how to learn to listen Once a famous psychologist shared his experience. He was going to open two training courses: one about the art of speaking, the other about listening skills. As a result, those wishing to learn eloquence gained twice as much as needed. No one signed up for the second seminar. So tell me: how to learn to listen to someone who just wants to talk? No way. And this is the main problem of our society. We do not hear each other. People go to each other's place not to talk, but simply to tell the news one by one in their lives. At the same time, a good friend is one who heard at least half of what was said. We learn to speak politely and in detail, we buy gifts to friends and remember all their birthdays, partly in order not to feel lonely, so that at the right moment one can speak out to someone. But all this man can achieve when he learns to listen. Then it is guaranteed to become valuable and meaningful in the eyes of others. Only then he is reasonably recognized as an intelligent interlocutor. After all, when you listen to someone, you get a lot of useful information from the speaker. So let's understand in this article how to learn to listen.

Types of Hearing

A passive way of listening is found everywhereHere the interlocutor is not listened, but simply does not interrupt. At the same time, all words pass by the person's ears. And ask him what was said two minutes ago - he will not answer. That's why psychologists recommend all the most valuable information to be voiced at the beginning of the dialogue, when the interlocutor's attention is still focused on you, not on your own thoughts. But if the listening party is you? Then we advise you to increase the importance of the interlocutor in your own eyes. Tell me, if there were a president of the country or a favorite actor before you, would you listen to him with due attention? Yes you would not miss a single word of what he says! Or even include a dictaphone to save the great man's reasoning for memory. So what is the old woman from the second floor worse? Only by not having achieved significant success in life? By the way, people from your environment can give you much more valuable information than, for example, the head of state. They will tell when the house is shut off hot water and where you can buy fresh mushrooms for a pie. Does the President have such information? Hardly. He will be able to describe to you the foreign policy of the country, but this knowledge will not help you in everyday life (unless, of course, you are a diplomat). So listen carefully to your interlocutors. And then you will not only find a lot of new friends for yourself, but also learn a lot of new things. Do not divide listeners into useful and unhelpful. All people are interesting in something and in something better than you. Even a simple cleaner, by which you pass, without stopping, knows something that you do not know about. And clean the parquet in it is much better and faster than you have with your academic degrees. We are not trying to reduce your importance. We just explain that each person is valuable. And to learn to listen to a person, regardless of who he is and what place he occupies in your life - this is very important. Active manner of listening Here the interlocutor listens attentively to what he is told. It seems that this type of communication is preferable. Yes, certainly. But with minor amendments. It often happens that a person not only listens actively, but also begins to comment on the words of the interlocutor, without waiting for the end of the dialogue. This is not true. The ability to listen is not only to perceive all the information in its entirety, but also to do it impartially. That is, you must learn to listen to the speaker, without trying to understand: the interlocutor did good or bad. Moreover - a person will never talk about an event in order to hear criticism in his address. Each of us wants to believe in our own rightness in any situation. Therefore, if you start to tell after the statement that the person was fundamentally wrong, he will start to defend in response. This is a natural reaction to criticism. Do you think you will become a good listener in the eyes of the interlocutor? Hardly. Therefore, learning to listen and be able to express one's point of view is two different things. Share your opinion only after the interlocutor himself asks about it. Basically, people do not care about your opinion. They just want to speak out. So give them this opportunity. Listen to them. And then you will become much more significant in their eyes than the person who gives effective advice. learn to listen

Some more rules of the competent listener

  • In the case of an unsuccessful dialogue, responsibility for this lies with both interlocutors. Therefore, if something went wrong in the conversation, you, too, are to blame.
  • Only 20% of the information a person transmits using words. The rest can be learned from his facial expressions, gestures, body position. Look closely at the interlocutor.
  • Try to understand the feelings of the speaker. The same situation can lead two different people to different opinions. One information will please, another will upset you. Try to understand the true feelings of the speaker in order to be more objective.
  • Show your unconcern. If the listening person is frankly bored or does not express any emotions, then the speaker will not get the proper pleasure from the dialogue. You should actively express your interest in the conversation if not with words (so as not to interfere), then by facial expressions, gestures, the body of the body tilted forward.
  • In order to effectively listen, you needturn off all other sources of sound: TV, tape recorder. Nothing should distract you from the interlocutor. And if you listen to a friend, and by the edge of your ear try to understand what happens in your favorite TV series, then the price is worthless to such a listener. Sacrifice one series for the sake of a friend. Especially because the film can be viewed in the recording, and once again listen to the exact words of the girlfriend will not work.
  • And finally I want to note: If you absolutely do not like the interlocutor or his manner of communication, no one forces you to listen to him for hours. If you do not want to talk to someone, do not talk. It is your right. However, at least once a person is worth listening to. Perhaps your negative perception has developed erroneously, and the actions of the interlocutor that led to such a relationship are fully justified.