Have you ever had this happen to you:Have you ever walked into a room full of strangers and felt incredibly awkward? It seemed to you that everyone in the room was looking exclusively at you, and you didn’t know where to hide from the embarrassment and awkwardness. Did you? Or maybe your heart was pounding wildly with excitement when you wanted to ask the saleswoman at the grocery store to exchange the spoiled apples for good ones, but your shyness never let you do it? Or at work you wanted to ask the caretaker to change the burnt-out light bulb above your desk, but you never dared to ask him? If you have found yourself in similar situations, then you must understand that your shyness and lack of confidence are constantly holding you back and depriving you of a chance to ever achieve success in life. If you think that you are one of the few people in the world who suffer from self-doubt, then we will hasten to reassure you. According to psychologists, every three to four people out of ten do not know how to find ways to overcome self-doubt. This applies to varying degrees to men and women of different ages. Some of them try to disguise their shyness with bravado, while others try to completely avoid situations that could make them feel embarrassed. Whatever the case, shy people often have a hard time communicating, and if you are one of them, we can sympathize with you. We have a suggestion – let’s try to figure out together what is happening to you and try to change your attitude towards people and yourself!
Why are people embarrassed?
When we are around others, we oftenwe become overly sensitive to what we say or do – we feel like we are the center of attention. This creates anxiety and makes us doubt: am I doing everything right? All our attention is focused on our own person, in particular, on “what I am doing wrong.” This is how our lack of self-confidence appears. Sometimes we say about ourselves: “I am very shy,” and psychologically we are already set to live in accordance with these expectations. That is, we have labeled ourselves, and we try not to deviate from the image imposed on ourselves. How can I go and say something to my boss? I do not find self-confidence! How can I ask on the bus to let me through to the exit? I’d rather go an extra stop than draw attention to myself. I am shy! Insecurity ties a person hand and foot. But it is entirely possible to throw off these shackles, and the main thing we need for this is the desire to understand how to overcome shyness and develop self-confidence, and the determination to start working on ourselves.
How to overcome shyness and develop self-confidence?
Understand that the whole world is not looking at you.Most people are too busy with themselves to pay much attention to others. Instead of thinking about others, try to understand yourself. Try to figure out what causes your insecurity; look for the cause in yourself, in your thoughts and in your attitude towards yourself. Self-knowledge is the first step to changing and improving your life.
Find your strengths.Everyone has unique qualities and different ways of expressing themselves. It is important that your shyness does not prevent you from understanding and fully accepting what you do well, even if it is different from the norm. The world would be boring if everyone was the same. Once you have identified your positive qualities, see what advantages they can give you. For example, if you are quite quiet, you can become a great listener. You will be appreciated for this quality, because people so want someone to listen to them! Develop positive qualities in yourself; this will help you to raise your self-esteem and help you to develop self-confidence.
Focus on other people, on what they aresay and do – instead of focusing on your own awkwardness in the company of others. Show interest in information about other people, ask them to tell you about themselves. You will be surprised, but upon closer examination you will be able to see that even successful and seemingly self-confident people sometimes feel awkward and confused. So, you are not worse than others!
Learn to love yourself.Take a piece of paper and write yourself a letter about how wonderful you are. Describe all your best qualities, write how proud you are that you decided to conquer – and conquer! – your shyness. Praise yourself for each new step towards victory.
Practice visualization.Visualize yourself in a confident and happy way; this will help shape your perception of yourself in the same situation, but in reality. That is, when you find yourself in the same situation, you will already know how to behave, because during visualization you were able to “rehearse” your behavior. Conduct these exercises like this: sit comfortably, close your eyes, relax and listen to pleasant music for a while, which you turn on before the beginning of the lesson. Then imagine some scene from your life in which you are usually constrained by shyness. Only now you are not afraid of anything or anyone, you speak easily and behave naturally. How do you feel? Do you hear the sound of your voice? Do you feel movement, smells? Try to use all your senses to make your vision as realistic as possible.
Use a technique called"Affirmation". Words can carry incredible energy. What we say to ourselves repeatedly is fixed in our subconscious. And then it begins to act accordingly on the conscious. If we constantly tell ourselves that we cannot do something, we are too shy to act decisively - we create more and more evidence of this "fact" for our subconscious, and our actions always correspond to what we tell ourselves. The same thing happens if we tell ourselves: "I am sure!", "I can!", "I will do it!" Positive affirmations settle in our subconscious a wonderful human being, whose name is you! And although we usually cannot deceive ourselves, visualization and positive affirmations help us form a positive thinking model and overcome self-doubt.
Give up perfectionism.When we compare ourselves to someone, we tend to compare ourselves to the most popular person in our circle or even to celebrities we see on TV. We create excessive, unreasonable expectations, and then we start to punish ourselves for not being able to be the same. Let go of this ideal image and do not demand too much from yourself. Be yourself, there is no point in striving for perfection - no one can be perfect, everyone has their own shortcomings.
Train your confidence, because socialskills, like any other skills, can be developed by you through practice and experience. The more you communicate with people, the easier it will become. By stopping avoiding uncomfortable situations in which you feel especially shy, the less sensitive you will become to the fear of failure. Very soon you will realize that everything is not so bad, and you will even be able to laugh at your past torments.
If you work hard on yourself, thenyou will be able to overcome embarrassment and shyness. You will be able to soberly assess your capabilities, and you will understand that you can do no less than others. Praise yourself for your victories! It would be very good to start a special diary of successes. Keeping such a diary will not only increase your self-confidence, but will also help you to understand even better how to overcome shyness specifically for you. Of course, overcoming shyness takes time, but it is quite possible to do. Confidence is a skill, a state of mind, and it can be learned. Be confident in yourself, and this will make your life much better. So - go to your new life, do not put it off! We advise you to read:
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