Let's talk about feelings, or rather, about feelingenvy. You have probably encountered other people's displays of unkindness, and you yourself have fallen under the power of this emotion. It is believed that envy is a negative feeling that destroys its bearer from within. But is this really the case? And what should you do if you are envied, and you want to stop it?

On the nature of envy

First of all, you need to understand what you are dealing withyou are dealing with. In general, many people have a very distorted idea of ​​envy: it seems to them that this "little animal" comes only when everything is going well for others, and it is impossible to do without it. However, this is not so. Envy is a feeling that arises, on the one hand, in a selfish person, and, on the other, in one who has low self-esteem and various inferiority complexes. Experiencing this state, you do not want to develop yourself at all - it is much better if the object of envy is humiliated or crushed. Envy is a complex and comprehensive feeling. That is, in its experience there are certain stages that unfold over time. But since during growing up we have forgotten how to listen to our inner voice and experience feelings in their entirety, all this is not realized by us. Where does the experience of envy begin? With a feeling of being lost. It pierces a person at the moment when he sees that someone else is doing better than him. Accompanying thoughts may arise about his own insignificance, about not being seen. After this comes a feeling of being hurt. A person begins to doubt himself and his way of life. He is haunted by the thought that he is left alone, and other people seem to exist in another world. All this manifests itself in the experience of loneliness, emptiness and his own insignificance. Naturally, this is followed by anger and resentment. “Why on earth am I being treated like this, and everything is going so well for you?” - the envious person thinks and begins to analyze the situation. It seems to him that when he himself takes the place of the object of his envy, justice will be restored: he will be given the attention and honor he deserves. But for some reason nothing falls to him, and resentment comes, and towards everyone at once, including himself. Aggression is transferred, as a result of which the person thinks that he is bad and wretched. Thus, as a result of envy, you lose yourself, your value. This is the feeling of an offended and lost personality. By the way, envious people and those who are envied are attracted to each other like magnets. This is explained by the fact that most often they all have problems with self-esteem and their place in the world. There is a type of people who deliberately cause envy in others, since only this gives them a sense of importance and fulfillment. Therefore, if you are envied, you should think: are you provoking others to this feeling?

Types of envy

You already understand that envy iscomplex feeling. However, this is not the end of the topic: besides everything else, there are different types of envy, which are actually different from each other. To what extremes can a person fall?

• Blind Envy As they say, “to find out“To be a person, you have to walk a mile in his shoes.” But many people forget about this and begin to envy others, just watching their success from the outside. Indeed, from the outside it may seem that everything comes easy to a person: career, family, and friendship. But if each of us could “get into the skin of another,” the number of people willing to change places would sharply decrease. Every person has his own problems, and you can’t judge them so simply - perhaps for him they are a hundred times harder than the problems of the envious person. Very often in these cases, the life of another is idealized by the envious person and is simply a reflection of his own dreams.
• “Big-eyed” envy There are cases when a personenvies consciously. As a rule, such envy is experienced not as black, but as dark gray - it is easier and more understandable, because the other person really has what you really want. However, even in this situation, it is a negative feeling, since it can transform into very deep aggression towards oneself (after all, there is an understanding that the person is not guilty of anything, but just has what he has) and a feeling of guilt. Naturally, this state also needs to be worked on.

In everyday life, it is customary to divide envy into “white” and"black". The latter is manifested in the desire to harm the object of this feeling, and the first - in the desire to improve oneself and one's own life. But in reality, this boundary is so ephemeral that a person can easily move from one state to another. Unfortunately, pure "white" envy is quite rare, because it is difficult to remain in it - it is much easier to "fall" into aggression towards another.

Causes of envy

If you are envied, you tend to feelyourself not very well. After all, it only seems from afar that being in such a peculiar center of attention is great. In fact, envious people always, to one degree or another, draw energy from the one they envy. Therefore, it is very strange to want this. But in order to get rid of this, it is necessary to understand the reasons that cause envy. There is an opinion that envy is a useful feeling that has been preserved as a result of evolution, the same as aggression or fear. It seems like it should push us to self-improvement. For example, the one who hunted worse will be more persistent and diligent next time. Or he will make better weapons for himself. But in this case, we are talking only about “white envy”, and “black” is not taken into account at all. Envy is always based on comparing yourself with someone else. In general, the mechanism is, of course, not bad and should contribute to the development of a person, but when he “slips” into comparison too often, he becomes very sad, because there is always a person who is doing better in something. There is a desire to fit the whole world and all people with all their actions into a simple two-dimensional coordinate system “better-worse”. As a result, deep self-doubt arises. It is precisely this that is another necessary support for the emergence of a feeling of envy. By the way, a person usually acquires the habit of excessive comparison in early childhood - it is instilled in him by his parents. In general, the role of the father and especially the mother in the issue of envy is very great. If parents unconditionally love their child, accept and praise him, then he has a feeling of inner peace. Their love, like a shadow, lives in the now adult heart. But if this is not the case, and the parents constantly demand something from the child, comparing him with more successful children, then he gets used to feeling inferior and envying the latter. The environment often does not help us feel good either. People may feel sorry for you, for example, because you did not get married like all your peers. And even if you do not consider yourself inferior because of this, then after about a hundred repetitions of such an idea, there is a risk of thinking: “Maybe there really is something wrong with me, and these girls are better than me?” This is partly due to the fact that envy is like a plague. People who have fallen ill with it strive to infect others, otherwise they will feel inferior. Distortion of perception also affects the fact that people envy each other. After all, how do we see this world and our brothers in mind? Partially, fragmentarily, in individual situations. And even if we manage to observe a person for a sufficiently long time, we will still never be able to know what is going on inside him at one point or another. It may be that the millionaire we envy comes home every night and is sad because he can't trust anyone. Or he spends all night going to clubs, getting drunk and taking drugs, in order not to feel his deep unhappiness. But we only see the outer shell, and it seems to us that there is something to envy.

What to do?

The world is full of envy - that's a fact.But I don’t want to feel it “on my own skin” in any version! What should I do if I still find myself in a situation where I am envied? How can I break out of this vicious circle and protect myself from toxic envy?

Look at yourself What provokes youof others to a feeling of envy? It does not happen that you are white and fluffy, and they all offend you. Most likely, somewhere in the subconscious you are not just happy with your successes, but also want to demonstrate them to everyone, to prove to yourself that you are better than others. It is not surprising that such a state causes a completely natural reaction in others - envy and a desire to overthrow you from the throne. You need to find all these moments in yourself and get rid of them, otherwise you will continue to face this feeling.

Get rid of excess altruism MaybeIt may seem that if you fight back, you will offend other people. But remember that envious people do not care about you at all - they only think about themselves and how to annoy you. Even if you were not there, they would worry about someone else: they would curse them, throw mud at them behind their backs and plot against them. Agree, if you do not pay attention to this, then envy will only increase.

Develop your core No needadapt to the assessments and opinions of others. Envious people will try to humiliate you and accuse you of some mortal sins. You will have to endlessly justify yourself to them and give away your precious energy. It should not be like this! Therefore, look at what moments their claims hurt you. Perhaps you are really worried that you can do something wrong. And to avoid this, you need to finally and irrevocably believe in yourself and build your life in accordance with intuition and the call of the heart.

Don't let envious people get too close IfIf you have seen manifestations of this feeling in your friends, then you should continue communicating with them with great caution. You should not see this as a compliment for yourself, because sooner or later such a “friend” will want to amuse his vanity and watch you fall. Therefore, when you want to save the relationship, a sincere and honest conversation cannot be avoided. But if it does not help, then you should say goodbye to such people - calmly and without unnecessary regrets.

Root out envy in yourself As we have already written,Such situations happen to those who are not without sin themselves. The envy of others seems to be an indicator of your own shortcomings. Learn to get rid of this toxic feeling yourself: to do this, you need to eliminate its cause. Do not compare yourself with others, grow as a person and learn to see the lives of others holistically - then envy will not “stick” to you in any form.

Thus, it is obvious that envy must be dealt withto do something - there is too much of it in our world. Close people envy each other, advertising provokes this feeling in us, and talking about it has become absolutely normal. And while each of us looks on with indifference and takes part in this, nothing will change. Live happily and do not try to make others envious! We recommend reading:

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