важного. Только тогда она перестает чувствовать себя несчастной и ущербной. Такая подруга и до описанного инцидента должна была проявлять свои худшие качества: постоянно “подкалывать”, пытаться уязвить и унизить. Печально то, что после ухода мужа из семьи все становятся несчастными: и он сам, и обманутая жена, и даже “разлучница”, у которой вообще есть проблемы с самооценкой и возможностью быть счастливой. Обидно, когда мужа уводят из-за желания “встряхнуться”. Да, есть и такая категория потребностей! Некоторые девушки чрезмерно артистичны и любят устраивать драму в жизни. Им скучно, когда все хорошо и спокойно — они ведут себя, как вампиры, питающиеся энергией человеческих страданий. В этой ситуации муж тоже не имеет самостоятельной ценности — он лишь пешка в игре “великой драматической актрисы”. К сожалению, такой тип женщин очень привлекает мужчин: они, как правило, являются красивыми, яркими, женственными — в общем, очень и очень притягательными. После разрушения семьи муж и жена остаются несчастными, а подруга- “актриса” начинает искать новую жертву. Но, как мы уже говорили, подруга далеко не всегда руководствуется негативными побуждениями. Иногда бывает так, что она влюбляется в мужчину своей приятельницы и принимает решение в пользу любви, а не дружбы. Это не означает, что ей наплевать на жену — просто отношения с мужчиной оказываются важнее (такая уж у нее иерархия жизненных ценностей). Если вы оказались в роли подруги-“разлучницы”, то вам можно посочувствовать: именно на вас сейчас полетят все шишки и устремятся злобные взгляды общих знакомых. Этот сложный период необходимо как-то продержаться, если вы хотите сохранить отношения с бывшим мужем вашей подруги. Самое главное — найти ресурсы, которые помогут вам это сделать. Это должно быть что-то приятное; например, каждый вечер вы можете обняться с любимым, сесть перед телеэкраном и посмотреть фильм, который доставит удовольствие вам обоим. Или это может быть что-то лично ваше, например, медитация или повторение жизнеутверждающих установок. В любом случае, учитесь абстрагироваться от негативного воздействия окружающих и укрепляйте самооценку. 
Wife's look
The wife is rightfully considered the most victim andthe weak link in the “girlfriend took her husband away from the family” scheme, because she was deceived by two of her closest people. However, is this an absolute and indisputable fact? No! Oddly enough, some wives are subsequently happy that their friend took their husband away. Why does this happen?
Unfortunately, this is not always the case:It is often very difficult to find the positives in a given situation, especially when you are hurt and offended. It happens that you had a great relationship with your husband, and a strong friendship with your friend. And suddenly these two close people betray you. What to do in such a situation? First, you need to survive the pain. Yes, at first it will be very bad, and at this time the support of your loved ones will be very useful. Do not be shy about asking for it, because your family understands everything. If for some reason you cannot get support (for example, you are in another city, far from your parents and friends), then turn to the Internet. On any women's forum you can get sympathy and learn a dozen sadistic ways to hurt traitors. But try to restrain the idea of revenge, if it visits you. Revenge destroys us from the inside and does not bring satisfaction - only emptiness (with the exception of rare cases). Although no one forbids you to tear up all the photos with the scoundrels or destroy a couple of their favorite things that are left with you. Sometimes you need to vent your anger and negative energy - just be able to stop in time. Secondly, when the pain begins to subside, the ability to introspect may turn on. And here the main thing is to refrain from feeling guilty for what happened. Many women begin to reproach themselves: “I was a bad wife”, “I did not wash his socks”, “I did not play paintball with him”, etc. ... There is nothing wrong with analyzing your mistakes for the future - it is bad when you begin to blame yourself for what happened and try to put all the responsibility on your fragile shoulders. But in a divorce, two people are almost always to blame! Therefore, if you cannot give up the feeling of guilt - stop introspection and wait a little. It is quite possible that soon you will be able to soberly assess your actions and use this knowledge to avoid similar mistakes in the future. Thirdly, fill the void left by the departure of your ex-husband and girlfriend from your life. This is the hardest thing for many women who have become single. Previously, half of your life was spent caring for your husband, a quarter on sleep, and another quarter on communicating with a friend. But now it's time for a change! Find a new job (or find a job at all, if you were a housewife - fortunately, there are now plenty of opportunities, for example, working online). Sign up for a dance class - this will help you raise your self-esteem (which probably suffered after such an event). Remember your old dreams and friends, finally devote time to them, and you will understand that life has only just begun with a divorce! Relationships between people can be as confusing as you like, and it is no wonder that in such a jungle there are disagreements, misunderstandings, betrayals, and even treason. We cannot condemn either side, because anything can happen in life. In addition, everyone has their own truth with which they live. We can only hope that life will put everything in its place, and all participants in these dramatic events will be satisfied and happy. We recommend reading:
