Who to choose - a husband or a lover. Male psychotypes

No matter how men behave towardswomen, no matter what methods they use to win them over, all their strategies can be divided into two main types - the strategy of husbands and the strategy of lovers. A husband and a lover, if they are such by nature, behave differently. In general, the nuances of the actions of representatives of the stronger sex can be different due to the peculiarities of upbringing and dissimilarity of life experiences. But the general outline of male behavior is quite easy to see. But deciding whom to choose - a husband or a lover - is not so easy for a woman. By "husbands" and "lovers" in this case we mean not the official or actual status of a man for a particular woman. We are talking about the psychological state of a man, which determines the peculiarities of his actions in relationships with the weaker sex. Husbands and lovers are two opposite types of male personality, differing from each other not only in external behavior, but also in internal state. When communicating with the weaker sex, they are intuitively guided by their organic qualities. That is, they act in accordance with their individual character, and not according to the logic of conscious choice. As we have already said, in general, men are divided into husbands and lovers. The former strive for serious and long-term relationships with women, the latter are more inclined to non-committal flirting and adventurism. "Husbands" are usually introverts oriented towards the external real world, "lovers" are extroverts living in an imaginary world. In rare cases, extroverts begin to play the role of a husband, and introverts - a lover. Each of these male psychotypes has both strengths and weaknesses and its own circle of women. Healthy relationships with them can only be provided that a man is ready to play the role of the opposite personality. In other words, a husband can also become a lover, and a lover - a husband. Otherwise, relationships with representatives of the fairer sex will be one-sided. So what are they like, men - husbands and men - lovers?

Type of man - lover

The classic type of lover isa womanizer, a passionate hunter, who is captivated by the hunting process itself. He is a heartbreaker and a ladies' man, incapable of deep and long-term affection. In a relationship with a woman, he strives to become the leader, showing initiative and straightforwardness. The "lover" is charmingly impudent, moderately cynical, open and almost never shifts responsibility for the intrigue to his partner. This is an overly narcissistic person for whom new acquaintances are an opportunity to satisfy his ambition. The fact of winning over a woman is much more important to the "lover" than a relationship with her. If he had his way, he would start a whole harem, replenishing the number of its inhabitants almost daily. A great lover of adventure, the "lover" does not know the limits of his passion and may well go to aggressive and cruel measures for the sake of his goal. He is rudely and openly sexual and can easily turn the head of almost any woman. It costs nothing for a “lover” to interest and captivate a young lady so that she forgets about everything in the world. At the same time, his conscience does not bother him at all if a lady leaves her family, and then he leaves this lady. A “lover” is not able to instill in a woman a sense of security and peace. She always feels like she is on a powder keg, because she understands perfectly well that this man will hunt forever. All that is required from women is recognition of victory and confirmation of his exclusivity. His main task is to conquer as many representatives of the fairer sex as possible. He constantly raises the bar, trying to conquer more and more beautiful and bright women. If this does not work, then the quality of the prey turns into its quantity. In general, “lovers” are men with shattered self-esteem and an imbalance of self-esteem. And they need an increase in the number of sexual victories to restore this balance. However, women like “lovers”. Even understanding that the man's character is fickle and flighty, they still succumb to his charms, hoping to tame him. However, it is understandable - being next to such a man, and especially when he wins her over, a woman feels special and sexually attractive. Which, of course, flatters her vanity. In a word, a relationship with a male lover always comes down to mutual satisfaction of ambitions. He is a bright and artistic nature, who, like air, needs worship and admiration from the weaker sex. He is worshiped mainly by women who need recognition of their attractiveness. Sexual relations here fade into the background. But they are still present.

Type of man - husband

The classic "husband" is a calm, homely mana man whose goal is a long life with one woman. Constant adventures and changing partners are against his nature. In relationships with the weaker sex, the "husband" is very serious. In every young lady, he sees a potential wife and therefore surrounds her with increased care. The "husband" is obsessively attentive, extremely considerate and constantly expects approval and confirmation of love from his passion for him. "Husbands" do not know how to flirt at all. They do not sense the mood of a woman, do not notice her coquetry and take a passive position in relationships. The "husband" expects the woman to either make the first move or clearly indicate what he should do next. He is delicate, tries to behave like a gentleman and is confident that his main advantage is a sublime, romantic attitude towards a woman. "Husbands" skillfully court and conquer women with devotion, constancy and patience. Unlike lovers, they strive for stability and offer their girlfriends eternal love with the prospect of marriage. In reality, the true goal of the "husband" in relations with the weaker sex differs little from the goal of the "lover" - the "husband" also seeks inner satisfaction and tries to get rid of mental instability. But his actions are based not on sexual victories, but on the love of the weaker sex. For this, the "husband" is ready to be defeated and obey the woman even to the detriment of his own interests. He is predictable in his actions and controllable, which instills in the woman a sense of stability and security. If she wants to start a family, then, it would seem, there is no better candidate for a spouse. However, this is not entirely true. In essence, "husbands" are looking for a companion - a mother who is able to create an atmosphere of childhood in his life. They are ready to give up their freedom for the opportunity to shift responsibility for everything to a woman, thereby getting rid of the feeling of inferiority. True, in return they give care, love and reliability. In addition, the "husband", instilling in his partner a sense of certainty, opens the way to motherhood for her. In general, pronounced types of "husbands" and "lovers" have one problem - a violation of the balance of self-esteem. The deeper it is, the more strongly this or that behavior strategy manifests itself in the relationship of a man with the weaker sex. Some actively play knights-defenders, others - impudent cynics. If self-esteem is more or less balanced, a man does not fall within the framework of the scheme we have already described and becomes simply a man.

Type of man - just a man

A man with a normal balance of self-esteem isa person who is free to choose his own model of behavior in relation to the weaker sex. He can successfully play the role of both a husband and a lover, but usually there is no need for this. Why pretend to be Don Juan or a noble knight if a normal man is valuable in himself? This is for those who need to assert themselves at the expense of women. But men are simply integral natures, and they do not need proof of their significance. It is these men who are able to build the healthiest relationships in the family. Unlike husbands and lovers who seek consolation and increased self-esteem in women, they strive for love and mutual respect. And they usually marry the one who best meets these requirements.

Whom to choose women?

It would seem that the question of choosing between a husband,любовником и просто мужчиной из серии риторических вопросов. Конечно же, просто мужчину! Он надёжен, самостоятелен, самодостаточен, наконец! Но не тут-то было. Женский пол отличается непредсказуемостью. Понять, почему барышня предпочла какого-то мужчину в то время, когда рядом с ним есть другие, вроде бы более подходящие для хороших отношений, невозможно. Ну, казалось бы, зачем женщинам мужчины–любовники? Ведь с ними одна маета! А зачем мужчины-мужья? С ними никогда не будешь чувствовать себя, как за каменной стеной. Тем не менее, востребованы и те, и другие, как ни странно, даже больше, чем «просто мужчины». Всё дело в том, что многие женщины, решая вопрос, кого выбрать мужа или любовника, хотят видеть в своём избраннике черты и того, и другого. Первый тип мужчин привлекает их своей детской зависимостью и пробуждает инстинкт материнства. Второй тип представителей сильного пола позволяет почувствовать себя сексуально привлекательной. При этом иной раз невозможно понять, чем отличается секс с любовником от мужа. Он может и не иметь большой разницы. Однако мужья не умеют петь дифирамбы эротичности своей подруги. Любовники же делают это откровенно и виртуозно. Совместить тип мужа и тип любовника в одном мужчине практически невозможно. Но женщины отказываются это принимать. Связавшись с мужчиной–любовником, они тешат самолюбие, расцветают и становятся невероятно сексапильными. А затем пытаются переделать своего партнёра из любовника в мужа. Попытки, как правило, бывают неудачными, и отношения терпят крах. «Любовники» дорожат свободой – без неё они не смогут чувствовать себя полноценными. Женщины же не могут мириться с неопределённостью и постоянной угрозой измены партнёра. Возможен и обратный вариант, при котором дама живёт с внимательным «мужем», но со временем понимает, что он, в силу своего внутреннего состояния вечной подчинённости, не способен удовлетворить женскую гордыню. Она пробует что-то изменить и пробудить в мужчине стремление к независимости. Ничего обычно из этого не выходит, и женщина бросается на поиски того, кто может дать ей уверенность в собственной сексуальной исключительности и привлекательности. Есть ли выход из этих ситуаций? Есть. Даже два, но очень непростых. Первый из них — в отношениях и мужчине и женщине надо перестать видеть способ самоутверждения и возможность утешения. Мужчина в этом случае освободится от психологической потребности играть роль мужа или любовника, женщина поверит в то, что её эротичность очень притягательна и неистребима. Связь между ними сразу же поменяет свой характер взаимной зависимости. Она станет союзом, основанном на уважении и глубокой душевной привязанности. Второй выход – на тот случай, если изменить себя ни мужчина, ни женщина не в состоянии, а расставаться они не хотят. Раз такое дело, придётся дать друг другу возможность получать то, чего не хватает. Пусть «любовник» охотится. А женщина, живущая с мужчиной – мужем, заводит себе такого вот «любовника». Надо сказать, что второй вариант решения проблемы не очень-то подходит для нормальных отношений. Свободные там нравы, нет ли, а людям почти всегда нелегко осознавать, что любимый человек флиртует с кем-то другим. А если ещё и не только флиртует… К такому готовы немногие. Впрочем, можно, конечно, флиртовать и тайком. Однако и это не самый лучший способ сохранить союз. Поэтому лучше будет просто хорошо сначала узнать человека, а потом решить, стоит или не стоит выстраивать с ним серьёзные отношения. Советуем почитать: